May You Learn to Live Before You Die!

My grandma gave me a book for my birthday somewhere around age 27 give or take a year or two. On the inside of the book, she had written a message to me. “May you learn to live before you die, Love, Grandma Rosie.”

I cannot remember for the life of me what the book was, but I never forgot her words.

This morning I awoke and wondered what God had in store for me. Since my computer is down, I found my so called smart phone and opened my email account and searched for K-loves encouraging word of the day. When I opened it up, I read this;

Your laws are always right; help me to understand them so I may live. ~ Psalm 119:144, NLT

When I read that, so many things flashed into me all at once. This is how I am led to write what I write. These flashes of insight are why even when I begin to doubt that this is my path, I remember the conversations God and I had about me writing one day and I know to my very core, this is what I am meant to do. I am a ghost writer for the greatest writer of all. He communicates things and ideas to me via the flashes and talking thoughts. It is my honor to share all he shares with me. I am blessed in doing so. I am humbled to be given such a task.

My wit, my patience, my kindness, my heart, everything that is good about me is due to Him in me. I absolutely love who I am in Him. When I walk on my own, things don’t often turn out quite so well. This is most obvious when you read my life story.

So back to the inscription my grandmother had written me. When I read it I was like; what? Live before I die? I’m living now. What does she mean?

I did not ask her outright that day. Instead, I pondered it over the years though. As I look back over my life and many of the things my grandmother has said to me I am sure that she was moved by the spirit to say them. I believe this to be the case because they have been one liners and they have been deep. Short, sweet and full of meaning. Often the spirit talks to me directly in such a fashion.

When I read that encouraging word, one of the things that flashed to me is that sin is death. When we chose to live outside of Gods laws, we often find ourselves deep in some kind of trouble that was brought on by our own doing. This kind of living is not living at all, it is simply surviving. Sure we are alive. We are breathing, moving, working or whatever but in all honesty we are not living at all.

We allow our actions to hold us in bondage. You see, it does not always feel good to walk outside of Gods laws. If you got real truthful with yourself, much of what you are doing when you are living outside of the law, does not make you proud. Meaning it is something you don’t want the entire world to know about. This is something the evil one relishes. As soon as you yourself are not proud of what you are doing, as soon as you begin to avoid certain people or places for fear others may see you ‘in the moment’, the devil has all he needs to begin shaming you into silence.

So, when King David says help me understand your laws so I may live, this is what he was talking about.

When you are on top of the world, doing what is right in all ways, you can stand proudly and you do. It is like the sun is beaming on you and life is good. It is abundantly good. Most of us have had one of those moments in our lifetime when everything was perfect and worry was not even a passing thought. We had nothing to worry about. We were on the right path.

On this earth it is so very easy to slide off of the right path, the narrow path, because so many temptations are lurking around every corner. Shame is a guilt that will chain you quickly. It truly is enough to keep one from their purpose in life.

If you are afraid of others discovering something from your past or present, you will not be near as bold about things. This is why it is best to come clean of everything. Leave the devil with nothing to shame you with. If you step forward and say; I did that and I did this and it did not feel good but it is part of my history, it is what it is. By doing this, those things lose their power over you. You will break the chains of slavery.

When you sin, you may not fully grasp in that moment that you have supplied the evil one with the tools he needs to enslave you into bondage. He will haunt you later in life with your shames. Don’t allow him that privilege. Don’t hand over that power. There is NO REASON to! Your heavenly father loves you so much; he provided you a way to freedom. He provided you with the law of liberty. Step out of the shadows and allow yourself to bask in the sun. Come follow the son of God and live an abundant life.

The birthday wish my grandma gave me approximately 17 years ago is the same prayer I say for all my brethren today. “May you learn to live before you die.”

My computer is in the hands of a friend. I do not yet know if it can be saved but I do now have in my email both of the chapters from book III that I feared may be lost. I still have 4 chapters to polish off to finish my book and I am certainly behind schedule at this point but I am not going to stress over any of it. This is Gods book. He put it on my heart to share with the world. It will hit the shelves right when it is supposed to.

Should I need a new computer, then a new one I will find this weekend! I hear there is a mighty storm headed our way. I wondered when I heard it was on its way for sure if it was perhaps going to be enough to allow me to stay home toasty warm and finish this third volume God put on my heart to write. We will see won’t we?

Father, today I come before you with such gratitude. As I read all of King David’s 119^th Psalm I found myself crying. I am so thankful that he too was willing to share all you put on his heart to share. His words and songs to you have lifted me so many times lately. I find him and his love for you very inspiring. To know that I am not alone in any way. To know that you love us regardless of anything we may do. It is such a gift to understand the depth of your love. I thank you for never giving up on me and for sending others my way to minister to me over the years. May I be a hand or foot for you as well. May my words lift and encourage and shine light into the darkest corners of the world. I have so much to be thankful for my Lord. Please fill my heart with your love so that I may reveal your glory to all I manage to touch in my lifetime. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, walks with God,

Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden

What is Your Purpose?

Wild Wacky Wonderful Wednesday What Whimsical Wonders Will you remind me of today? I could hardly believe it when I looked out my window and saw snow on the ground and the car! Seeing how it's not even November yet I would certainly count that as both wacky and wild however wonderful and snow don't go together in my book anymore. My children on the other hand were super excited about it all. Just goes to show you it is indeed the way you view things that affects your attitude toward outside circumstances!

