A Snippet From Both the Past and Present!

I can't believe it is already Tuesday! Yesterday I had intended to blog but as often happens if I don't do it first thing, my day is gone. That is one of the main reasons I am so adament about spending a moment with God first thing each morning before I put my feet on the ground.

The day comes at me so fast, it often speeds by like a whirl wind! I did accomplish a lot yesterday. I picked my doctor for this pregnancy. I found a midwife! I am excited about that. I received a call from the clinic letting me know that the professional person had taken a look at my ultrasound and by all appearances I am indeed on the path to having a healthy pregnancy! That was the best news of my day!

Another cool part of my day was running into a complete stranger at the Wal-mart. We crossed paths in the aisle and she asked me a question about boy patches. Before I knew it we were talking. She had lost a daughter at the young age of 14 due to an accident so we discussed how blessed I was to conceive at the young old age of 46. We discussed husbands and marriage and the troubles that often take place. She confided that at one point she wanted to take him out for the troubles he had brought their family and yet here they were about to celebrate 36 years of marriage! We discovered that my children attend the school her children did years ago and she pointed me in a direction to get their uniforms in the back of a consignment store run by a friend of hers. We hugged as we parted ways and I just knew God had put her in my path for many reasons.

As the children and I walked away, Michael commented that he thought it was weird how I made friends so quickly wherever we go. I laughed and informed him that often God arranged meetings with fellow sisters and brothers in Christ because they had something to bless us with. She had many blessings for me. I truly almost skipped through the store after our meeting!

Over the weekend I treated myself to the first non-school book in over a year. If you are into reading romance novels but are tired of the traditional ones, I encourage you to check out Francis Rivers. She is a Christian writer and the book of hers I read was 'Redeeming Love'. It bit my rear to read all this man of God went through during the course of his marriage. I laughed and cried and it was good for my soul.

Over the weekend I stayed away from the house just incase Mike happened to be around. It is hard to look at him. It has been hard to be around him. Those of you that have read my recent blogs understand what I am talking about. Anyway, when the children and I arrived back home Sunday after a day at the pool, I walked into the house to discover I had a kitchen sink again. Along with the sink, I received an apology from Mike. Anyone who has read my blogs or my books know that is something Mike does not do. He didn't expect anything from me in return and honestly I did not give him even a word of thanks in all honesty. I did make some comment about how it would be nice not to do dishes on my knees in the shower any longer and I went to bed closing the door behind me. That night I finished my book around midnight feeling a little guilty about my shortcomings compared to this man of God I had read about.

Today this was my encouraging word courtesy of K-Love:

No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8, NLT)

I do know what is right and I do love the LORD's mercy, especially when it comes to myself (laughing). The LORD knows, and so do my readers, I have made bad choices in my life. I have hurt others unnecessarily and I am far from perfect. I don't know what is up with Mike. I almost believe he has found that book 'The Love Dare'. We watched the movie 'Fireproof' a few years ago and it is just weird how he seems to have pulled some switch. I would be a liar if I said that my guard wasn't up and that I don't trust him, because it is and I don't. I do however intend to pray a lot and keep my focus on the LORD. I am trying my best to be still and Know that He is God. I am also deeply grateful that all insults and cruelty have seemed to suddenly cease. I don't know the whys of it all and honestly I don't need to. I will take the cease fire for what it is. 

The best thing in my life is that I understand that God Loves me immensely. At one point in my life, I truly believed He was out to get me. As you know I am pushing for book sales this month as I want to be able to stand independently on my own financially. With that being said, follow me back to a time when my relationship with the LORD was not the greatest. This is an excerpt from my book 'You are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding':

Chapter 7

I'm learning to be the Light!

I used to shrink inside when people would say something about me being a Saint due to all the children I have had. I truly believed that if they knew the truth about my past, they would never call me by such a name. I felt like such a fraud. In my mind, I was nowhere close to the description of a Saint.

I am my biggest critic. Over the years, I have given the evil one plenty of ammunition to fire against me. There is nothing like helping the destroyer of lives destroy you!

Now, when I find myself shrinking from something or having a moment of fear I swell with confidence. I say, "Oh, Satan, man you are good. You had me for a millisecond. Then I saw my fear for what it was. It is you filling me with fear because you are afraid of others seeing my light!"

If I’m where it’s an option, I turn on some Christian music, or take out a devotional or even search the internet for inspirational bible quotes. Adding a coat of armor is never a bad thing!

I heard a tune today on my way to work that led me to know that today is the day I share one of my darkest moments. The song was talking about how we don't fall in an instant. How what used to be black and white slowly becomes gray. Instantly I was flashing on my past. I didn't change overnight. It was with each bad choice I made that I seemed to drift farther and farther away from who I was.

Over the course of time, as I went deeper and deeper down the road to hell, I convinced myself I could never return to the narrow path. I figured I had done way too much bad to ever be viewed as ‘good enough’ again. I truly believed I was an epic failure.

With that being said, let's get these dark ages of mine down on paper.

Prior to my divorce being approved by the judge, but well after it had been filed, Jimmy and I began seeing each other again. He was working at UPS and going to college, so his time for me was short and usually at crazy hours.

We had been seeing each other for about three months when I called over to his house. His father answered and was kind enough to inform me that Jimmy was on a date with his fiancée. My world reeled.

It is my prayer that the above teaser will prompt you to purchase my book and read my story in its entirety. I know there are countless blessings in between the pages for many in this world. It is my personal prayer that you are blessed by my story that God called me forth to share. Click here to purchase your copy today!

Father, only you know what tomorrow will bring. Today I chose to focus on Your Word and Your promises. I know you are faithful. I am so thankful for the blessings you have provided me with and I am excited for the honor of feeling life flow through my body as this baby you placed in my womb continues to grow. You fill me with awe and wonder much like a child is filled with the things we grown ups take for granted. It is my prayer that my childhood dreams of becoming an author that inspires others with hope transpires into my reality. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many, Walks with God.

