May You Learn to Live Before You Die!

My grandma gave me a book for my birthday somewhere around age 27 give or take a year or two. On the inside of the book, she had written a message to me. “May you learn to live before you die, Love, Grandma Rosie.”

I cannot remember for the life of me what the book was, but I never forgot her words.

This morning I awoke and wondered what God had in store for me. Since my computer is down, I found my so called smart phone and opened my email account and searched for K-loves encouraging word of the day. When I opened it up, I read this;

Your laws are always right; help me to understand them so I may live. ~ Psalm 119:144, NLT

When I read that, so many things flashed into me all at once. This is how I am led to write what I write. These flashes of insight are why even when I begin to doubt that this is my path, I remember the conversations God and I had about me writing one day and I know to my very core, this is what I am meant to do. I am a ghost writer for the greatest writer of all. He communicates things and ideas to me via the flashes and talking thoughts. It is my honor to share all he shares with me. I am blessed in doing so. I am humbled to be given such a task.

My wit, my patience, my kindness, my heart, everything that is good about me is due to Him in me. I absolutely love who I am in Him. When I walk on my own, things don’t often turn out quite so well. This is most obvious when you read my life story.

So back to the inscription my grandmother had written me. When I read it I was like; what? Live before I die? I’m living now. What does she mean?

I did not ask her outright that day. Instead, I pondered it over the years though. As I look back over my life and many of the things my grandmother has said to me I am sure that she was moved by the spirit to say them. I believe this to be the case because they have been one liners and they have been deep. Short, sweet and full of meaning. Often the spirit talks to me directly in such a fashion.

When I read that encouraging word, one of the things that flashed to me is that sin is death. When we chose to live outside of Gods laws, we often find ourselves deep in some kind of trouble that was brought on by our own doing. This kind of living is not living at all, it is simply surviving. Sure we are alive. We are breathing, moving, working or whatever but in all honesty we are not living at all.

We allow our actions to hold us in bondage. You see, it does not always feel good to walk outside of Gods laws. If you got real truthful with yourself, much of what you are doing when you are living outside of the law, does not make you proud. Meaning it is something you don’t want the entire world to know about. This is something the evil one relishes. As soon as you yourself are not proud of what you are doing, as soon as you begin to avoid certain people or places for fear others may see you ‘in the moment’, the devil has all he needs to begin shaming you into silence.

So, when King David says help me understand your laws so I may live, this is what he was talking about.

When you are on top of the world, doing what is right in all ways, you can stand proudly and you do. It is like the sun is beaming on you and life is good. It is abundantly good. Most of us have had one of those moments in our lifetime when everything was perfect and worry was not even a passing thought. We had nothing to worry about. We were on the right path.

On this earth it is so very easy to slide off of the right path, the narrow path, because so many temptations are lurking around every corner. Shame is a guilt that will chain you quickly. It truly is enough to keep one from their purpose in life.

If you are afraid of others discovering something from your past or present, you will not be near as bold about things. This is why it is best to come clean of everything. Leave the devil with nothing to shame you with. If you step forward and say; I did that and I did this and it did not feel good but it is part of my history, it is what it is. By doing this, those things lose their power over you. You will break the chains of slavery.

When you sin, you may not fully grasp in that moment that you have supplied the evil one with the tools he needs to enslave you into bondage. He will haunt you later in life with your shames. Don’t allow him that privilege. Don’t hand over that power. There is NO REASON to! Your heavenly father loves you so much; he provided you a way to freedom. He provided you with the law of liberty. Step out of the shadows and allow yourself to bask in the sun. Come follow the son of God and live an abundant life.

The birthday wish my grandma gave me approximately 17 years ago is the same prayer I say for all my brethren today. “May you learn to live before you die.”

My computer is in the hands of a friend. I do not yet know if it can be saved but I do now have in my email both of the chapters from book III that I feared may be lost. I still have 4 chapters to polish off to finish my book and I am certainly behind schedule at this point but I am not going to stress over any of it. This is Gods book. He put it on my heart to share with the world. It will hit the shelves right when it is supposed to.

Should I need a new computer, then a new one I will find this weekend! I hear there is a mighty storm headed our way. I wondered when I heard it was on its way for sure if it was perhaps going to be enough to allow me to stay home toasty warm and finish this third volume God put on my heart to write. We will see won’t we?