Yesterday I went in for my monthly adjustment at Dr. Woods in Westfield. He is the chiropractor that God put in my path. I know this for sure for when I found him in all reality it was his office that had found me. It was around May of this year and while my back has been in major pain since my fall it was at this time that my feet were beginning to swell and swell bigger than they ever had. I knew it was pressure on my spine and I knew things were getting bad by the size of my feet but we were so busy at the office there was simply no way I was going to have any time to look for a chiropractor I could afford. I went to bed both crying and praying for my pain ridden body. That week we received a call from Dr. Woods office offering a free assessment and adjustment in exchange for a can of food. Amazingly enough Dr. Woods is right in Westfield by the Kroger on SR 32 & Carey Road. A mere ten minute drive from my office! I set up an appointment with him that evening after work right before bible study and silently prayed that he would have the hands to help me. Up to that point I had been to several doctors and even massage therapy and at one point I saw a chiropractor for six months but never got better so I stopped going. So the two girls I drive to bible study with met me at Dr. Woods office as we were pushing time with my appointment. When Jean, one of the girls arrived she began telling me she wished I could see her Chiropractor for he was amazing. Right then Doctor Woods walked down the hallway. As it turns out, he was Jeans chiropractor. She was right, he has a gift. Without any equipment, he showed me what was going on with my spine and in an instant I knew I had found my doctor. You could see that the way I had fallen in November 3 years ago was exactly what had caused all this twisting and hip displacement. He put together a plan for getting me back in place and gave me my first adjustment. I was a mess. Jean said she could not believe how much I moved as he adjusted me on the table. Now a few months later with his help I was able to begin lifting my feet up off the floor and slowly my pain level decreased and my agility improved. I knew the only way it was going to get even better was for me to begin some type of physical therapy. I needed to drop some weight, lengthen my muscles again and get my body back. I am amazed as I look in the review mirror and fully see the pieces that God put into place for me. The people that he added to my life and I love how He works. Sure He could have healed me in a moment but this way has been a much more fulfilling process. I have met countless believers in Christ along my walk and my life has been enriched in so many ways.

Those of you who read my posts last week already know I had lost some serious inches and you also know that I do not step on a scale every day or even every week. I believe the scale can kill your momentum. But I do check my weight at the doctors office. So the last time I had stepped on the scale was in August and I tipped the scale at 241 pounds. Yes. It is true. Last night when I stepped on the scale I was hoping for a maximum of 220. I about fell over when the scale balanced itself at 211 pounds. I almost cried. I have not been this light which is still 50 pounds above my goal weight in six years! SIX YEARS!!! I know now that I can make it to my goal weight. I have the formula for success and I have a great team supporting me. I don't even care that the world knows how fat I was, it's not like you couldn't see I was extremely overweight by looking at my picture. If anyone seriously wants to know how I have shrunk or any element of my wellness journey, I would be thrilled to tell you what ever it is you want to know. Write me an email. Friend me on Facebook or like my Facebook fan page and send me a message. Here is the link to my fan page if you are on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/YouAreWorthyToo I'm almost to 500 likes in my first year! Just know I am here if you need a friend or a partner to support and encourage you along the way. And that counts for not just health and weight loss, but mindset and faith and hope as well. Just saying. My purpose is to give others hope.

I too need hope and encouragement. We all do. I turn to God now for my daily inspiration. I get my first dose via Moody Radio and then a follow up with an encouraging word from K-Love in my email. I keep my study bible on me at all times and look up things often. Here is today's encouraging word form K-Love:

Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. ~ John 15:5, NLT

I love that. I mean it really does not get any more simple than that. Apart from Jesus we are not going to produce fruit. I don't care what else you manage to get done in this life, if you are not producing fruit you simply are not living an abundant life. There is a big difference in being successful in this world and producing fruit in this world. Not that the two can't go hand in hand, but sadly we often see successful people and they are producing no fruit. To me they are not truly successful for I know in my heart when they close the door and are alone, they are empty and void and most likely know they are missing something. Sadly because we have shoved God and Jesus to the back of the room and honestly right out of the entire picture, people aren't even aware that this is what they are missing. Their disconnect from their creator is the cause of their depression, worry, anxiety, fears and everything else that is not good. They are in need of prayers for sure. 

Father I come to you with joy in my heart. You are such an amazing creator. I love your ways. I love all you have done for me. I love how even when I have strayed you have remained faithful. I shake my head with absolute wonder as I look in the review mirror and see how you have always been there. I love how you are stretching and growing me in ways I didn't even know I needed. You are so wise in the way you work. I love everything about my life today. I love the relationship I have with you. Amazing how that changes everything. Just knowing that I am yours. I am forever thankful. Today I ask that you help those who are blind or lost or fumbling in the dark in search for what may cure their problems, their aching hearts, their fears. Lift them Father. Help them feel your presence. I pray they open their hearts and eyes and minds to you, your wisdom and your love Father. May more of us begin to wake up and get to work! In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Wendy, walks with God,

Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden

It's Got to Start With Me!

So again this morning, I was stirred awake by a song. As I came to understand the words themselves, I sat up on full alert. This is indeed what I have wanted all my life. I am a vital part of the body of Christ so it only makes sense that I would need to act as such and stop waiting on someone else to take the first step. I wondered what more am I to do?

Here are the lyrics that I heard: "I really wanna change the world / I really wanna sing your song / But I know revival's got to start with me" as I have gotten in the habit of doing, I have located the full song with the lyrics included. I have sung this song when it has been played on the radio, but to get a feel of what I am to share today, I am going to treat myself to watching the video in it's entirety! I hope you take the time to do the same!

  

So, I guess those of us that really want to change the world, including myself, need to always remember that we start on our knees to do this! It is very comforting to also realize that if I try to do something in my own strength, I am doing nothing. Instead of crashing through doors, I need to wait for God to open them. Outside of God, I am just a girl. Nothing more, nothing less. With God at my side, directing my footsteps, while leaning on His strength, I am every bit as mighty as Daniel and David! Now that is good news!

This morning after I chatted with God, I picked up my phone to check the time and saw I had a text message that came through at 1:57 AM. It was from Mike. In a gist it was a pretty big apology text. This is the first one of it's kind. I wondered. Is God working on his heart? When I came into work, I turned on Moody radio and caught an interview from a couple right here in Indianapolis. They had divorced and remained so for 10 years, when by the Grace of God, they were brought back together. I missed some of their interview but I felt my heart moved. I must be honest in saying, I would love nothing more than for Mike to grow spiritually and put Christ front and center, for that is the only way he would ever know how he is to treat me. Even with others saying that they know he is not the one for me, I have pondered the thought, could he ever grow into the one? With that being said, this is the prayer I say at night where Mike is concerned:

I forgive you for all you've done to me. 

I pray for you even though I set you free.

May you grow into the husband I know you can be.

May I remain the one you long to see.

My heart it breaks, it kills me to let you go.

For you may not return to me this I know.

