Showing posts with label pregnant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnant. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Dissed, Disowned, Disgraced, and Darn Near Destitute!

Recently God inspired me with 4 really awesome titles that I would LOVE to blog on. However, some things have a larger impact when they are read in a true order of events. This era of my life falls into that category. These are events I do not look forward reliving. But they paint my life with the true colors it has contained. I hope what you find in the mix is encouragement. With that being said, I ended my blog "How I fell in love with Mike" pregnant with twin girls and falling deeper and deeper in love so quickly I felt as if I was tumbling down a mountain with no end in sight.

Other than Mike and I, NO ONE was happy with us being together. I knew it would happen. The judgement. He was younger. He wasn't right for me. He was only using me. The objections came hard and quick.

Guys are guys and when it came to the men at Glidden Fence not one of them liked that Mike had won my attention. Without a doubt, they set out to alienate him. The word was no one cared for his attitude and they did not want Mike on their crew. At this time Mike was placed on a crew with his father. Mike loved his dad and I felt bad knowing how Larry trash talked Mike down almost daily to me and my father.  Larry was one of our Repair Crew Leaders and he also was the one that ran the majority of anytime repair calls. Mike, being a helper on his father's crew, ended up having an altercation one morning with Larry right after it was announced that I was pregnant and prior to the knowledge I was having twins. Mike quit that day. I was caught off guard by his rash move and it was my first view at Mike's unreasoning anger and stubbornness.

My father went so far as to pull me into his office after that and encouraged me to walk away from Mike and marry one of our workers named Gabrielle. His view was Gabrielle had been in love with me forever and he would treat me right. My father was right about Gabrielle and how he felt about me. I already knew that. He was sweet and kind and if able would have hung the moon for me, but I did not see him as more than a brother or a friend. I listened to my father and when he was done politely told him I'd ponder what he had said. Larry came in the office and informed me Mike would most likely go back to Florida. He said I'd be better off raising my child without him anyway.

Mike assured me he wasn't going anywhere. He applied for work everywhere and ended up with a job waiting tables at TGIF. Spring came and we had so many calls that Larry began running all of the anytime repair calls. By mid April he was diagnosed with throat cancer and was needing time off for doctor appointments. When this happened I had to go into overdrive when it came to running estimates and for the first time in a year I was the one to go back to look at fences that we were building. In a nutshell I noticed a new trend that I did not care for. I stormed into the office and inquired to Jeff if he had seen what I was seeing. He stated yes but he had gotten no where when he had voiced an opinion. I love my dad to death but he has a blind spot when it comes to his "All time Favorites". It kills me because if he would have listened to not only me but my grandmother on two specific occasions things would have panned out much different. Alas that was not the case.

Mike is not the only stubborn, bull headed person in our household. I hold the title myself! I decided to take matters into my own hands. As the guys that finished our wood fences strolled in I had a diagram on the dry erase board. I asked them to show me where the nails went into the 2x4s as well as into the 1x6 boards. Needless to say, they indicated what I had seen. You would not think nails wrongly placed would matter, but in my mind they did. I could spot a Glidden Fence from across a yard by the nail pattern. It's just an extra touch, but I loved the way it looked. Clean and professional. I showed the guys the way it is supposed to be done and then asked, "Who taught you to do it that way?" They all agreed it was Mauricio, Gabrielle's younger brother. I did not care for Mauricio due to an incident that transpired between us when I was 20 years old or there about. If you have ever heard the term, "He's scum." that is how I viewed Mauricio. My father, on the other hand, LOVED him. He even introduced him to people as his son. My father had seriously mentioned to my step mother during my divorce from Jeff that he thought I should marry Mauricio all the way back then! In his mind it was a brilliant plan.

Anyway, I was angry that Mauricio was teaching the guys the wrong way to build a Glidden Fence as my father himself taught Mauricio everything he knew about building fence as well as why we built the way we did. When Mauricio walked in I asked him to show me where he placed the nails. He drew the two nails to toe nail on my diagram and I looked at him and said, "You know that is not how my father taught you to do it, why have you changed this?" He did not answer me. I went on to ask, "What about the finish nails?" He threw the marker down spun and elbowed me in the stomach as stated he did not have to listen to me when it came to building fence.

