My Diamond in the Rough

Yesterday I went to a clinic to confirm what I already knew. I'm pregnant at 46. On top of taking another pregnancy test, an ultrasound was performed to ensure all was well. The heartbeat was found, a picture of my 'diamond in the rough' was taken:

According to the measurements taken, my blessing will arrive toward the end of March.

I've looked at this crazy picture more times than I can count. The reality is beginning to sink in. I really am pregnant again. Last year at this time, as some of you know, I miscarried around 6 weeks. Today I am only 6 weeks and 4 days but I know this baby has a heart beat and appears to be developing as it should be. While I certainly don't understand what God has in store for me, I am comforted by His promises, especially ones like this:

Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7, NLT, courtesy of K-love)

The one thing I have going for me is that God does care for me. I know He is my real provider. Mike had originally promised to give me $200 a week in child support. Today is the second day he has called in sick because he is trying to find a way to make a side income. I tried explaining that he should go to work and get his paycheck and do side work on the side, not during working hours. Anything I say to him only makes him angry and he has begun making repetitive comments about how stupid I am.

I originally thought that I would try to stay here in the RV and survive. Now I know I cannot stay where he can easily swing by. He has become my tormentor. I told him it is not easy to be around him as he searches for other women in front of me. He is not only looking for Heather, it has now been brought to my attention that he is registering on multiple dating websites in search for another partner or at least someone to hang out with.

Today he informed me that I am taking all of this too personally! What can I say, I'm dumbfounded by him. I have to believe that he has drifted so far from God that his view is what is messed up; not me.

Personally I am a little messed up. It is difficult to come to terms that the person you have spent the last twelve years of your life was never truly in love with you! It is crazy for me to listen to him talk about how he is going to strike it big in the next couple of months and then move to either Alaska or Hawaii. I don't know how he can have a baby on the way and not even be interested in that one tiny bit. All of these "Why's?" will not be answered for me and it is not healthy for me to ponder them either. Those questions keep me trapped in emotional turmoil that is not only unhealthy for me, it is also unhealthy for the baby inside me.

I did a little math today and discovered that if I were to sell 1000 books this month, I would be able to move back home and pay for a place to live. If I continued selling books, God would provide for me by allowing me to have the desires of my heart. So, if you are wondering what gift to buy a loved one this year, I would like to suggest my consolidated book "You Are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding"

With one simple purchase of only $13.00, not only will you gain a great gift that will bless someone, you will also be helping a single mother provide for her children! I know God has blessings in that book for just about everyone that reads it. I have walked in a lot of shoes. When I first began blogging, something close to this was my ad:

"I was called out to tell my story; from running away to dropping out of highschool, to being a teen mom, married and divorced, living through an abusive marriage, having an abortion and giving a child up for adoption, giving birth to 10 babies and so much more. I'm pretty sure I've lived in your shoes at some point! Please come seek the message God has for you!"

The link above is the YouTube video for 'Big Daddy Weave's' newest song "My Story". Here are the words as well:

"My Story"

If I told you my story

You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go

And if I told you my story

You would hear Love that never gave up

And if I told you my story

You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine

If I should speak then let it be

Of the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

If I told you my story

You would hear victory over the enemy

And if I told you my story

You would hear freedom that was won for me

And if I told you my story

You would hear Life overcome the grave

If I should speak then let it be

Of the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my savior all the day long

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my savior all the day long

For the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell

For the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my savior all the day long

It is my belief that this is exactly what you will find in my story. Please support me today by purchasing my book. Bless this mother of many as you bless those you purchase my story for. Thank you to all that find it in your heart to support this not well known author called forth by God! If you missed it above, this link takes your directly to my store where you can purchase 'You Are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding"

Father today I pray that my story that you called me forth to share truly does inspire those it was written for. May the talents you blessed me with provide for all the needs my family has. May my blessings be so abundant that I am able to bless countless others as well. Explode my territory LORD, give me the desires of my heart. You know since childhood I have wanted to be one who helps the lost find their way back home. Please Father, set me free from this prison that Mike is trying to keep me in and help me shine my light so brightly it can be seen across the globe! I love you and thank you for the depths of my faith. In Jesus name I pray. Amen!

Wendy, Mom of Many, walks with God

© Wendy Glidden 2015

So, Let Me Ask You, Do You Have Hope?

Fantastically Fun-Filled Fabulous Friday! As I read K-Loves Encouraging word this morning, I just am overwhelmed with emotion. You could say I've walked a bumpy road, you could even truthfully say I went in the complete wrong direction a time or two, bound and determined to have my way. We all have a past. We all have something we are not proud of. But do not let that hold you prisoner. For that is not what your Father has suggested you should do. Here is today's encouraging word from K-Love:

Come back to the place of safety,all you prisoners who still have hope! I promise this very day that I will repay two blessings for each of your troubles.

