Suckerpunched!

Here it is Simple Sincere Seeking Sunday. When I went to church this morning as always, the floor was opened for sharing what was going on in our lives as well as the opportunity for prayer requests. I don't usually say anything but this week I did. I explained that I was struggling with my feelings and keeping my focus where it needed to be. I shared that this week was scary and I was attempting to keep my focus on Jesus but I was overwhelmed with my own emotions and my feelings of betrayal. If you have not read my previous post titled 'Have You Ever Been Pancaked', I would highly recommend you do for this blog is a continuation of that story. So I ended that post with explaining that I had chosen the title and then had run out of time to write anything and I had headed off to the courthouse. When I got there I was not sure where I needed to go so I stopped at the information desk. She pointed me to the second floor and from there I was told what room the hearing would be held in. Of course it was being held in a side room and they had not marked the door with the number they had assigned it yet. I asked a man who worked in the court house to help me and that was when I stumbled upon Mark, Tia and the Sheriff that was her escort.

They informed me that Tia was still not being compliant and that we were going to be seen in front of the judge next. Mark began berating Tia. Asking her if she understood how much worry she had caused him and most likely me. I looked at him and said, "You need to keep my name out of this. I am not into berating my children. As a matter of fact I didn't have as much time to worry because you never even bothered to pick up the phone and let me know she was missing. You never called me when you called the police and you didn't call me when she was arrested. I got to learn about all of this from a sheriff." He looked at me and said, "Can we please not argue in front of our child." I turned and looked at him. I promise if my eyes were laser beams I would have sliced him in half. I said as calmly as I could, "Look, don't talk to me and we'll be just fine. I am hanging onto one strand of Grace and I swear if you talk to me again, I'll lose it." I turned back to look at Tia who informed me I had an epic fail where grace was concerned. She was right. I smiled at her. Right then my phone rang. I looked at the number and thought it was my mother's new home number since it started with a 765 area code. I answered it quickly, fearful of what was happening as she knew I was supposed to be in court. When I swiped it to grab the call, I said, "Make it quick, I've got exactly two minutes."