© Wendy Glidden 2015

That Was Then This is Now!

Today, my encouraging word was delivered from the book of Romans:

Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later. (Romans 8:18, NLT, courtesy of K-Love's encouraging word)

Wow. was all I could think for a moment. Today, my emotional heart is still fragile. How I long to be beyond this pain yet we all know that we don't just fly out of heartache. There is always a healing process. For now I am concentrating on being healthy so that I am healthy in all ways when my blessing from above arrives.

I am thankful that I know that those words of encouragement hold so much truth in them. How many moments in my past would I place under the listing of 'suffering'. Truthfully a lot of them. For instance, I have once again found myself in the shoes of single and pregnant. The first time this happened I was in my 20's and engaged only to find myself pregnant and alone. I ended up giving that baby up for adoption. All of this story is in my book: Here is a tiny excerpt from that chapter in 'You are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding'

Bruce was supposed to be arranging us housing close to his campus. He only called me a couple times to update me on the progress and to see how the baby and I were getting along before I received the next to last phone call I ever received from Bruce. 

Before I had a chance to even ask how he was doing, he said, "Wendy, I need to say this without interruption so just listen. I love you. I will always love you. This is too much. I'm not ready. My mom has moved and she changed her number, the college has moved me to a new dorm and they have been informed that you are not to have my new information. Don't bother my friends they know not to tell you anything. Good Luck." and he hung up on me.

I was frozen. I think I dropped the phone. Instantly my Aunt knew something was wrong. Through my tears, I shared what Bruce had said.

As that chapter of my life unfolds into the next, you begin to see what life is like when you don't lean on God. I am so thankful that this round I know who I am in Christ. While I am just as shattered to discover that once again I am not loved enough by the man I am with, I also understand that I am loved mightily by my Father in Heaven. I certainly don't understand what His complete plan is for my life, I am trusting in Him this round. 

I know He did not call me forth to share my life in a book just to have it sit in the publishing house. He is my provider. In my sharing my story, He has provided me a way to support my family. All I need is for the word to get out. I believe the time is right for that and it is my prayer that all who are reading my blog today are moved to learn more about what God called me forth to share. In my book you will discover much about me and my walk. I have not always been faithful to God, but He has always been faithful to me. Should you decide to purchase my story today for a mere $13.00, you will be blessing me and in return, I know there are countless blessings for you and others you may share my book with. 

I feel like I'm standing on the side of the road with a sign up saying 'Anything Helps' which is so ironic because I just wrote a blog around that thought recently, but sincerely, anything does help. I don't want a hand out. I want to make it on the talents that God blessed me with. Please consider helping me with that goal by purchasing my book, 'You Are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding'

In hopes of garnering your attention enough to do that, here is another excerpt from the following chapter:

As often happens when I deliver, things are not in order and it gets pretty crazy. In no time flat I gave birth. The doctor held up my baby and announced, "We have a girl." She weighed in at 9lbs 6oz.

I was taken clear on the other side of the hospital because I had requested not to be in the maternity ward. Lena came with me. When my nurse came to check on me, I asked if it was okay if I walked around.

She said, “If you feel up to it but be careful.”

I said I would. When she left, I looked at Lena and said, "I can't stand it. You want to go see her?"

She said, “Yes!”

We walked out of my room, smiled at the girls at the desk, and went around the corner right into the elevator. We went down and then across to the maternity ward through a tunnel.

The nurse in the nursery was just getting ready to feed her and she asked if I would like to give my baby her bottle. I could not stop myself. I had to hold her. I fed her, I admired her, and I sang to her. I inhaled her newborn sent.

Every fiber of my being wanted to keep her in my arms. Right then I looked up and my personal nurse was looking at me through the glass. She motioned for me to come out. She greeted me with a wheel chair and said, "Child when I said you could walk around, I did not mean for you to take a mile hike. You could bleed to death you know. We need to check your vitals.

** I promise my story has a message of hope for the hopeless, a laugh for those in need of laughter and most likely a tear or two for those in need of that. I have come to learn that crying has healing properties just like laughter does. Please help this mom of many by purchasing my book. In doing so, you will help  not only yourself, for we all have walked similar paths in life, but you just may bless those you purchase my book for as there are countless blessings in my book for those who read it.

Click Here to purchase "You Are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding" today. 

Father, today I thank you for the faith I have. It is hard to believe I am in somewhat the same shoes I wore 20 years ago. I am so grateful to understand how much you love me today for I did not know that back then. I thank you for opening the door for me when I knocked, what a journey it has been. While I have had moments of suffering, I have also had those moments where I witnessed what you did with that and I thank you for holding true to all your promises. I pray that the next phase in my life brings me to the things we talked about when I was so much younger. Have I really been having babies for 30 years now!?! You weren't kidding when you said I would be a mother to many. I thank you for my many blessings and ask that through my story countless others are blessed. May I be one of the vehicles you use to reach the lost. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many, walks with God.

© Wendy Glidden, 2015

My Diamond in the Rough

Yesterday I went to a clinic to confirm what I already knew. I'm pregnant at 46. On top of taking another pregnancy test, an ultrasound was performed to ensure all was well. The heartbeat was found, a picture of my 'diamond in the rough' was taken:

According to the measurements taken, my blessing will arrive toward the end of March.

I've looked at this crazy picture more times than I can count. The reality is beginning to sink in. I really am pregnant again. Last year at this time, as some of you know, I miscarried around 6 weeks. Today I am only 6 weeks and 4 days but I know this baby has a heart beat and appears to be developing as it should be. While I certainly don't understand what God has in store for me, I am comforted by His promises, especially ones like this:

Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7, NLT, courtesy of K-love)

The one thing I have going for me is that God does care for me. I know He is my real provider. Mike had originally promised to give me $200 a week in child support. Today is the second day he has called in sick because he is trying to find a way to make a side income. I tried explaining that he should go to work and get his paycheck and do side work on the side, not during working hours. Anything I say to him only makes him angry and he has begun making repetitive comments about how stupid I am.