Now, if you have read my story from the beginning, you know that I used to play basket ball. My father had taught me how to throw an elbow without being caught. Mauricio had just jabbed me with that very elbow move! I would like to say I rose above the situation, but that would be a lie. I caught him in the hallway and with one hand had him pinned against the wall lifting him slightly off the ground. I was telling him how rude it was to hit a pregnant girl and how he did have to listen to me when Bill heard the commotion and came around the corner. "Wendy!" Bill exclaimed, "Put him down!" I looked back at Bill and Mauricio's crew men were behind him as well. I let Mauricio go and Bill said, "Let's talk this out."

Mauricio sat in a chair and I was stating loudly how I felt about his workmanship. He jumped up and got in my face and said, "You want me to yell at you?" I smiled, took a step forward, dipped down slightly so that we were nose to nose and said, "Yes, Mauricio, that's exactly what I want. Please yell at me." He promptly sat back down. When I finished telling him what would be expected of him from this point forward, he informed me he was putting in his two weeks notice. I said, "Perfect! I want it in writing."

Bill said, "Wendy!" I spun and looked at him and asked, "What?" I turned back to Mauricio and continued, "Seriously, I want it in writing."

Bill suggested we call it a night so that cooler heads could prevail and mentioned we could discuss this all tomorrow.  Unfortunately my first call the next day was scheduled at 7:30 so I was not able to be in the office when everyone arrived for my day started an hour before theirs. When I did have a chance that afternoon, I came into my father's office, closed the door and said, "Hey, I had a situation with Mauricio last night." My father told me he already knew all about it. I asked if he knew about the nail pattern and what all and he kind of shoo shood me like he sometimes does. I replied, "Dad, if he doesn't build our way, how can I look people in the eye and tell them we build the best? If you don't put your foot down, I can't sell for you." That next day I was pulled out of sales and placed behind a desk again. Within a week, all of the men had taken Mauricio's orders to heart. None of them were to talk to me. If they did they would have to deal with Mauricio. It was so insane they wouldn't even call in underground cable cuts into the office. They called Bill, who had to relay the message to me. When I pointed out the ridiculousness of the situation, my father told me I needed to rejoice for this was the first time all the men were united and he loved it. I, on the other hand, did not love it at all.

Yunior, who loved both Mike and I and who detested Mauricio for how he treated his sister, was throwing a birthday party and we were all invited. It was at the party that one of the men, one I had helped with back taxes and filing for citizenship, asked my son William if he was coming back to work that summer. When William told him he was, he was asked who's side he was on. When William inquired as to what they meant, they informed him that if he was on their side, they were looking forward to his return. However, if he was on my side, it would be best for him not to return.

I was so hot about that implied threat that I went to my father and told him what was said and how I felt about where things stood. Bear in mind at this point I was 20 weeks pregnant with twins and slightly emotional. Again my father poo pood my thoughts and feelings. He informed me that I must be mistaken as to what was said and told me to leave it alone.

Following Mike's lead, after my 24 week check up, I put in my two weeks notice and informed my father I was going to be ordered to bed rest at 28 weeks. I knew with the lack of sales I was not going to have due to being put behind a desk, my pay was going to be cut by over half. I was going to lose my house regardless and I just wanted to get as far away from Glidden Fence as possible. What I had viewed as a part of me no longer loved or valued me. I cried every morning on my way to work those last few days because of how alienated and unnecessary I felt. Mike wanted me to be done that next day. I informed him I needed to stay long enough to train someone on how things were. I ended up agreeing to stay another week. I trained my replacement a total of 1 and 1/2 days!

Mike claimed we would be better off moving to Florida. There was nothing holding us here. Mark was currently incarcerated for a year and I had thought he was going to file for divorce as he had stated you could file for free when you are in jail. With him safely behind bars I reasoned he had no right to keep me from moving and knowing how violent he was I liked the thought of us being far out of his reach when he was released. Mike insisted his mom would be there for support as well as the rest of his family.

