Saturday, December 15, 2012

Better to Birth Boys than Girls . . . such a sad belief

You might believe that this is something that is believed only over in China but you are wrong. All my life it has been drilled into my head how much better boys are than girls. I can't count the times I heard the phrase, "It's a mans world". I had some influential women in my life. Here were their viewpoints:

My mom: girls have no worth. All they worry about is silly stuff. She made so much fun of me when I wanted to be a brownie that after a few weeks of it I gave it up and asked to play softball.

My Stepmother: A woman can do anything a man can do only she will do it better. It's a mans world.

My Grandma Rosie: I am woman, hear me roar! ( love that one )

My Aunt Janet: People are people and they are only here for so long. Love them while you can and forgive any injustices you feel they have done against you. (I miss her and her attitudes)

I was in the 6th grade when the most hurtful thing ever was yelled at me by my mother. Granted she apologized to me as she drove me to school that day. It didn't take away the sting. I knew in my heart she had simply said how she truly felt.

My brother and I were at the table and she was making us toast and oatmeal . . . I don't remember what was going on with Tommy and I . . . we were probably bickering with each other. My mom was buttering the toast when all of a sudden she turned around and launched a piece of toast at my head.

"I wish you'd of never been born. You ruined my life. If I'd only had Tommy, your father and I would still be together." I cannot begin to tell you how bad that hurt. I knew all along she loved Tommy more.  You would have had to be blind to miss that. I just didn't realize she resented me ever being born. Honestly I think we were all stunned by her words. I cannot remember what happened immediately after. I think I went to my room. I have never really liked for others to see me cry. So much so that to this day when I cry I don't make a sound. You would have to look at me to realize there were tears streaming down my face. I don't know why I am this way . . . it's just an honest truth about me. Perhaps I'll figure that one out as I go along.

Anyway, I lay here awake this morning with my heart breaking for my brother. I believe God can heal him. I know God sees him and his inner struggles or he would not have told me to help him. Since I was 16 I have not been able to truly be there for my brother. I have carried much guilt over the years for leaving him behind. I'd taken care of him and been responsible for him since as far back as I can remember. Many times I have felt I played a big part in his downfall.

My heart goes out to him. My heart goes out to anyone who has found it necessary to be put on any type of anti-depressants. I know in my heart God is the cure for mental disease. Sadly we have cut God out of every element of our lives and then we wonder why we have so much violence and issues in the world today. That is not to say that there have never been killings and violence and wars . . . it's just I have to wonder, "Have there been so many children killing children before in our history?"

I know what will happen through this tragedy A whole classroom of innocent lives ended. Our government is going to be able to push through the first phase of gun control due to this last crisis. Those of you who have ever been documented for depression will be on a ban list. Anyone who has ever been documented to have issues with anger will be on a ban list. That part of gun control will be easily shoved through this time. Sadly the evil will always have access to guns. Government mandates will never be able to stop that. We will approve this move without realizing what the end result is going to be. Just like with our health care. Many champion the plan for now. They cannot see the wrong in it. Already friends are losing their jobs due to federal mandates in the field of health care. On one hand I sigh with sadness and on the other I look forward to the farther future when God is finally ready to reveal his Kingdom and show us all what paradise and peace are actually like! I know this is all kind of rambling from one subject to the other and even more so crazy as I am at a hotel with my children. I have written this off and on since 7 this morning. I have simply followed the thoughts on my heart. I wish you all a blessed day. I ask that any believers say prayers for those in pain. Pray for them to let go of their anger. Pray they come to know God. He is the healer of pain.

Remember, We are the Light of the World . . . those of us that are confident in our belief ... our purpose is to bring that to others. We were born to share the Glory of God with as many people as we can.

May your day be blessed. Today I urge you to perform a random act of kindness and keep it to yourself. It is more impressive to God when we don't brag on how awesome and generous we are to others. His opinion is the only one that counts in the end.

Wendy, Mom of Many


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