Running the Good Race!

This morning as I pushed the start button on my two year old Kerig, I got choked up and literally began weeping. I'm exhausted and at the same time relieved and overjoyed. I'm not sure what brought on the flood of tears all of a sudden but I suspect it has to do with finally having a moment of silence and solitude with no one else at home. I can't tell you the last time I've had more than an hour alone time.

Have you ever run a race or made a deadline that was so intense that when you finally finished you felt like crying? If so, you should be able to relate to how I feel today. This has been an incredibly hard year and one that angels have not come to sing to me or anything spectacularly cool like that but I have had incredible moments and the year is not yet over.

Here we are heading quickly toward the end of September and I have lived in Florida, Colorado and now Nevada. I have taken 5 college courses so far this year and have managed by the grace of God to keep my 4.0 average. My classes are not easy, they are intense. On top of all my assignments, I am the helper for all five of my children when it comes to them completing their homework. If that were all I had to accomplish in a given week, I think that would be enough but I also am in charge of all the household chores, cooking meals and making sure that everyone is ready for their next day.

Jeffrey, my five year old, is still not thrilled to be going to school. Every day I watch his sad face drive away as he stares at me from his seat on the bus crying. He simply wants me to come hang out with him at school and he doesn't understand why I can't do that. It truly breaks my heart. Its tough when the first words out of your child's mouth each morning is the question, "Is it a school day today?" I keep praying he makes a great friend and begins to look forward to the school day. I would appreciate any prayers from fellow believers requesting the same or more for him!

Mike has found some odd jobs and we seem to have worked through our problems. He no longer has the male influences that he had in Colorado. Some people might think it doesn't make a big difference who you hang out with and in the case of Jesus, that was true, but Jesus knew who he was and many of us are not that firmly planted. I always used to tell my oldest two children when they would accuse me of not liking someone they wanted to hang out with that it had nothing to do with that other child. My problem was that they were not a good enough friend to that child to be a good influence. A true friend wants only the best for you and they don't encourage you to ruin your life, break rules or get in trouble. They help you to reach for the stars. They enjoy your successes.

The last few weeks have been intense where my life is concerned and I thank God for the strong wonderful people He has placed in my life. In the last five weeks, these are some of the things that have unfolded in my life:

(1) Mike and I decided it was over and there was no reconciliation in our future.
(2) I had a miscarriage.
(3) Mike quit his job to get away from the influence he was under and stated he wanted to start over.
(4) We decided the best thing for us was to move far away from all the 'friends' he had made.
(5) We moved from Colorado to Nevada with just enough money to land and to scramble for work.
(6) I gifted my book to someone the Spirit moved me to gift and as it turned out she wanted my book!
(7) I got a job and go through orientation on the 29th.
(8) The police showed up last (4 cops and the ground security) to ensure our children were being fed, had beds and were being taken care of. Some concerned citizen reported us for not feeding them for three days and something about having no shoes!
(9) The police took my ID and Mike's ID and did a background check on both of us!
(10) Mike and I were questioned, the children were pulled away from us and questioned privately, the police had to inspect our home.

The last part ended okay as we have food and beds and the children are obviously priority number one in our lives, but just having that type of interruption in your day is a bit overwhelming. Here is a picture of me with my so called starving children as we waited for the school bus to arrive on Monday:

This week, I have a final paper left to write and I began my sixth class of the year this week. I have thus far completed one assignment in that class and read one of the two books with required reading for this week. I truly love my text books for this class so far. One of the books we haven't dove into yet but the other two are fabulous.

As an employee of the place I work at, I get a reduced monthly rental rate and I put in a request to have my weekly rate changed to a monthly rate and backed to the day we arrived. If you are a prayer warrior, please stand along side me and pray for favor in that regard. It would literally save me $200 this month if they allowed it! Seeing how the twin's birthday is next Tuesday, I would love to be able to hang onto some extra cash.

I know I have not been the greatest at writing this year, I regret to say that the evil one has kept me from my work. It has been all I can do to remain dressing in my armor each day and accomplish my normal tasks. Biting off a blog has been my daily goal but my stats prove I have not risen to that challenge. One of my favorite songs is "Day One" by Matthew West. Satan would love to keep me down and never allow my fingers to fly across the keyboard. He attempts to use my previous failures as taunts against me. However keeping in mind that each day the LORD replenishes me, and that every new day is truly day one for we all know life can change dramatically in a single second. Why let yesterday's failures be the anchor that pulls you under today? It should never be like that. We are children of God, let us rise to the occassion. Let us be shining lights in a world of darkness. My enemies may try to take me under, but the LORD has already won the battle for me. Whom shall I fear? No one but the LORD!

