February 22, 2015 * You Are Worthy Too's Weekly Weekend Newsletter*
This weekend, today literally on my way home from the store, I heard this song once again... It is sung by Chris Tomlin and the song is called Jesus Loves Me. Here are the words and below that you will find a youtube link if for those of you who are able to listen live!
The world had a hold of me
I was covered in shame
When He came for me
I couldn't run, couldn't run from His arms
Jesus, how can it be, He loves me, He is for me
Deep in my soul
I'll never be the same
And into the light
When He called my name
I couldn't run, couldn't run from His arms
Jesus, how can it be, He loves me, He is for me
With healing hands that bear the scars
The rugged cross where He died for me
My only hope, my everything
He loves me, oh
Jesus, how can it be, He loves me, He is for me
He loves me (He loves me, He loves me)
He is for me (He loves me, He loves me)
My God it's amazing oh
Section 3: Chapter 4
On My Knees
By the time I was pregnant with my 4th child, the ongoing joke was always directed towards me and my fertility. I would get statements like; have you figured out how that happens yet? Or do you know what causes this?
I am here to tell you that when God wants you to have a baby you are going to become pregnant. Now He also allows us free will. The Lord knows I took advantage of that more than once. I am sad to admit it, but it is a truth about me.
If someone were to ask me today what I’d change about my life, my answer would be this; I would have kept all the babies God gave to me.
With that being said, by the time I became pregnant with Jeffrey I was done having children. Carrying and birthing Delilah just about ‘killed’ me physically. I am not sure where I would have ended had my baby sister not stepped in and enforced me staying with her for the week after Delilah came and insisted that my father give me the time off work with pay!
Through each pregnancy, Mike didn’t make life any easier. It was almost as if he became harder to live with each time our family grew. I know this was due to the fact that my attention was diverted even more so with each new addition.
Regardless, as always, the jokes came at my expense anytime we were around family and friends. “So are you done now?”
I would reply, “Yes. I think God and I have an understanding now. I’ve told him I just can’t handle another pregnancy.”
I don’t know of another girl who has tried harder to NOT get pregnant than me. I have conceived babies while using condoms, birth control pills, and birth control inserts. That brings me to Jeffrey.
My step-mother decided she wanted to have my sister’s children and my children over for the weekend. It was the first time Mike and I had had any alone time since almost the beginning. It’s certainly the first time we had an entire weekend. The birth control we had been using was causing some issues and as directed we had picked an alternate birth control to use for the next two months. The one we switched to was an insert kind. I should have read the fact that it is only 97.9% effective! It was the one we were using when Jeffrey was conceived.
With having time to just dote on each other, dote we did. I felt pregnant instantly. I pushed that feeling aside and told myself I was being silly.
I began praying that night to NOT be pregnant. The time for my cycle to start came and went with no visit from ‘Aunt Rose’.
My prayer became more pleading and I was informing God how another baby was going to be way more than I could handle.
I went to the store and bought a two pack of pregnancy tests. I was 5 days late and full of dread. I did not read the directions on the box. I just looked at the picture on the front. If there were two pink lines right next to each other, it meant I was pregnant.
I completed my end of the test and placed the tester in the sink and went into the kitchen to start dinner. I went back into the bathroom and was relieved to see two single pink lines one in the test window and one on the other side but not two together! Negative! I thought to myself.
I reasoned that I was probably not starting because of my fear level over the possibility that I may be pregnant. I still got on my knees that night and prayed to start. Four days passed and still no ‘Aunt Rose’.
That evening after work, I was in the bathroom again praying. This time I was actually on my knees. I was crying and praying. It had dawned on me that my first test was likely positive. You see, I had taken the time to actually read the directions that came with the pregnancy test. It turned out that for the test to be positive, the two pink lines did not need to be next to each other. There just needed to be two of them; one in the control window and one on the result side.
As I knelt on the floor believing that God may answer me and perhaps change the results of my test, I began by informing God about the fact that I wasn't strong enough to add another child to my day let alone go through another pregnancy. I told Him I would live with my fate but reminded Him that He could, if it was within His will, take this baby and gift someone else. I told Him I would appreciate that. I admitted that I had already tried the other two options when it came to one being pregnant and I admitted I could not live with those choices ever again. In the midst of my pleading prayer I was shaken by His voice.
“Wendy! This baby is a Blessing! This is how you will put down your cigarettes. Get up off your knees. Your hands will be so busy you will never miss them.”
