"For Reals!!?"

I sit here this morning shaking my head. Time Flies! I mean I know it flies, but I am surprised that it is already July 14th! Over half of 2015 has flown by and I have not accomplished near as much as I had hoped, yet in the same hand, I have done quite a bit.
The thing is, I realized today, had I just managed to lean on the strength of Christ more firmly, I would have been able to get more of my work done. That is not to say I hope to achieve anything by works but more so that I have not been available for the Spirit to work through me!
Alas, today is a new day! As a matter of fact it happens to be Totally Terrific Testimonial Tell ALL Tuesday! With that in mind, let me catch everyone up on some of what has taken place thus far in 2015:

• January 1 ~ I turned myself in on a felony warrant on January first around lunch time. 
• January 1 ~ 16th, I remained behind bars. Never saw my children and only talked to them 3 times.
• January 14th ~ met with the criminal investigator and gave my statement.
• January 16th ~ all charges were dropped and I was released after the 2nd head count that day!
• End of January: We were forced to relocate within hours due to unfortunate circumstances.
• End of January: Someone with a vendetta filed a false report with the Department of Children and families regarding me.
• February 1 ~ We moved into a park designed for 50+ with five children without knowing it was 50+.
• February 7th ~ I was interviewed live on good deeds radio while taking care of 5 children! Listen to it by clicking here
• February 11 ~ I received a phone call from 50+ park stating due to children we would need to pay an additional $750 for the month. With prayer and allowing the Spirit to talk through me, that fee was waived but we were not going to be able to stay longer. 
• February 28- March 4th ~ moved from Florida to Pueblo, Colorado where we knew no one.
• March 3rd ~ Got caught in a winter ice storm while driving the RV pulling a load and the limo: The RV pulls Mike's Jeep and the trailer loaded with all the bikes and Mike's motorcycle. Scary on a good day!

• March 4th ~ Found a place to rest and paid for a month's rent.
• March 5th ~ Registered 4 oldest children into new school.
• March 6th ~ 13th: Mike and I both searched for work.
• March 14th ~ Mike is hired at a fence company making only $10 per hour, no guarantee of 40 hours each week.
• March 21 ~ We discovered our elderly neighbor does not care for kids and move to other side of park where there is no WiFi available for the next two months. (I'm about to begin school and need the internet on a daily basis!
• March 23 ~ My two spring college courses begin: (1) Public Speaking in a Digital Age & (2) The History of Ancient Israel.
• April 5 ~ cannot get my YouTube video for my college class assignment to load up due to the WiFi service having issues at the office. Click here to watch it Did manage to get it to upload the following day by going to McDonalds and using their free WiFi.
• Mid April ~ Mike leaves the house saying he's going to quit his job unless he gets the raise he was promised would come. He did not get the raise, quit and arrived home at noon to let me know he had landed a welding job making more money.
• End of April ~ Mike is not acting like himself.
• Beginning of May: I begin fighting against powers of darkness by trying to bind demons for Mike and two of my friends all at the same time.
• May 4th ~  I wake up running a fever and hurting but I took CounterAct Ibuprofen and Aspirin and successfully complete my daily chores regardless and this included washing folding and putting away 12 loads of laundry and grocery shopping.
• May 5th ~ I wake up in pain feeling like my arms have been ripped off my shoulders and my hands hurt so bad it kills me to type and my eyes begin giving me serious problems.
• May 11 ~ I start a new college class: New Testament, as I complete my finals for my two Spring Classes all while having trouble focusing my eyes.
• May 15th, I am in so much pain I schedule a doctor's appointment.
• May 15th, Mike does not come home but calls me at 9 PM to tell me he's partying with a friend from work. He informs me he really needed a night out and that he'll see me tomorrow.
• May 23th, I manage to finish both finals as well as all assignments and reading due in Summer class
• May 28th, the school year comes to an end for the children.
• June 1, while in a serious dispute with Mike, it comes out that the night he didn't come home, he almost left me for an 18 year old girl that he had been working with for the last few weeks.
• Beginning of June, I finish the New Testament class and being taking the History of Christianity.
• Middle of June, Mike and I almost end it for good. He has become paranoid I am going to leave him for someone else and begins going through all my social media platforms and calling numbers in my phone that he doesn't recognize.
• End of June my car breaks down and I have no transportation for 3 weeks!
• July 1st Jeffrey ends up with pink eye and nothing seems to help until I learn about Organic Virgin Coconut oil! I will never use pharmacy drops on any of my children again!
• July 11th, I finally get out of school for my summer break and I am half way through my degree! I am still waiting on my grade to come in for my final but so far unless I really bombed the final, it looks like I have managed to get this far with straight A's.
• July 12th, my toilet breaks, overflows, ruins the floor and all has to be replaced. The bathroom is ready to have the new floor put in today. We have been without a home toilet for almost 48 hours!
• Today, July 14th, 2015: I have resolved to get back to basics, blogging. You could say blogging helps me get myself fully dressed in my protective gear! You see, one thing I have learned about life is we live in a fallen world and bad stuff can happen to anyone at any given moment. The other thing I have learned is that by putting on my full suit of armor completely changes the game when it comes to living life as we were meant to live it; ABUNDANTLY!!