Father, today I come before you with such gratitude. As I read all of King David’s 119^th Psalm I found myself crying. I am so thankful that he too was willing to share all you put on his heart to share. His words and songs to you have lifted me so many times lately. I find him and his love for you very inspiring. To know that I am not alone in any way. To know that you love us regardless of anything we may do. It is such a gift to understand the depth of your love. I thank you for never giving up on me and for sending others my way to minister to me over the years. May I be a hand or foot for you as well. May my words lift and encourage and shine light into the darkest corners of the world. I have so much to be thankful for my Lord. Please fill my heart with your love so that I may reveal your glory to all I manage to touch in my lifetime. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, walks with God,

Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden

'What Can Mortal Man Do to Me?'

Good morning! According to my calendar, it is Totally Terrific Testimonial Tell All Tuesday! Here is one of my testimonies: Last night I was assistant coach for my son's 2nd grade basket ball team. I was able to participate in all the drills and it was awesome!

A year ago everywhere I went, I shuffled. Lifting my feet off the ground was something I simply was not capable of doing. Toward the end of summer, I prayed to God to have my healthy body back. I cried out in anguish. After being in massive pain for almost three years, He had answered my prayer for healing regarding my back and had literally placed a wellness doctor in my path. He was delivered to me in such a way there was no denying it was God that was placing me in his care.

Upon my first visit to him, he began putting my bones back in place. I knew I was in bad shape, I just did not realize how bad! I began seeing him late April / early May and now I only see him once a month for an adjustment.

With his help, I had the confidence to begin a workout routine that another friend suggested I try. She had been pursuing me to try one of her companies workout videos and I had told her about the fact I truly needed a 'Physical Therapy' kind of work out video to follow and she knew just what I needed. She excitedly told me about it and I decided to give it a go.

I am so happy I did. In 42 days, which is only six weeks time, I have dropped 36 pounds and 34" of body fat from my skeletal frame and have gained amazing agility and flexibility in the process. I am so happy with how far I have come I could cry tears of absolute joy. I am now one of 'those girls' with a fat loss story that is unbelievable! I have not made it to my goal size or weight but I now know it is 100% possible in the next 42 days to get the job finished!

My goal is to lose 78 pounds. This will also mean losing 4-5 more inches around my waist, 2 - 3 more at my hips and another 1 - 2 off my chest area. With that my arms and legs will also shrink a bit.

I read once that for every pound you take off of your body it is like removing 4 pounds of burden. I know my frame appreciates the lighter weight it must still tote around. I can only dream about how awesome getting back to where I want to be will feel! Only 42 more pounds to shed!

I have promised to reach back and help anyone who is desiring to truly lose weight. It is hard work. It takes determination. However, this works so well and is so healthy, you will secretly enjoy watching yourself melt. If you need a coach or someone to encourage you or whatever label you want to slap on it, I would be thrilled to be that for you. Simply email me at wendyglidden123@gmail.com and indicate what you want help with.

I'm into total wellness so from helping you with your mindset and your relationship with the Lord to losing weight and getting into the size pants you want back into or into for the first time, I am here for you! Nothing would please me more than to reach back and help someone who has tried almost everything and failed.

Recently God has been flashing me things from my past again. As far as my life line goes I managed to get beyond the adoption to the point I almost lost my life in a bike wreck due to literally working myself to death so that I could fall asleep without thinking. Absolute off the charts craziness is what follows that scene and I have once again been dragging my feet.

However, this past Sunday, when we were asked what becoming a believer in the cross and Jesus Christ had changed in our life, I replied, for me it had meant freedom of fear. Fear of judgement from others, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of anything.

It reminds me of David when he asks, 'What can mortal man do to me?' I love David's Psalms. We are covering 4 different Psalms in November. Last Sunday we covered Psalm 32 and touched on Psalm 56, which is one of my endless favorites. I am going to share David's words here, right out of my MacArthur study bible. I hope you love his trust and enthusiasm half as much as I do! Psalm 56 in it's entirety:

** My study bible highlights this as Supplication for Deliverance and Grateful Trust in God. This took place when the Philistines seized David in Gath.

verse 1: Be gracious to me, O God, for man has trampled upon me; Fighting all day long he oppresses me.

verse 2: My foes have trampled upon me all day long, For they are many who fight proudly against me.

verse 3: When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.

verse 4: In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?

verse 5: All day long they distort my words; All their thoughts are against me for evil.

verse 6: They attack, they lurk, They watch my steps, As they have waited to take my life.

verse 7: Because of wickedness, cast them forth, In anger put down the peoples, O God!

verse 8: You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?

verse 9: Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call; This I know, that God is for me.

verse 10: In God whose word I praise, In the Lord, whose word I praise,

verse 11: In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?

verse 12: Your vows are binding upon me, O God; I will render thank offerings to You.

verse 13: For You have delivered my soul from death, Indeed my feet from stumbling, So that I may walk before God in the light of the living.