I originally thought that I would try to stay here in the RV and survive. Now I know I cannot stay where he can easily swing by. He has become my tormentor. I told him it is not easy to be around him as he searches for other women in front of me. He is not only looking for Heather, it has now been brought to my attention that he is registering on multiple dating websites in search for another partner or at least someone to hang out with.

Today he informed me that I am taking all of this too personally! What can I say, I'm dumbfounded by him. I have to believe that he has drifted so far from God that his view is what is messed up; not me.

Personally I am a little messed up. It is difficult to come to terms that the person you have spent the last twelve years of your life was never truly in love with you! It is crazy for me to listen to him talk about how he is going to strike it big in the next couple of months and then move to either Alaska or Hawaii. I don't know how he can have a baby on the way and not even be interested in that one tiny bit. All of these "Why's?" will not be answered for me and it is not healthy for me to ponder them either. Those questions keep me trapped in emotional turmoil that is not only unhealthy for me, it is also unhealthy for the baby inside me.

I did a little math today and discovered that if I were to sell 1000 books this month, I would be able to move back home and pay for a place to live. If I continued selling books, God would provide for me by allowing me to have the desires of my heart. So, if you are wondering what gift to buy a loved one this year, I would like to suggest my consolidated book "You Are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding"

With one simple purchase of only $13.00, not only will you gain a great gift that will bless someone, you will also be helping a single mother provide for her children! I know God has blessings in that book for just about everyone that reads it. I have walked in a lot of shoes. When I first began blogging, something close to this was my ad:

"I was called out to tell my story; from running away to dropping out of highschool, to being a teen mom, married and divorced, living through an abusive marriage, having an abortion and giving a child up for adoption, giving birth to 10 babies and so much more. I'm pretty sure I've lived in your shoes at some point! Please come seek the message God has for you!"

The link above is the YouTube video for 'Big Daddy Weave's' newest song "My Story". Here are the words as well:

"My Story"

If I told you my story

You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go

And if I told you my story

You would hear Love that never gave up

And if I told you my story

You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine

If I should speak then let it be

Of the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

If I told you my story

You would hear victory over the enemy

And if I told you my story

You would hear freedom that was won for me

And if I told you my story

You would hear Life overcome the grave

If I should speak then let it be

Of the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my savior all the day long

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my savior all the day long

For the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell

For the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my savior all the day long

It is my belief that this is exactly what you will find in my story. Please support me today by purchasing my book. Bless this mother of many as you bless those you purchase my story for. Thank you to all that find it in your heart to support this not well known author called forth by God! If you missed it above, this link takes your directly to my store where you can purchase 'You Are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding"

Father today I pray that my story that you called me forth to share truly does inspire those it was written for. May the talents you blessed me with provide for all the needs my family has. May my blessings be so abundant that I am able to bless countless others as well. Explode my territory LORD, give me the desires of my heart. You know since childhood I have wanted to be one who helps the lost find their way back home. Please Father, set me free from this prison that Mike is trying to keep me in and help me shine my light so brightly it can be seen across the globe! I love you and thank you for the depths of my faith. In Jesus name I pray. Amen!

Wendy, Mom of Many, walks with God

© Wendy Glidden 2015

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

It is totally Terrific Testimonial Tell All Tuesday and what a Tell All Tuesday it is! I sit here looking at the screen wanting to both laugh and cry hysterically at the same time.

Those of you who have read my story know that I was approached by God as a pre-teen and told that I would be a mother to many. Today, I have the following announcements:

1. 1. Mike and I are 100% over. His heart belongs to someone else. A first love he never got over. He is searching for her on Facebook as of last night.
2. I'm pregnant.
   

This morning I am of course in the midst of a turbulent emotional storm within my heart. It is crazy the waves of emotions that are hitting me. It is almost too much to take. 

I know the only true thing I can armor my heart with is with Words from my father in heaven, so I grab my phone and pull up my email account in hopes that the crumb I find from K-Love's encouraging word will be the one I need. This is my substance this morning:

Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. (John 14:1, NLT)

I wept with gratitude." Don't let my heart be troubled! TRUST in God, and trust also in me." I cannot begin to tell you how those words strengthen me. I KNOW my God. I KNOW He loves me. I KNOW babies are blessings. While I have not a clue of what on earth He is thinking in blessing me at this time in my life, upon reading the encouraging word of the day, I recalled the first verse I clung to:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5, NLT)

I am so thankful that I can trust in the LORD today. In times past, I didn't even turn to the LORD while in crisis. I leaned on my own understandings; of course you know that if you read "You Are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding"

You can bet your bottom dollar that even fully armored today, I will laugh and I will cry. Twelve years is an interesting number and that is exactly how many years I have known Mike. I felt our relationship had come to its end on Sunday and I ended up going to the first Sunday service. 

I arrived late as I had originally planned my morning with the intention of going to the second service. It is my favorite as there is no rush for it to end at an exact time. It is my belief that this allows the Holy Spirit to work more freely. Anyway, after the singing part of Sunday worship ended, a man with a message was asked to come forward and share.This is mostly what he said:

"A relationship full of strife has come to a close today."

I sat in the pew truly believing that was a confirmation for me that Mike and I were indeed over. Full of strife described our relationship to a "T". The man went on to explain that the type of relationship was like Ruth and Naomi and he mentioned another relationship that I can't recall at the moment. I know the story of Ruth and Naomi so I questioned if the message was for me. He then went on to explain that is was more of a mentoring relationship that they were looking for, and I was like, "Oh. That kind of describes our relationship too." Next he mentioned that he believed that this was going to be a new person. That made me question if the message was intended for me again. You see, I am new to first service but not second and I just began going here this summer. He went on to mention that this message was intended for the prayer team so they would be on the lookout for this person. It was his belief that they would be in need of healing. With that I decided the message was for someone else. I reasoned that I would be elated if that message were for me and healing would be the last thing on my 'needs list'. 