I am excited to finish my final for my last class as I know I will be incorporating it into my next book: "In the Midst of Spiritual Warfare". Should you yourself be looking for a little hope or some answers regarding your relationship with the LORD, I invite you to read my three part story that the LORD called me to write. Click here to purchase a paperback copy of 'You are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding' today or click here to read some of the free content on Amazon from my author page. With each purchase, you are supporting my ministry of sharing the truth that God called me to share with the lost: "You Are Worthy Too!"

Father, today I pray for more favor and grace and protection and provision for Mike, my children and for myself as well as all my brothers and sisters who are in need. I know you already know our needs before we ask them. Thank you for the Psalms and the words of encouragement I find each time I pick up my bible. Thank you for sending your only son into the world to save us and not condemn us. Thank you for helping me in so many ways. Thank you for finding me worthy of love when I was certain I was headed for hellfire and damnation. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen!

Wendy, walks with God, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden

God is Always Good!

Good morning my friends! Today is marvelously magnificent miraculous Monday. What do you consider to be a miracle? For me just this day and the way I can laugh is a miracle. For you see, a small part of me would prefer to be curled up in a corner crying my eyes out. However, I know that that is what the evil one wants for me. His only purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. His desire is to keep me in bondage in the dark buried in misery. Pardon the pun, but I say "Hell no!" to that!! My God came so I could LIVE life and live that life abundantly! He sent his only son to share with us the message of His NEVER ENDING LOVE and GRACE. His only begotten son, doing no wrong, died on the cross and proclaimed, "It is finished." Who am I to say otherwise. I say to you who are down for whatever reason, recognize misery and worry for what they are: Satan's sad attempt to steal your joy, kill your dreams and destroy your purpose.

God is always good. He gave us free will. Satan uses that knowledge against us. He whispers things to us and tricks us into focusing on things of this world. It is miraculous what happens in your life when you change that focus onto God and His kingdom. All of a sudden what is meant to destroy us, loses it's power. Let me see if I can show some examples here from my own life. God knows I've been through one hell of a thirty day storm. Let me recap it all for those of you who have not been following my blog:

July 31, 2013:  My children and mother were having what seemed at the time a battle of wills. She had made a bad decision and in the process my children were removed from her custody by a sheriff and whisked off to the hospital to be examined thoroughly. LONG STORY!

August 2, 2013:  Mike headed off to Florida as his grandfather was on his death bed and Mike, while not close to his grandfather, felt his mother needed him. He had stated, "I've never heard her cry so hard."

August 4, 2013:  By 5:00 pm, Mike had not been heard from anyone. He was driving to Florida on his motorcycle. The last time I had heard from him, he informed me his tire was showing the metal mesh and he was looking for a tire shop. While he was missing in action, I received a call from the sheriff's office. My heart lurched and my mind immediately thought the call was about Mike. However, it was in regards to my 14 year old. ANOTHER long story!

August 5, 2013: While at court with my 14 year old and her father, my phone rang and I was informed that another report had been filed with the department of children. In the process of trying to put all the pieces of this crazy puzzle together, I discovered a great betrayal committed against me by both my mother and my oldest child. Yelp, you know it, yet another long story!!

August 6, 2013: Mike's grandfather was buried. I removed my children from my mother's care permanently. Mike decided he should be back at home and had me wire him money to get back earlier than he had originally planned on.

August 8, 2013: I took the two children in question regarding the 2nd report filed with the department of children for their criminal forensic interview. We were there for three very long hours. I was informed my mother was going to be arrested when all was said and done. I was also informed that the case worker needed to come visit my home and have a safety meeting there with the children, Mike and I. It was scheduled for August 12th, 2013. I left that meeting there leaning on the strength of God.

August 9, 2013: Mike made it back home VERY early in the morning. However, it was quite obvious he would have rather been back in Florida. I enrolled Michael, Marissa, Marie and Delilah into school. My mother was officially arrested and in the process signed a statement saying I knew everything that she had been doing concerning the punishment of my children. I learned about this via a voice mail left on my phone letting me know the investigation was still ongoing and now I was also being focused on for neglect of my dependents.


August 11, 2013: After getting the house in order for the safety inspection, we headed off to Ohio to participate in Faith Day with the Cincinnati Reds and Mercy Me. We had an extra ticket due to Tia still being incarcerated so I brought along a sister in Christ, who witnessed first hand the old Mike. It crushed my heart to witness it myself. I recognized the complete change of heart in him even before she commented on it herself. Not many have seen this Mike in action and those that have always look at me in amazement. Like I said, I have wanted to be loved for so long, I show a ton of grace just to prove what I read about me wrong. (Much of this is in the blog post 'Better off With God')

August 12, 2013: My caseworker called and rescheduled the appointment to August 19, 2013 due to her own illness.

August 14, 2013: The Fantastic Four headed off for their first day of school and I returned to work with my 3 year old at my side. He works with me every day now.

August 18, 2013: I shared at church what I was going through and requested prayers for myself and my family.