"Is this Wendy Glidden?" a female voice I did not recognize inquired. "Yes." I answered wondering who I was talking to. "This is Rachel with the Morgan County department of children services. Are you aware of an incident involving your children Michael and Marie?" I was puzzled as to why she only named two of the five children but I answered, "Yes. I am aware of it. I was there at the hospital. I met Mary. We put a safety plan in place." She said, "Oh. Yes. I know about that incident too. I am calling about another incident involving just two of your children." I could barely breath. 'What now?' I silently screamed in my head. She continued, "Do you recognize the names Cheyenne or Ciarra?" My head was spinning. "Yes." I stammered. "Do you know how old they are?" I could barely think. I answered, "Cheyenne is 4 and Ciarra is 3." She then asked me how they were related to Marie and Michael. "They are cousins I answered." Honestly they are their nieces but they are more like cousins and again I was so freaking confused as to where this was heading. She then informed me that Michael and Marie had been reported for sexually assaulting their cousins. I began weeping uncontrollably. She next informed me there would need to be a forensic criminal investigation performed and wondered when I would be able to bring the children in for that. She also said we would need to have another safety meeting with Mary, her, my mother and I and asked when that could take place. I replied, "Schedule it, I'll make it work." She said okay. I need to make a couple of phone calls. How long is your meeting going to take. I asked the sheriff if she knew how long we'd be. She answered about an hour. I then told Rachel I would call her in approximately one hour and I hung up. Tia looked at me and all I could do was cry. As if my day wasn't already hard enough. I know it is purely on the strength of God I was able to stand on my feet. Almost immediately we were ushered into the court room. I could not talk. I sat there with tears streaming continually down my face. I listened while the judge informed me that Tia's father had requested both a psychological evaluation and a drug screen. The judge thought both of those requests were reasonable and was going to grant them. He assigned Tia a lawyer and sentenced her to continue residing in the shelter until her next court hearing which would be somewhere between 10 and 27 days from today, Monday, August 5th, 2013. We, the parents were instructed to wait out in the hall to meet with Tia's probation officer. The room was spinning for me. I got up, followed Tia out of the courtroom and down the hall way. She looked at me and said, "I'm going to fail." which totally caught me off guard. Again, the room spun. I stepped into the elevator with her and somehow managed to say, "Must have been some party, hugh?" She said, "Yelp. It was." When we stepped out of the elevator I remembered I was supposed to be waiting upstairs and I got back in the elevator and headed back up to the 3rd floor. When I arrived Mark was talking with the probation officer. I apologized for following Tia and he said, "That's okay." I was still crying and I don't know what he thought I was crying about but he said, "I've seen kids like her before. She is tough today but she will go back and be in that room and reality will sink in. You'll see, she will soften up." Someone else came out and handed Mark and I both a sticky note with a name and phone number on it. As I walked away with the number in hand and headed toward the steps. Mark followed behind me. Through my tears I gandered at the sticky note realizing I had no idea who this person was. I stopped half way down the flight of stairs and looked at Mark as I held up my sticky note and said, "I only want to know who this is. That's it. Just who is this?" He said, "That's the lawyer for Tia. She's really good." I shook my head and continued down the steps. He called out from behind me, "This is hard for me to you know." I spun around and stated, "You know Mark, when Travis comes to visit and acts up and threatens to run off, I pick up the phone and I call your mother and ask her to let you know what is up. You know what that is called? It's called common courtesy, something you did not give me. You didn't talk to me then I don't care to talk to you now." and I headed quickly and angrily toward the center spinning door. Just as I stepped in and began to push the door forward, I heard him say again, "This is just as hard for me as it is for you. You know she was my baby from day one." That was the straw that broke the camel's back. That was the straw that broke my last stand of grace. I pushed that door in front of me so hard, I am positive the force caused Mark to come out behind me a little quicker than he should of. As he tumbled out onto the concrete I shouted angrily, "You were drunk our entire marriage. You beat me every chance you had. Exactly WHEN was she YOUR baby girl? You may live in some fantasy world but I live in reality." He took off in the opposite direction. Who knew he could move so fast!

When I got in my car, I called Rachel. She apologized for telling me the way she had. She actually said, "Had I not known you were not aware of the situation, I wouldn't have told you the way I did." I was having trouble following her and why she would have thought I should have already known and then I thought, she must have called my mother first and mom didn't call me because she knew I was in court. I told Rachel I did not know how this could have happened and wondered if there was any truth to it but promised I would not interfere with the investigation. I told her I was ready to quit my job and stay at home with my children. She told me not to make any crazy decisions. She reiterated that we had a safety plan in place and told me to remain calm. When I got back to my office, I called my mom to inquire if she knew anything and she said she had just been informed herself that day. I asked when and she hemmed around and said, "I don't know around 11." I was shocked. I asked, "Why didn't you call me?" She claimed it was because she thought I was at court. I said, "I told you I had to be there at one. I got the call from this lady two minutes before I entered the court room." My mom said, "Oh I'm so sorry." I excused her and then began discussing how I didn't know where this horrible accusation had come from. I was sure it must have stemmed from my complaint to the sheriff or perhaps the hospital. It was so appalling. My mother allowed me to go on. I told her somehow we would make it through this. I called my sister who insisted something was fishy and we were missing a piece of the puzzle. I called a friend and shared my awful news. You could say I was a mess beyond a shadow of a doubt. Later that night I rang my oldest daughter to inform her that she was most likely going to be getting a call regarding this accusation and in talking with her, she let the cat out of the bag. She had called in the report. As if that wasn't hard enough to swallow she chimed in with the news that my mother had also called in and reported it herself as Cassy had advised her to do to protect herself. I could barely breath. The conversation turned VERY ugly and I informed Cassy I was not going to listen to her talk to me like that and I said, "I am ending this conversation." Next I called my father who could not believe what I was saying. He advised me to calm down and not make any rash moves. As calmly as I could I rang my mother and informed her I knew she had been dishonest with me. I asked her how she would feel had her mother conspired against her in such a way. She answered that she would have felt betrayed. I said, "Yes. Exactly." I then told her that she and Cassandra should be thankful that I kept my nose in the bible and my focus on Jesus because that was the only thing allowing me to have any Grace at all. I informed her she was lucky my children had school the next day because I wanted to drive out to her house right then and grab my children from her. I said,"It is only because I want help for my children if this has indeed taken place and I don't want to freak them out by snatching them in the middle of the night nor do I want to do things out of anger that I am going to sleep on this tonight. I feel like I just got sucker punched and honestly I am reeling right now." She started to say something and I said, "Mom. Don't. I can't listen to you right now. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

