Dear Reader

Dear Reader,

Today is March 18, 2014. That would make it Totally Terrific Testimonial Tell All Tuesday! This is my tell all:  It was my belief that the third book God put on my heart to publish would be out before the end of this month. So many obstacles have occurred since the editing process for book two in February that I am not sure You Are Worthy Too: Angels, Answers, Signs & Wonders will be available before months end. I do know the evil one does not want this one to hit the shelves.

An element I had wondered how I would write is what I have written this morning. In each book, I include a Dear Reader letter. I feel it lets the reader know I truly have heart in the game. It is a more personal call out to them than the true life events I share. To me they are truly a very important element of my books if not the most important one.

With this book I was not sure what I was meant to say in my dear reader letter. I knew of one thing that needed to be a part of my letter, but how to take that and stretch it into a letter when it was simply a single truth, well that was an entirely different matter. That brings me to today:

This morning I knew God wanted me up early. Funny enough, a dream I had just prior was so real I was able to share a point of view with Mike because of it without him getting bitter or offensive.

When Mike woke me up at 5:15 AM to ask if I had seen his gloves, I went to look for them. I asked him where he last saw them and he insisted he had left them in his helmet and now they were gone! I wasn't angry at all that he'd woken me up because I already knew in my heart God wanted me up. In my sleepiness and honestly disobedience I was trying to deny what I felt to be the case.

When Mike decided we had looked everywhere that the children may have hidden his gloves, he apologized for getting me up so early. I confessed that God wanted me up anyway so he had done me a favor as I was being disobedient. I was pretty sure Mike had been used to force me to get up. He kind of laughed me off until he went to leave. When he went to put his helmet on his head, he found his gloves inside. He looked at me astonished and said, "God really did want you up."

Everything about this morning makes me smile. It is God that took away the pain that made me dread each morning. That in itself is a wonder. I still hurt a little ~ perhaps a gentle reminder of how life used to be.

I marvel at God and His ways. We all often complain about how God works and his timing, but do not see how weak willed we truly are. In all Honestly, God has been extremely patient with me. All awful moments in my life were never the end of the world. They were just awful moments. I also have many moments I treasure. Some of them, the ones I feel called to share in this volume God put on my heart to share, are within this book.

My next book coming out will be entitled 'In the Midst of Spiritual Warfare'. I thought it would be my second book but it has become my fourth. That just may be so that I am more prepared to write what God wants in it than I was prior to writing my second book and starting my third!

I have been under the craziest attacks since I began piecing this book together. In every way I have been under assault. It has been eye opening amazing to watch God come through for me in all aspects. Each time I have found myself no worse off and perhaps even a step ahead, just in another way, as I have continually walked faithfully in the Spirit come what may. I find myself instantly praying as I have felt myself pulled away from the fruit of the Spirit. I quickly call upon God to carry me through. Refusing to fret and worry as I am bombarded with fiery arrows by being on alert and picking up my sword. By recognizing the enemy at work and being dressed for battle, I go into the fight calling out, "My Lord help me."

I pray as you read this book what you walk away with is an unshakeable faith. A faith that anytime anything in your life begins to take place that your heart frets, you panic, any form of fear or distress weigh in upon you, you find yourself on your knees. You do not always have to be on your knees in a physical sense but that is your posture in a heartfelt sense. You will recognize that force of fear upon you deeply and you will pray in a way that you speak from your heart and He will answer.

If you have read my first two books you know I am NO 'angel'. Yet, when I was at the end, knowing on my own I was not going to make it, I called upon the Lord from my knees. I was desperate but seeking. I wanted help but did not realize quite yet that I was forgiven. It took me a bunch of reading and listening to have that light come on. In all honesty, it was three years down the road before I was able to believe and KNOW I was forgiven. As if I heard Jesus himself say that it was done.

I was at a weekend event called the Great Banquet. I see how God put me there right when I was meant to be there. I was asked to write down anything I felt kept me from the Lord and I wrote it all down. I said them all out loud. I knew in my heart I had repented for all of them. Until that day, I was still convinced that I was unworthy of forgiveness.