August 19, 2013: The caseworker came to my house to interview my children. She was there for an hour and a half. I learned even more about things that had happened under my mothers care. In the end the caseworker said she was not going to substantiate charges against me for neglect but due to the severity of my case, she would have to have that decision confirmed by her superior and the district superior. Five minutes after our meeting ended, it was verified that Tia was being released from custody.

August 23, 2013: The school children rode the bus to school for the first time this year. Because of our late enrollment a bus stop had not been created for them. I praised God for the timing. Mike had scheduled the family car  to be dropped off for a new front control arm and wheel bearing on the driver side. It was supposed to be finished before the end of the day. This did not happen. Imagine a weekend with more children than will fit in one car. Let's just say Sunday morning we drove the house and the jeep to church

August 26, 2013: I injured myself playing with Jeffrey Thomas. I had picked him up and he managed somehow to shove off of me pulling my shoulder out of place.

August 27, 2013: I awoke to not only arm pain, but neck pain. I scheduled an emergency chiropractor appointment and went in to get my shoulder put back in place and realized just what a mess I was. My neck had muscle spasms galore. He managed to make a little headway. I was still in pain.

August 28, 2013: It was becoming undeniable Mike's heart was in Florida. I awoke to pain. It felt like my neck bone was bruised and my arm was on fire like my muscles had been torn.

August 29, 2013: I had come home to find Mike in a mood after bible study and I had had it. In a fit of righteous anger, I got on my knees and prayed, "Dear Lord, either Convict Mike or Remove him from my life. In Jesus name I pray. Amen."

August 30, 2013: I found my Great Banquet Cross Necklace in the process of helping Mike find a sweater. I also had an add for an apartment complex flip on my desk and decided to take it as a sign. I called and reserved myself a 3 bedroom apartment. They thought one would open up in either December or January.  Department of children called to say they were filing their official report and only needed to hear from Mike before they signed off. He of course had left his phone at home but when he got in he called. No one was answering the phones so he left a voice mail saying in a gist, I was told to call, this is my call. As far as I know they never called him again. By nightfall I was in a lot of pain. Typing had not helped my back / shoulder / neck muscles. Mike told me I needed to tighten up.

August 31, 2013: I took the children to play McDonalds and then to the water park. Mike took his defensive driving course. I was waiting for him to finish thinking he'd call me and we'd go have an early dinner together and then I would do laundry. Instead, he sent me a text and took himself out to Broadripple to eat lunch by himself. I was miffed to say the least. The children and I went out to eat alone. Mike called while we were out and informed me he was finally on his way home. The plan was for me to drop off the children and go do laundry by myself. I ended up doing laundry with all the children. I was in immense pain by the time I got home. Mike had promised me a massage when I sent him a text letting him know I was on my way, but ended up yelling at me over some essential oils and the fact that I was not interested in experimenting with them until I took my class with the friend that had introduced the company to me. After that I shared with Mike exactly where I stood.

September 1, 2013: Mike was in one of his moods and decided he was not going to go to church with us. We went without him and then went to the annual cookout with a very good friend of mine. Mike checked on us once around 6pm. I'm sure his only reason for calling was just to get a feel for when I might be home. Amazingly enough my neck began to feel better as the day progressed. The day before it hurt just to hold my head up!

September 2, 2013: The big blow up happened. I left Mike. I was homeless and without transportation due to a broken down car that was running fine just prior to the blow up. This is again another long story and all in my blog.

September 3, 2013: I had my car towed into the mechanic and received the news of what was wrong. (Long story and yes, in the blog.)

September 4, 2013: Mike decided he was going to leave the house with me and move to Florida on Friday. My car was fixed at an amazing low low price. (I also blogged on these blessings)

September 6, 2013: Mike said goodbye when he collected his last paycheck and packed up his Jeep, hooked up his trailer and loaded up his jet ski. He went out to where the rest of our stuff was to finish loading the rest of his belongings, including his motorcycle.

September 7, 2013: Mike went to the Chicago Cubs game with his mother.

September 8, 2013: Somehow Mike had discovered we were at the hotel and he along with his mother showed up after midnight at the hotel I was staying at for the night and surprised everyone at breakfast. He gave me $150 to cover child support for the week. He promised to send me a letter with money every week. He informed me he'd be back in January to ask me to marry him and we parted ways. Me, off to church and him off to Florida. After church I took the children to the store and we bought a wading pool with a slide, a slippy slide that ended in another wading pool, a little air compressor and a 75' foot no kink hose like the one that had burned in the fire pit four years prior. Who'd think a simple hose could cause so many emotions! I think greater understanding regarding why a hose could cause one to cry can be found in the blog "Saved by an Army of Angels". After we set up the pools, I went inside the house and rearranged the furniture and closets.

September 9, 2013: My first day at work knowing I will not be seeing Mike walk through my door anytime soon. I am filled with peace and great sadness all at the same time.