But if you stay you'll never grow

And I can't continue this way you know.

May your heart break, may you come to find

You'd love to follow this God of mine.

The Most High God, Creator of ALL

I pray to your knees you finally fall

And when you lift your face to Him

May you find your true love for me again.

In Jesus name I pray.

So, I would be a liar if I claimed his words did not touch my heart. They did. So, I sent him this text as a reply:

This morning I recalled your embrace.

I pictured your handsome face.

I wondered if I showed you enough grace.

Yet the Lord is showing me truth.

You're caught up in the thoughts of youth.

You're all about you and nothing about me.

And this is why I had to set you free.

I pray one day you will return

but the Lord said with me you'll never learn.

So each night a prayer for you I say

May you be convicted more each passing day.

If and when you have the Lord front and center

Into marriage we can enter.

I pray you are able and willing

For to be in your arms again would be so thrilling.

Until you write me a letter by pen

I shall not text you again.

His reply, "It's in the mail."

Count me floored. Mike does not write. Well, not from the heart anyway. I received a couple of letters during the times he was in jail and they were so unmoving, I threw them all away!

In the mean time, should it take more than a decade, my focus is going to stay on God and His word. I know not where he is leading me, but I know I will follow. I am blessed beyond measure to have such a close relationship with Him again, especially after all I did to ruin it! I am not going to stray. He has let me know I am loved beyond measure. I do not need to wait around weeping for a man. I have a loving Father to carry me through this life. I know not if Mike will ever return to me. I know many most likely think he and I will never be together again. Others might even believe there is another man out there for me. I, however, feel strongly that I tied myself with Mike when I said my vows to him standing before God. We are unevenly yoked right now but God can move those who seek him. I know in my heart Mike is aware of God. Only time will tell if he is strong enough to get down on his knees and allow God to transform him into a new creation. I do know God will not allow me to be deceived again by Mike. My eyes are too wide open and I will continue to pray to keep them open. I will continue to pray for clearer vision. The Lord is front and center in my life and that is the way things will stay. 

My go to verse this year has been from Psalm 46, specifically verse 10. From my MacArthur study bible it reads:

"Cease striving and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth"

As I have come to do, I find myself needing more and more and more of God's word. It's almost as if I cannot get enough. There is so much wisdom within the pages though, you need to devour them slowly so that you are able to better digest them. I have read this entire Psalm a few times admittedly. The words themselves energize me in ways I cannot begin to explain into words. With that being said, I feel the urge to share this entire Psalm with you. I may have done this once already but when moved by the spirit I must do as urged. Pslam 46, verses 1 - 11 taken out of the my study bible mentioned above:

verse 1: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

verse 2: Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;

verse 3:  Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. 

verse 4: There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy dwelling places of the Most High.

verse 5: God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.

verse 6: The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered; He raised His voice, the earth melted.

verse 7: The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

verse 8: Come, behold the works of the Lord, Who has wrought desolations in the earth.

verse 9: He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariots with fire.

verse 10: "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

verse 11: The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

I tell you, this Psalm makes me want to get up and dance with pure elated joy. What a revelation! Today I am so joyous, I can't even put it into words. I can only imagine what I would be feeling right now were I leaning on my own strength. I would be an absolute mess! Satan would have won the battle where I am concerned. Thank God, literally, for coming here so that we may live our lives abundantly. If you are miserable, if you are dealing with depression or even some other mental / emotional issue, if you are in a desperate place, I STRONGLY advise you to begin knocking on that door! He is FAITHFUL!! Should you seek with all your heart, you will find. If you only knock in an attempt to gain something, your knock is not from the purity of your heart but rather from a stance that derives from the desires of this world and God knows your heart, he cannot be deceived. However, when you arrive on your knees, truly longing for peace joy and love, that door will swing open and you will be welcomed home. I am praying for you.

Father, today I pray for all who are in a desperate place. May they find themselves on their knees. For only when we get on our knees do we find you. What a treasure you are Lord. You are everything. How long we search aimlessly filling our empty lives with false treasures. They bring no lasting pleasure. They are empty, dark, void. They are traps set by the evil one. May eyes begin to open and see these illusions for exactly what they are. May my fellow brothers and sisters who are still asleep begin to awaken. May we be shaken to our very core. May the body of Christ come alive and begin to work smoothly together. Let it start with me Father. I am you loving daughter, your humble servant. I am so excited to begin my journey going where you lead, allowing your spirit to work through me. Help me stay out of the way Father, in Jesus name I pray! Amen.

Wendy, walks with God,

Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

God is Always Good!

Good morning my friends! Today is marvelously magnificent miraculous Monday. What do you consider to be a miracle? For me just this day and the way I can laugh is a miracle. For you see, a small part of me would prefer to be curled up in a corner crying my eyes out. However, I know that that is what the evil one wants for me. His only purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. His desire is to keep me in bondage in the dark buried in misery. Pardon the pun, but I say "Hell no!" to that!! My God came so I could LIVE life and live that life abundantly! He sent his only son to share with us the message of His NEVER ENDING LOVE and GRACE. His only begotten son, doing no wrong, died on the cross and proclaimed, "It is finished." Who am I to say otherwise. I say to you who are down for whatever reason, recognize misery and worry for what they are: Satan's sad attempt to steal your joy, kill your dreams and destroy your purpose.

God is always good. He gave us free will. Satan uses that knowledge against us. He whispers things to us and tricks us into focusing on things of this world. It is miraculous what happens in your life when you change that focus onto God and His kingdom. All of a sudden what is meant to destroy us, loses it's power. Let me see if I can show some examples here from my own life. God knows I've been through one hell of a thirty day storm. Let me recap it all for those of you who have not been following my blog:

July 31, 2013:  My children and mother were having what seemed at the time a battle of wills. She had made a bad decision and in the process my children were removed from her custody by a sheriff and whisked off to the hospital to be examined thoroughly. LONG STORY!

August 2, 2013:  Mike headed off to Florida as his grandfather was on his death bed and Mike, while not close to his grandfather, felt his mother needed him. He had stated, "I've never heard her cry so hard."