When I took that paper with me into the next room, there were 3 crosses on the ground. I went to the one in the middle, picked up my hammer and with three blasts drove that 16 right into that post nailing it all on the cross that Jesus was nailed to as a sacrifice for all sinners. As a carpenters daughter one thing I know is how to drive a nail. It was as if I broke every chain Satan had on me as I drove that nail deeper and deeper. With my final blow I knew I was free and belonged to Christ. I wear my ring and my cross to this day. They remind me of the vow I made; to spend the rest of my life sharing the good news.

We have a way out of this place many truthfully call hell. I get why so many refuse to believe that God is in Heaven cheering them on. I too believed I had fallen too far to ever be picked back up let alone though of. That is a lie! If you seek, you will find but you truly have to seek. You have to give God the best of you every day. You have to rely on Him when trouble hits. As you do these things you allow Him to show Himself to you. We are blind to the heavenly realm. It is beyond our understanding. It just is. I have been blessed to have seen both a person and my Winnebago shrouded in indescribable lights. As if surrounded in a ceiling of diamonds. I wish that mental image did due justice but it truthfully doesn't. More Beautiful than you can imagine. Those two stories as well as how God got me jogging, bending and jumping again as well as strong enough to pick up my littlest one are all shared in my next book.

I leave you with a smile on my face this morning for I have fretted about what I was going to put in my dear reader letter. It is, after all, a very important component of all my books. I want you to know I am truly interested in helping you find your unwavering faith. It is a vital part of your armor and in my opinion one of the coolest elements of your suit!

As you read my book you will see that I have had run ins with angels. As a word of caution, do not get caught up in the angels themselves. Remember that it is God that created them. Should you find yourself amazed or curious about them be more amazed and curious about their Maker. He is the one that sends the angels to you.

I pray this book finds you building your own relationship with the Lord. As a child I talked His ear off and asked many questions. It was when I mistrusted Him that I cut myself off. I truly was that teenager with the worst attitude toward my loving Father for a decade. Then for two more decades I was convinced I had to find a way to work my way to forgiveness and worthiness. I was so lost. The truth was hidden from me by my own misunderstanding and lack of effort. Don't repeat my behavior then, repeat my behavior now. For as boldly as I talked to God as a child, I talk to Him today. As much as I depended on Him then, I depend on Him now. He is my Lord and Savior and He loves me. Should I be weak, I call upon Him for strength. When I feel myself becoming who I was through anger or frustration, I quickly realize I am in the flesh, and I do not like how it feels at all. I give my situation to God and let it go. Often I walk away for a moment and quickly call out to God to help me with my tongue. I pray you get here too, because here is where life becomes amazing.

With that, I leave you with this final statement; Be blessed AND BE A BLESSING

Wendy, Walks with God,
Mom of Many

© WendyGlidden, You Are Worthy Too: Angels, Answers, Signs and Wonders 2014

Are You a Doubter?

Wild Wacky Wonderful Wednesday! Yea, from 70 degrees yesterday to snow today! Now that would be wacky if you didn't live in Indiana! For us its something we have seen before. That is why Hoosiers are so hardy lol. We roll with the punches as well as any group!!

 

As I read todays encouraging word, I smiled thinking how wild this event, the resurrection of Jesus, must have been at the time. I know it sounds wild in the reading of it.

 

I love the bible and all of its crazy happenings and recounts. I have crazy stories myself so it is easy for me to believe that such things could have taken place!

 

I am so excited to get this next book out. I was so busy worrying about my front and back matter that I was paralyzed in place once again. Then the day before, as I was working out of all times, God gave me what I needed for my Dear Reader letter. Then one of my bonus chapters came together for me while working on the house. When you chat it up with God, He often speaks when you least expect it! Just another way you know it is Him. I love His ways.

 

Here is the encouraging word I was given courtesy of K-Love this morning:

 

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and look at my hands. Put your hand into the wound in my side. Don't be faithless any longer. Believe!" ~ John 20:27, NLT

Thomas is known as doubting Thomas. However the others would have most likely been the doubters had they not seen Jesus for themselves.

 

We are asked to have faith without sight but in all honesty as you draw closer to God your eyes begin to see things that have no explanation other than God had a hand in it. Often we call these miracles.