I am here to tell you, this last month would have left someone without belief in shambles. Destroyed. It is my shield of faith, my helmet of salvation, and very much so, prayer that kept me standing. If you don't recognize these articles of clothing, I highly recommend you check out the book of Ephesians!

So, I was looking at my phone the other day, and I was going to delete all my texts back and forth with Mike. I cracked up when I read the oldest text I had sent him. This one from August 4th. I had sent it to him in hopes that he would give me a call. If you have read my blog post 'Suckerpunched' you know about much of this, but I neglected to share the text I had sent him in hopes of getting him to call me before the one I sent asking if he was going to call soon as I was getting ready for bed. I sent it with this picture of the children. I laughed so hard because it happened to be in a somewhat of a poetic form. Cracks me up to see myself in the rear view mirror. Turns out, with Jesus as my guide, I'm turning out to be pretty funny! Here is the picture and text I sent him:

School starts weds.

They got new doos

and new shoes 

and an outfit our two.

Would have gotten a little more

but the police called me while I was in the store. . . 

You could say it's been a fun day

all but you missing and Tia hauled away. 

Seems she ran away from her dad. 

He called the cops on her ... yelp pretty bad.

My point here is simply this. Life happens. Some of it is awesome but a lot of it is filled with the chaos of this world. God does not long for you to focus on all of that junk. He wants you to focus on Him. Read His word. It is full of advice and warnings. Arm yourself. You are in a spiritual battle. Good and evil exist. Within yourself, if you are a believer, you will hear the voice of righteousness guiding you and convicting you when you drift from the narrow road. If you are not a believer, I pray you are simply lost or misinformed, my prayer for you is that you find your way home. To all believers who are being fed the lie that you are no longer worthy of grace or mercy, those of you who believe you have gone to far to ever come back home, read my story. I highly doubt you could be any worse of a sinner than I was. Sin is sin. Today I am a holy redeemed saint. I am a light of hope for others. I am doing my Father's will. He called me to share my life, my story with all who care to read it. I am inspired by much of what I have written and I lived it all! Please, if you are down and depressed or filled with worry, I encourage you to go back to my first post and read my story. I add to it monthly. I think perhaps with less chaos in my life, I will begin to add to it more and more often. There is still so much left to share. May God bless you.

Father, today I come to you with such joy. How clever you are. How blessed I am. Never in a million years could I have put together all you have sown in my life. Thank you for loving me so. In the midst of this brutal storm I felt you by my side. Thank you so much for the artists that sing your praises for the lyrics helped to encourage me through my tears. Songs like, "Whom Shall I Fear" and "Overcomer" just to name two of them! Thank you also for allowing me to see an angel as a child. Thank you for her message. I have clung to that truth more times than you know. Ha as if you don't know! Silly me. I love you Father. Please use me however you like. I am forever your loving daughter, your humble servant. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Here is the song I was led to share with this post. Pretty awesome. I am a lyric girl so of course they are included with this video! Enjoy!

Wendy, walks with God, mom of many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Better Off With God!

Super Silly Sing Song Saturday. I have been listening to a lot of songs today. I drove around aimlessly as I waited for my hotel room to open up for the night. Mike and his mom went to Chicago to watch a Cubs game so I know they will be coming through Indiana again to grab his jeep on the way back to Florida.

It breaks my heart that he is going to truly be removed from my life. I know it was the second part of my prayer to have him removed should he not be open to becoming a man after God's heart, but seeing him so at peace about leaving me and his children behind and going on with his life hurts so badly it is all I can do to not fall apart.

In the process of singing with the songs on K-Love earlier, as tears streamed down my face off and on, I heard the greatest song. It is by Sanctus Real. Here is the link to the you tube video I managed to find of it.

I decided to get a hotel room tonight so I could have a place to crash on a real bed and honestly so I could also have a place to lay down where I can finally cry my eyes out. I am human after all. I devoted almost 10 years of my life to loving this man that I once fooled myself into thinking was mine. I watch our children play and I just don't get how he couldn't love our life. It is painful to say the least. I would love to go home and sleep in my own bed, but I am afraid to stay at our home until I know he is not going to be coming back for good. I need to stay strong. He called me last night and asked if I would come spend the night with him. I told him no. I have had countless people come forward and comment how light cannot be with dark. I had several women friends share with me that they knew I was not supposed to be with Mike but mentioned they could not tell me for that type of truth one has to discover for themselves for it to be truly received. Deep inside I have known it for a while. I am stubborn. I thought with enough prayer God would intervene. Sadly there is this crazy thing God granted us with. Free Will. Mike has his own free will and it currently has no desire to listen to God's word.