Today as the realization that Mike has been in love with another girl for our entire relationship smacked me upside the head, the evil one began whispering awful lies to me and I was quickly sliding down a slippery slope of overwhelming heart break. Here I am pregnant with another child and this family is the last thing in the world that he wants. 

I've known it for a long time. I think anyone who reads my blogs may have thought the same thing a time or two. Some silly part of me thought, "One day. . . " Ugh!

Yes. I am sad and relieved. Worse, I am pregnant. I resent the hormones that make it that much harder for me to stay focused on the truth. God LOVES me. Christ also LOVES me. I am a redeemed child of God. I have a purpose. I need to set my mind on things above. Just what does my oh so humorous Father have in store for me next? Mom of Many indeed! 

I am going to need prayers for healing and strength and I ask for all who are intercessory prayer warriors to pray for me. I need prayers for provision as well. May my books flow off the shelves encouraging countless others to seek the LORD themselves. May the desires of my heart be fulfilled. May the LORD use me to the largest extremes. Expand my purpose. Fill my life with light. Allow my story to touch hearts across the globe. Let me be an expression of hope that brings knowledge of your glory into the darkest corners of the world. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many, walks with God.

© Wendy Glidden 2015

I 

How I Fell in Love with Mike

Who knew when I called into the physic line I would really have part my future foretold exactly how it would come to pass. I never really believed in that stuff, but I had three free minutes and life was in an absolute upheaval. I was currently married to a man I'd been with for the previous 4 years. Because of his side business, our lives were turned upside down in a matter of a morning.

I knew in my heart that he had been cheating on me for the last year or so. I simply had no proof. I have never been one to jump to conclusions. I was more of a "give them all the rope they need to hang themselves" kind of girl. So, in a desperate moment, with my 3 minute free physic reading card in hand, I dialed the number listed. The girl on the other end asked me a couple of basic questions. When was I born was one of them for sure. I honestly don't remember what else she asked me. I can vividly remember watching the clock. Next, she informed me she was going to use tarot cards. I think she had me tell her when to stop shuffling. After a moment she said, "I see that you are married. Shortly after Christmas that marriage will be completely over. Before the next month ends, you will fall in love and you will be pregnant with twin girls. You will travel a lot in the first two years and things will be extremely rough on you. If you make it beyond these two years remaining together you will be together". I slammed the phone down. My three minutes were up.

 "TWINS!" I exclaimed out loud. Ha! I was not going to EVER get pregnant again. No way. My oldest two were teenagers now. I was a hop, skip and a jump away from finally being able to live my life for myself. The year was 1997. Rodney, my second husband, was currently on trial. His final court date was scheduled in March. He was looking at a lot of time but I had no grace where that was concerned. Had he listened to me, he would not have been in the situation he was in. I did take the time to locate the best lawyer for his case. I also took care of paying the lawyer. I battled his family regarding how they shunned him. I informed his mother that when you love someone you stand by their side through the mess not just the glory. I wanted to believe he had not betrayed me. Even more so when his lawyer said, "Tell me you kissed this girl. It only had to happen once and I can have this case thrown out.", and Rodney swore there was nothing ever between them. His lawyer did a great job and even though he could have been sentenced with a lot more, Rodney was placed on work release for 90 days and sentenced with probation for 1 year I believe. The probation may have been longer. I honestly do not know.

He was about 3 weeks into serving his 90 days when I informed him that I wanted a divorce. I had found and read the discovery report and I was positive he had indeed been cheating on me. He insisted we go to marriage counseling. He swore he had never cheated on me and we just needed to work out my feelings and emotions in a healthy way. I told him, albeit sarcastically, that since the issue seemed to be mine, I would begin therapy on my own and when he got out we could continue together. After a few sessions my therapist said, "You know Wendy, you have a really good intuition. My advice to you would be to listen to it quicker." I looked at her and she continued, "My philosophy is, "If it sounds like bull it usually is."

I took that line and went in to see Rodney at Goodwill in Noblesville where he was the store manager. I informed him that I knew he had slept with the girl he had denied sleeping with because his story sounded like bull. I said I don't want to hear anything else from you unless it's the truth. I am filing for a divorce tomorrow unless you confess everything. I turned leaving him in his office and headed back to mine. Rodney showed up at my office unexpectedly within an hour of me leaving him. He pulled me into another room, closed the door and confessed everything. I listened as I silently screamed in my head. I showed him not one ounce of Grace.This was the second time he had cheated on me. This cheating on me was made worse by the fact he had gone out of his way to beg me to be friends with this girl. That goes way beyond a little white lie. In my heart I knew it all along.  My mind did not want to believe it. The best thing about Rodney and I WAS our friendship. I had no idea how I would ever recover so, I refinanced the house, paid him the $5000.00 he demanded to set me free as well as gave him every asset we had collected together, minus the house, for my freedom.

While going through counseling, I was asked why I gave up basketball. I found it an odd question but Sue had a way of getting you to slide back in time. It was the first time I had slid back to that fateful day. The ball echoed in my head so loudly. I explained to her what had happened moment by moment as if in a trance. When I finished, she asked me why at 14 did I tell the man "Look there's my daddy"? I shook my head and said, "No", I said, "Look, there's my father.". She reiterated, "No", you said, "Daddy."  she then stated, "I think you were in a similar situation at a very young age and you reacted the same way you did the first time. Can you recall anything happening to you before say age 4?" I shook my head no, but was admittedly shaken by her analysis.