 

Faith is simply believing that God has you no matter what seems to be going on. It's in trusting that He will work out all things for your good. It can be scary at first until you personally witness events for yourself. Sometimes faith can be born from hearing a story from someone else and the seed of curiosity is planted and you begin seeking. This is all it takes. When you come to the Father, like in the story of the two sons, the Father is joyous and welcomes you home with open arms.

 

Keep seeking and He will continually show up in countless ways. Trust in Him, pray to Him, talk to Him, share your heart, your fears, your dreams. He loves to have a relationship with His children. All relationships take a little work. Building your relationship with your Heavenly Father will actually improve all of your relationships! Well worth the effort!

 

I have much to get finished today so that I can work on my next book. I consider myself very blessed to have so many stories to share with the world. We are meant to share our stories for it strengthens not only our faith but others as well. I love when Paul says in one of his letters that he looks forward to encouraging others when he sees them again but also looks forward to being encouraged by them. 

 

Satan is always on the prowl. He longs to destroy your Faith. When we come together and share our stories and encourage one another, we in a way protect ourselves from the enemy. This is always a good thing. While at times it may be scary to share your story and the truth of who you once were, we are actually encouraged to share for it is in the sharing of our testimony that others will be saved. 

 

Be blessed and Be a blessing!

 

Father I come to you today with joy in my heart. I am so grateful for my story. I pray it brings many to you. As you know I have always wanted to be a part in saving lives. While as a child I did not fully understand what, why or how, I love what you have done through me. I am so blessed by messages I receive from others. I could not imagine a better life. Thank you. I pray also for strength and time and peace and protection so that I may finally sit down and finish this third book you placed on my heart to write. I pray that it causes countless sleeping children to wake up and clear the sleep from their eyes. May the too hear the calling Father. May they become bold and willing to share their own stories. Use me to my fullest potential Father and thank you for giving me large signs as I pray for them. Thank you for loving me just as I am and thank you for all your many daily blessings. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

 

Wendy Glidden, walks with God

Mom of Many

 

© Wendy Glidden 2014

Are Your Prayers Awkward?

Hello! Today is Simple Sincere Seeking Sunday! Have you taken any time to sing praises to Our Heavenly Father today? Perhaps you don't even realize He enjoys such devotion.  I never really thought of it as devotion when I was younger. God was my best friend. I would chat it up with Him like a girl would chat it up with her best friend. Today, often this is how I turn and pray to God. When I'm in a desperate place however, I find myself on my knees. Yes, literally on my knees. Praying one on one with God is one thing. Praying out loud for others to hear, well, that's another!

Somewhere along in life, I developed a fear of  speaking in front of others. As I began hanging out in groups where people asked for others to pray out loud, my fear expanded to prayers. I began silently praying that no one would ask me to pray out loud. I felt my prayers would be juvenile. I began searching for a good prayer book. For a moment I had one. 31 days of prayer. I only got to read 4 of those 31 days before my book vanished into thin air. Unlike my study bible, it has never been found. Mike thinks a drink got spilled on it and it was thrown away. He's not positive about this, but I'm thinking it was the case. I love Goodwill and one Sunday, while searching their book shelves, I found another great prayer book, entitled Intercessory Prayer by Doug Sheets. AWESOME book! I was reading it and I am telling you this book had me laughing and crying all in the same day! This book has too vanished. I was about half way through it when I realized I had not seen it for three days. I at least know it is available via E-Book format. I must get a kindle. The old kind. I need to consolidate. When I carry more than one devotional and my study bible, things have a way of disappearing.

Regardless, I recognized my fear of praying was an indicator that Satan sees me as someone he does not want praying. For he is the source of fear. When you are full of trepidation over something, I encourage you to turn that fear into awe and ask God, what is your plan for me where this pertains? How can I best serve you in this way. For if the Devil is frightened by what you are capable of doing through me, then I want some of that action!