I love the trust King David places in the Lord. I know just how he feels. As I go forth and share more things from my early to mid twenties, I too will trust in the Lord knowing that He is using my stories to inspire and encourage and call others home. All for the glory of God.

I thank the Lord for all He has delivered me from. While I have shared a ton, I have so much more to reveal. I keep saying I am going to get to it and truly I am. I must go back and refresh my memory of where I ended exactly so that I can continue from there.

Should you just be joining me in this journey, I invite you to go back to my introduction post, in my mind humorously titled, 'In the Beginning' and read the personal posts up to 'Saying Goodbye to Amanda Rose' there is one after that where I share my bike wreck, but for the life of me I cannot remember it's title right now.

It is my prayer that my story inspires hope and reveals the glory of God. It is also my prayer that it helps you in building your trust and your relationship with the Lord.

I have missed out on sharing the last couple days encouraging words by K-Love on my Facebook page and I love both Monday's and Today's, so I am going to share both of them now:

Monday 11/4/2013

But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength ~ 2 Timothy 4:17a, NLT

Tuesday 11/5/2013

I promise this very day that I will repay two blessings for each of your troubles. ~ Zechariah 9:12b, NLT 

The Lord has stood with me time and time again and has given me strength. I know this as truth for I have felt myself drained of all strength, yet remain planted on my feet, held up firmly by the mighty hand of our Lord. 

I too am beginning to witness what I would say are more than two blessings for each of my troubles. Perhaps it feels like more for I have had much trouble over my life span! Us saints are not promised an easy life you know!! I hope I have managed to leave you with a smile today! Remember be blessed and be a blessing to others!

Father, today I come to you singing praises for all the miracles you have performed concerning me. I am blessed to call upon you and have you deliver me. I am blessed to have the relationship that I do with you. For decades I called upon you in times of big trouble but turned my back on you in my daily life. What a fool I was to think you were not for me any longer. What a fool to believe the lies that were being fed to me by the evil one. He is clever but not wise for he set himself against you to begin with. Thank you for speaking to me. Thank you for your signs and wonders. I pray I am witness to many more for they tickle me to no end. Father, it is my prayer that more of my brothers and sisters that are today where I have been in my past concerning a relationship with you step fully into the light and draw much closer to you. May their eyes and hearts be opened my Lord. May they begin to seek more of your wisdom and love and may they grow and become workers. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, walks with God
Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Landing on a Ledge

Isn't life funny. So much to do in a given day let alone a week. I have yet to blog on Mike and I. Takes a special moment to be able to drift back in time. I know everything is in God's timing and since that is perfect I do not let not getting something done in my time cause me stress. The words will come just as God wants them to.

I have opened but not had time to share K-Loves encouraging words the last few days. I find it fitting that they perfectly blend well together so I am going to share them in order beginning with Saturdays here all in a row on this Terrific Testimonial Tell All Tuesday. Let's see where the Spirit will lead!

Saturday 10/19/2013

I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep. ~ John, NLT

Sunday 10/20/2013

Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying.

~ John, NLT

Monday 10/21/2013

Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.

~ John 14:6, NLT

Tuesday 10/22/2013

I tell you the truth, those who listen to my message and believe in God who sent me have eternal life. They will never be condemned for their sins, but they have already passed from death into life.

~ John, NLT 

When you read the four in order doesn't it just make your heart soar? This last Sunday was an emotional one for me. We had the most incredible speaker. Just a humble servant of the Lord, but I believe she moved the entire room. I know she moved me. After already beating a cancerous tumor entangled with her spinal cord, she is now battling brain cancer and smiling about it. She would say something like maybe it is not cancer, maybe it is marital problems or teenage issues or whatever it is, it is not your biggest battle. That one was already taken care of for you on the cross. When you take that and combine it with those 4 quotes of scripture, what she was saying makes perfect sense. Sure what we walk through may be tough but if we keep our focus on the Lord we will make it through the valley and we will soar once more. Should we be at the end of this life and it is not planned for us to continue in this earth suit, it was always the end and we should not morn that, we should rejoice for the best is yet to come. When you truly wrap your mind around grace and eternal life everything truly changes. You can begin to live the abundant life that God intended you to live. 

