Dashing Deals

Thursday, December 1, 2016

When I Fall Flat on My Face...

This morning I awoke from a crazy cool dream and truly wish I had a way to record the song that I blasted out in my defense. To say that I have been through a spiritual battle from hell this week would be the understatement of the year. So, when I awoke this morning, I reached for my phone knowing full well I needed to begin dressing spiritually for my day. As I read the words, tears welled in my eyes:

Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God. (Psalm 42:11, NASB)

I know from my own dream that my hope is in God and the truth is the harder life gets the more I lean on Him, the more I call out. It is true that in my weakness, I find His strength. This is something that He actually assures us in His word:

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NASB)

Much of my battle stems from being unequally yoked. Those that have read my story know that I did not start out unequally yoked, but over the course of the last several years, I have grown from knowing of God to knowing God and the difference in those two is monumental.

I am thankful that my eyes have been opened and that I see the world for what it is. I do often wonder though how he can remain so blind to it all; so blind that he constantly finds it necessary to mock, belittle and criticize my faith. The worst for me is when he crosses the line into blasphemy. I think right now in this exact time of my walk with God, I am more prone to tears and a broken heart due to the changes occurring in my body due to being pregnant. I look in the mirror and can not believe that I am going to have another baby at the age of 47! Those of you who read my book know that I was told at a very young age that I would be a mother to many. You also know that I delivered my first baby at the age of 17. That means that I have been carrying and birthing children for 3 decades now! What a crazy thought.

My partner has stated that I am making myself a target for my belief in Christ. That throughout history people like me have been killed for their faith. I think this is meant to scare me. That somehow the thought of losing my head will keep me from professing my faith and sharing my love of Christ with others. You would think by now he would have come to understand that I truly cannot help myself. It is true what the word of God proclaims:

“The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.” (Luke 6:45, NASB)

When you come to realize so many truths by having your eyes opened to them, it is impossible to ignore them. The spirit of discernment is not blind to the urges and lures of the world. I watch so much in the world that breaks my heart. I understand why the Bible also warns that those who gain knowledge bestowed upon by God will be full of sorrow. It's a crazy thing to fall in love with God our Father. You come to be so thankful for the message of mercy and grace; to know that you too are so undeserving for we all fall short that when others continue to chose to walk in darkness basking in their selfish ways, your heart breaks for them. Instead of being filled with anger as the evil one loves for all to become, you are filled with heartache which causes you to pray for your fallen brothers, sisters and friends. 

Because in much wisdom there is much grief, and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain. (Ecclesiastes 1:18, NASB)

I would not change this heartache for others for anything in the world for what I would have to give up is much too great; my relationship with the LORD. He sustains me through all. As I was writing this all out this morning, this song by Kutless came on. If you cannot view it from here, perhaps you will be able to access it by using this direct link: Everything I Need by Kutless on YouTube

Father, today I come to you in tears, both of great sadness and great joy. I am so thankful for my relationship with You. I am so thankful that we are so close that even in my sleep I sing out to you in thanks and praise; how You sustain me through all my storms. Today I find myself rolling through so many emotions. I am broken-hearted and joyous all in the same fell swoop. It is a crazy roller coaster to ride. I thank you for Your love, Your mercy, Your grace, Your patience and so much more. I ask that you strengthen me and all your devoted children during these dark days. I pray that you enable our minds to speak as you would to those who are lost. Please allow us to be the best examples of You that we can be so that others will find their way home and LORD if there is any way to sway my partner into curiosity towards you, I ask for this. I ask it for all non believers; may a believer full of Your light cross their path and enable you to touch their lives in a forever way. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

For those needing a good true life story to curl up with tonight, I encourage you to purchase a copy of You Are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding (Paperback/print version) or in ebook fashion click here: Only $3.99 for the digital version!

Wendy, mom of many, girl who walks with God

© Wendy Glidden 2016
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