His voice was so prominent and so matter of fact. I was given such an in-depth answer that at once I did get up off my knees and I stopped crying instantly. I was filled with such a peace and awe that mere words cannot give it justice. At a desperate moment in my life, I was on the cusp of joy. You can only find that kind of feeling next to God.
I grabbed the package and took the second test out and opened it. I already knew I was pregnant. God had told me the child inside of me was a blessing. I only took the second test because I needed proof to show Mike. When I came back into the bathroom, I was greeted with two pink lines again.
When Mike came home, he went straight to our room first without even saying hello. I caught him in the doorway as he was exiting back out. I had the test in my hand and as I showed it to him I said, “I’m pregnant.”
He looked at me completely dead panned and said, “We are not keeping it.”
I replied, “I don’t know who ‘we’ is but as far as I’m concerned there is no choice.” I spun and left him there. We did not talk about it or anything else that night.
The next day I wrote down all of our bills, not including basics like gas, cigarettes, groceries, health insurance, etc. and divided them in half. As I shared the list with Mike I said, “I’m not going to be able to stay in sales. I will be put back behind a desk. You are going to have to help out financially and this is what I need from you.”
He actually laughed at me and told me I was crazy.
I stood my ground and insisted, “Mike, If you don’t give me your half of the hard core bills, you can’t live here anymore.”
It was the biggest battle of wills we had had to date. I ended up bringing him into the office with my father who Mike looks up to and had him be the moderator.
My father was shocked to know that this was even a battle. It was a bigger battle than I thought it would ever be and it stayed a battle all the way until I walked out and left Mike.
Jeffrey has indeed been a blessing in more ways than I can count. He fills my life with laughter and joy that I can't even put into words. My heart sings when he is around. When I look at Him I am reminded that God spoke to me directly.
I did put the cigarettes down as I had been told I would. I quit with no trouble at all. My last cigarette was smoked at 10 PM the night before I was induced with Jeffrey.
My hands were indeed too busy and I never implemented a cigarette into my new routine. I thank God for taking that vice out of me even more so every time I see or hear about someone who is struggling with any kind of addiction.
Mike knows that at one point in my life I had decided to pray to a moon goddess I had read about in some book. Supposedly she would help you with being able to walk away from habits you wanted to be rid of. I wanted my prayer to her to work so badly that I actually did not smoke cigarettes again until the twins were born. I did sneak a puff off of one of Mike’s cigarettes once when I was pregnant with the twins but they did not grab me like mine and I could not justify buying a pack of my own at the time.
I began smoking again while we were living in Colorado. One night Mike was looking for a fight. He had run into his first love and he truly wanted a reason to justify being with her. He confessed to something he had done the day the twins were born.
Outside of giving Amanda up for adoption, my heart had never been punched so hard. As he gave me the details of the night, I found myself having trouble breathing. Maybe that is why I felt the need to breathe in toxic air. Plain air had no way of robbing one of feeling for even a single second.
I decided to go with Mike’s brand due to the cost of pre-rolled cigarettes. At the time you could buy a pack of tops for only $1.49 and you got 36 cigarettes in each pack!
I share all of this within this story for a couple of reasons The first one being when Mike found out I was worshipping a moon goddess over The Most High God, he literally blanched in front of me and warned me about how much that angered God. He actually told me he was worried about me because of my praying to anyone outside of God.
He was the first man I had ever been with that showed true heart when it came to the importance of not putting anyone above God. I was intrigued to say the least.
I had only prayed to this goddess because I believed God did not have time to concern Himself with the likes of me anymore. I thought of Him as only a punishing God and I was tired of my life and its never ending troubles. I was looking for a higher power that claimed to be able to do tricks for me if I were to pray in a certain way with certain props at a certain time of the moon cycle.
I laugh and shake my head now that I have been un-blinded and fully see that God and God alone is the one who can answer prayers.
When I first told people about me being on my knees praying and what I had heard, I always felt weird about adding the cigarette detail but it was truly a part of what was said to me so I knew I could not leave it out.
It was in the retelling of my story for this book that I understood what else God wanted me to share; He is the one we pray to. He is the one we worship. He is the One we sing praises to and give thanks to. Not some false god or goddess. He is the only one that can remove afflictions permanently. He removed that vice from me because He saw in my heart that I truly wanted to be rid of it. In other words He gave me the desires of my heart even though I had not gone to Him in prayer regarding such things.