I just heard an awesome song on the radio. As promised prior for those that cannot see the video on their device this song is titled "My Help Comes From The Lord" and it is performed by Chris Tomlin. 

My morning started out with a text from Mike expressing his love for me and that he longs to be married to me. That he never wants to be apart again and he is very sorry for not thinking before. I don't believe his problem was with thinking or not thinking. I believe his problem was with letting go and accepting that Jesus was Lord over his life. Mike giving up power to anyone was overwhelming to him. I just know it was. Then God striped everything out of his life in one fell swoop. Suddenly, he was without his family, his job and perhaps even his freedom. Now, even though he wants to, he cannot return. It is one thing to be behind bars and miss your family, it is another to be out walking the streets, working your new job, eating meals and be so far away from family you'd see them more were you in jail in your home town than where you are each day. Within his first week in Florida, he was picked up on a violation of probation stemming from 2006. Turns out when we left Florida with permission from his probation officer, with the condition to complete a class prior to May 6th, his probation officer did not get a copy of the class, so he filed a violation on him. Mike did do the class and amazingly enough even though seven full years had passed, I remembered where he had taken the class and they indeed still had his file available. You would think with proof of the completed class prior to May, 2006, the charges would have been dropped, but again no, he goes to court on October 29, 2013. His original probation officer wants 60 days in jail from Mike. That's what happens when you have to leave the state is what he has been told. I refuse to fret no matter what happens. If he has to serve 60 days I know it is because God needs some serious alone time with Mike and that is where they connected the first time. That is where Mike prayed to win my heart before he ever saw or met me. Sometimes you really do go full circle. All I know is with each passing day that we are apart Mike grows a little more and ironically while I too am growing, I am also shrinking. I just imagine how much better in all ways we both will be in the end. We had planned to get married for real on January 18th of next year, the ten year anniversary of our very first kiss, before everything seemed to go haywire. I love how we have come to realize what was truth and what was an attack from the evil one. What Satan intended to destroy has grown stronger. It very much reminds me of the story in Acts of the first church. Time and time again the evil one attacked and out of evil, every time, good was produced and things flourished. I know God uses all evils for good and I have come to love His ways. I could never change Mike or make him grow up myself, but God can do all things. I am thrilled that I had enough Faith in Him to finally let Mike go completely. Look at the fruit that is being produced in the end. 

With that being said, I am reminded of how I fell on that ledge the first time where Mike is concerned. If you have read my first two chapters regarding us, 'How I Fell In Love With Mike' and 'Dissed, Disowned, Disgraced and Darn Near Destitute' you know at this point in our relationship I was madly in love with Mike and was seeming to fall down this never ending mountain day after day and then Wham, it happened. I had a warning that trouble was ahead. The same voice that warned me I would lose my money, asked a simple but gigantic question as I unlocked the doors of the van after I had just walked out of a W.I.C. appointment in Grand Junction Colorado, "What are you going to do when Mike runs into Heather?" It came out of nowhere and literally stopped me in my tracks. I had Tia, Travis and the twins with me at the time and I just halted  in the process of getting everyone loaded up into the car. I asked the question out loud myself and instantly I knew the answer. I would have to let him go. I couldn't shake the feeling or the thought that Mike might not truly be mine after all. But that night, as he wrapped me into his arms, I let that voice fall to the back of my head and tumbled down the mountain side once again deciding I was going to lavish up this love for as long as it was mine. A mere month later I was in the same building with everyone and we were applying for job assistance. Mike said he had to go to the bathroom and he went off on his own. When he returned he was clasping a white piece of paper in his hands. He sat down beside me looking almost ill and when I asked him what was wrong, he said, "I ran into Heather. She gave me her number." I didn't breath. He handed me the paper. I feebly laughed and said, "As if you don't have the number memorized already." He said, "No, I didn't even look at it. She told me I was welcome to come to her as long as I left you and the twins. She is not into children." I was surprised to say the least. I took the number and threw it in the trash hoping silently that that was the end of it. 