I began today by getting into God's Word. It is truly what I read this morning that helped me shake off the negative darkness that was trying to envelope me and step back fully into the light.

I admit, this year has taken a toll on me. I went through a Spiritual battle literally from hell and found myself physically hurt. I warn all who are out there attempting to bind evil Spirits, you can truly be hurt in a physical way. There is even a story in the bible about such a case! I received some great advice in this area and it is way simpler than trying to fight the enemy yourself. All you actually need to do to be successful in Spiritual Warfare is pray for blessings over everyone as well as everywhere. Keep it simple and you will never have your arms darn near ripped off your body as well as your eyes knocked out of your head! That is what happened to me! Both of my thumbs were dislocated, my wrists had been yanked so hard that the bone going from my elbow to my wrist had dislocated, my shoulder tendons had both been ripped and my shoulder muscles were also torn. I don't know what made me think attempting to bind the demons my friends were being influenced by would be a good idea, but it is what I thought. While I was going through this, Mike was falling for another girl who he saw as more fit to be a physical partner. He began calling me weak, both physically and mentally. He also began attacking my faith on a continual basis. To say I felt like I was in hell would be an understatement. I have truly just now began getting my feet back under me.

If I claimed that life was perfect today, I would be a liar. As a matter of fact I am not sure I will ever have a perfect day. What I do know is this; I am capable of having peace in the midst of turmoil as long as I remember to dress daily in my full armor. I also know that I must fight the good fight. God's Word holds all kinds of encouragement and promises for all who do. These are the Words that I filled mind with today:

(9) And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. (10) Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:9-10)

(10) For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. (11) For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. (12) Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread. (13) But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good. (2 Thessalonians 3:10-13)

If you were to look at how many blogs I have written this year, one could easily say I have grown weary. It was in remembering this morning that with Christ, I can be renewed that I found a wealth of strength today that I have been unable to find until now. A gentle reminder was exactly what I was meant to receive. 

I still have so much I had planned to accomplish this year. I have two books on the table. I want to get into prison ministry. I truly need to blog and inspire more. For as Paul reminds us, encouraging one another matters. It is in filling my mind with the Words of God and in turn sharing my life, that I do find encouragement from those who write me thanking me for sharing my life and in turn share their stories with me.

I have yet to have met anyone who is living a perfect life. I have however met others who are living in the midst of trials and tribulations that are full of joy and hope in the LORD. Those are my fellow brothers and sisters and I am so thankful to have such family in this fallen world.

Today I pray that me sharing a snippet out of my life has helped you in some way. It is my prayer that my blogs become a bit more inspiring in the days to follow. I also pray that these next four weeks that I am blessed to have to spend with my children while all of us are out of school are full of life long memories of laughter, peace and joy. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many, walks with God and sometimes stumbles along the way!