Honestly, I was afraid of praying out loud enough so that I confessed it to my life coach. I knew she would push me. It's why I go to see her. She loves me and she wants to help me reach beyond my wildest dreams. Never in a million years did I expect her to have me pray for her right then and right there. I confessed to her that I had committed to fill in for another woman I admire at our monthly meeting. When I hung up after saying I would be honored to fill her shoes, I panicked realizing I would be in charge of at least one prayer. I confessed this to Cathy. She laughed and said, "Oh Wendy, that fear is not from God, you know where it comes from." I laughed with her for I do know where that comes from. Knowing and overcoming are two VERY different beings!

I was so nervous but Cathy calmed me down. By listening to her gentle direction, I soon found myself praying for her from my heart. Asking God to fill her with more boldness and give her clarity in how to best direct those she serves. I honestly don't remember what all I prayed for for her but I do know when I got done praying it was not viewed as a childish prayer. I know if I can do it once, then with God I can do it again and again.

I knew I was going to be blogging on prayers soon. It has flashed across my mind too many times to not be a repeating topic. I have heard this one song that I heard recently 3 times today and it is so perfect when it comes to the topic of prayers. I am going to find it and place it here. Before I do that though, as part of my "Renew Your Mind Challenge", I read a devotional every day. Yesterday's topic covered prayer a little bit. The gist in the closing made me grin so big I can't even tell you. It said something along the lines that while your prayers may be awkward, it is not the person praying or how they phrase the prayer that matters. The power of prayer is in the One who hears it. Not the one who says it. I love that because it takes so much weight off my shoulders. The only thing I have to do when it comes to prayer is speak from my heart and listen to the voice that reminds me of my righteousness.

I recently read the following passage in the book of James found in the New Testament portion of the Bible: Chapter 5, verse 13 and it says this about prayers and their power:

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

Anytime you see a word like "Therefore" it means some details of what is about to be said and why it is about to be said can be found prior to this verse. Chapter 5 is full of wisdom. As I often do, I am going to share it here in it's entirety using my study bible, beginning at verse 1:

verse 1:    Come now, you rich, weep and howl for your miseries which are coming upon you.

verse 2:    Your riches have rotted and your garments have become moth-eaten.

verse 3:    Your gold and your silver have rusted; and their rust will be a witness against you and will consume your flesh like fire. It is in the last days that you have stored up your treasure!

verse 4:    Behold, the pay of the laborers who mowed your field, and which has been withheld by you, cries out against you; and the outcry of those who did the harvesting has reached the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth.

verse 5:    You have lived luxuriously on earth and led a life of wanton pleasure; you have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter.

verse 6:    You have condemned and put to death the righteous man, he does not resist you. 

verse 7:    Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being patient about it unit it gets the early and late rains.

verse 8:    You too be patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near.

verse 9:    Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door.

verse 10:  As an example, brethren, of suffering and patience, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord.

verse 11:  We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord's dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful. 

verse 12:  But above all, my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath; but your yes is to be yes, and your no, no, so that you many not fall under judgment.

verse 13:  Is anyone among you suffering Then he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises.

verse 14:  Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord;

verse 15:  and prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven.

verse 16:  Therefore, confess your sins to one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. 

verse 17:  Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months.

verse 18:  Then he prayed again and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit.

verse 19:  My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back,

verse 20:  let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

 Because all of our prayers for healing are not answered the way we long for, many doubt the power of prayer. I would like to encourage you to search your heart when you pray and to always pray for others before your self. When praying for yourself seek the fruits of the spirit. There is no magical formula for getting your prayers answered.

I leave you with this song I was telling you about. Enjoy. I love when he sings, "Father, I'm in a desperate place." Been there. Talk about belting out a song with heart felt emotion! Without further delay, I introduce to you "Pray" by Sanctos Real:

Father, today I come before you asking for more courage. Let me not be kept silent by fear of speaking out loud. Fill me with your wisdom and your strength. Fill my heart with love for others. Strip me of impatience, fill me with a peace so deeply that the angry cannot penetrate causing me to stumble from talking through love. Father, lift those in dark places into the light and fill their hearts with your love. No matter how fleeting their minds may turn toward you for an answer, answer them father. Let them feel your presence in such a way they cannot deny you Love them right where they are. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.