** Pausing for a moment to play catch up. The twins were born in Florida. From a heartbeat of almost living on the street, Mike landed a job and through it I landed a babysitting job. The owner of his restaurant had four children needing to be cared for and that fell to me. I never got paid, but we were provided a one bedroom condo in exchange. Sadly shortly before the twins were born it was discovered that this man was corrupt. The restaurant closed and Mike and I quickly managed to get into a two bedroom trailer a few weeks before the twins arrived. Mike found another job as a cook at another restaurant but it was obvious he was not happy. When the twins came, Mike's mom was out of the state so, a friend of Mike's had his wife help us out by staying at our home when we had to go to the hospital so that Tia and Travis were taken care of. Mike let me down a little by getting drunk the night the twins were born. He barely made it back to the hospital that night. He claimed the surgery was too awful for him to stomach and he had to drink to get over it. As I lay recovering from a C-section where I was literally cut and then ripped apart due to the doctor needing more room to get the babies out, Mike was in my bathroom throwing up. He did not have the proper identification to be allowed to sign the girls birth certificate so, to this day he is not listed as their father although they both have his last name. We only stayed in Florida through October. Mike quit his job, we sold all we had, packed up all we could and headed off to Grand Junction, Colorado to go live with his best friend from his childhood, Mike Stark, and that is how we ended up in Colorado. Back to the story.

Less than a week after Mike had his run in with Heather, Mike's best friend who I will call Stark and his girlfriend began arguing over trust issues and somehow it came out of the closet that Mike had all but cheated on me the night the girls were born. Turns out the girl I entrusted to care for my children and drive Mike around as he did not have a valid license at the time and I did not want him getting in trouble in Florida thought they deserved a little fun. She got him drunk and attempted to have sex with him in my van right outside the hospital in the parking lot. No wonder Mike was so sick. As the details came out I found myself barely able to breath. This is when I landed on that ledge and had the air smacked right out of me. My world was spinning so fast I wanted to puke myself. Suddenly I understood what was going on. Like a light was flashed in my head. I looked at him and said, "You are trying to start a fight with me so that you can go to Heather. There is no need for that. Call her, Go to her. I will be okay." It was all I could do to hold myself together and even in reliving, it is so very very very painful. Thinking he might leave me for Heather, his first love was one thing. Thinking he let me lie crying for him in a hospital bed while he considered sleeping with just another girl with no meaning behind her at all had rocked my world. I wept for real that night as he slept. 

Things at his friends house were falling apart rather quickly with the fighting and we moved out of there and ended up in a homeless shelter when they had room and on the streets when they did not. Life was rough to say the least. Tia and Travis were acting out badly demanding they get their dad back. Mike was miserable torn between old and new loves. I could feel his heart was not completely mine and it hurt. As night dawned in the homeless shelter and the children were asleep he reached for me. He pulled me into his arms and attempted to kiss me. I turned my head from him. I know he was surprised by my move. I simply said, "You love someone else, I cannot kiss you." Again I wept myself to sleep. 

The next night Mike insisted we stay out of the shelter so we could talk things out. We did. In the end he decided he did not want to be without his babies and he decided he loved me and Heather had been nothing but a girl who played games with him through out their relationship and he decided he wanted to stay with me. Regardless, looking back, so much damage had been done to my heart. Within one month, I had a pretty good wall built around my heart. So much for someone praying for you meant they would do everything in their power to show you their love every day and would never stray. I no longer felt secure in Mike's love for me. It was a very big pivotal point in our relationship. 

The words have stopped flowing and that may be due to these crazy tears streaming down my face. Mike and I truly are back at the beginning. I am by myself in Indiana raising ironically five children again on my own just like I was when Mike and I finally got together. He is in Florida and praying for me again. He may even come back to me from behind bars like the first time. Ten years later we get to start over only this time we have the best foundation. Our love is built with Christ as our Center, our foundation. Who could pull off something as unbelievable as that but God Himself? Of course He has been involved in our love affair from the very beginning. 

As I wipe my eyes, I am happy to have this chapter behind me once and for all. Mike knew I was going to write on it. He asked the other night, "No way around it eh?" I laughed and said, "No" In sharing there will be healing and indeed there is. Love truly is the greatest of all:

1 Corinthians 13:13: Faith, Hope & Love. The Greatest of These is Love

Father, today I come before you and ask you to lift all those in a relationship that are struggling with Faith and love and hope and hard times. Let them see and feel your love. Help them see that to survive and flourish they must invite you in. When you keep your focus on Jesus it will change the way you talk to and treat one another. Even if only one of them is openly seeking you Father like I was, lift them and fill their faith like you did me Father. Help them be so bright their partner will seek your light as well. Should their be children in the mix Father fill these babies with your love and guidance. Shelter them under your wings. Let them know it's not about them at all father. Be the parent that we hurting parents are not able to always be. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Wendy, walks with God

Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Tomorrow Could Just Be The Best Day of Your Life!