My night has come to an end and I must get ready for bed. Tomorrow is another big day. Rachel is coming to my home to talk to me, the children and to do a safety inspection on my home. There is so much more left to this story and the betrayal isn't over. Stay tuned. I will update as this storm continues. Please keep me in your prayers.

Father, today I thank you for the fellowship I am able to enjoy every Sunday with the church you brought into my life three years ago. How much I have grown over the last three years. I am so blessed to have been introduced to Leavener and all the wonderful people who attend fellowship there. Thank you for Rusty and his constant teaching about where to keep my focus. Where would I be without you? Where would I be without your strength. I shudder to think. I am so blessed Father. Even in the midst of this awful storm I feel your love for me and I am hanging onto your promises. The evil one has come after me through all of my children. I have been betrayed by those I trusted and my feelings are hurt. I am going to do as Rusty suggested though. I am going to keep my focus where it belongs. All of this outside stuff, that is the work of the evil one and I refuse to fear him. He is nothing more than air. You are bigger and you love me. I know you have me. Thank you for your protection Father. I know you are leading me somewhere. I don't know where that is but I am trusting in you. For you are always faithful. You have always been good to me. Thank you for loving me so much. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Have You Ever Been 'Pancaked' ?

It is hard to believe it has been over two weeks since I last wrote. Who knew the evil one could knock the wind out of a person repeatedly? Who knew when I was praying for those held captive or in bondage to be released I was praying for my own children?

Prayers are answered my friends. If you have read my previous blogs, you will realize quickly they are not always answered in the ways you expect! The first time I prayed for those held captive, I was doing laundry and I was in the midst of reading an awesome book entitled "Intercessory Prayer" By Dutch Sheets. I am still only half way through the book. Regardless, I prayed for the chains of bondage to be broken over those held captive. The next day to my complete surprise I listened to the breaking news about 3 girls who had been held captive for almost 10 years. It was such an astounding story and I wondered, did my prayer help in their escape?

As I have continued to blog I have added this to my prayer at the end here and there. Never hurts to pray for those who are held captive. So, I had just published the blog, "So Let Me Ask You, Do you Have Hope?" late Sunday night. It was all I could do to finish it as my life was quickly spinning out of control. It had taken me 3 days to finish it and publishing it late Sunday night was my feeble attempt at keeping my focus where it needed to be. I was about to write my next blog which I titled the above title 'Have You Ever Been 'Pancaked' as that was how I was feeling on Monday, August 5th, 2013 around 10 am. Ironically, my assault from the evil one had just barely gotten started. Little did I realize what was about to hit me like a mac truck.

I have struggled with whether or not to share this, but that is what the evil one wants me to do, hide in seclusion. I cannot and will not do that. As I have learned from various readers, while what I have lived through in the last two weeks has been awful and traumatic in itself, many others are dealing with their own nightmares. It is my intention to share everything about my life and how I sail through the storms so that you too may discover the truth about life and death and the valley we often walk through. With that being said, here we go back in time to the last day of July for that is when the storm first began to brew.