~ Zechariah, Chapter 9, verse 12, NLT

What a call to return home! A promise to bless you twice for each trouble. Not just come home, I'll show you some love. No. I will REPAY TWO BLESSINGS for EACH TROUBLE.

So, let me ask you, do you have hope? If you do, I urge you to invest that hope in your relationship with God. The closer you get to Him, the more you will witness a difference in the ways things unfold in your life. Prayer matters. It part of your armor. I don't know about your daily life but throughout my day I run into others that seem to be having a really bad day. If you are not prepared to come under attack, these run ins will really throw you into a loop. I talk a lot about renewing one's mind. So many of us are watching these so called 'reality shows' with MAJOR drama in the mix. You can believe all you want that these shows do not impact the way you yourself react to certain things, but if this is all you are pumping into your mind, I can promise you this is a natural result.

On the other hand, if you are delving into God's word, if you are renewing your mind in as many positive ways as humanely possible, I can also promise you that situations will not escalate in the same manner. If you add prayer to that formula you will often witness unbelievable events. Like a child lifting a car off a parent or vice versa as an example. Or like me, you may be blessed by becoming a tool in the healing of another individual! Perhaps you might meet another sister in Christ who has a message for you, given to her by your Heavenly Father! This could lead to so much more. I know this to be true beyond a shadow of a doubt. Of course if you have read my blog "Show Me A Sign" as well as "Unpacking Treasure, show me a sign part II" you know this actually took place in my life as well. By being introduced to my sister in Christ, I ended up meeting her sister at a fundraiser and today I am a part of her ministry. I am telling you, your whole world could explode in blessings!

I have to laugh, because last night at bible study we were talking about how we are instructed to rejoice always. Not just in the good times but through the mishaps of life as well. We happened to be reading about Paul and Silas in Acts, Chapter 16. They had just been dragged into town by the slave owners of a fortune telling girl who, due to Paul ordering the demon to come out of her in the name of Jesus, had lost her talent and in turn the slave owners risked losing their profits. The slave owners made the false claim that Paul and Silas were throwing their city into confusion, being Jews, and claimed they were proclaiming customs which were not lawful for Romans to accept or observe! The crowd rose against Paul and Silas and the chief magistrates tore Silas and Paul's robes off and ordered them to be beaten with rods. After striking them with many blows they hauled them off to prison. The jailer threw them into the inner prison and fastened their feet in stocks. This is the first recorded account of anti-semitism! So next, we learn that Paul and Silas were not only praying, they were also singing hymns of praise to God. It also says all the prisoners were listening to them when suddenly there was an earthquake so grand that the foundations of the prison house were shaken and All the doors were opened and everyone's chains were unfastened! I cannot imagine what that scene must have looked like! One thing is for sure that is some exciting stuff!!! 

 this past Thursday I had posted this on my 'You Are Worthy Too' fan page: Tremendously thankful thoughtful Thursday! Indeed I am thankful. Yesterday my 'world' could have blown up. I admit I cried out loud. I called a friend quickly and asked if she would pray for all of us as I was a mess. She did. In the end what was meant for evil became good. Thank you Father God. As your word claims, it is true:

As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength.
~ Psalm 138:3, NLT

In the midst of absolute fear of what may transpire, I was able to keep my head about me and leaned upon my heavenly Father. He not only gave me strength, He provided me with insight. 

****** I started this blog post on Friday. It is now Sunday. In the last 5 days I have dealt with massive fear 3 times. I cannot imagine what shape I would be in right now were it not for my relationship with the Lord. I'm about to purchase some knee pads, for I have fallen on my knees several times in a few short hours. At the end of the day, my children are safe, my mother is safe, Mike is safe. Thank you Father God for your protection and your love. I feel like I have survived a train wreck. Amazingly enough I was even able to chuckle at a couple of mistaken words on a face book posts. The whole message changes when pray becomes pay and letters becomes lawyers. Laughter truly is a medicine. 

Father God I ask that you help those in pain find a way to laugh through their tears as you have caused me to do tonight. You truly are a loving Father. Where would I be without you? I shudder to even think what life would be like were you not there for me to lean on. The evil one is banging at my door Father. He is trying to steal, kill and destroy. I ask that you bind him. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Wendy

© Wendy Glidden, 2013

Keeping Jesus in The Middle!