Wendy,
Mom of Many


© Wendy Glidden 2013

Bad Things Happen to Good People!

Wild Wacky Wonderful Wednesday! Thank you Father for stations like K-Love and Moody Radio. Stations that cause my heart to leap with joy. Songs that hit home so close at times I find myself crying through my joy. Tears of Joy. I shed them more now than ever. I don't really know how I let the evil one trick me for so long. Me! I consider myself somewhat intelligent! How did I not recognize what was going on? I know the answer to that question now. I never got into The Word of God. I did not have a bible close by and I certainly did not go out of my way to pick one up. On the few occasions I did take a peak, I was checking out the last book. Revelations. Man was I ever missing out!

It's no wonder those that hear about Jesus and all He did for the first time get so excited. The gospels are awesome but the book of Acts, Romans and Hebrews are mind blowing. They are get up on your feet and get excited about life books. I am getting ready to find and go through "The Romans Study". If you want to know who you are in Christ, I've been told this is the study to do! Let me know if you are interested in doing this study as well. I think if you've been reading self help books this may just be the best one yet! What do you have to lose? Way less than you have to gain!

This week I have been under attack at every turn. My car broke down. I have not made it home before 9:30 either night. Does not leave much time to be still! Regardless last night I was trying to find the verse in the bible in Isaiah regarding honesty. I had heard a lesson on Moody Radio. It had to do with not destroying the city should God could find one honest man. Forgive me for I know not who was talking on Moody nor the program I was on. I think it was the financial one. The topic was honesty. This man said there were over 100 accounts in the bible where honesty is mentioned.  I did not find the one in Isaiah quickly, so I flipped to the back of my bible to see if there were verses listed under Honesty. I found only 3 listed in my bible and one of them happened to be in Job. I don't know why I get so drawn into Job but this is the second time I have gone to look something up in that particular book and have found myself reading chapters of it. I can almost hear Job. I have yelled out at the Heavens in such a manner and it makes me smile a little. Just knowing that I am not the first to get angry at God for my never ending trials. Particularly what I read last night. I brought my bible with me . . . let me find it.

I just have to type it out. It is so awesome. I am in my large print MacArthur Study Bible, Job, Chapter 6 & 7 in its entirety:


Job is a hard book for many. We struggle with the thought that God does not always leap in to rescue us from something. Prior to Chapter 6 and 7, Job's Friends suggest that the Innocent Do Not Suffer, therefore they assume that Job must have done something truly awful. Chapter 6 is Job speaking to his friends and chapter 7 he is directing his words to God!

With that being said, Let's Jump into the Book of Job, Chapter 6:

The Chapter Heading is: Job's Friends Are No Help!

Then Job answered, "Oh that my grief were actually weighted
and laid in the balances together with my calamity!
For then it would be heavier than the sand of the seas;
Therefore my words have been rash.
For The arrows of the Almighty are within me,
Their poison my spirit drinks;
The terrors of God are arrayed against me.
Does the wild donkey bray over his grass,
Or does the ox low over his fodder?
Can something tasteless be eaten without salt,
Or is there any taste in the white of an egg?
My soul refuses to touch them;
They are like loathsome food to me.

Oh that my request might come to pass
And that God would grant my longing!
Would that God were willing to crush me,
That He would loose His hand and cut me off!
But it is still my consolation,
And I rejoice in unsparing pain.
That I have not denied the words of the Holy One.
What is my strength, that I should wait?
And what is my end, that I should endure?
Is my strength the strength of stones,
Or is my flesh bronze?
Is it that my help is not within me,
And that deliverance is driven from me?

For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend;
So that he does not forsake the fear of the Almighty.
My brothers have acted deceitfully like a wadi,
Like the torrents of wadis which vanish,
Which are turbid because of ice
And into which the snow melts.
When they become waterless, they are silent,
When it is hot, they vanish from their place.
The paths of their course wind along,
They go up into nothing and perish.
The caravans of Tema looked,
The travelers of Sheba hoped for them.
They were disappointed for they had trusted,
They came there and were confounded.
Indeed, you have now become such,
You see a terror and are afraid.
Have I said, 'Give me something',
Or 'Offer a bribe for me from your wealth'
Or 'Deliver me from the hand of the adversary',
Or 'Redeem me from the hand of the tyrants'?