I have also received messages praising me for my faith. Please know I am just a girl after God's heart. The more I learned about His Word, the more I longed to follow Jesus, the more my eyes were opened to the life I was living with Mike. It was out of a righteous anger that I spouted off my prayer late Thursday night before I went to bed. My grandma always told me, "Be careful what you ask for, you just may get it." Boy did I ever get it. I know this is right. I belong to Christ. I am His. Like this song explains, "Whatever You're doing inside of me, It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace." I would type all the words within this blog for they all hit so right on. It's as close as I can put my feelings into words. I don't think I have ever heard this song before today. I was surprised to see it was uploaded onto YouTube three years ago. 

I am ready for God to open up my world. There is a peace in knowing that Mike is not going to show up with his negativity. In the same breath my heart lurches for I know I will not be with Mike again and that fact hits my heart with such a force it takes my very breath away. How can it hurt so bad to know he will move on as if I never mattered. I guess that is my flesh. For my heart tells me in closing this door I am about to have my world open up in ways only the deepest recesses of my heart have been allowed to desire. I have always longed to be a servant of the Lord. I have always wanted to enhance the lives of others. I have always longed to be a ray of sunshine in the dark corners of the world for others to see. God must know this about me for it says he knows all of your heart. If it is true that the righteous will have the desires of their hearts I can only imagine how blessed my life is about to become. Better than anything I could have ever dreamed up. That is what I am trying to keep my focus on. Peace, Hope, Faith, Joy and Love. 

I had this back flash hit me yesterday as I was in the office. It was a memory from two decades ago of me reading a very detailed horoscope book. In a gist my horoscope claimed I would be better off alone as I was difficult to please, love and live with. It claimed I demanded too much out of a partner and few would be able to withstand me. It recommended I stay alone and never marry!

I realized yesterday that there was truth to what that book claimed but there was also a very big lie with it. This book was put together without God's word. It is another reason one should not dally in such things. The lies stick with you for decades. You see, I have come to understand that I may be difficult for those who are separated from God to love but those that live in his truth will always find me lovable enough. The sad thing is there are less and less men interested in being followers of Christ. The majority that are, are already taken. I feel I will be without a human partner for the rest of my life and I am okay with that now. I have given my life to Christ. I belong to him. He is sufficient. He loves me the way I deserve to be loved. The way I have longed to be loved all this time. I have spent so many wasted years showing man after man after man the love I have to offer only to have it be unappreciated almost as if it were unseen. I know with my desire to be loved, I have gone to lengths other partners would refuse to. I felt I had to, being so unlovable. I spent countless years of my life wondering what it was about me that made me so unlovable. Now I know, it is not me, it is the broken empty men that have been thrown into my path to keep me from fulfilling my purpose. My fellow brothers and sisters in Christ love me. God loves me. Jesus loves me. That will have to suffice for I have no desire to devote another minute to another male partner that needs a ray of hope. I will forever show them the love of Christ but nothing more. I will not be snared in a trap again. I will not be waylayed from God's promises ever again. My horoscope may have claimed I was better off alone but today I know I am better off with God!

Father, I do feel as if a tornado is whipping around inside of me. How is it possible to be at peace and feel like my heart is being crushed in the same breath. It is absolute chaos and I ask you to remove the pain. Take away this ache for I know it is aching for what never was. It is aching over the loss of time. It is aching due to being fooled for I have been a most foolish girl thinking I could fill the hole in my heart with a man. Only you can give me my hearts desires of my heart. I am tired of keeping busy trying to keep a man. Fill my life so full of your work that I have no desire to be sidetracked. Keep my focus on you Lord. Keep my hands busy and fill my life with work. Use me for what you created me for. I am ready Father. I am your humble servant. Prepare me for all you have for me. Reveal it. Put me to it. Please do not allow me to be idle. Thank you for removing the obstacles that satan has attempted to use to steal my joy, kill my dreams and destroy my purpose. Thank you for always having me. Thank you for my beautiful babies. I am so sorry I stumbled in my faith and did not accept three of those blessings. I have often wondered would I already have been fulfilling my purpose had I just trusted in you all along. Thank you Father for never giving up on me like I gave up on you. I wish I had known about your word in my younger years. I am blessed to have been enlightened now. Thank you for not allowing me to continue to wander in the dark. While I hurt today, I trust it will not last long. I love you Father. Thank you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, walks with God

Mom of Many 

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Convicted by God

Superlicious Silly Sing Song Saturday! Here is K-Loves Encouraging word for the day:

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace.

~ Colossians 3:15, NLT

Does that sound like Heaven or what?!!!!!! I am hanging with the super six at play McDonalds this morning. My lap top is fired up and I'm about to finally write my next chapter I was hoping to get to by Thursday "Convicted by God" . . . I'll post the link as soon as I finish!

Have a Superlicious Silly Sing Song Saturday Everyone!! If you are looking for an inspirational true life story to dig into, I cordially invite you to check out my blog. I've written 87 posts to date. The first one is titled "In the Beginning" I cover things like abortion, adoption, running away, dropping out of high school, being married against my will, being divorced, being assaulted by a stranger, Hearing angels singing, having prayers answered, receiving a message from God, Being spoken to during prayer and so much more.