August 4, 2013:  By 5:00 pm, Mike had not been heard from anyone. He was driving to Florida on his motorcycle. The last time I had heard from him, he informed me his tire was showing the metal mesh and he was looking for a tire shop. While he was missing in action, I received a call from the sheriff's office. My heart lurched and my mind immediately thought the call was about Mike. However, it was in regards to my 14 year old. ANOTHER long story!

August 5, 2013: While at court with my 14 year old and her father, my phone rang and I was informed that another report had been filed with the department of children. In the process of trying to put all the pieces of this crazy puzzle together, I discovered a great betrayal committed against me by both my mother and my oldest child. Yelp, you know it, yet another long story!!

August 6, 2013: Mike's grandfather was buried. I removed my children from my mother's care permanently. Mike decided he should be back at home and had me wire him money to get back earlier than he had originally planned on.

August 8, 2013: I took the two children in question regarding the 2nd report filed with the department of children for their criminal forensic interview. We were there for three very long hours. I was informed my mother was going to be arrested when all was said and done. I was also informed that the case worker needed to come visit my home and have a safety meeting there with the children, Mike and I. It was scheduled for August 12th, 2013. I left that meeting there leaning on the strength of God.

August 9, 2013: Mike made it back home VERY early in the morning. However, it was quite obvious he would have rather been back in Florida. I enrolled Michael, Marissa, Marie and Delilah into school. My mother was officially arrested and in the process signed a statement saying I knew everything that she had been doing concerning the punishment of my children. I learned about this via a voice mail left on my phone letting me know the investigation was still ongoing and now I was also being focused on for neglect of my dependents.


August 11, 2013: After getting the house in order for the safety inspection, we headed off to Ohio to participate in Faith Day with the Cincinnati Reds and Mercy Me. We had an extra ticket due to Tia still being incarcerated so I brought along a sister in Christ, who witnessed first hand the old Mike. It crushed my heart to witness it myself. I recognized the complete change of heart in him even before she commented on it herself. Not many have seen this Mike in action and those that have always look at me in amazement. Like I said, I have wanted to be loved for so long, I show a ton of grace just to prove what I read about me wrong. (Much of this is in the blog post 'Better off With God')

August 12, 2013: My caseworker called and rescheduled the appointment to August 19, 2013 due to her own illness.

August 14, 2013: The Fantastic Four headed off for their first day of school and I returned to work with my 3 year old at my side. He works with me every day now.

August 18, 2013: I shared at church what I was going through and requested prayers for myself and my family.

August 19, 2013: The caseworker came to my house to interview my children. She was there for an hour and a half. I learned even more about things that had happened under my mothers care. In the end the caseworker said she was not going to substantiate charges against me for neglect but due to the severity of my case, she would have to have that decision confirmed by her superior and the district superior. Five minutes after our meeting ended, it was verified that Tia was being released from custody.

August 23, 2013: The school children rode the bus to school for the first time this year. Because of our late enrollment a bus stop had not been created for them. I praised God for the timing. Mike had scheduled the family car  to be dropped off for a new front control arm and wheel bearing on the driver side. It was supposed to be finished before the end of the day. This did not happen. Imagine a weekend with more children than will fit in one car. Let's just say Sunday morning we drove the house and the jeep to church

August 26, 2013: I injured myself playing with Jeffrey Thomas. I had picked him up and he managed somehow to shove off of me pulling my shoulder out of place.

August 27, 2013: I awoke to not only arm pain, but neck pain. I scheduled an emergency chiropractor appointment and went in to get my shoulder put back in place and realized just what a mess I was. My neck had muscle spasms galore. He managed to make a little headway. I was still in pain.

August 28, 2013: It was becoming undeniable Mike's heart was in Florida. I awoke to pain. It felt like my neck bone was bruised and my arm was on fire like my muscles had been torn.

August 29, 2013: I had come home to find Mike in a mood after bible study and I had had it. In a fit of righteous anger, I got on my knees and prayed, "Dear Lord, either Convict Mike or Remove him from my life. In Jesus name I pray. Amen."

August 30, 2013: I found my Great Banquet Cross Necklace in the process of helping Mike find a sweater. I also had an add for an apartment complex flip on my desk and decided to take it as a sign. I called and reserved myself a 3 bedroom apartment. They thought one would open up in either December or January.  Department of children called to say they were filing their official report and only needed to hear from Mike before they signed off. He of course had left his phone at home but when he got in he called. No one was answering the phones so he left a voice mail saying in a gist, I was told to call, this is my call. As far as I know they never called him again. By nightfall I was in a lot of pain. Typing had not helped my back / shoulder / neck muscles. Mike told me I needed to tighten up.

August 31, 2013: I took the children to play McDonalds and then to the water park. Mike took his defensive driving course. I was waiting for him to finish thinking he'd call me and we'd go have an early dinner together and then I would do laundry. Instead, he sent me a text and took himself out to Broadripple to eat lunch by himself. I was miffed to say the least. The children and I went out to eat alone. Mike called while we were out and informed me he was finally on his way home. The plan was for me to drop off the children and go do laundry by myself. I ended up doing laundry with all the children. I was in immense pain by the time I got home. Mike had promised me a massage when I sent him a text letting him know I was on my way, but ended up yelling at me over some essential oils and the fact that I was not interested in experimenting with them until I took my class with the friend that had introduced the company to me. After that I shared with Mike exactly where I stood.

September 1, 2013: Mike was in one of his moods and decided he was not going to go to church with us. We went without him and then went to the annual cookout with a very good friend of mine. Mike checked on us once around 6pm. I'm sure his only reason for calling was just to get a feel for when I might be home. Amazingly enough my neck began to feel better as the day progressed. The day before it hurt just to hold my head up!

September 2, 2013: The big blow up happened. I left Mike. I was homeless and without transportation due to a broken down car that was running fine just prior to the blow up. This is again another long story and all in my blog.

September 3, 2013: I had my car towed into the mechanic and received the news of what was wrong. (Long story and yes, in the blog.)

September 4, 2013: Mike decided he was going to leave the house with me and move to Florida on Friday. My car was fixed at an amazing low low price. (I also blogged on these blessings)

September 6, 2013: Mike said goodbye when he collected his last paycheck and packed up his Jeep, hooked up his trailer and loaded up his jet ski. He went out to where the rest of our stuff was to finish loading the rest of his belongings, including his motorcycle.