My prayer for anyone reading this book is this: May you build a relationship with our heavenly Father. May you begin reading His word and believing in what you read. May the words make sense to you.
Blessing to all who are willing to try,
Wendy, walks with God, Mom of Many
Section 3 / Chapter 7
Show Me a Sign
This actually happened to me on December 26, 2010. It is one of the things God urged me to share again. As his humble servant I have promised to listen to his direction! I hope this true story helps you with your faith!
Boy oh boy do I have a story to share! I am a real believer in not getting into debt. If I don't have the cash, I can't afford it. So I pay all of my bills in cash. This is why on December 26th, I was walking around with approximately $1300.00 in my wallet. It was all earmarked for bills that I needed to pay and a whopping $240 to play with that my kids and I had received from family for Christmas.
Now you should know in my house we don't put up a tree and do the whole Santa thing. I just really think the whole world has gone a little crazy in the Christmas area. So, we bake a cake and sing happy birthday to Jesus even though we know December 25 is not the day he was born.
I tell my kids that they need to pray to God to for wisdom, protection, and for kinder hearts. I tell them to ask for help when dealing with their brothers and sisters. I tell them they can also ask that He help me find things they have wished for throughout the year. I go to Goodwill's and Thrift stores to shop. With 7 kids in the house, it is honestly the only way I can afford to do anything special at all!
On a short list, I did find a Tonka remote control dump truck for Michael for $4.00 and a Fisher Price Digital Camera for Marissa for a whopping $3.00. I also found a Barbie computer learning game for Marie that was the exact same one her cousin had gotten the year before that Marie LOVED and had asked for about a million times priced at $2.99! For my littlest one and my two year old, I found some awesome toys all wonderfully priced. You know God loves his babies! Tia and Travis were just as lucky with items they had asked for. Goodwill is also the greatest place to buy books for kids and since we have what we call library time at night. I wanted some new kid books to read and boy oh boy did I score there!
After breakfast I asked who wanted to help me in the bonus room with laundry and of course everyone offered as they were still on their best behavior knowing that God was watching.
I had spread all the gifts out on the floor and as we walked out the door they were all overwhelmed with joy over the items God had led me to for them. Needless to say for the rest of the morning everyone was wonderful, sharing their toys, reading the books, taking pictures, and driving the dump truck. It was a truly pleasurable morning. I sipped on my coffee and smiled to myself as my kids all thanked God for helping me find what they had wanted.
From there we went to my Grandma's house and then off to my sister's house for the remainder of the day. Worn out and looking forward to a shopping trip to Value World on 52nd and Keystone where I had been blessed enough to score a 50% off coupon for the entire thrift store, the kids and I all fell into our beds and were fast asleep.
The next day around 11:00 AM we were officially on our way to go shopping. I had seen some bird cages at a local goodwill when I had gone shopping prior to Christmas. My Uncle Bob loves
birds and I had asked if he’d be interested in these cages. He had said yes so we stopped there first. I grabbed the cages and then saw a high chair that was marked $10 but was also 50% off so I grabbed it.
Mike lost patience while standing in line and left me in the store with 5 children and a full cart along with the high chair.
This was a time in my life where my pain level was off the charts. Mike felt that he was doing me a favor by making me struggle. He claimed it kept me strong.
All I really longed for was him to help out more or for him to be gone. What good is a partner who doesn’t do his part?
Anyway, my back was pretty bad and I was hurting something awful. I paid for our stuff and then fought my way out the store with the children, the highchair, and my cart. Mike was in the van waiting for us.
I was so mad I didn’t trust myself to speak. I loaded the children and the items into the van while Mike watched me struggle. I climbed up into the passenger seat and requested we stop off at home first to unload all of our items.
When we got home he did help carry in the high chair at my request. I stopped him in the garage and said, “Look. I’m really bad today and I don’t want to get angry with you. So, if you can’t be a gentleman today, I’d rather you stay here.”
He looked at me with this blank look. I continued, “Opening that side door on that van kills me. Having you walk off leaving me with everything makes me insanely angry. I don’t want to be angry so if you can’t do this for me today, it would be best for you to not join us.”
He grinned at me and asked me to clarify what I wanted. I said this, “Every movie that you have ever seen where a man treats a lady like a lady, that’s what I need from you today. If you can’t do that then don’t come.”