It was God that called me forth to tell my story. While fearful I stepped out in Faith. I am blessed beyond measure in doing so. Who knew?!? All I ever ask is that you share my link should you find yourself encouraged or inspired www.youareworthytoo.com

This last Thursday on my way to work I was listening to K-Love as my teenager truly enjoys the humor and the songs. Funny how you can hear and sing a certain song 100 times or more and then out of the blue have it affect you so deeply. This is exactly what happened to me! This was my post from Thursday on my Facebook Page also titled You Are Worthy Too:

Tremendously Thankful Thoughtful Thursday. You know how in the mornings it seems your connection to God is sometimes stronger? This morning on my way to work a song I've sang 100 times came on. I am horrible with titles so it will require a google / youtube search. The line that struck me with great emotion was 'I find you when I fall apart'. It got me thinking about this journey of mine. I've had... bumps in the road like anyone else has. Moments I have been on my knees. But I will forever remember the day I fell apart for it was when I was convicted by God. I felt a huge pull on my heart to share how all that came to happen. It is out of order from the current 3 chapters of my life I am blogging on but when the Holy Spirit speaks, I am driven to listen. Look for my next blog I will publish before the end of today. I am calling it "Convicted by God" have a Tremendously Thankful Thoughtful Thursday my friends..

That line, 'I find you when I fall apart' struck a chord and I fell back in time to the minute that God convicted me. He is a loving Father. I have heard of others being convicted and how it changed their life but until I experienced it for myself, I really did not understand. I mean I have been down and out. I have balled my eyes out; I felt like I have fallen apart countless times in my life and honestly I have. But when I truly fell apart was when I was convicted by God. It’s not like He came down and chastised me. No. Nothing like that. It’s more like being moved in a way by the Holy Spirit that causes you to catch a glimpse of yourself and your life through God's eyes while He holds you in His arms as you deal with the truth. I think some have even called this process walking through the fire.

At this point in my life, I was pregnant with Jeffrey Thomas; the baby God had told was a blessing when I was in desperate prayer over my lack of faith in my being able to take on another child. If you are curious enough that post is titled “On My Knees”. I was past the house fire I have also shared under the post “Saved by an Army of Angels” I spent no real time on the internet. I still consider myself the worst googler in the world! The only things I did online involved looking for free ways to advertise for Glidden Fence. I had built a webpage for us on Merchant circle. I blogged on that site and posted fence pictures and I emailed customers for my day job at Glidden Fence Company Incorporated.  I had a Facebook page as well but I didn’t get on that sit very much in those days. Somehow, I found myself listed on a site called LinkedIn. One day about a month or so before my 41^st birthday, I received a message from a childhood friend asking if I was The Wendy Glidden that lived on 71^st St. in Indianapolis as a child.  I was so thrilled to have been found by her, I instantly wrote back.  We began emailing back and forth every week catching up on each other’s lives.

The weekend after my birthday, when I opened my email account, I saw I had an email from my friend. When I first read her letter, I was confused as to who she was talking about. In a gist, she informed me that she hated to deliver the news that Danny had passed away on my birthday. I sat there staring at her email for a minute trying to rack my brain about who on earth she was referring to. What Danny did we both know and know well enough for her to assume I’d know who she was referring to with just the first name. Danny, Danny, Danny. I actually said his name several times and then it hit me like a lightning bolt. She meant Danny Joe. I had introduced them once.  I fell back in my chair as if I had been blown back by an invisible force. I was stunned. I sat back for a moment without moving. How long had it been since I had even thought about him? Danny Joe had been my first love and even more importantly, at a transitional time in my life, he was also my best friend.

I cannot begin to tell you how this news rocked my world. I replied to her email asking if she knew what had caused his death. She informed me there were a few rumors and advised me to read his obituary. I did not stop there, I searched his name. I wondered what had happened to him. In my search I discovered he’d had two children with a girl named Wendy her last name also started with a G. I also discovered he’d never married. I cannot tell you how hard this information caused me to cry. As weird as it may seem I was morning Danny Joe. At one point in my life I had believed he was my one and only.  I wept uncontrollably. I remembered he had a younger sister and I recalled her name. I checked out the page that was posted on the mortuary that was hosting his funeral and I posted a comment. I don’t know why but I also searched him out on Facebook. I was curious to know more about him. I didn’t find him but next I typed in his sister’s name and found the one I though was her and sent her a message asking if she was Danny Joe’s sister. Indeed she was. She invited me to his funeral but I was pregnant and there was no way Mike would have ever been okay with me going.  It was in Danny Joe’s passing that I was forced to see how drastically far from friends Mike and I had become.  I wondered if I was the reason Danny Joe had never married. We were going to get married. That was the plan. I questioned whether me pushing him to sleep with me as revealed in my blog “Forcing My Destiny” was the reason he ended up being a young father. I tortured myself wondering would he have waited for me.  