Good Morning World! Today is Wild Wacky Wonderful Weds. Wow!! I have so much to share . . . I need more time to myself . . . Spring has sprung at work and Glidden Fence Company Inc is so blessed this year for we have enough work to keep ourselves all hopping! Feels good after a long winter ♥ Weds are the day that inspired me in changing my mindset! You see, it's the day that I have no help. No lunch break. Some days it's all I can do to get a drink. It's an insane pace but I have made a game of it over the years.

Regardless when going at that pace you are bound to make an error, get yelled at, or have someone get angry with you. I have bawled my eyes out over a customer getting angry at me over something they consider life shattering. Usually it is not an actual life shattering problem, especially when you weigh the matter against the matters of the world, yet I cannot say that to them! 

Today, I pray we all give each other a little more encouragement and slack. I pray we go about our day smiling and being an encouragement to others. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. 

One of my favorite lines from Jesus is when He stepped forward and said, "Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone." I had that stenciled out and on my wall when I was a teenager! One day I will share other items I had up as well!

Anyway, Weds were the reason I wrote the blog "It Starts with Your Mindset" If you struggle with the days of the week and associate them in the slightest negative way, I encourage you to check out this blog. Following this formula has totally changed my outlook! 

Speaking of outlook, on my way to work this morning in the midst of singing praises and just smiling as I belted along with the radio. Chris Tomlin, I lift my hands was on . . . You should check it out on YouTube. I believe many of you will love the words. Next came a song about How much God loves us and I was reflecting on all I had been through over my mere 44 years and I was overwhelmed with God's love for me. Next I flashed on how down some of us are throughout our journey. I don't think there is a human being out there who hasn't had an awful day and wished they could go to bed and never get back up. That made me reflect on the sadness of so many ending their lives when they hit these lows and my heart ached. I thought to myself, "I have had days I too wished I could curl up and die but had I, I would have missed some of the Best days of my life!" Yesterday was admittedly the worst day of my life. This was the message I shared with the world:

A Sad Saturday

With that in mind, I would like you to recall the last "Best Day of Your Life" ANY time you hit the lowest of lows and remind yourself that this moment too shall pass. Please get on your knees and pray to Your Father in Heaven for peace, joy, and strength. He is always there waiting for your plea. Ask others to pray for you. Reach out to your fellow brothers and sisters. Please what ever you do don't play with ending your life. After all, Tomorrow could just be The Best Day of Your Life!

Today I pray for all who are dealing with depression. Father I too have been in this black hole. I thank you for showing me I could turn to you any day any time any where. I ask that you go to those who are in pain and darkness and flicker some light their way. Send a hand or foot of Jesus to them Father. I also pray that those of us who are firm in our faith become more bold in sharing your message of Grace and Glory. I pray Father that we step out of the shadows ourselves and regardless of fear that may attack us from the evil one that we push on, headstrong in the fight. I pray we begin to show each other the Grace you alot us Father. In Jesus name I pray! Amen.

****** In my heart, I believe my story was written to help many who are hurting in some way ~ if you are that person or you know a person, please visit this link "The Proof is in the Pudding!" and buy a copy for yourself or a friend!

Wendy,
Mom of many

© Revised 2014 Wendy Glidden © 2013 Wendy Glidden

The Aftermath

I know it has been a minute since I blogged about my past. The last chapter totally wiped me out. Who knew a heart could hurt so massively 22 years after the original heartache? For those that are just jumping in, my last blog ended with me going back to the hospital to hold Amanda Rose, the only baby I ever planned, one last time. It ended with me being told she had already been picked up by the couple I had chosen to be her parents and me in shambles. I would highly encourage you to start back at 'In the Beginning' if your interest is peaked.