He assured me he was capable of that. I tried calling Tia and Travis one more time as they were at their Grandmother’s for Christmas morning but they were still not answering the phone. I told Mike I wanted to drive since I knew the best route to go and giving him directions usually ended up with me being upset.
We headed out and had made it to 80th and Keystone when Jeffrey, my youngest child was losing his mind. Mike suggested we pull over and switch drivers so I could tend to Jeffrey Thomas. When I pulled over, I got out and walked around to the side door of the van and waited for Mike to open the door from the inside. All of a sudden the side window rolled down and he yelled, “Are you going to get in or what?”
I can’t even tell you the anger I felt in that moment. It took everything I had in me to get that door opened and then closed. I was so mad I was crying silently. He so didn’t get it! No sooner than I got buckled in, Tia and Travis called. I had Mike head over to Allisonville to go back and get them. Not five minutes into our ride Mike began berating me over the amount of gas we had in the car.
Somehow I managed to calmly say, “Mike if the level of gas is a problem, pull into the next gas station and we can fill up.”
Like most children do, when we pulled up to the pump, they all suddenly needed to go to the bathroom. I unloaded them and told Mike I’d pay inside. Once in the store, I reached into my coat to get my money out. That is when I realized I did not have my wallet on me anymore. I told myself even though I was already beginning to panic, it’s in the console.
I ran to the van and asked Mike if my wallet was in the console. It was not. "What about on the floor." I suggested, "Maybe it fell."
Again he said, "No."
I was sick. Every dime I had was in that wallet. I was crying pretty hard on the inside and praying to God silently to please help me.
I called the Goodwill I had gone to first to see if by chance I had left my wallet there. No. They did not have it but they did take down my number just in case someone found it and turned it in.
When we picked up Tia and Travis I told them the bad news.
Just as we were getting ready to turn around and back track our steps, my phone rang. Now, bear in mind, my cell number is listed on our voice mail message at work just encase someone needs something after hours so I was not sure who was calling. Even though the last thing in the world I wanted to do was talk about was fence, I answered my phone trying not to let on to the fact that I was crying. "Hello." I said as calmly as I could muster.
The voice on the other end asked if they could talk to Wendy.
I wasn't sure I could pull off a long conversation at the moment without giving away the fact that I was crying so I asked who was calling.
They said, "Well I am someone who might have found something she has lost."
I replied, "Oh my! Did you find my wallet!"
She said, "Yes and I can’t wait to meet you.”
We arranged a place to meet and described our cars to each other. (It turns out I had actually lost the wallet when we had pulled over into an apartment complex on 80th street between Keystone Ave & Dean Rd to switch drivers so I could calm down the baby.)
When we arrived, I got out of the van. The most beautiful woman I had ever seen was standing there to greet me. She took my hands and said, "I have to bear witness to you."
She proceeded to tell me the unusual journey she had taken, completely out of her way, but led in that path by God's voice when she came upon my wallet. This angel of God had to look me up on the Internet and she found me through Glidden Fence!
The most amazing thing to me, is she gave me a direct answer to a prayer. There is NO way she could have known what I had been asking God for over the last six months. She told me as if it were no big deal, "Oh, God told me to tell you that you are one of his favorite people and to let you know not to worry, he has heard you. In me returning your wallet, you have your answer to your prayer."
Now, to many of you that most likely is vague, but to me, she was right. That message did answer my prayer. I could not have asked for a bigger sign. Just so you know, my prayer for the last six months had been. “God, I have failed at this relationship thing so many times. I have 5 children with Mike. I want these children to grow up with their father in their lives but I'm not sure I can continue with him. I need a sign. If I leave Mike will I be able to make it financially on my own?”
So, to all of those of you, who have questioned whether God is with us or not, I assure you He most definitely is!
Wendy, Mom of Many
** Now in the book, there is another chapter to this that goes even deeper into my walk, Christ and what He has to say about me! I pray this was enough to grab your interest and you take full advantage of the upcoming free download. It is my prayer that in giving away so many free copies, the word will spread and through my 3 part sequel all in one easy to read book, countless will find their way back into the light and begin the process of coming back home!
May my testimony inspire you, strengthen your faith in the glory of God, and cause you to begin knocking on that door every day!
For those with capability to view:
Be blessed and Be a blessing!
Wendy, walks with God, Mom of Many
© Wendy Glidden 2015