© Wendy Glidden 2015

Clear the Clutter

It's Tremendously Thankful Thoughtful Thursday. Tonight I am going to the send off for The women's Cross Roads Great Banquet # 46. How the memories come rushing back. I will forever be thankful for how I grew that weekend.  It cost me nothing to go yet it was priceless. Pardon the pun! With the event coming up this week and in knowing I was going to be attending the send off, my heart has been overflowing with elated emotion. There is nothing that can compare to knowing God LOVES you. There is nothing that can compare to understanding His Grace and Mercy. There is nothing that compares to laying it all at His feet, accepting Christ as your Savior and understanding forgiveness. When these things take place in your life, you truly do become a new creation!

On my way to work I heard a couple of awesome songs I had never heard before. I am including this one today for it is so fitting to how I feel, what I desire. It's by Addison Road and it's a newer song of hers I believe "My Story"

I truly desire to serve the Lord. I honestly long to help my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ lift their heads and understand there is nothing, NOTHING God doesn't already know about them. All He is waiting for is for you to come to Him. I was lost for so long myself. While I believed in God, I did not believe I was worthy of saving. The evil one had me fooled. Even with all the signs and wonders God had made visible in my life, I was blind in a way that was detrimental to my well being. I know that place so well. I lived there for years. I finally get to do what I always wanted to do. I get to help God's children, my brothers and sisters in Christ. By allowing Christ to work on me and through me I am able to be a light for others.

I have been praying for a way to raise money for my ministry that won't take money from others. Recently God helped me recall a funny idea he had given me in my twenties. I shared my idea with my 14 year old daughter and she laughed. While she says I embarrass her with my thoughts, actions and dance moves, I know she loves me just the way I am! Last night, God clicked it together for me. Today I am here asking if you would clear out the clutter and help a girl with her mission! I am asking for donations of all broken, useless, unwanted crayons you may have. I am also asking for any and all empty vitamin bottles. If you would kindly collect these items and send them to me I would greatly appreciate your much needed donation! Simply address your packages to: Wendy Glidden, PO Box 481, Westfield, IN 46074

I can hardly wait to unveil the items God gave me to create as gifts. I promise, I have a smile on my face and laughter bubbling inside of me as I envision the laughter, joy and hope they will deliver.  

I love the road I am set on. While I understand I live in a fallen world and chaos is bound to cross my road, I will not be driven from my purpose again. I am keeping my focus on Jesus and I know I will be just fine through all my future storms. I am Free. 

Father today I come before you with laughter in my heart. Oh how good you are to me. I am blessed beyond measure. Others may see my life as full of hardships, yet as I look back I see loads of laughter. I would not change my shoes with anyone. It is my prayer father that those who too have had a bumpy road and have been fooled into believing they are not worthy come to find Joy in you. I pray the evil one's connivery is counted as useless against my fellow brothers and sisters. Trials and Tribulations are a given. They stretch us, they prepare us, they strengthen us. Thank you for always holding me up through the storms I have lived through. It saddens me that so many are blind to just who you truly are and what Grace and Mercy truly mean. The world is so upside down Father. It must break your heart for I know it breaks mine. I pray your light shines through me. I pray it shines through others. I pray we begin to act like one body. I pray we discover our true purpose. I pray the blinders come off. I pray eyes are opened and ears begin to hear, understand and recognize the truth when it is spoken. I pray for broken hearts may they find you Father. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden, 2013

Bad Things Happen to Good People!

Wild Wacky Wonderful Wednesday! Thank you Father for stations like K-Love and Moody Radio. Stations that cause my heart to leap with joy. Songs that hit home so close at times I find myself crying through my joy. Tears of Joy. I shed them more now than ever. I don't really know how I let the evil one trick me for so long. Me! I consider myself somewhat intelligent! How did I not recognize what was going on? I know the answer to that question now. I never got into The Word of God. I did not have a bible close by and I certainly did not go out of my way to pick one up. On the few occasions I did take a peak, I was checking out the last book. Revelations. Man was I ever missing out!