Teach me, and I will be silent;
And show me how I have erred.
How painful are honest words!
But what does your argument prove?
Do you intend to reprove my words,
When the words of one in despair belong to the wind?
you would even cast lots for the orphans
And barter over your friend.
Now please look at me,
And see if I lie to your face.
Desist now, let there be no injustice;
Even desist, my righteousness is yet in it.
Is there injustice on my tongue?
Cannot my palate discern calamities?

My study notes include this: Job rebuked his friends with sage words. Even if a man has forsaken God (which Job had not) should not his friends still show kindness to him? He described his friends as being about as useful with their counsel as a dry river bed in the summer.

The Chapter Heading for Chapter 7 is: Job's Life Seems Futile

** Remember this Chapter Job is speaking to God.

"Is not man forced to labor on earth, And are not his days like the days of a hired man?
As a slave who pants for shade, And as a hired man who eagerly waits for his wages,
So am I allotted months of vanity and nights of trouble are appointed me.
When I lie down I say, 'When shall I  arise?'
But the night continues, And I am continually tossing until dawn.
My flesh is clothed with worms and a crust of dirt,
My skin hardens and runs.
My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle,
And come to an end without hope.

Remember that my life is but breath; My eye will not again see good.
The eye of him who sees me will behold me no longer;
your eyes will be on me, but I will not be.
When a cloud vanishes, it is gone,
So he who goes down to Sheol does not come up.
He will not return again to his house, Nor will his place know him anymore.

Therefore I will not restrain my mouth;
I will speak in the anguish of my spirit,
I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
Am I the sea, or the sea monster,
That You set a guard over me?
If I say, 'My bed will comfort me, My couch will ease my complaint',
then You frighten me with dreams
And terrify me by visions;
So that my soul would choose suffocation,
Death rather than my pains.

I waste away; I will not live forever.
Leave me alone, for my days are but a breath.
What is man that You magnify him,
And that You are concerned about him,
That You examine him every morning
And try him every moment?
Will You never turn Your gaze away from me,
Nor let me alone until I swallow my spittle? (another way of saying "catch my breath")
Have I sinned? What have I done to you,
O watcher of men?
Why have You set me as Your target,
So that I am a burden to myself?

"Why then do You not pardon my transgression
And take away my iniquity?
For now I will lie down in the dust;
And You will seek me, but I will not be."


My study bible paints the Background and Setting of Each Book. Within this information, I found this, "This book begins with a scene in heaven that explains everything to the reader. Job was suffering because God was contesting with Satan. Job never knew that, nor did any of his friends, so they all struggled to explain suffering from the perspective of their ignorance, until finally Job rested in nothing but faith in God's goodness and the hope of His redemption. That God vindicated his trust is the culminating message of the book. When there are no rational or, even, theological explanations for disaster and pain, trust God."

I love this. You see, I think many of us go through this. I find it comforting to know I have not walked this road alone. Let us not forget the true way to treat a friend when they are going through their own trial. Let us not judge. Let us be thankful the burden is not ours and let us love our friends through all that comes their way. Let us pray for one another. Showing true sisterly and brotherly love.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. Satan wants us to believe it is Karma. You get what you deserve. My question is, 'Who decides what we deserve!? and 'What harm has an innocent baby ever caused?'

I know one truth, God loves us. Plain and simple. I don't know what could be more comforting to hear. My God loves me! Me!!! It's not hard for me to fathom He loves those I see as more deserving. It dumbfounds me that He also loves me. It's why the song Redeemed causes me to cry. When he says the line "All my life I have been called unworthy. Named by the voice of shame and regret. But when I hear you whisper 'Child lift up your head' I remember Oh God you're not done with me yet! I am redeemed." I am filled with so much abundant Joy I want to shout from the mountain tops! It really is good news my friends!