September 7, 2013: Mike went to the Chicago Cubs game with his mother.

September 8, 2013: Somehow Mike had discovered we were at the hotel and he along with his mother showed up after midnight at the hotel I was staying at for the night and surprised everyone at breakfast. He gave me $150 to cover child support for the week. He promised to send me a letter with money every week. He informed me he'd be back in January to ask me to marry him and we parted ways. Me, off to church and him off to Florida. After church I took the children to the store and we bought a wading pool with a slide, a slippy slide that ended in another wading pool, a little air compressor and a 75' foot no kink hose like the one that had burned in the fire pit four years prior. Who'd think a simple hose could cause so many emotions! I think greater understanding regarding why a hose could cause one to cry can be found in the blog "Saved by an Army of Angels". After we set up the pools, I went inside the house and rearranged the furniture and closets.

September 9, 2013: My first day at work knowing I will not be seeing Mike walk through my door anytime soon. I am filled with peace and great sadness all at the same time.

I am here to tell you, this last month would have left someone without belief in shambles. Destroyed. It is my shield of faith, my helmet of salvation, and very much so, prayer that kept me standing. If you don't recognize these articles of clothing, I highly recommend you check out the book of Ephesians!

So, I was looking at my phone the other day, and I was going to delete all my texts back and forth with Mike. I cracked up when I read the oldest text I had sent him. This one from August 4th. I had sent it to him in hopes that he would give me a call. If you have read my blog post 'Suckerpunched' you know about much of this, but I neglected to share the text I had sent him in hopes of getting him to call me before the one I sent asking if he was going to call soon as I was getting ready for bed. I sent it with this picture of the children. I laughed so hard because it happened to be in a somewhat of a poetic form. Cracks me up to see myself in the rear view mirror. Turns out, with Jesus as my guide, I'm turning out to be pretty funny! Here is the picture and text I sent him:

School starts weds.

They got new doos

and new shoes 

and an outfit our two.

Would have gotten a little more

but the police called me while I was in the store. . . 

You could say it's been a fun day

all but you missing and Tia hauled away. 

Seems she ran away from her dad. 

He called the cops on her ... yelp pretty bad.

My point here is simply this. Life happens. Some of it is awesome but a lot of it is filled with the chaos of this world. God does not long for you to focus on all of that junk. He wants you to focus on Him. Read His word. It is full of advice and warnings. Arm yourself. You are in a spiritual battle. Good and evil exist. Within yourself, if you are a believer, you will hear the voice of righteousness guiding you and convicting you when you drift from the narrow road. If you are not a believer, I pray you are simply lost or misinformed, my prayer for you is that you find your way home. To all believers who are being fed the lie that you are no longer worthy of grace or mercy, those of you who believe you have gone to far to ever come back home, read my story. I highly doubt you could be any worse of a sinner than I was. Sin is sin. Today I am a holy redeemed saint. I am a light of hope for others. I am doing my Father's will. He called me to share my life, my story with all who care to read it. I am inspired by much of what I have written and I lived it all! Please, if you are down and depressed or filled with worry, I encourage you to go back to my first post and read my story. I add to it monthly. I think perhaps with less chaos in my life, I will begin to add to it more and more often. There is still so much left to share. May God bless you.

Father, today I come to you with such joy. How clever you are. How blessed I am. Never in a million years could I have put together all you have sown in my life. Thank you for loving me so. In the midst of this brutal storm I felt you by my side. Thank you so much for the artists that sing your praises for the lyrics helped to encourage me through my tears. Songs like, "Whom Shall I Fear" and "Overcomer" just to name two of them! Thank you also for allowing me to see an angel as a child. Thank you for her message. I have clung to that truth more times than you know. Ha as if you don't know! Silly me. I love you Father. Please use me however you like. I am forever your loving daughter, your humble servant. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Here is the song I was led to share with this post. Pretty awesome. I am a lyric girl so of course they are included with this video! Enjoy!

Wendy, walks with God, mom of many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

How I Fell in Love with Mike

Who knew when I called into the physic line I would really have part my future foretold exactly how it would come to pass. I never really believed in that stuff, but I had three free minutes and life was in an absolute upheaval. I was currently married to a man I'd been with for the previous 4 years. Because of his side business, our lives were turned upside down in a matter of a morning.

I knew in my heart that he had been cheating on me for the last year or so. I simply had no proof. I have never been one to jump to conclusions. I was more of a "give them all the rope they need to hang themselves" kind of girl. So, in a desperate moment, with my 3 minute free physic reading card in hand, I dialed the number listed. The girl on the other end asked me a couple of basic questions. When was I born was one of them for sure. I honestly don't remember what else she asked me. I can vividly remember watching the clock. Next, she informed me she was going to use tarot cards. I think she had me tell her when to stop shuffling. After a moment she said, "I see that you are married. Shortly after Christmas that marriage will be completely over. Before the next month ends, you will fall in love and you will be pregnant with twin girls. You will travel a lot in the first two years and things will be extremely rough on you. If you make it beyond these two years remaining together you will be together". I slammed the phone down. My three minutes were up.

 "TWINS!" I exclaimed out loud. Ha! I was not going to EVER get pregnant again. No way. My oldest two were teenagers now. I was a hop, skip and a jump away from finally being able to live my life for myself. The year was 1997. Rodney, my second husband, was currently on trial. His final court date was scheduled in March. He was looking at a lot of time but I had no grace where that was concerned. Had he listened to me, he would not have been in the situation he was in. I did take the time to locate the best lawyer for his case. I also took care of paying the lawyer. I battled his family regarding how they shunned him. I informed his mother that when you love someone you stand by their side through the mess not just the glory. I wanted to believe he had not betrayed me. Even more so when his lawyer said, "Tell me you kissed this girl. It only had to happen once and I can have this case thrown out.", and Rodney swore there was nothing ever between them. His lawyer did a great job and even though he could have been sentenced with a lot more, Rodney was placed on work release for 90 days and sentenced with probation for 1 year I believe. The probation may have been longer. I honestly do not know.