Three days before we hit the road, my father's home was robbed. They had taken a few valuables along with his emergency fund. I honestly believed it was Mauricio that had robbed my father as he knew more about his comings and goings. Never in a million years did I expect to be the one the blame would fall on.

We had arrived in Florida on June 20th, 2004. It was father's day and Mike's entire family was at his grandparent's home. You could say I did not feel the least bit welcomed by Mike's family. At the time I did not know Larry had stirred the bees nest by spreading the lie that Mike and I had robbed my father and were on our way to do the same to everyone there. That all came to light when I had not received my final paycheck in the mail and I called back home. I was informed by the new girl that my father was out of town until the next week. I asked her what crew William was on as he had elected to stay in Indiana with a friend of mine named Daniel. I was told he was with Larry. I called Larry's phone and low and behold, Daniel answered. I laughed and asked when he had started working for us. He told me he was Larry's driver now and immediately asked me if it was true that Mike and I were the one's to have robbed my father. I was BLOWN AWAY. I said, "What!?! NO!!! Why would you ask me that?!?" He informed me that was the rumor. I stammered, "I don't understand. Why would anyone think that?" He informed me that Mike's brother had been on a speaker phone and he had overheard him telling my dad that when we rolled into town he had told Mike he couldn't live with him and Mike had flashed a wad of cash at him and said he didn't need his help. I was floored. "That was my money!" I exclaimed, "Larry KNOWS I closed out my bank account. He KNEW just how much we were leaving with. Even dad knew I had left with a good amount of money. Surely he didn't believe such crap!" Before Daniel answered me, I heard Larry ask him who he was on the phone with. Daniel informed him it was me. Larry yelled at him for talking to me and got on the phone. I immediately asked Larry, "How on earth could you say such things about me? You know we left Indiana with over $3,000!" Larry proceeded to inform me I was getting what I deserved. He said I had abandoned Glidden Fence, he thought I was a bitch and not to ever call him again and he hung up on me."

I was stunned. When I finished drying my tears and returned to where we were staying that week, I informed Mike of everything. He was not shocked over what his father had said to me. That was the day I discovered that Larry had written to Mike about how much he couldn't stand me. He had informed Mike I was the daughter of his boss and I was the residential sales person and he just knew if he could get me out of the way he could be in my position. Mike was enamored with me before he ever met me because his father couldn't out do me and Mike had never seen his dad beat by anyone.

To this day, I honestly have to admit I liked Larry. Sure he had his faults but who doesn't. I forgave him for what he did to me. Not only did he convince my father Mike and I robbed him, not only did he inform all of Mike's family of this lie as well, as it turned out, it was Larry that had robbed my father.

When my father arrived back in town I tried to speak to him on the phone. He picked up long enough to yell at me that I was a liar. I was not getting my final paycheck. He knew that Mike and I had robbed him because Dave had confirmed as much. He went on to inform me that I was also cut off of the health insurance plan and as far as he was concerned I did not exist. Again I was hung up on and left in a state of shock.

You know how with Job you think, 'Surely it can't get any worse for this person!' yet it does get worse for Job. Well, before Mike and I left Indiana, a voice I now know comes from heaven, informed me I was going to lose all my money. I seriously considered changing my money over to travelers checks but after looking at the cost and hassle decided I would have Mike hold onto my money. After all, I was never warned about him losing any money. We were down to $1,836.00 and Mike was still without a job. Everything we were looking at to rent needed first, last and security deposit. We had officially been told we could not stay another day at the senior citizen trailer park we had been at for the last week as one of the older citizen's realized we had children and we were not old enough to be living there. We were on the verge of being homeless. In my anger over having to move out of the place we had been staying at, I took the unopened gallon of Milk I had and gave it to the lady I knew was the one raising cane about us staying there. I knocked on her door. When she answered I said, "I just wanted to thank you for your kindness. Milk is expensive and seeing how we are being put out on the street I thought you could use it. I hate to see it wasted." She took the milk and stated she was sorry about us having to leave but rules were rules. I must admit I secretly hoped she would be haunted by her own actions.