Seeing how I had no recollection of ever calling my father daddy, I went straight to him. I told him what Sue thought. He said he knew of nothing himself but thought I should live in the now and not ponder on things that may or may not have ever happened. You know how your mind works though. Mine did not stop attempting to recall.  Needless to say, this led to a flashback. An actual flashback. I was in the room. It was a single flash but it was enough. I was driving around 465 when it happened and I came to with the pedal to the medal aiming at an overpass. I managed, by the grace of God, to get the car under control. I was freaked out beyond words. I drove straight to Sue's and told her what happened. She said I needed to go see my family doctor to get a prescription. She was afraid with my type of recall I might accidentally hurt myself and she needed help with controlling my issues while we worked on my past. She mentioned that she would contact my family doctor herself to fill her in on what was going on with me.

My family doctor immediately placed me on Prozac. This little magic pill created a very nice warm fuzzy feeling at first. Kind of like a "life is good I have no cares" kind of high. I liked it. Sue, however, did not. She was visibly upset when she found out I was taking Prozac. That was not what she had wanted me on. I didn't know why it mattered. I was beginning to see Sue as a possible threat to my puffy cloud.

I had been on a bowling team that year with Kelli, my assistant office manager at the time, and her Aunt. They had a summer two person league opening up and Kelli's Aunt wanted to join it. Another couple that Rodney and I hung out with were bowling in it and I thought it would be fun. I agreed to be her partner. Rodney was still in jail at this time. Cassy and Billy had a couple more weeks of school left before they headed off to their father's for the summer. I thought this would be a perfect way to fill my time. Kelli's Aunt ended up getting ill and could not participate. Terry, the bowling alley's manager, had promised to team me up with someone. That is how and when I met Mark. I was without a care in the world. He seemed nice enough. He fed quarters to Cassy. Honestly, I thought he was a little on the feminine side. When that is your instant opinion, it causes you to put down your guard. I thought he was likeable enough. Over the course of the next few weeks Mark and I got to know each other a little better. He sold me a barrel of lies and I, feeling sorry for him, confessed my story.

Without knowing more than where I worked, Mark showed up at my office the weekend after we had participated in moonlight bowling with my friends that Rodney and I used to hang out with. It surprised me that he took the time to find my office. That was the beginning of our relationship. With my guard down and floating on a cloud, I began to feel sorry for Mark and the life he was living. He portrayed the picture of both a good father and a betrayed husband, a hard worker. He had 3 jobs when we first met. We had just begun dating when there was a close call in the family and the Brooks were heading to Virginia to pay Mark's grandmother a visit. Turned out they could really use my van and I could ride down with Mark and we could have a mini vacation. I went. I enjoyed the heck out of our time on the road. It was the first time I had taken two days in a row off work at Glidden Fence in 2 1/2 years. I was on such a high on the way home, I asked Mark to stay the night with me. He said, "If I stay tonight, I won't ever leave." I said, "That's fine with me." At the time Mark was working 3 jobs. I barely got to see him. I thought this would make things easier.

The next time I went to see Sue, I told her about Mark. She said, "Oh so you have found yourself a night in shinning armor to save the day." I denied what she said and left her office more irked at her than I had been prior. Prozac is a dangerous "cure" for those struggling with emotional issues.

I'm not sure what was the cause to my birth control not working. I often wondered if it had to do with the Prozac. After not conceiving a child through my entire time with Rodney, I suddenly found myself pregnant by Mark. I instantly recalled my fortune reading. I cannot tell you how badly I freaked out when I realized I was pregnant. After all, I left Rodney in March of 1998. I reasoned that March was shortly after Christmas. I had found myself entangled in another relationship by the end of July and granted it was more like two months later that I found myself pregnant, it still sounded eerily close to the truth. After all, I reasoned, those physics aren't exact to a T in what they tell you. As it turned out I was only pregnant with one girl. Not twins. Mark and I did travel a little in the first two years and I convinced myself that if he could just conquer his drinking problem all would be well. Sadly, I honestly thought if I could help him have Faith in God that I would be excused from all my sins. How I wish I knew then what I know now about "works".

Mark putting down the bottle and turning to God never happened. I imagine I will blog on those chapters of my life as well, but for now, I needed to set the scene for how my relationship with Mike came to be. As God led me to blog on both prayers and keeping your focus on Christ, He did the same with my life story. You see with both those blogs, when I sat down to write them, I knew in order to blog on what God had excited me about, I needed to go back a chapter to do justice to the verse. In this same way, God excited me with 4 titles: "Exciting, no doubt about it, God was there" chapters of my life with Mike. Only to discover that when I sat down last night to blog about one of them, I could not jump right in. I was going to have to start with chapters I did not care for. I must admit I am happy to have this part of my life's story mostly behind me. I am sure details will be added later. For now the above synopsis will suffice.

The first day I met Mike was August 3, 2003. He walked through my door with his father. I was informed I needed to get him an application form and a W2. He was our newest employee. Over the next few months we formed a friendship. I often gave him advice! I had no idea he had a crush on me.

That same year, Mark left me for another girl right after Christmas 2003. I honestly had no intentions of getting with anyone. Going from Rodney to Mark after Jeff, Jimmy and Bruce and a couple others I have yet to have even mentioned, had left me convinced men were all the same and not one of them was worth my time. It was January 14th when I awoke from a dream around 3 in the morning. In the dream, Mike had called out to me to give him a chance. He promised he would love me like I deserved. I literally sat up in my bed and said out loud, "Mike?" and went back to sleep. I could not get him out of my head after that try as I might. Every time I heard him in my head I would think to myself he is so much younger. I would tell myself I was delusional. January 17th, 2004, while I was waiting on William and his friend to come out of the hockey arena, I couldn't stand it another minute. I managed to work up 20 seconds of insane courage and I called one of the men to inquire if they knew how to get in touch with Mike. They asked me why I wanted to know and I simply stated I needed  to ask him a question. He told me to try Larry, Mike's dad. He thought he hung out there on Saturday night.