It's no wonder those that hear about Jesus and all He did for the first time get so excited. The gospels are awesome but the book of Acts, Romans and Hebrews are mind blowing. They are get up on your feet and get excited about life books. I am getting ready to find and go through "The Romans Study". If you want to know who you are in Christ, I've been told this is the study to do! Let me know if you are interested in doing this study as well. I think if you've been reading self help books this may just be the best one yet! What do you have to lose? Way less than you have to gain!

This week I have been under attack at every turn. My car broke down. I have not made it home before 9:30 either night. Does not leave much time to be still! Regardless last night I was trying to find the verse in the bible in Isaiah regarding honesty. I had heard a lesson on Moody Radio. It had to do with not destroying the city should God could find one honest man. Forgive me for I know not who was talking on Moody nor the program I was on. I think it was the financial one. The topic was honesty. This man said there were over 100 accounts in the bible where honesty is mentioned.  I did not find the one in Isaiah quickly, so I flipped to the back of my bible to see if there were verses listed under Honesty. I found only 3 listed in my bible and one of them happened to be in Job. I don't know why I get so drawn into Job but this is the second time I have gone to look something up in that particular book and have found myself reading chapters of it. I can almost hear Job. I have yelled out at the Heavens in such a manner and it makes me smile a little. Just knowing that I am not the first to get angry at God for my never ending trials. Particularly what I read last night. I brought my bible with me . . . let me find it.

I just have to type it out. It is so awesome. I am in my large print MacArthur Study Bible, Job, Chapter 6 & 7 in its entirety:


Job is a hard book for many. We struggle with the thought that God does not always leap in to rescue us from something. Prior to Chapter 6 and 7, Job's Friends suggest that the Innocent Do Not Suffer, therefore they assume that Job must have done something truly awful. Chapter 6 is Job speaking to his friends and chapter 7 he is directing his words to God!

With that being said, Let's Jump into the Book of Job, Chapter 6:

The Chapter Heading is: Job's Friends Are No Help!

Then Job answered, "Oh that my grief were actually weighted
and laid in the balances together with my calamity!
For then it would be heavier than the sand of the seas;
Therefore my words have been rash.
For The arrows of the Almighty are within me,
Their poison my spirit drinks;
The terrors of God are arrayed against me.
Does the wild donkey bray over his grass,
Or does the ox low over his fodder?
Can something tasteless be eaten without salt,
Or is there any taste in the white of an egg?
My soul refuses to touch them;
They are like loathsome food to me.

Oh that my request might come to pass
And that God would grant my longing!
Would that God were willing to crush me,
That He would loose His hand and cut me off!
But it is still my consolation,
And I rejoice in unsparing pain.
That I have not denied the words of the Holy One.
What is my strength, that I should wait?
And what is my end, that I should endure?
Is my strength the strength of stones,
Or is my flesh bronze?
Is it that my help is not within me,
And that deliverance is driven from me?

For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend;
So that he does not forsake the fear of the Almighty.
My brothers have acted deceitfully like a wadi,
Like the torrents of wadis which vanish,
Which are turbid because of ice
And into which the snow melts.
When they become waterless, they are silent,
When it is hot, they vanish from their place.
The paths of their course wind along,
They go up into nothing and perish.
The caravans of Tema looked,
The travelers of Sheba hoped for them.
They were disappointed for they had trusted,
They came there and were confounded.
Indeed, you have now become such,
You see a terror and are afraid.
Have I said, 'Give me something',
Or 'Offer a bribe for me from your wealth'
Or 'Deliver me from the hand of the adversary',
Or 'Redeem me from the hand of the tyrants'?