Mike decided we should let Tia and Travis play at the beach while we thought about our next move. We parked several blocks away as it was a busy day at the beach and walked to the changing house. Mike waited for me outside. When we got down to the water I took Tia and Travis into the water with me. I can still remember Mike frantically going through our stuff on the beach. I knew before he told me by his actions that he was missing something. He came to the edge of the water and stated he thought he must have left the wallet in the car because when he went to take it out of his pocket, he did not have it and it was not in our stuff. My stomach was turning. I recalled the warning. I knew it in my heart before he confirmed it when he returned from running back to the car. Someone had picked his pocket. All we had left was the change in the canister I had brought. Less than $100 worth and my wedding ring. We went to the police and made a report. I prayed that a kind stranger would find and return his wallet. That did not happen.

I am going to end this here, for to go further would carry me over to the next unpleasant title I have been given. I am grateful that God inspired me with 4 titles that really are awesome and I look forward to those.

I want to state again that I love my father. We are very close today. As far as Larry goes, to the day die, I will feel sorry for him.

Father today I come before you with gratitude for when the world turned it's back on me you indeed took care of all my needs. I ask in the name of all those who have been dissed, disowned, disgraced or have found themselves destitute for your peace and love to envelop them. I pray they feel your love and presence. I pray they find a ray of hope, a helping hand and belief in themselves as they come to know who they are in Christ. I pray families are kinder to one another. I pray the kindness of strangers increases. I pray more and more of us realize who we are in Christ. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Wendy, mom of many

© Wendy Glidden, 2013


Friday, January 25, 2013

How I Ended up Pregnant with My 2nd Child

You know . . . I never had any counselling over the incident that happened that summer day when I was 14. The details can be found in the blog titled 'Grounded for Losing my Virginity'. If you have been molested in any way and you think that you can shoved it back into the recesses of your mind and locked it away safely, I am here to say, "It did not work for me."

As I mentioned in a prior blog, 'In Defense of My Step Mother' one of the gifts Chris gave me was the knowledge regarding breast feeding your children. I had every intention of breast feeding Cassandra until the age of 1. What I didn't count on was going into shock every time I breast fed her.

I had been on the program for Woman, Infants and Children at the time. When I went in for my appointment,  it was for Cassy and I. They checked both of our Iron levels and the results were not good. In a nut shell, I was not taking care of myself very well. I confessed to the woman what I was going through and she explained to me that I was not doing Cassy a lot of good. She thought that was most likely due to the fact that when you breast feed, being emotionally tied to it in the beginning helps with the flow of the milk. Since I was so low on Iron, I didn't have enough to give to Cassy through my milk. She insisted on having me change Cassandra over to formula for one main reason. My state of mind. I felt guilty for not being able to provide for her nutritionally.

For the life of me I cannot remember if that lady suggested I go to any counseling. If she did, I did not follow through with her advice. More than likely I would not have been able to get there. I was at a stage in life where I either had to ask for a ride or I was walking where I needed to go!

I snapped out of my funk soon enough once I stopped breastfeeding. I went right into a cleaning maniac. There was a Loft above our place and it had obviously not been touched for years. There was a broken window and even birds had been in and out of this place. Jeff's friend Jeremy had been crashing on our couch and he took a look at the space and thought it would be perfect with a little elbow grease. He helped me attack that room and in one weekend we had it blinging! He moved a bed up there along with his stuff. It was a win win. He was going to chip in on the rent and we had someone to help with errands.

Everything was great until the land lord stopped by. She had seen the fan in the upstairs window and insisted that we could not use the space even though it was on our side. Before I even knew what was going on, she and Jeremy were fighting about it. Needless to say, she informed me she was evicting Jeff and I over the incident. She had to have gone to the court house that day. We were served papers the next day. I was dumbfounded. She never even talked to me.

I think Jeff must have talked to my father about the incident. I'm not really sure how he got Chris to agree to it. All I do know is I was informed we were moving in with Chris and my dad for three months so that they could help us build a nest egg.