I called and Larry answered the phone. I asked him if Mike was there. He informed me he was and gave Mike the phone. As casually as I could, I asked Mike if he'd like to join me at my house to play cards. I told him we needed another player. He said sure but he'd need a ride. I told him no problem, I'd swing by and grab him on my way back to dropping William and his friend off. If he knew I was checking him out, he never let on. At the table our knees hit and I swear a bolt of electricity flew through my veins like nothing I had ever experienced. When the game ended, I offered him the couch. I walked him over to it and when I turned around he grabbed me and kissed me. I literally fell off a cliff. It was like nothing I myself had ever experienced. I swear, the ground fell out from below me.

When the first kiss was over,I asked him, "When were you born?" He replied, "Age does not matter."  I informed him, "I don't care about the year, all I need is month and day. He told me and then began kissing me again. I continued to fall. The next day, I looked up his date of birth in an astrology book and discovered his date of birth was one of six dates listed as being compatible with me. My heart was overjoyed. I continued to tumble for the next 10 months. Our relationship had begun. We were together every spare moment after that.

On February 4th, I knew I was pregnant. I had never felt so pregnant in my life. I took a test and sure enough it was positive. I called my OB/GYN and informed them. They asked me about my dates and suggested I come in for a blood test to make sure. The very next day, they called me and asked if I'd come in for an ultrasound. I thought this was premature but they explained it was a normal procedure due to my age and the dates of my cycle. I didn't think much about it and went to the exam myself. I was on the table and watching the screen in front of me when saw the heartbeat. The woman operating the ultrasound equipment move the instrument slightly and said as matter of fact and dry as possible, "That's what we thought. A second heartbeat. You are having twins." I was speechless. Suddenly I recalled my fortune. I knew they were both going to be girls.

I end here because I know what I am meant to share about this event. We are not meant to look in the future. We are meant to trust in God. My looking ahead changed things. I invested in an unhealthy relationship because I knew the first two years were going to be rough. The psychic had warned me about it. I mistakenly believed my fortune was coming true. I know now why we are warned against this type of activity in the bible. I did not know it prior but I so understand the importance today. When you peek into the future, you have no idea of what time frame you are peering into. That lady did not warn me about another failed marriage after the failed marriage I was already in. Who saw that coming? Not me. I considered her a fake by the time Mike walked into my life! After it was announced I was pregnant with twins it all came rushing back. She was dead on. That realization sent shivers down my spine. I no longer look at astrology books or call on psychics. I warn everyone to stay away from them as well. This is for your own protection.

Father, today I come before you and say thank you for so many blessings. I look to the heavens and am dumb founded that you take the time to pay attention to me. I am so grateful. So many of my fellow brothers and sisters are searching for an answer Father. I pray they are kept from searching it out through dark forces. I pray they turn to you Father. Keep them from temptation. Those who are battling past memories or overwhelming emotions, I pray they turn to you. I pray they stay away from these so called pharmaceutical helpers. You are the healer of emotions and heartaches. I pray more and more recognize the void they feel inside is the relationship they are missing out on with you. I thank you for Mike. I thank you for the life we have together. I thank you for his love for me. Even though some days he and I don't see things the same way, with you in the middle, we are stronger. Thank you for answering prayers. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

On My Knees

By the time I was pregnant with my 4^th child the ongoing joke was me and my fertility. I always got, “Have you figured out how that happens yet?” or “Do you know what causes this?” I am here to tell you that when God wants you to have a baby you are going to become pregnant. Now he also allows us free choice. And I took advantage of that more than once I am sad to admit but it is a truth about me. If someone were to ask me today what I’d change about my life, my answer would be this, “I would have kept all the babies God gave to me.”

With that being said by the time I became pregnant with Jeffrey I was done having children. Carrying and birthing Delilah just about ‘killed’ me. Mike didn’t make life any easier. It was almost as if he became harder to live with each time our family grew.  I know this was due to the fact that my attention was diverted even more so with each new addition.

Regardless, as always, the jokes came at my expense anytime we were around family and friends. “So are you done now?” I would reply, “Yes. I think God and I have an understanding now. I’ve told him I just can’t handle another pregnancy.”

I don’t know of another girl who has tried harder to NOT get pregnant than me. I have conceived babies while using condoms, birth control pills, and birth control inserts. That brings me to Jeffrey . . .

My step-mother decided she wanted to have my sister’s children and my children over for the weekend. It was the first time Mike and I had had alone time since almost the beginning. It’s certainly the first time we had an entire weekend. The birth control we had been using was causing some issues and as directed we picked an alternate birth control to use for the next two months. This one was an insert kind. I should have read the fact that it is only 97.9% effective! Regardless it was the one we were using when Jeffrey was conceived.

With having time to just dote on each other . . . dote we did. I felt pregnant instantly.  I pushed that feeling aside and told myself I was being silly. I began praying that night to NOT be pregnant. The time for my cycle to start came and went with no visit from “Aunt Rose”. My prayer became more pleading and informing God how another baby was more than I could handle. I went to the store and bought a two pack of pregnancy tests. At this point I was 5 days late and full of dread. I did not read the directions I looked at the picture on the front. Two pink lines right next to each other meant I was pregnant was what the picture showed. I used it placed it in the sink and went into the kitchen to start dinner. I went back into the bathroom and was relieved to see two single pink lines one in the test window and one on the other side but not two together! I thought to myself negative! Now I should start. . . I reasoned that I was probably not starting because of my fear level. I still got on my knees that night and prayed to start so that I could stop worrying. Four days passed and still No “Aunt Rose”. That night I was in the bathroom again praying on my knees . . . crying praying for it had dawned on me that my first test was likely positive. You see, I read the directions this time and the two pink lines did not need to be next to each other . . . there just needed to be two of them. I was informing God how I wasn't strong enough to go through another pregnancy. I told him I would live with my fate but if it was within His will to take this baby and gift someone else I would appreciate that. In the midst of my pleading prayer I was shaken by a voice.