Teach me, and I will be silent;
And show me how I have erred.
How painful are honest words!
But what does your argument prove?
Do you intend to reprove my words,
When the words of one in despair belong to the wind?
you would even cast lots for the orphans
And barter over your friend.
Now please look at me,
And see if I lie to your face.
Desist now, let there be no injustice;
Even desist, my righteousness is yet in it.
Is there injustice on my tongue?
Cannot my palate discern calamities?

My study notes include this: Job rebuked his friends with sage words. Even if a man has forsaken God (which Job had not) should not his friends still show kindness to him? He described his friends as being about as useful with their counsel as a dry river bed in the summer.

The Chapter Heading for Chapter 7 is: Job's Life Seems Futile

** Remember this Chapter Job is speaking to God.

"Is not man forced to labor on earth, And are not his days like the days of a hired man?
As a slave who pants for shade, And as a hired man who eagerly waits for his wages,
So am I allotted months of vanity and nights of trouble are appointed me.
When I lie down I say, 'When shall I  arise?'
But the night continues, And I am continually tossing until dawn.
My flesh is clothed with worms and a crust of dirt,
My skin hardens and runs.
My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle,
And come to an end without hope.

Remember that my life is but breath; My eye will not again see good.
The eye of him who sees me will behold me no longer;
your eyes will be on me, but I will not be.
When a cloud vanishes, it is gone,
So he who goes down to Sheol does not come up.
He will not return again to his house, Nor will his place know him anymore.

Therefore I will not restrain my mouth;
I will speak in the anguish of my spirit,
I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
Am I the sea, or the sea monster,
That You set a guard over me?
If I say, 'My bed will comfort me, My couch will ease my complaint',
then You frighten me with dreams
And terrify me by visions;
So that my soul would choose suffocation,
Death rather than my pains.

I waste away; I will not live forever.
Leave me alone, for my days are but a breath.
What is man that You magnify him,
And that You are concerned about him,
That You examine him every morning
And try him every moment?
Will You never turn Your gaze away from me,
Nor let me alone until I swallow my spittle? (another way of saying "catch my breath")
Have I sinned? What have I done to you,
O watcher of men?
Why have You set me as Your target,
So that I am a burden to myself?

"Why then do You not pardon my transgression
And take away my iniquity?
For now I will lie down in the dust;
And You will seek me, but I will not be."


My study bible paints the Background and Setting of Each Book. Within this information, I found this, "This book begins with a scene in heaven that explains everything to the reader. Job was suffering because God was contesting with Satan. Job never knew that, nor did any of his friends, so they all struggled to explain suffering from the perspective of their ignorance, until finally Job rested in nothing but faith in God's goodness and the hope of His redemption. That God vindicated his trust is the culminating message of the book. When there are no rational or, even, theological explanations for disaster and pain, trust God."

I love this. You see, I think many of us go through this. I find it comforting to know I have not walked this road alone. Let us not forget the true way to treat a friend when they are going through their own trial. Let us not judge. Let us be thankful the burden is not ours and let us love our friends through all that comes their way. Let us pray for one another. Showing true sisterly and brotherly love.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. Satan wants us to believe it is Karma. You get what you deserve. My question is, 'Who decides what we deserve!? and 'What harm has an innocent baby ever caused?'

I know one truth, God loves us. Plain and simple. I don't know what could be more comforting to hear. My God loves me! Me!!! It's not hard for me to fathom He loves those I see as more deserving. It dumbfounds me that He also loves me. It's why the song Redeemed causes me to cry. When he says the line "All my life I have been called unworthy. Named by the voice of shame and regret. But when I hear you whisper 'Child lift up your head' I remember Oh God you're not done with me yet! I am redeemed." I am filled with so much abundant Joy I want to shout from the mountain tops! It really is good news my friends!