Father I come before you today singing your praises. I too felt like Job more than once. Wondering what I might have done to deserve such torment, such overwhelming pain. When I came to the end of my own strength and was weeping to you on my knees and you spoke to me, I have no words to express my gratitude Father. I was dumbstruck. After all my trespasses, you would answer such a foolish girl as myself. Just thinking about your love has me tearing up with streams flowing from my eyes. Thank you for your Grace. Thank you for your overwhelming love. Thank you for finding me worth answering, worth comforting. I am so very grateful. I ask today that you also go to my brothers and sisters who are facing their own battles. Those who are on their knees praying for help. Answer them Father. Speak to them as clearly as you have spoken to me. Speak to me again! Speak to me daily. Life is not the same without your presence. I know you are with me always. It is nothing compared to Hearing your calming voice. I love you Father. May my fellow brothers and sisters find their way home. Won't you call out to them loudly Father. In such a way as they cannot deny. We all need to feel your presence Father. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy,
Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

The Aftermath

I know it has been a minute since I blogged about my past. The last chapter totally wiped me out. Who knew a heart could hurt so massively 22 years after the original heartache? For those that are just jumping in, my last blog ended with me going back to the hospital to hold Amanda Rose, the only baby I ever planned, one last time. It ended with me being told she had already been picked up by the couple I had chosen to be her parents and me in shambles. I would highly encourage you to start back at 'In the Beginning' if your interest is peaked.

**

I managed to make it back out of the hospital to my mother's car. I know today that it was by the strength of God that I was able to do so. When I got home I went to my room and bawled until I fell asleep from exhaustion. When I woke the next morning, I was instantly in tears again. I got up and walked into Cassy and Billy's room. I stood there for a moment and then I began tearing their room down. I dis-assembled their bunk bed. Ripped out the rest of the furniture and toys and then the carpet. It had never been tacked down in place so I rolled it up and took it out of the room as well. I then began painting the walls. By the time my mom got home from work, I had put the room completely back together. All of this 3 days after giving birth. I could not stand to sit still for then my mind went straight to Amanda and then I would begin crying all over again. I must have thought about  contacting the adoption agency and telling them I changed my mind a million times. That night I cried myself to sleep again.

The next day, I decided it was time for me to find a job. I had no car so I walked. First I went to Kroger and put in an application. I also stopped off at the Liquor store on the corner and filled out an application. After that I walked and walked and walked. I ended up at Glendale Mall and went to the bookstore. I gazed at the covers of a lot of books but I don't think my eyes actually read any of them. I was trying everything in my power to NOT think about Amanda and I was not having the greatest success. I walked back home before the sun set.

The next day I decided to walk in another direction and I ended up seeing a sign at a Dairy Queen asking for help. I went in, filled out an application and was lucky enough to score a job interview. The owner hired me saying it was based mostly on my smile. I thought that was so ironic because it was a fake smile. It never reached my eyes or my heart. Regardless, I was hired. I told him I could start immediately so I was scheduled to come in the next evening. I was happy to have something to help keep me busy so I didn't have to think.

Within two weeks of starting at Dairy Queen, I had an interview at Kroger. I had also had an interview at the Liquor store. I even went and took their test and got my Liquor License. I was hired there before Kroger but decided something about that job did not feel right so I called in to let the company know I had changed my mind and did not want that job. They ended up getting robbed the night I was supposed to work. I call that divine intervention. I did end up getting the job at Kroger. Now I had a job during the day and one at night. I offered to work as much as they could schedule me at both places. Cassy and Billy were staying with their dad for another 4 weeks so this was my chance to get ahead financially.