**

I managed to make it back out of the hospital to my mother's car. I know today that it was by the strength of God that I was able to do so. When I got home I went to my room and bawled until I fell asleep from exhaustion. When I woke the next morning, I was instantly in tears again. I got up and walked into Cassy and Billy's room. I stood there for a moment and then I began tearing their room down. I dis-assembled their bunk bed. Ripped out the rest of the furniture and toys and then the carpet. It had never been tacked down in place so I rolled it up and took it out of the room as well. I then began painting the walls. By the time my mom got home from work, I had put the room completely back together. All of this 3 days after giving birth. I could not stand to sit still for then my mind went straight to Amanda and then I would begin crying all over again. I must have thought about  contacting the adoption agency and telling them I changed my mind a million times. That night I cried myself to sleep again.

The next day, I decided it was time for me to find a job. I had no car so I walked. First I went to Kroger and put in an application. I also stopped off at the Liquor store on the corner and filled out an application. After that I walked and walked and walked. I ended up at Glendale Mall and went to the bookstore. I gazed at the covers of a lot of books but I don't think my eyes actually read any of them. I was trying everything in my power to NOT think about Amanda and I was not having the greatest success. I walked back home before the sun set.

The next day I decided to walk in another direction and I ended up seeing a sign at a Dairy Queen asking for help. I went in, filled out an application and was lucky enough to score a job interview. The owner hired me saying it was based mostly on my smile. I thought that was so ironic because it was a fake smile. It never reached my eyes or my heart. Regardless, I was hired. I told him I could start immediately so I was scheduled to come in the next evening. I was happy to have something to help keep me busy so I didn't have to think.

Within two weeks of starting at Dairy Queen, I had an interview at Kroger. I had also had an interview at the Liquor store. I even went and took their test and got my Liquor License. I was hired there before Kroger but decided something about that job did not feel right so I called in to let the company know I had changed my mind and did not want that job. They ended up getting robbed the night I was supposed to work. I call that divine intervention. I did end up getting the job at Kroger. Now I had a job during the day and one at night. I offered to work as much as they could schedule me at both places. Cassy and Billy were staying with their dad for another 4 weeks so this was my chance to get ahead financially.

By the time Cassy and Billy were back home, I had purchased a bicycle for me to travel back and forth to work. My mother worked during the day so I had located a daycare I could afford. My mother agreed to watch the children in the evening when I worked. Everything was going according to plan. I was keeping myself so busy I did not have a lot of time to dwell on the emptiness that was enveloping me. Within a couple more weeks I ended up moving from Night manager to Store Manager at Dairy Queen. Ironically at the same time I was moved from Deli to 2nd Baker at Kroger. Now I was working from 10 AM to 10 PM at Dairy Queen. I would bike home, take a shower and get into my Kroger uniform and bike there. The next day I began my routine all over again. Up with the children, feed them breakfast, and take them to their daycare. I would then return the car to my mom, jump on my bike and go to work. I worked 6 days a week at Dairy Queen. I Baked 3 times a week at Kroger. I was keeping busy and that was the way I liked it. Within a month of holding the 2nd Baker position, the Head Baker quit at Kroger and I was moved up to her position. Now I was working three nights on, one night off and 3 nights on again at Kroger and still 6 days at Dairy Queen. At Kroger I was 3 day on . . . 3 days off. I began taking a drug for energy that I found in a magazine. The pills I ordered were called Black Beauties. They helped me stay awake on that 3rd night. I liked being so overworked for the mere fact that when I finally got the chance to sleep, it did not take me long to get there. I kept up this routine for almost 3 months! That was when my 2nd baker quit and instead of sleeping after working 72 hours straight, I had to go in to Bake. I don't know what I was thinking that night, but I ended up taking six black beauties that night. By the time my shift was over all I could think was how badly I wanted to go to sleep. I had that day off from Dairy Queen so it was my intention to go home and crash! I have to laugh because there is NO way I would have been able to go to sleep that morning.

I clocked out and headed out into the sunny morning. I jumped on my bike and headed home. I was speeding so hard on the black beauties that I was flying on my bike. I never saw that pot hole, but it stopped me in my tracks. I flew over the handle bars and landed in Keystone Avenue. The last thought I had was, "Man this is going to hurt". When the lights came back on, I found myself staring up at a man who was leaning down into my face. He asked me, "Do you hurt anywhere?" I managed to say, "My face." and tears began flowing from my eyes. He said, "It's bad but I have seen worse." My whole body hurt. In the distance I heard a women hysterically telling someone, she just knew I had broken my neck. I tried to turn to look at her but I could not move. I realized I was on a stretcher and was already strapped down. I could see a fire ambulance and channel 8 news out of the corner of my eye. The fireman got my attention again and said, "I am going to start touching you starting from your shoulders. Let me know what hurts." As soon as he touched my arm I winced. Without hesitation he cut the sleeve on my shirt. I also winced when he got to my hip and again, an article of clothing was cut. I could not believe I was in the middle of the street in basically my panties and bra with a news crew filming away. I lived 3 doors down from the firehouse. They knew who I was and my mom arrived within a minute of my coming too. They loaded me up in the ambulance. I told them I just wanted to go home and sleep but my mother agreed I needed to be checked out. They thought I had several broken bones.