“Wendy! This baby is a Blessing! This is how you will put down your cigarettes. Get up off your knees. You hands will be so busy you will never miss that cigarette.” It was so loud and so just . . . well. . . how to say this… It was such a prominent absolute answer that I did get off my knees and stopped crying instantly. I was filled with such peace that mere words cannot give it justice.  I grabbed the test and opened it already knowing the answer but needing proof to show Mike. When he came home he went to our room first. I caught him in the doorway before he exited, showed him the test and said, “I’m pregnant.”

He looked at me completely dead panned and said, “We are not keeping it.”

I replied, “I don’t know who ‘we’ is but as far as I’m concerned there is no choice.” I spun and left him there. We did not talk about it again that night.

The next day I wrote down all of our bills not including basics like Gas, Cigarettes, Groceries, Health insurance, etc. and divided them in half. I showed them to Mike and told him. “I’m not going to be able to stay in sales. I will be put back behind a desk. You are going to have to help out financially and this is what I need from you. If you don’t give me this you can’t live here anymore.” It was the biggest battle of wills we had had to date. I ended up bringing him into the office with my father who Mike looks up to and had him be the moderator.

My father was shocked to know that this was even a battle. It was and it stayed a battle all the way until I walked out and left Mike.

Jeffrey has indeed been a blessing in more ways than I can count. He fills my life with laughter and joy that I can't even put into words. My heart sings when he is around <3. I did kick the cigarettes I had been praying to for strength to quit with no trouble at all just as I was told I would. My hands were indeed too busy and I never implemented a cigarette into my new routine. I thank God for taking that vice out of me even more so every time I see or hear about someone who is struggling with any kind of addiction.

 I’m not sure why God has me sharing all of this out of sequence but he gave this title to me last week and another title I still have to write and I willfully chose to believe I had misunderstood my assignment. As before, until I do as he has said it’s almost as if I am cut off from communication. I do not like not being in tune with God. I can’t imagine what life would be like had I never had all the contact I have over the years. I thought everyone heard God. I have come to learn that is not the case.

My prayer for anyone following my blog is this: May you build a relationship with our Heavenly Father. May you begin reading his word and believing in what you read. May the words make sense to you.

Blessing to all who are willing to try

 Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

My Scarlet Letter

The battle between Chris and I had not gone according to plan. The only thing I had accomplished was turning her into a meaner prison guard. Not only had I proven her right by losing my virginity, I had gone a step further and shown her I was capable of doing dark deeds.

That summer was brutal working for Chris. The only highlight to each day was that I got to talk with Debbie, Bill's wife. Chris disliked her as much if not more than she disliked me. It was her pure dislike of the both of us that brought Debbie and I closer. We had a lot of fun laughing together. She was the only person on earth that could understand the cruelty of Chris completely. One of my favorite Debbie moments would have to be the day I was in charge of 3 gigantic burn piles. I wanted to add some highlights to my hair but doing so was OUT of the question! I had managed to purchase a bottle of this stuff called "Sun In". The gist was it worked on heat and sun. I had sprayed some into my hair that morning and then blew my hair dry. I didn't notice any difference. You could say I was not a believer in the whole works on heat thing . . . yet. I went out and met my father in the yard. He gave me a quick lesson regarding the fires he was setting and how I was to keep them from growing out of control. I worked those fires for hours. It was a hot day and being in the midst of fire piles made it VERY hot. I found myself mesmerized by fire. It seemed alive to me. The way it moved. The crazy way it jumped. I could even hear it breath. I'm sure a fire fighter would agree a fire is just shy of a living entity. It's scary amazing. Anyway, I finally had them down to ash piles and I was more than ready for some lunch. I went into the office and Debbie exclaimed, "What did you do to your hair?!" I was a little confused. I replied, "I sprayed some "Sun In" in it this morning but I didn't see a difference." She couldn't even talk anymore. She managed to say the word Mirror and pointed to the bathroom. I ran. She looked so shocked. I was a little frightened. As soon as I saw myself I screamed. My hair literally looked like a fire itself without any blues of course . . . perhaps you could say my hair resembled a lions mane! I never used "Sun In" again! Oh the scene at the dinner table that night was priceless!
I developed way too fast as a child. My nick name was weed because I would grow in spurts. By the time I made it to the 6th grade I had the body of a woman. Personally I have never been comfortable with my chest. It has seemed to be a curse. In the 6th grade I basically went to bed not needing a bra and by morning my mother had to take me shopping for one. It was so bad I couldn't go to school that day without one. As if that wouldn't be horrible enough had it happened to you, I was called down to the Principal's office that next day. It turns out adults aren't too into instant boobs either! I was told it was unacceptable to stuff one's bra. Let's just say it was one of my first want to ball up and die moments. My nickname was Dolly Parton and Chesty for the remaining year.

I did get a little chunkolicious my freshman year but that weight seemed to drop off over the summer. By the time school was getting ready to start I had slimmed down a lot. Chris was taking me to purchase my school clothes. My clothing budget was less than my brothers. He earned more because he worked out in the field with my father and always had overtime! Since I was obviously a slut who could not be trusted, Chris had decided my clothes should be very lose as not to outline my body. I had to purchase pants that were a size too big and wear them with a belt. It was so ridiculous that if I took my belt off some of my pants would fall right off my hips without even being unbuttoned! The irony was not lost on me.

I could have told her I wasn't interested in sex until I was blue in the face. She would Not have believed me. I was already labeled a liar so what I had to say held no value. I hated my wardrobe and I was not thrilled with my life. Around the first month of school being back in session, I made a failed attempt to end my life. All I ended up doing was sleeping off my abundance of swallowed pills.


I had a pretty tough schedule my sophomore year. All college prep classes. No study hall allowed. Chris was not into idle time at all! She had signed me up for speech class. I was the only sophomore in a class of juniors and seniors. I was terrified. The mere thought of standing in front of these strangers and giving a speech had me trembling so bad I can't even explain it. I did not concur that phobia until 10 years later! Anyway, I decided to take myself out of the class. I forged my father's signature on the withdraw fail form. When my report card came I was in more trouble than I care to go into. The good news is the school had to take the withdraw failure off my record and that move was enforced by Chris. The school never stood a chance with her arguing against them. My grade point average was unharmed. Yippee.