He was about 3 weeks into serving his 90 days when I informed him that I wanted a divorce. I had found and read the discovery report and I was positive he had indeed been cheating on me. He insisted we go to marriage counseling. He swore he had never cheated on me and we just needed to work out my feelings and emotions in a healthy way. I told him, albeit sarcastically, that since the issue seemed to be mine, I would begin therapy on my own and when he got out we could continue together. After a few sessions my therapist said, "You know Wendy, you have a really good intuition. My advice to you would be to listen to it quicker." I looked at her and she continued, "My philosophy is, "If it sounds like bull it usually is."

I took that line and went in to see Rodney at Goodwill in Noblesville where he was the store manager. I informed him that I knew he had slept with the girl he had denied sleeping with because his story sounded like bull. I said I don't want to hear anything else from you unless it's the truth. I am filing for a divorce tomorrow unless you confess everything. I turned leaving him in his office and headed back to mine. Rodney showed up at my office unexpectedly within an hour of me leaving him. He pulled me into another room, closed the door and confessed everything. I listened as I silently screamed in my head. I showed him not one ounce of Grace.This was the second time he had cheated on me. This cheating on me was made worse by the fact he had gone out of his way to beg me to be friends with this girl. That goes way beyond a little white lie. In my heart I knew it all along.  My mind did not want to believe it. The best thing about Rodney and I WAS our friendship. I had no idea how I would ever recover so, I refinanced the house, paid him the $5000.00 he demanded to set me free as well as gave him every asset we had collected together, minus the house, for my freedom.

While going through counseling, I was asked why I gave up basketball. I found it an odd question but Sue had a way of getting you to slide back in time. It was the first time I had slid back to that fateful day. The ball echoed in my head so loudly. I explained to her what had happened moment by moment as if in a trance. When I finished, she asked me why at 14 did I tell the man "Look there's my daddy"? I shook my head and said, "No", I said, "Look, there's my father.". She reiterated, "No", you said, "Daddy."  she then stated, "I think you were in a similar situation at a very young age and you reacted the same way you did the first time. Can you recall anything happening to you before say age 4?" I shook my head no, but was admittedly shaken by her analysis.

Seeing how I had no recollection of ever calling my father daddy, I went straight to him. I told him what Sue thought. He said he knew of nothing himself but thought I should live in the now and not ponder on things that may or may not have ever happened. You know how your mind works though. Mine did not stop attempting to recall.  Needless to say, this led to a flashback. An actual flashback. I was in the room. It was a single flash but it was enough. I was driving around 465 when it happened and I came to with the pedal to the medal aiming at an overpass. I managed, by the grace of God, to get the car under control. I was freaked out beyond words. I drove straight to Sue's and told her what happened. She said I needed to go see my family doctor to get a prescription. She was afraid with my type of recall I might accidentally hurt myself and she needed help with controlling my issues while we worked on my past. She mentioned that she would contact my family doctor herself to fill her in on what was going on with me.

My family doctor immediately placed me on Prozac. This little magic pill created a very nice warm fuzzy feeling at first. Kind of like a "life is good I have no cares" kind of high. I liked it. Sue, however, did not. She was visibly upset when she found out I was taking Prozac. That was not what she had wanted me on. I didn't know why it mattered. I was beginning to see Sue as a possible threat to my puffy cloud.

I had been on a bowling team that year with Kelli, my assistant office manager at the time, and her Aunt. They had a summer two person league opening up and Kelli's Aunt wanted to join it. Another couple that Rodney and I hung out with were bowling in it and I thought it would be fun. I agreed to be her partner. Rodney was still in jail at this time. Cassy and Billy had a couple more weeks of school left before they headed off to their father's for the summer. I thought this would be a perfect way to fill my time. Kelli's Aunt ended up getting ill and could not participate. Terry, the bowling alley's manager, had promised to team me up with someone. That is how and when I met Mark. I was without a care in the world. He seemed nice enough. He fed quarters to Cassy. Honestly, I thought he was a little on the feminine side. When that is your instant opinion, it causes you to put down your guard. I thought he was likeable enough. Over the course of the next few weeks Mark and I got to know each other a little better. He sold me a barrel of lies and I, feeling sorry for him, confessed my story.

Without knowing more than where I worked, Mark showed up at my office the weekend after we had participated in moonlight bowling with my friends that Rodney and I used to hang out with. It surprised me that he took the time to find my office. That was the beginning of our relationship. With my guard down and floating on a cloud, I began to feel sorry for Mark and the life he was living. He portrayed the picture of both a good father and a betrayed husband, a hard worker. He had 3 jobs when we first met. We had just begun dating when there was a close call in the family and the Brooks were heading to Virginia to pay Mark's grandmother a visit. Turned out they could really use my van and I could ride down with Mark and we could have a mini vacation. I went. I enjoyed the heck out of our time on the road. It was the first time I had taken two days in a row off work at Glidden Fence in 2 1/2 years. I was on such a high on the way home, I asked Mark to stay the night with me. He said, "If I stay tonight, I won't ever leave." I said, "That's fine with me." At the time Mark was working 3 jobs. I barely got to see him. I thought this would make things easier.

The next time I went to see Sue, I told her about Mark. She said, "Oh so you have found yourself a night in shinning armor to save the day." I denied what she said and left her office more irked at her than I had been prior. Prozac is a dangerous "cure" for those struggling with emotional issues.

I'm not sure what was the cause to my birth control not working. I often wondered if it had to do with the Prozac. After not conceiving a child through my entire time with Rodney, I suddenly found myself pregnant by Mark. I instantly recalled my fortune reading. I cannot tell you how badly I freaked out when I realized I was pregnant. After all, I left Rodney in March of 1998. I reasoned that March was shortly after Christmas. I had found myself entangled in another relationship by the end of July and granted it was more like two months later that I found myself pregnant, it still sounded eerily close to the truth. After all, I reasoned, those physics aren't exact to a T in what they tell you. As it turned out I was only pregnant with one girl. Not twins. Mark and I did travel a little in the first two years and I convinced myself that if he could just conquer his drinking problem all would be well. Sadly, I honestly thought if I could help him have Faith in God that I would be excused from all my sins. How I wish I knew then what I know now about "works".