As I continued falling back in time and seeing things through the lens of truth, I was convicted again and again. It was when I truly felt apart  that I became open to all God had to offer me, including the truth about His Son Jesus. Tracy invited me to hang out with her group of friends that got together once a week and took a deep dive into the bible. This is when I met Tiffany and Jordan. I am the only one out of that original study that still attends the small group. Funny enough we are growing again. I keep inviting friends to come. It is through Tracy that I also found Leavener and began fellowship every Sunday there. Not long after I began going there every week, Rusty began the study on Jesus by following along the gospel of Luke since he told the gospel in chronological order.  I found the ministry of Jesus amazing. Rusty took the time to tie in the Old Testament prophesies and how Jesus fulfilled them leaving no doubt that Jesus was indeed the messiah. I found myself a believer of Jesus Christ.  The full message of Grace did not penetrate my brain until I attended the Crossroads Great Banquet in February, 2013. When I wrote down what I felt were the ‘sins’ keeping me from forgiveness and then nailed them to the cross it all changed for me.

When God convicts you, you are forced to see the truth. You see how He has been with you through trial after trial after trial. You cannot deny how much He loves you. You see how judgmental you have been towards your heavenly Father. Or at least that was how it was for me. I pushed hard questioning where did it all go wrong for me and I suddenly I saw it all so clearly it broke my heart.

Jeffrey Thomas was indeed a blessing. It is a good thing that my father and uncle came up with his name. Mike had no desire to have any input. I asked how he felt about the name Jeffrey Thomas and he said he didn’t care. I gave him a full 24 hours after Jeffrey was born to come up with something. As it has sadly been after the birth of each of our children, Mike was not there for me.

I find it funny that I have come full circle again. I can want Mike to be a man of God all I want. I can see how great he could be, but until Mike wants that for himself, he will never be that man. It breaks my heart to know he has no desire to follow Jesus. He mocks me for as much. My new nickname is often, "Oh Great One" which is crazy. I don't get his cruelty. It has puzzled me for years. 

Last Thursday night, I found myself so fed up with Mike I again went to my Father God in prayer. This time I kept it simple. Either convict this man or remove him from my life. The next morning I awoke and found Mike in one of his moods. While looking for a heavy sweater, he began tearing clothes out of the cabinets on my side of the room. I asked what on earth he was looking for and he said a sweater. I climbed up on the bed, opened the cabinet on his side of the room and pulled out the bottom sweater. When it came out, low and behold, my Great Banquet cross that says “Christ has chosen you” fell out of the shirt and landed on my bed. I have looked everywhere for this cross. I lost it back in May. The last time I had seen it I had taken it off after I had fallen asleep because when I went to turn over I got tangled up in it. The crocheted braid it hangs on is truly long.  I shook my head. If this was not a sign I don’t know what is! When I went to work that morning I remembered I needed to email Marie’s teacher and when I reached for her business card, I flipped over a coupon that was also on my desk. On the other side of the coupon was an advertisement for an apartment complex less than two minutes from where I work. It also just happens to be in the same school district as my children currently attend. I no longer believe in coincidences, I prefer to see them as signs from God. I picked up the phone and inquired about the three bedroom units. Ironically they are less than the cost over a years’ time as I was paying for childcare. There is a waiting list to get into them. As all things are in God’s perfect timing, I know that when my apartment is available the timing is going to be perfect.

This weekend, I informed Mike that my boundaries are set. I let him know I wanted no fake gestures for it was not up to me who he decided to follow. There are only two teams in my mind, Team Jesus and Team World. I am completely on Team Jesus. Mike likes the lusts of this world and that is fine for him. It just won’t work for me. I need a household to raise my children in that has their focus on the right thing. I really do love Mike. He says he loves me but his actions speak otherwise. Who am I to try to get him to see things my way? You cannot force someone to love you and treat you accordingly. They are both capable and willing, or as in Mike’s case, where I am concerned, they are not.

I prayed to see clearer and while the changes that have occurred due to my lack of blindness have been painful, I look forward to the days ahead of me. I have been praying the same type of prayer for too many years now. I have been given signs and honestly have been like, “Okay God, got it. You are all I need. I can make it financially without Mike, but . . . “. This makes me chuckle at myself. Look at how patient our Heavenly Father is with all of us. We pray for answers and signs and even when He gives them to us, it takes us forever to get it through our thick skulls. It is no wonder we are referred to as sheep in the bible.