I ended up having ex-rays for almost every part of my body on the right side. Turns out I only had taken a chip out of my skull above my eye socket, given myself a major concussion. Other then that I just had severe bruising. My eye ended up swelling shut and remained that way for over 10 days before I could get it to open a sliver. My face was so black and blue it was bruised for over a month. It is funny how many women will tell you, "You need to leave that man!" when you look like I did. I tried at first to tell them there was no man. I had done this to myself in a bike wreck. They would look at me with pity and say, "Honey, we've heard it all. You need to leave him." After about a week of this, I would just inform them that I had already left him.

My mom was so mad at me, before I even knew it she had taken my pills out of my room. She told me, "You gave up Amanda so that you could be the best mom you could be to Cassy and Billy and all you have done is work yourself almost literally to death." She was right. She insisted I pick one job and deal with my choice for my reasons had been well thought out.

I have no idea why I am crying again. But I am. I am at Play McDonalds with 6 of my youngest so . . . thinking I need to end this chapter here.

Today I pray for all who have heartache for whatever reason. I pray you turn to God and ask Him to help heal your heart. I pray you are strong enough to lean on others. I also pray for those who minister to the heartaches of others. I pray we always allow the Holy Spirit to work through us. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy,
Mom of Many

Spare the Rod ~ Spoil the Child

This does not mean "beat your children". I consider the rod the "truth hammer". This basically means step up to the plate of parenting. Love your children but don't coddle them. Teach them about God and the Fear of God. Take your household back and do it through Love. Find a church that teaches . . . not one that preaches. If they aren't telling you every Sunday that the Holy Spirit resides inside of YOU, you are in the wrong place. Keep moving until you find this type of fellowship. Only there will you feel safe in sharing your shames. Isn't that why you go? If you only go to church to look good I say to you, "God is not fooled". He knows your heart.

As we go forward today many are still questioning the violence going on in the world. I say to you since the time of Adam and Eve evil was sown into our flesh. It is important that you think of God daily and give praise for every little element of your life that is good. The more you do, the happier you will become. I am not claiming that life will suddenly become easy and you will no longer have problems. That will not happen until we live in the Kingdom of God. We live in a fallen world right now. Pain is a part of it's fabric. People act on pain. Some cry . . . sadly some kill.

People are so eager to buy into God allowing or even worse causing bad things to happen. He is not the ruler of this fallen world. Satan is. God gave us free will. That means it is there for everyone . . . even those who allow the evil side to win the spiritual battle that wages inside all of us. Help your children win this raging battle while they are young and impressionable. It is vital that they learn about God. If you are a parent and you yourself do not have a relationship with God I say it's high time you got there. Do not seek a place that teaches a false religion. The church is inside of you but you go to a place where other's are for fellowship, support, encouragement, prayer and hopefully hugs and laughter as well. This fallen world beats us up daily. Just like no company will ever sway every person to purchase their product line, not everyone will build a relationship with God. That means evil will remain to be "a force to reckon with." When you go into battle don't you dress for it? Read the Holy Bible. Listen to Christian programs on the radio in the car. Fill your childrens head with the knowledge God and HIS love. They get more than enough knowledge of evil especailly if there is a TV in your home. Speaking of TV, the charmed ones are not the only people to have seen the work of demons. They are written about in the bible and they are here still today. When someone gives in to the dark side all you can do is pray for that person. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink!

Today let's pray for the parents who are raw with emotion. I know that pain too well. My oldest son lost a child. He was only 18 and his daughter was only 3 months old. I held him while he howled in pain. Just recalling that memory has my eyes overflowing, my heart swelling and I am overwhelmed myself.

Once again I sit here crying and my fingers have stopped. I am going to go back to bed and cuddle with my youngest for another hour and then we are off to have fellowship ourselves.

May you have a blessed day <3

Wendy, Mom of Many


Copyright © 2013 [ Wendy L Glidden ] All Rights Reserved.