Mark putting down the bottle and turning to God never happened. I imagine I will blog on those chapters of my life as well, but for now, I needed to set the scene for how my relationship with Mike came to be. As God led me to blog on both prayers and keeping your focus on Christ, He did the same with my life story. You see with both those blogs, when I sat down to write them, I knew in order to blog on what God had excited me about, I needed to go back a chapter to do justice to the verse. In this same way, God excited me with 4 titles: "Exciting, no doubt about it, God was there" chapters of my life with Mike. Only to discover that when I sat down last night to blog about one of them, I could not jump right in. I was going to have to start with chapters I did not care for. I must admit I am happy to have this part of my life's story mostly behind me. I am sure details will be added later. For now the above synopsis will suffice.

The first day I met Mike was August 3, 2003. He walked through my door with his father. I was informed I needed to get him an application form and a W2. He was our newest employee. Over the next few months we formed a friendship. I often gave him advice! I had no idea he had a crush on me.

That same year, Mark left me for another girl right after Christmas 2003. I honestly had no intentions of getting with anyone. Going from Rodney to Mark after Jeff, Jimmy and Bruce and a couple others I have yet to have even mentioned, had left me convinced men were all the same and not one of them was worth my time. It was January 14th when I awoke from a dream around 3 in the morning. In the dream, Mike had called out to me to give him a chance. He promised he would love me like I deserved. I literally sat up in my bed and said out loud, "Mike?" and went back to sleep. I could not get him out of my head after that try as I might. Every time I heard him in my head I would think to myself he is so much younger. I would tell myself I was delusional. January 17th, 2004, while I was waiting on William and his friend to come out of the hockey arena, I couldn't stand it another minute. I managed to work up 20 seconds of insane courage and I called one of the men to inquire if they knew how to get in touch with Mike. They asked me why I wanted to know and I simply stated I needed  to ask him a question. He told me to try Larry, Mike's dad. He thought he hung out there on Saturday night.

I called and Larry answered the phone. I asked him if Mike was there. He informed me he was and gave Mike the phone. As casually as I could, I asked Mike if he'd like to join me at my house to play cards. I told him we needed another player. He said sure but he'd need a ride. I told him no problem, I'd swing by and grab him on my way back to dropping William and his friend off. If he knew I was checking him out, he never let on. At the table our knees hit and I swear a bolt of electricity flew through my veins like nothing I had ever experienced. When the game ended, I offered him the couch. I walked him over to it and when I turned around he grabbed me and kissed me. I literally fell off a cliff. It was like nothing I myself had ever experienced. I swear, the ground fell out from below me.

When the first kiss was over,I asked him, "When were you born?" He replied, "Age does not matter."  I informed him, "I don't care about the year, all I need is month and day. He told me and then began kissing me again. I continued to fall. The next day, I looked up his date of birth in an astrology book and discovered his date of birth was one of six dates listed as being compatible with me. My heart was overjoyed. I continued to tumble for the next 10 months. Our relationship had begun. We were together every spare moment after that.

On February 4th, I knew I was pregnant. I had never felt so pregnant in my life. I took a test and sure enough it was positive. I called my OB/GYN and informed them. They asked me about my dates and suggested I come in for a blood test to make sure. The very next day, they called me and asked if I'd come in for an ultrasound. I thought this was premature but they explained it was a normal procedure due to my age and the dates of my cycle. I didn't think much about it and went to the exam myself. I was on the table and watching the screen in front of me when saw the heartbeat. The woman operating the ultrasound equipment move the instrument slightly and said as matter of fact and dry as possible, "That's what we thought. A second heartbeat. You are having twins." I was speechless. Suddenly I recalled my fortune. I knew they were both going to be girls.

I end here because I know what I am meant to share about this event. We are not meant to look in the future. We are meant to trust in God. My looking ahead changed things. I invested in an unhealthy relationship because I knew the first two years were going to be rough. The psychic had warned me about it. I mistakenly believed my fortune was coming true. I know now why we are warned against this type of activity in the bible. I did not know it prior but I so understand the importance today. When you peek into the future, you have no idea of what time frame you are peering into. That lady did not warn me about another failed marriage after the failed marriage I was already in. Who saw that coming? Not me. I considered her a fake by the time Mike walked into my life! After it was announced I was pregnant with twins it all came rushing back. She was dead on. That realization sent shivers down my spine. I no longer look at astrology books or call on psychics. I warn everyone to stay away from them as well. This is for your own protection.

Father, today I come before you and say thank you for so many blessings. I look to the heavens and am dumb founded that you take the time to pay attention to me. I am so grateful. So many of my fellow brothers and sisters are searching for an answer Father. I pray they are kept from searching it out through dark forces. I pray they turn to you Father. Keep them from temptation. Those who are battling past memories or overwhelming emotions, I pray they turn to you. I pray they stay away from these so called pharmaceutical helpers. You are the healer of emotions and heartaches. I pray more and more recognize the void they feel inside is the relationship they are missing out on with you. I thank you for Mike. I thank you for the life we have together. I thank you for his love for me. Even though some days he and I don't see things the same way, with you in the middle, we are stronger. Thank you for answering prayers. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Tomorrow Could Just Be The Best Day of Your Life!

Good Morning World! Today is Wild Wacky Wonderful Weds. Wow!! I have so much to share . . . I need more time to myself . . . Spring has sprung at work and Glidden Fence Company Inc is so blessed this year for we have enough work to keep ourselves all hopping! Feels good after a long winter ♥ Weds are the day that inspired me in changing my mindset! You see, it's the day that I have no help. No lunch break. Some days it's all I can do to get a drink. It's an insane pace but I have made a game of it over the years.

Regardless when going at that pace you are bound to make an error, get yelled at, or have someone get angry with you. I have bawled my eyes out over a customer getting angry at me over something they consider life shattering. Usually it is not an actual life shattering problem, especially when you weigh the matter against the matters of the world, yet I cannot say that to them! 

Today, I pray we all give each other a little more encouragement and slack. I pray we go about our day smiling and being an encouragement to others. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. 