I had just left work and was literally 10 minutes away from my office when my phone rang. It was my mother calling. I answered knowing the news would not be good. She hem hawed as she always does when delivering bad news and then she blurted, "You need to come to St. Francis Hospital in Monrovia. I am following your children who were placed in an ambulance by the sheriff who informed me he couldn't wait to take me to jail." I felt like the air had been knocked out of me. I stammered, "What?!?" She then explained my oldest three that she watched during the week had decided they wanted to walk home and she had allowed them to try. A neighbor had seen and called the police and because they weren't wearing any shoes and their clothes were dirty they were being taken to the hospital to be checked out. I was astounded, angry and completely at a loss for words. I had no idea where this hospital was and she couldn't tell me anything other than it was the hospital my Aunt had passed away in. I managed to write down the name of it and turned around to go back to my office to map it. I tried to reach Mike to let him know what was going on When I arrived at the hospital, I found my mother also without shoes. It was my belief at the time that my children had stormed off from her so quickly she had been forced to dash to her van with my youngest two in tow. After feeling looked down upon by the hospital nurses on staff, I was called into the back room with my mother to talk to a Child Protection Services Representative. It was her opinion that perhaps my mother was a little overwhelmed by my children but that none of them had said that grandma was mean, just that they were bored. During the interview she questioned my mother about a lock on the door and inquired if she had ever locked the children in their room. My mother stated that she had never done that. She insisted the lock had been put on the door a long time ago and it was only used to keep the children out of the room when she didn't want them playing in there. She did mention that my youngest had shut and locked the door a couple of times himself when the older children were playing in there but promised that was the only time anyone was locked in the room. Our representatives name was Mary and she was approximately the same age as my mother. They discussed how in their day and age when a child wanted to run away the parents would pack a little bag and wish them well. She then explained we lived in a different world today and that is not acceptable any longer. My mother explained she knew that and that was why she was right there with them following them in her van. Mary held up her hand and smiled kindly letting my mother know that was not acceptable either. She then explained she needed to go to the home and do a safety inspection and we would need to put a safety plan in place. By the time all of this was completed it was after 11 pm.

In my heart I felt the sheriff had over-reacted and I called to file a formal complaint. I informed the deputy sheriff that I was not happy that I was not contacted by the sheriff on the scene himself. He stated perhaps he did not have my number. I informed him that he did have it as he had insisted my mother give it to him. He kind of said it wasn't absolute protocol that they contact me because they had contacted the department of children services and that was the only thing they needed to do. This shocked me but there was no arguing the point as the deputy sheriff dismissed this as a no biggie. I was honestly insulted by the his demeanor. After I also complained about the way his officer had spoken to my mother and insisted no matter what crime had been committed by any person I did not believe it was mature for an officer to tell a person he couldn't wait to take them to jail. I insisted his officer needed a class on mercy and grace. He chuckled and said he had never had a complaint such as that on this officer but he would talk to him about it. He then stated he was sure that my children had been removed from my mother and when I informed him that was not the case, he questioned what kind of parent I was to have my mother watching my children. I told him I believed in the traditional family of days gone by. Grandparents helped raise the children and the parents supported everyone financially. I inquired how I was to get a copy of this report and he asked if I had a case number. I reiterated that I had nothing of the sort as his officer never had the courtesy to call or speak to me at the hospital. The deputy sheriff then loudly asked if I had a pen when I stated I did, he rattled off my case number and informed me I could get a copy of the report the following Tuesday.

When I arrived at home Mike was waiting up for me. I filled him in on everything. He informed me that he had gotten awful news from his mother as well. His only remaining grandfather was on his death bed and it didn't look like he'd make it through the weekend. He told me he had never heard his mother cry so hard and he felt he needed to take the trip to Florida to go be with her. The next day he was approved to take a weeks vacation and he was going to head to Florida on his motorcycle after work on Friday. When he was about to head out, I received a panicked call from my mother informing me that Mike had been talking behind her back and that he had told my oldest son he was going to grab our children and run to Florida without me. I asked my mother who had told her such ludicrous things and she informed me of the source. I told her while Mike may have said things that were not the kindest about the incident, that what had happened on Wednesday did not make him happy. I promised to talk to him about his mouth and assured her that he was not planning on running off with our children.