Father I come before you today singing your praises. I too felt like Job more than once. Wondering what I might have done to deserve such torment, such overwhelming pain. When I came to the end of my own strength and was weeping to you on my knees and you spoke to me, I have no words to express my gratitude Father. I was dumbstruck. After all my trespasses, you would answer such a foolish girl as myself. Just thinking about your love has me tearing up with streams flowing from my eyes. Thank you for your Grace. Thank you for your overwhelming love. Thank you for finding me worth answering, worth comforting. I am so very grateful. I ask today that you also go to my brothers and sisters who are facing their own battles. Those who are on their knees praying for help. Answer them Father. Speak to them as clearly as you have spoken to me. Speak to me again! Speak to me daily. Life is not the same without your presence. I know you are with me always. It is nothing compared to Hearing your calming voice. I love you Father. May my fellow brothers and sisters find their way home. Won't you call out to them loudly Father. In such a way as they cannot deny. We all need to feel your presence Father. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy,
Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

It's a Boy!

For those just joining me, many of these blogs are chapters of my life. I am mostly telling my story. Occasionally I blog on Bible Verses. . . this blog picks up where "How I Ended Up Pregnant with My 2nd Child" ends. . . I think this reads better as a story . . . If you like this blog, I'd encourage you to start with my first blog "In the beginning" and go from there!

I left planned parenthood in a daze. To say I was thrilled with my news would be a lie. Here I was again on the edge of living my own life only to be shackled with another baby and at least another 5 months from being able to file for divorce. I knew I would have to tell Jeff. Oh I was sick over my situation. I headed back to my mother's for that was where I was currently staying. All my hopes of finally being on my own were smashed. I felt abandoned by God once again.

I gave my mom the news. She was as surprised as me. "You haven't felt the baby move?" she asked. "No. Not yet." I muttered. I was concerned about what taking the pill day after day might have done to this baby. No data. It made sense. After all who takes the pill day after day while being pregnant? A girl who has no idea she is pregnant. That's who! Who knew you could have a period and even have breakthroughs while carrying a baby? I was so numb that first day. I prayed I was simply having a nightmare.

The next day my mom informed me there were two states that actually did offer abortions beyond 12 weeks. It was expensive but it could be done. She wanted me to know she would never judge me if I decided to take a look into it. I couldn't. The next day I felt the baby move. I wept and thanked God. I didn't know if I could handle it if I had harmed this child by taking birth control for over 1/2 of it's development inside of me. I was still worried about things like, 'would the baby have any birth defects . . . or if the pill would somehow effect this child's reproductive organs?' So many unknowns. The one thing I knew for sure was I had to let Jeff know that I was carrying another child.

He came by to pick me up so we could talk privately. He told me he was sure this baby was a boy. He begged me to come back. He apologized for his temper and his abusive behavior and vowed to me he would never treat me badly again. It was all a mistake. He had grown up in a house where the man was meant to be served. I was not good with that role. He thought we could work on it. He begged me to give him a second chance! I just wanted to be happy.You know what I mean? I wanted to enjoy life. Why did there need to be so much aggression in the world. Never made a lot of sense to me. I didn't feel like I really had a choice in the matter. Leaving Jeff and raising one child on my own was going to be tough. Add being pregnant on top of that and I was staring at a hopeless situation. I caved. How bad could it be? He promised to find us a place immediately. He did. A one room efficiency apartment. We lived there until October / November. Not sure which month . . . all I am sure is I moved in on opening weekend for hunting deer with a bow. Yes. Jeff was a hunter. Here I was as big as girl who is around 7 and a half  months pregnant can be and my husband needed to hunt more than he needed to move his family into their new home. My Aunt Janet is the one who helped me move. She was still getting around at the time without a wheel chair. Looking back I am dumbfounded at how much she was able to due at the time. How funny we must have seemed to any who observed us working together. She was awesome. We loaded up her truck from the storage unit and unloaded it into our new 3 bedroom trailer.