One of my favorite lines from Jesus is when He stepped forward and said, "Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone." I had that stenciled out and on my wall when I was a teenager! One day I will share other items I had up as well!

Anyway, Weds were the reason I wrote the blog "It Starts with Your Mindset" If you struggle with the days of the week and associate them in the slightest negative way, I encourage you to check out this blog. Following this formula has totally changed my outlook! 

Speaking of outlook, on my way to work this morning in the midst of singing praises and just smiling as I belted along with the radio. Chris Tomlin, I lift my hands was on . . . You should check it out on YouTube. I believe many of you will love the words. Next came a song about How much God loves us and I was reflecting on all I had been through over my mere 44 years and I was overwhelmed with God's love for me. Next I flashed on how down some of us are throughout our journey. I don't think there is a human being out there who hasn't had an awful day and wished they could go to bed and never get back up. That made me reflect on the sadness of so many ending their lives when they hit these lows and my heart ached. I thought to myself, "I have had days I too wished I could curl up and die but had I, I would have missed some of the Best days of my life!" Yesterday was admittedly the worst day of my life. This was the message I shared with the world:

A Sad Saturday

With that in mind, I would like you to recall the last "Best Day of Your Life" ANY time you hit the lowest of lows and remind yourself that this moment too shall pass. Please get on your knees and pray to Your Father in Heaven for peace, joy, and strength. He is always there waiting for your plea. Ask others to pray for you. Reach out to your fellow brothers and sisters. Please what ever you do don't play with ending your life. After all, Tomorrow could just be The Best Day of Your Life!

Today I pray for all who are dealing with depression. Father I too have been in this black hole. I thank you for showing me I could turn to you any day any time any where. I ask that you go to those who are in pain and darkness and flicker some light their way. Send a hand or foot of Jesus to them Father. I also pray that those of us who are firm in our faith become more bold in sharing your message of Grace and Glory. I pray Father that we step out of the shadows ourselves and regardless of fear that may attack us from the evil one that we push on, headstrong in the fight. I pray we begin to show each other the Grace you alot us Father. In Jesus name I pray! Amen.

****** In my heart, I believe my story was written to help many who are hurting in some way ~ if you are that person or you know a person, please visit this link "The Proof is in the Pudding!" and buy a copy for yourself or a friend!

Wendy,
Mom of many

© Revised 2014 Wendy Glidden © 2013 Wendy Glidden

Better to Birth Boys than Girls . . . such a sad belief

You might believe that this is something that is believed only over in China but you are wrong. All my life it has been drilled into my head how much better boys are than girls. I can't count the times I heard the phrase, "It's a mans world". I had some influential women in my life. Here were their viewpoints:

My mom: girls have no worth. All they worry about is silly stuff. She made so much fun of me when I wanted to be a brownie that after a few weeks of it I gave it up and asked to play softball.

My Stepmother: A woman can do anything a man can do only she will do it better. It's a mans world.

My Grandma Rosie: I am woman, hear me roar! ( love that one )

My Aunt Janet: People are people and they are only here for so long. Love them while you can and forgive any injustices you feel they have done against you. (I miss her and her attitudes)

I was in the 6th grade when the most hurtful thing ever was yelled at me by my mother. Granted she apologized to me as she drove me to school that day. It didn't take away the sting. I knew in my heart she had simply said how she truly felt.

My brother and I were at the table and she was making us toast and oatmeal . . . I don't remember what was going on with Tommy and I . . . we were probably bickering with each other. My mom was buttering the toast when all of a sudden she turned around and launched a piece of toast at my head.

"I wish you'd of never been born. You ruined my life. If I'd only had Tommy, your father and I would still be together." I cannot begin to tell you how bad that hurt. I knew all along she loved Tommy more.  You would have had to be blind to miss that. I just didn't realize she resented me ever being born. Honestly I think we were all stunned by her words. I cannot remember what happened immediately after. I think I went to my room. I have never really liked for others to see me cry. So much so that to this day when I cry I don't make a sound. You would have to look at me to realize there were tears streaming down my face. I don't know why I am this way . . . it's just an honest truth about me. Perhaps I'll figure that one out as I go along.

Anyway, I lay here awake this morning with my heart breaking for my brother. I believe God can heal him. I know God sees him and his inner struggles or he would not have told me to help him. Since I was 16 I have not been able to truly be there for my brother. I have carried much guilt over the years for leaving him behind. I'd taken care of him and been responsible for him since as far back as I can remember. Many times I have felt I played a big part in his downfall.

My heart goes out to him. My heart goes out to anyone who has found it necessary to be put on any type of anti-depressants. I know in my heart God is the cure for mental disease. Sadly we have cut God out of every element of our lives and then we wonder why we have so much violence and issues in the world today. That is not to say that there have never been killings and violence and wars . . . it's just I have to wonder, "Have there been so many children killing children before in our history?"

I know what will happen through this tragedy A whole classroom of innocent lives ended. Our government is going to be able to push through the first phase of gun control due to this last crisis. Those of you who have ever been documented for depression will be on a ban list. Anyone who has ever been documented to have issues with anger will be on a ban list. That part of gun control will be easily shoved through this time. Sadly the evil will always have access to guns. Government mandates will never be able to stop that. We will approve this move without realizing what the end result is going to be. Just like with our health care. Many champion the plan for now. They cannot see the wrong in it. Already friends are losing their jobs due to federal mandates in the field of health care. On one hand I sigh with sadness and on the other I look forward to the farther future when God is finally ready to reveal his Kingdom and show us all what paradise and peace are actually like! I know this is all kind of rambling from one subject to the other and even more so crazy as I am at a hotel with my children. I have written this off and on since 7 this morning. I have simply followed the thoughts on my heart. I wish you all a blessed day. I ask that any believers say prayers for those in pain. Pray for them to let go of their anger. Pray they come to know God. He is the healer of pain.

Remember, We are the Light of the World . . . those of us that are confident in our belief ... our purpose is to bring that to others. We were born to share the Glory of God with as many people as we can.

May your day be blessed. Today I urge you to perform a random act of kindness and keep it to yourself. It is more impressive to God when we don't brag on how awesome and generous we are to others. His opinion is the only one that counts in the end.

Wendy, Mom of Many