Tia my 14 year old was spending this particular weekend with her father and she was supposed to go to church with me on Sunday but had sent me a text on Saturday letting me know she was not going to make it to church after all.  I spent the weekend with only my youngest five children and we had a good time. I braided the girl's hair on Saturday so that they could have curly hair for church on Sunday. We awoke early enough to undo the braids and then I braided princess rings around the tops of their heads and used butterfly clips to fasten them in the back. They looked adorable. After church I took them out to get their first official haircuts for the new school year. They all chose some form of a bob cut. Next we headed over to play at the park for an hour before we had to head to the store for school shopping. Everyone was getting new shoes and a few new outfits to celebrate the beginning of school. I was trying my best at this point not to worry about Mike. The last time I had heard from him was Saturday afternoon. He called to let me know he was almost to the Florida State line and he had realized his back tire had the wire showing. He was keeping his eye out for a tire shop and he had promised to call me when he made it safely there. 24 hours had passed without a word. I did not want the children to worry so I waited until they were off playing at the park to call Mike's mother. When she answered I asked if Mike had arrived yet and she informed me the last time she had heard from him was Friday night to let her know he was going to be heading her way. Now I was almost sick to my stomach with worry but Mike's mom promised she would check with the state police and the hospitals to inquire if he had been in an accident and she assured me she would call as soon as she knew something.

Trying to keep a smile on my face for the sake of the children, we loaded back into the car and headed to the store for our shopping trip. Delilah was in the midst of trying on clothes when my phone rang. I was not familiar with the number but quickly answered it. "Is this Wendy Glidden?" a male voice I did not recognize inquired. I managed to say yes as my stomach turned. "This is the Hamilton County Sheriff mam. I am calling to let you know we have your daughter Tia in custody. She was reported as a runaway by her father last night. It was all I could do to keep standing. He went on to inform me I was expected to be at the courthouse on Monday at 1 pm. In the meantime he requested that I stop in at the juvenile center and drop off some clothes for her. I thanked him for the information and hung up the phone. Right then I realized the most awful smell was permeating the dressing room. To my horror one of the youngest had had an accident and with nothing to clean up the mess I shoved her panties into my coat pocket and we dashed to the bathroom. I felt like my entire world was spinning out of control. I could barely think. I never even knew Tia was missing. Her father had never picked up the phone and clued me in. I was angry, upset and about to lose it. I managed to get my daughter cleaned up and somehow continued shopping for the rest of the school items we needed. I called my mother when we got settled in the car and let her know what was up. I informed her I needed to cut my evening short with the rest of the crew so I could take the requested items up to Tia. I also told her about Mike and how he was still missing in action. I thanked her for being there to save the day for me. Normally on Sunday I take the children to Golden Coral and we have our family dinner there. It is their favorite place to eat. This particular Sunday we ended up going through a drive through and they ate in the car on the way out to my mothers.

On the way to her home my phone rang again. I looked at the caller ID screen to see it was Mike's mom calling. Holding my breath and praying for good news, I answered the phone. She informed me they had just heard from Mike and he was just outside of Naples. I said, "Thank God. I am having the worst day ever. Could you please have him call me as soon as he gets there?" She promised to have him call me as soon as he arrived.

Three hours later after I had dropped off the items for Tia, my phone rang. It was Mike on the caller ID this time. I answered the phone. Before I could say a word he said, "Hey babe! I just got baptized. My phone is dead. I'm charging it now. I'll call you a little later." It sounded like a party in the background. I barely got out the word "okay" before he hung up on me. Another three hours passed. I had just published my blog and checked my stats and it was 11pm. I shot a text off to Mike asking if he was going to call soon as I had had an awful day and was wanting to go to bed soon. He texted me back telling me to go to bed he'd talk to me the next day. I was so hurt and angry I fired off another text asking are you serious? You aren't going to call me? My phone rang and I answered. I began telling him my feelings were hurt because I had been waiting for a call and he had never called and his mom actually got on the phone to inform me that he had only had time to call her earlier and that he had been busy since and I said, "Are you freaking kidding me? You have me on speaker?" and I hung up on the both of them. Mike accused me of playing games which just heightened my fury. I informed him I was tired, emotional and had simply wanted to talk to him and that I was not playing any games. I told him before I said things I couldn't take back I was ending our conversation and I'd talk to him the next day. He did call me the next morning to wish me a good day. While my feelings were still hurt, I filled him in on the news of Tia. I hung up and headed to work. I managed to get my morning tasks done and felt the need to try to write a blog before I headed to court. Of course I never managed to plug in more than the title which was the way I was already feeling when time got away from me and I found myself having to head off to court.