Today is Tremendously Thankful Thoughtful Thursday. As I say it's full name, it makes me inhale deeply as I close my eyes and send a virtual hug to my Heavenly Father. Perhaps it is the word Thankful I placed in it that causes the surge in my heart. I will forever be thankful to God for everything. It's where I am at. I think it's referred to as rest. I am so much better about not fretting. I KNOW my God has it. Whatever ails me, or haunts me, I give it to Him now and it is my Faith that allows me to see the mountains placed in front of me turn to dust. I am blessed for such visions.

Today I am also thankful that I put God in the middle of my marriage to Mike right from the beginning. You see, if you have previously read the blog "A shotgun wedding" you know I never wanted to marry Jeff. I felt like I was robbed. Once divorced, marriage no longer held as much significance to me. So much so that I married my next two husbands for all the wrong reasons. I divorced them without guilt. I had never gone before God and requested his blessing on any of those unions. I never prayed on or over any of those marriages.

When it came to Mike, he was the first man I WANTED to marry. So much so that it caught me off guard. I wanted to be good with God where we were concerned. I remember standing with him, holding hands, looking at each other as we asked God to bless our union and said our vows to each other. We were in his mother's condo. It was February 14th. The same day Michael was conceived. While it may seem weird, I had never felt more married in my life. There was no license involved. There was no witness in the room other than God and the twins. When we finished our vows, my heart soared.

I truly believe Mike and I were meant to be together. I feel blessed to be loved by him. The major factor in me seeking God for help when it came to our marriage honestly has to do with the lack of love Mike was showering me with. It's not that he stopped loving me, it was that his heart was hardening. At one point in our relationship you could say he was so miserable, living with him was overwhelming. I saw so many blessings in our life. I would often ask him, "Why are you so miserable. Look at where we are, what we have together. We are blessed. How can you not see it?" He would all but snarl at me.

At one point I put his oldest son's picture in a collage on our wall. I thought his hardening of the heart was connected to the loss of that relationship. Having his son taken from him had hardened his heart so much so I feared Mike would never find his way to to Faith, Hope and Love. I encouraged him to get in contact with the mother of his child again. Due to how things had abruptly ended between them, Mike's entire family had honored the agreement between Mike's step-father Larry and Sarah. They all felt Mike did not deserve to have any contact with his son. His brother refused to give Mike any contact information. Knowing what I did about Mike's parent's pasts, I was astounded by the judgement and lack of love and understanding from Larry more so than Marie, Mike's mom. Mike's brother refused to give Mike any contact information. He and Mike have a unique relationship for brothers. Mike then begged his mother for a number or an address to write them. His mom, after having Mike promise he would not cause any problems, provided him with a number for a parent or a step parent of Sarah's. She reminded Mike to stay civil in all conversations. Mike called a couple of times and left messages saying he just wanted a chance to build a relationship with his son. No one ever called back. I encouraged him to not give up, but Mike was more negative in those days. He felt defeated in the matter.  This greatly impacted everything. When all seemed hopeless, I turned to God for help. I prayed fervently over it. If you have read my blog, "Show me a sign", you know a little about where our relationship was heading a few years ago. By keeping my focus on Jesus, I was shown how to handle things with love.

This weekend, Mike is going to get to meet his son for the first time since he wrecked his car while in a high speed chase with the police. At that time John was a mere 18 months old. He was in the back seat, strapped in his car seat when that event took place. I find it ironic that he was arrested close to independence day and he will be reunited with his son a few days before independence day 12 years later.

I pray this will bring things full cycle for Mike where his heart is concerned. I know how deeply Mike loves John. He may have an inkling himself, but just like after the birth of our first son Michael, (one of the stories God inspired me with this week), Mike is going to be hit with emotions he has never experienced. All I pray is he feels God with him when the damn breaks and the water rushes forth.

Today Father, I come before You and pray that everyone realizes a marriage without your blessing is nothing more than a legal document. That is it. Nothing less, nothing more. I know this as truth for I have been married to 3 different men with a license to do so. All three marriages failed and in the same manner I was divorced by man's laws. However when I was at my wits end with Mike, I sought out Your blessing to leave him because I sought your blessing to be married to him in the first place. Having you in the middle truly makes all the difference. I pray you open the eyes of all who have curiosity regarding this matter of marriage. I also pray for protection over our trip and Mike's reunion with his son. May the evil one be kept at bay. May he find no entrance to enter into the situation. Fill both Mike and Sarah with a calm that cannot be denied comes from You Father. Allow John to see the love his father truly feels for him. I truly believe it is Your will for these two to be united again and I thank you for again always being Faithful Father. Your Grace is such a gift. Only you can pull of such miracles when it comes to the healing of hearts. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! In Jesus name I pray. Amen!

I end with a song that touches my heart every time I hear it for the truth it reveals. Enjoy!

Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013