To say that it was weird to live under my parents rule while married would be an understatement. Jeff and I found a new place and signed a lease within 3 months as planned. We had $1000 in the bank when we moved into our new place. I thought we were really going to be okay. In less than 3 days of opening that account our balance went from $1000 down to less than $50! Turned out Jeff owed some bank money from before we were married. He had been served a judgement on it and when we put the money in our bank account. They froze the funds and took them. I was sick over it.

Our apartment was right in the middle of town. A new Gas America had just been built and it was 2 blocks down the road. On a whim I went and applied for a job. They were hiring for grave yard shift. I wanted that job so badly. Jeff only allotted me $40 a week for groceries and household needs. Even back then it was not a lot! I needed an income of my own. Grave yard would work perfectly I reasoned. He would have Cassy while she slept so I didn't have to spend money on a sitter. Next I found out about GED classes. I told Jeff that he and I were both going to go to class and take this test. My mother agreed to come up and sit with Cassy while we attended class. I am happy to say even with taking my test going on two days of no sleep I was 1 point shy of a full paid state college scholarship! Who even knew you could get a scholarship on a GED diploma? My teacher was so excited. I told her I did not have another $16 at the time to take the test again. She told me no worries, I could simply retake the history exam and pay only $4.00! I laughed and told her I would think about it but right now I didn't have the freedom to go to college. Jeff passed his test as well. To this day he happily will admit he is thankful I pushed him to pursue his degree.

We were young when we got married and to say we had a great foundation would be a lie. By March we had taken on roommates to help with the rent so we really had no time alone together. When you coupled those two things together I think looking back it was the beginning of the end. I'm not sure if there is any truth to the rumors I've been told years AFTER I divorced Jeff, but if they are true, he was turning to female friends for comfort. I do know this our relationship was on a downhill slide. I no longer felt any longing for contact with Jeff. Sadly we were getting to a point where I was being informed that I had wifely duties and he was not going to go without. Just trust me, "When it becomes a 'Duty', you better do something about it."

I was on the pill and had been since my checkup. The last thing I wanted was another baby. I was already thinking I needed to get out of this relationship. It's funny how abuse starts. It's not like one day they walk up and punch you. An abusive man has to beat you down before he beats you up the first time. You could easily say Jeff and I were in the "Beat you Down" stage of our relationship. I couldn't take the mental abuse so I left Jeff and moved in with my mother in June.

I was still working grave yard at Gas America at this time. Come May, I suddenly started having problems with my cycle. Planned parenthood thought perhaps my body had overcome the pill and I needed a stronger version so they changed my prescription. The next month same problem, so they changed my pill again. The next month I blacked out at work from excessive bleeding and they decided perhaps I needed to have an exam to see if they could spot any cause. So, there I was on the exam table that next morning. I will never forget the gasp the Doctor made. You know how many thoughts can flash across one's brain in a moment? A LOT! Cancer, a tumor, had to be something bad. Nothing I had thought of could have prepared me for her next words, "Oh my God! You're pregnant!" Have you ever heard your world shatter in a single second? I was floored. What she said next was even more shocking. "You're not a little pregnant. . . if I had to guess I would say you are about 20 weeks pregnant. Have you not felt the baby move?" I was speechless for a moment. . . still stunned I managed to say, "No. I haven't."

She then told me, "Well, I'm no expert, but that is my best guess by the size of your uterus." She went on to make the comment that I had a backward uterus . . . something about the position of my cervix . . . I felt like I was a million miles away . . ." I think I mumbled something like, 'Is that a bad thing?' She replied nonchalantly, "No, it's just they used to think girls with a backward uterus had a more difficult time getting pregnant. You kicked that theory out of the water!"

I asked her if she thought anything might be wrong with my baby since I'd been on the pill this entire time. She advised me to get into a doctor as soon as I could. As far as she knew there just wasn't any available information on that. She left the room and I numbly dressed myself. I felt like I was disconnected from my body again. Pregnant? How on earth could I be pregnant. I hadn't called on God in so long . . . I didn't reach for him now either.

Somewhere in the dark recesses of my brain I heard the phrase, "You will be a mother to  many."

** I think this is a good place to stop. I'm not quite ready to journal all I went through over the next 72 hours.