This story is just beginning and what happens next is so overwhelming I need to end this particular blog here. I promise to finish the rest of this story . . . at least up to where it currently is for this storm is still rumbling. I am holding onto my Faith, hanging onto my hope and trusting in the Love my heavenly father feels for me. I know He has me as He always has me. Until the next chapter, I leave you with this final thought that I posted on Weds of this week on my Facebook page:

Today is Wild Wacky Wonderful Wednesday. I am still super raw and capable of bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. I feel as if I have run a marathon through hell, literally, and I still have miles to go until I reach the finish line. 

Today's encouraging word from K-love is the first one I have read in days. I find it ironically fitting for the first part hits the nail on the head as to the source of trouble . . . the second part . . . well, it too is true . . . however I am in turmoil when it come to forgiving the people responsible for the acts of hatred . . . that will require another verse and much praying. Stay focused on Jesus my friends. Had my foe's had him in their sights, none of what has come to pass would have ever formed.

Wednesday 8/14/2013

Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses.

~ Proverbs 10:12, NLT

To all my readers, I promise to get back to blogging as I know in my heart the evil one loves the fact that I have been unable to write lately. I am praying for strength among other things . . . for those who never have read anything I have written, if you are wondering about God, Angels, Miracles and other such things, I invite you to take a peek into my closet. I have traveled many roads. I have been through hell and back and while I seem to be on another journey through the valley of death, I still shall fear no evil. Please come check out my story. If you find it helpful, all I ever ask is that you share it with someone you think could use a little, Faith, Hope & Love! Pick a title that captures your interest! There are currently over 80 posts.

Today it is Fantastically Fun-Filled Family Friday. I am currently at work with my 5 youngest children! Try working with your children under your feet. Talk about a challenge! Thank God the oldest are in school for the majority of my work day. I am blessed to have made it through another day. I find it funny that on Weds I mentioned I would need some time to work on forgiving my foes. The last two days, the encouraging word from K-Love has been about Love. I find it fitting to list both Thursday and Friday's encouraging word:

Thursday 8/15/2013

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

~ 1 Peter 4:8, NLT

Friday 8/16/2013

This is real love - not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

~ 1 John 4:10,  NLT

I know God is telling me to keep my focus where it belongs. On Him. On His Son, Jesus. On Love. I am still licking my wounds. I am only human. I am in the process of healing. I am still in the storm and don't even know what is to come next. I will have a better idea of how long things will be brewing come next week. Stay tuned, I promise to share it all with you. What I hope you get from this is that it is only by the Grace of God, by His strength alone that I have not fainted by all that has transpired. I am trusting in the Lord with all my heart and I am not leaning on my own understanding for my understanding is nothing more than confusion of all that has transpired. 

Father I come before you today thanking you that my children are safe. While my life is an absolute upheaval I know you have this. I felt you moving me before all this took place. I have no idea where you are leading me but I absolutely trust you. I know you are faithful and I am trusting in that. I ask that you wrap your arms around all those that are hurting for whatever reason today. Let them feel your loving embrace. Speak to them Father. Give them a sign to let them know you love them as you love all of us, even the wicked. Help me Father to forgive my foes. I know they are not aware of all the ways of sin. How the evil one works against us. Help me to let go of my hurt and anger Father for I know it does me no good. I again pray for all those held in captivity to have the chains holding them hostage broken. May they fall useless to the floor never to be able to be used again. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013