Mike knows I am leaving when my apartment becomes available. We have an understanding. For the time being we are parent partners. He has 120 days before I leave. Miracles happen every day. I guess he could still find himself convicted by God but honestly I am not holding my breath. I am resolved. Lately I have found myself reflecting on a conversation I had with the girl who returned my wallet. She is still at a point in her life where she does not want to be revealed and her name is unique enough that I will continue to honor her request and not mention it, but one day she asked me about this thought she had had. She said, "Don't you think that sometimes Satan is so determined to keep us from our purpose that he puts people in our lives to keep us from it?"  I have heard her in my head saying that several times in the last week. I cannot help but wonder if that is truly what he is using Mike for where I am concerned. It would certainly seem that is what the Spirit is warning me about. I have another friend that recently had the pleasure of seeing Mike as he has often been when no witnesses are around. There is no denying Mike has worked hard to keep me down. Someone should have informed him, “I’m an Overcomer!”

It has taken me three full days with many breaks taken mid- sentence to write this post. I hope it flows well for you. May you be blessed enough to find yourself convicted by God.

Father God, I come to you today so thankful for how loving you truly are. Throughout my life even when I thought you had abandoned me or were punishing me, you were actually watching over me, guarding me from absolute evil. How foolish I was to deny you, to challenge you, to question you. Thank you for such wise advice such as Trust in You with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Thank you for all the wisdom you have granted me. What a loving Father you are indeed. Thank you for such awesome undeniable signs. Thank you for your patience with me. Help me be as awesome as a parent to my own children as you are to me. Help me extend more grace. Help me model true love. Help me laugh through all the craziness the evil one attempts to put in my path. Help me see even clearer. Open my eyes and my ears to all you have to show and say. I am your humble servant Lord. Use me to the fullest. In Jesus name I pray.

Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Clear the Clutter

It's Tremendously Thankful Thoughtful Thursday. Tonight I am going to the send off for The women's Cross Roads Great Banquet # 46. How the memories come rushing back. I will forever be thankful for how I grew that weekend.  It cost me nothing to go yet it was priceless. Pardon the pun! With the event coming up this week and in knowing I was going to be attending the send off, my heart has been overflowing with elated emotion. There is nothing that can compare to knowing God LOVES you. There is nothing that can compare to understanding His Grace and Mercy. There is nothing that compares to laying it all at His feet, accepting Christ as your Savior and understanding forgiveness. When these things take place in your life, you truly do become a new creation!

On my way to work I heard a couple of awesome songs I had never heard before. I am including this one today for it is so fitting to how I feel, what I desire. It's by Addison Road and it's a newer song of hers I believe "My Story"

I truly desire to serve the Lord. I honestly long to help my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ lift their heads and understand there is nothing, NOTHING God doesn't already know about them. All He is waiting for is for you to come to Him. I was lost for so long myself. While I believed in God, I did not believe I was worthy of saving. The evil one had me fooled. Even with all the signs and wonders God had made visible in my life, I was blind in a way that was detrimental to my well being. I know that place so well. I lived there for years. I finally get to do what I always wanted to do. I get to help God's children, my brothers and sisters in Christ. By allowing Christ to work on me and through me I am able to be a light for others.

I have been praying for a way to raise money for my ministry that won't take money from others. Recently God helped me recall a funny idea he had given me in my twenties. I shared my idea with my 14 year old daughter and she laughed. While she says I embarrass her with my thoughts, actions and dance moves, I know she loves me just the way I am! Last night, God clicked it together for me. Today I am here asking if you would clear out the clutter and help a girl with her mission! I am asking for donations of all broken, useless, unwanted crayons you may have. I am also asking for any and all empty vitamin bottles. If you would kindly collect these items and send them to me I would greatly appreciate your much needed donation! Simply address your packages to: Wendy Glidden, PO Box 481, Westfield, IN 46074

I can hardly wait to unveil the items God gave me to create as gifts. I promise, I have a smile on my face and laughter bubbling inside of me as I envision the laughter, joy and hope they will deliver.  

I love the road I am set on. While I understand I live in a fallen world and chaos is bound to cross my road, I will not be driven from my purpose again. I am keeping my focus on Jesus and I know I will be just fine through all my future storms. I am Free. 

Father today I come before you with laughter in my heart. Oh how good you are to me. I am blessed beyond measure. Others may see my life as full of hardships, yet as I look back I see loads of laughter. I would not change my shoes with anyone. It is my prayer father that those who too have had a bumpy road and have been fooled into believing they are not worthy come to find Joy in you. I pray the evil one's connivery is counted as useless against my fellow brothers and sisters. Trials and Tribulations are a given. They stretch us, they prepare us, they strengthen us. Thank you for always holding me up through the storms I have lived through. It saddens me that so many are blind to just who you truly are and what Grace and Mercy truly mean. The world is so upside down Father. It must break your heart for I know it breaks mine. I pray your light shines through me. I pray it shines through others. I pray we begin to act like one body. I pray we discover our true purpose. I pray the blinders come off. I pray eyes are opened and ears begin to hear, understand and recognize the truth when it is spoken. I pray for broken hearts may they find you Father. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden, 2013