Now you may be wondering . . . how could I still not know exactly how pregnant I was by now . . . If that is your question, my answer is this. I never saw a doctor other than the one at planned parenthood.  That is right. I never had any care at all. It's not like I didn't try to get in to see a doctor. I just couldn't get in. I had called the St. Vincent Clinic and tried to get back in there on the sliding scale. Since Jeff was making a little more and costs had gone up slightly, our total cost for all care was going to be $800. We could not make payments since I was going to be around 6 months along before they could get me in. You had to be paid in full by your 7th month. I did not have an extra $400 laying around at the end of each month at this time! We also made a hair too much to qualify for Medicaid . Jeff went to work and asked for a loan like we had done with Cassy. Unfortunately for us, Chris decided we needed to learn a lesson when it came to responsibility. She simply could not allow for me to get another easy ride. If I was not held accountable for my reckless behavior when it came to conceiving children, she was not going to support me by bailing me out financially again and again. Luckily Jerry's girlfriend was going to nursing school at the time and she had a stethoscope. She helped me by finding the baby's heartbeat and taking my blood pressure. It's all the doctors really did when I was pregnant with Cassy. We weren't even sure when my due date was going to be. Talk about a surprise baby in multiple ways.

I was at my brother's birthday party at my dad's house and I was gigantic. I was sure I was beyond 40 weeks. The time was around 7:30 when I felt the first pain hit me. Uncomfortable is as good as a description as any. After the 6th one I told Jeff I thought my labor may have started and I thought we should head to my mom's house. The plan was for her to keep Cassy when I went into labor. My father lived in Westfield and my mom was still in the same house she had lived in since I was in the 3rd grade. In other words we had a 30 to 40 minute drive ahead of us and then we needed to turn around and drive another 30 to 40 minutes to the hospital. Just like with Cassy my labor pains started four to five minutes apart. I wasn't sure as I'd sat at Chris and dad's for the first few labor pains and I didn't have a clock to look at.

We arrived at Riverview Hospital in the ER entrance. Dr Beaver was the doctor on call. I only remember because I found it funny that his name rhymed with Weaver. I was rushed into a delivery room as I was already in transition. William however did not come as easily as Cassandra. She weighed in at only 7lbs 10 oz. In comparison, she was a breeze! Since we had no insurance and I was terrified at how large our bill might be I refused to take any pain medication. I knew we simply could not afford it.  I had pushed several times with William and he had not come out yet. I felt like someone was ripping my spine out of my body.  My mom was hoping this baby would arrive before midnight so that he'd be born on my brother's birthday. That did not happen. I guess he wanted his own day because he waited until after midnight to make his appearance. I was beginning to think I'd never push him out when Jeff leaned down to me and said, "Wendy, he's going to use those salad spoons if you don't push this baby out this time!" When the next contraction hit I pushed with everything I had and whoosh out came the baby. . . no stopping between head and shoulders. I don't know why the thought of salad spoons terrified me to such a degree but it did. Gross enough, I'd pushed so hard let's just say walls needed some attention!

"It's a boy! I told you! It's a boy!"Jeff exclaimed. He even kissed me. I'm not sure I ever heard Jeff so elated. I was just thrilled to have this child out of me and this all behind me. He looked perfect. He was a healthy 9lbs 6oz. baby boy. He had the straightest long nose I'd ever seen on a baby but nothing looked out of place. With a sigh of relief I thanked God that me taking birth control had not affected him in any obvious way.

I had already decided that I was going to bottle feed this child. I knew that I wanted to go back to work ASAP. I reasoned that there was no point in starting something I wasn't going to have time to keep up with. In the back of my head I couldn't get the feeling out of my head. I still had not faced my issues from being attacked. This was an easy way for me to brush all of that aside. No need to face what I'd safely re-tucked away. . . not now.

Well . . . I'm honestly not looking forward to these next chapters ahead. Knowing what I am getting close to makes me cringe. I know that God is using me to show you His Mercy and Grace. I hope that is what you take form all I am sharing. Let my trials and tribulations not go in vain.

It is my prayer that you see how kind and loving of a Father we all have. It is my prayer that you recognize the beauty behind my story. There is a silver lining in everything. Until my next chapter . . .

Wendy, Mom of Many