Looking back I realize I was not talking to God daily anymore. I knew he was real. That I could not deny. I just no longer believed he was cheering for "Team Wendy". That year I decided I must have missed something with this whole sex thing. There had to be a reason Chris was so convinced I was into it. I decided the next chance I had to explore this painful activity, I would. As it happened I had a few band friends that Chris approved of. One night we all went out. We ended up at a house in Carmel and this is so awful to say because I don't even remember my "boyfriends" name but he was there. Everyone went into separate rooms and I was in a room with this boy. He had a condom so no worries about babies. I was no more thrilled with the result than I was when I had performed the deed with Danny Joe. Adults, I decided, were crazy. Who in their right mind actually enjoyed this?! The one good thing that had come out of my giving myself to this guy was I received an invite to the Carmel prom. Of course Chris would not let me attend that! Proms produce babies you know! She informed me I would have time to go to a prom my Junior and Senior year. I was much too young to go to one my Sophomore year. Needless to say, my guy was forced to pick another girl to take to the prom and shock of all shocks I never heard from him again. I would like to say I was sad over that but honestly I was not. I never had feelings for him. Just curiosity over sex.

Chris and I had battled numerous times over the year. Once over my opinion of a sitcom. Another time over me loaning a hair dryer to Tami in the dead of winter. We had two of them. The one I loaned her shut off after 10 minutes and you had to wait for it to cool down before it would turn back on. Tami had been drying her hair in front of a wood stove so she really needed a hair dryer. She had that hair dryer for 3 weeks when Chris realized it was gone. I was grounded for my deed. I decided Chris was the most selfish person I'd ever met in my life. One day as summer was fast approaching I asked, "Would you allow me to get a job working somewhere else? I really don't like working for you." By the Grace of God, she conceded. Westfield only had the Dairy Queen back then. I imagine she thought no one would hire me. Unfortunately for her, I was hired! My first real job. She could no longer be in control of my paycheck. Up until my job at Dairy Queen I had never even seen my paychecks!

The craziest thing Chris ever did to me was attempt to get me fired. I showed up for work that evening and my manager Sheila pulled me to the side and informed me that my mother had come in earlier and requested that I be fired for my own good. I was dumbfounded. I didn't even know my mom knew where I was working and why would she want me fired? My head was spinning. I looked at Shelia and said, "My mom, long brown hair?" and I placed my hand at my waist line. Shelia looked completely confused and said, "No, shoulder length and auburn." I was floored. I gasped, "That's not my mom! That's my step-mother!" Shelia said, "Well, I told her we had no reason to fire you. You're the best worker we have." She informed me that Chris was pretty hot when she left.

The next day I called my mom and told her what was going on and begged to come live with her for the summer. I don't know why she caved but she did. Chris was not happy but she did not stop me. I don't think she wanted my dad to know the lengths she had gone to in an attempt to run / ruin my life. I had my mom's car to drive. We had basically the same hours. I would drop her off at work do my shift and go back and wait for her to get off of work and then we'd go home. I was 16 now and decided that perhaps I should look up Danny Joe. I did not want to sleep with a bunch of men. It was bad enough that I had already slept with two of them. So much for saving myself and going through life with only one person. I figured if I wanted to keep that number from growing it would be in my best interest to track down Danny. It took me a couple of hours to find that house again. When I did, it was Danny Joe's sister Tracie that I found. She explained that Danny Joe lived with their mom. She hadn't seen him for a few months but would take me over to her mom's apartment. My heart was pounding so hard on the way over there. I hadn't seen Danny Joe since the day I'd forced him to sleep with me. When we got there Danny wasn't there yet. Tracie introduced me to her mom and the front door opened. In came Danny Joe and another boy who turned out to be one of his step-brothers. Danny Joe was smoking a cigarette. I couldn't believe my eyes. Seeing me standing there, I'm not sure he believed his. He made some snide comment as he walked by me. Something like, "Have you come back around for a boyfriend? That's not how things work. I'm not up for grabs I guess you can have my brother." I told him, "I don't need your help with finding a boyfriend Danny Joe. I'm quite capable of doing that on my own." He went on by and plopped down on the couch. I went into the kitchen with Tracie and her mom. She was fixing us lemonade. I stood at the end of the table glaring at Danny Joe. His mom asked how we knew each other. I said, "We met at a Sunday School class four years ago." His mom seemed surprised. She then informed Tracie that Danny Joe was going to be a dad. I felt the room spin. I don't know how I managed to stay standing. Danny and his brother headed back out after that. I told Tracie I needed to be going soon myself. I explained I had to work a shift that night and I needed to get ready for work. Tracie decided she wanted to hang out with her mom. She walked me out to my car and apologized for her brother. She asked me not to be a stranger. I don't even remember what I said. All I remember was I felt like I had been separated from my body. There was no way I could hang around and watch Danny Joe become a father. That was the last time I ever laid eyes on Danny Joe. It wasn't the last time I thought about him though.

As I drove off I looked up to the heavens and yelled. "Really? Really?" I was so infuriated at the way my life was turning out. I continued on my rant to God. "Danny Joe is having a baby? It's not with me! What about this grand plan you had for me? Hugh? Now I have to find someone else? Do you take great joy in this?"

Again I warn you. Anger is not a wise emotion. It clouds your mind and allows you to do things you would not do under normal circumstances. Anger can turn you into someone you never were. When you feel this emotion taking the wheel in your life, I encourage you to get on your knees and pray.

I must get ready for the day ahead. I can't believe it is already Friday. Soon I will be kicked back enjoying the weekend with my babies. I love the laughter they have filled my life with. Babies are blessings . . . took me a while to fully appreciate that to the fullest! May you have a blessed day my friends.

Wendy, Mom of Many