By the time Cassy and Billy were back home, I had purchased a bicycle for me to travel back and forth to work. My mother worked during the day so I had located a daycare I could afford. My mother agreed to watch the children in the evening when I worked. Everything was going according to plan. I was keeping myself so busy I did not have a lot of time to dwell on the emptiness that was enveloping me. Within a couple more weeks I ended up moving from Night manager to Store Manager at Dairy Queen. Ironically at the same time I was moved from Deli to 2nd Baker at Kroger. Now I was working from 10 AM to 10 PM at Dairy Queen. I would bike home, take a shower and get into my Kroger uniform and bike there. The next day I began my routine all over again. Up with the children, feed them breakfast, and take them to their daycare. I would then return the car to my mom, jump on my bike and go to work. I worked 6 days a week at Dairy Queen. I Baked 3 times a week at Kroger. I was keeping busy and that was the way I liked it. Within a month of holding the 2nd Baker position, the Head Baker quit at Kroger and I was moved up to her position. Now I was working three nights on, one night off and 3 nights on again at Kroger and still 6 days at Dairy Queen. At Kroger I was 3 day on . . . 3 days off. I began taking a drug for energy that I found in a magazine. The pills I ordered were called Black Beauties. They helped me stay awake on that 3rd night. I liked being so overworked for the mere fact that when I finally got the chance to sleep, it did not take me long to get there. I kept up this routine for almost 3 months! That was when my 2nd baker quit and instead of sleeping after working 72 hours straight, I had to go in to Bake. I don't know what I was thinking that night, but I ended up taking six black beauties that night. By the time my shift was over all I could think was how badly I wanted to go to sleep. I had that day off from Dairy Queen so it was my intention to go home and crash! I have to laugh because there is NO way I would have been able to go to sleep that morning.

I clocked out and headed out into the sunny morning. I jumped on my bike and headed home. I was speeding so hard on the black beauties that I was flying on my bike. I never saw that pot hole, but it stopped me in my tracks. I flew over the handle bars and landed in Keystone Avenue. The last thought I had was, "Man this is going to hurt". When the lights came back on, I found myself staring up at a man who was leaning down into my face. He asked me, "Do you hurt anywhere?" I managed to say, "My face." and tears began flowing from my eyes. He said, "It's bad but I have seen worse." My whole body hurt. In the distance I heard a women hysterically telling someone, she just knew I had broken my neck. I tried to turn to look at her but I could not move. I realized I was on a stretcher and was already strapped down. I could see a fire ambulance and channel 8 news out of the corner of my eye. The fireman got my attention again and said, "I am going to start touching you starting from your shoulders. Let me know what hurts." As soon as he touched my arm I winced. Without hesitation he cut the sleeve on my shirt. I also winced when he got to my hip and again, an article of clothing was cut. I could not believe I was in the middle of the street in basically my panties and bra with a news crew filming away. I lived 3 doors down from the firehouse. They knew who I was and my mom arrived within a minute of my coming too. They loaded me up in the ambulance. I told them I just wanted to go home and sleep but my mother agreed I needed to be checked out. They thought I had several broken bones.

I ended up having ex-rays for almost every part of my body on the right side. Turns out I only had taken a chip out of my skull above my eye socket, given myself a major concussion. Other then that I just had severe bruising. My eye ended up swelling shut and remained that way for over 10 days before I could get it to open a sliver. My face was so black and blue it was bruised for over a month. It is funny how many women will tell you, "You need to leave that man!" when you look like I did. I tried at first to tell them there was no man. I had done this to myself in a bike wreck. They would look at me with pity and say, "Honey, we've heard it all. You need to leave him." After about a week of this, I would just inform them that I had already left him.

My mom was so mad at me, before I even knew it she had taken my pills out of my room. She told me, "You gave up Amanda so that you could be the best mom you could be to Cassy and Billy and all you have done is work yourself almost literally to death." She was right. She insisted I pick one job and deal with my choice for my reasons had been well thought out.

I have no idea why I am crying again. But I am. I am at Play McDonalds with 6 of my youngest so . . . thinking I need to end this chapter here.

Today I pray for all who have heartache for whatever reason. I pray you turn to God and ask Him to help heal your heart. I pray you are strong enough to lean on others. I also pray for those who minister to the heartaches of others. I pray we always allow the Holy Spirit to work through us. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy,
Mom of Many

Show Me a Sign!

Chapter 7

Show Me a Sign (Out of the trilogy: You Are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding!

This actually happened to me on December 26, 2010. It is one of the things God urged me to share again. As his humble servant I have promised to listen to his direction! I hope this true story helps you with your faith!

Boy oh boy do I have a story to share! I am a real believer in not getting into debt. If I don't have the cash, I can't afford it.  So I pay all of my bills in cash. This is why on December 26th, I was walking around with approximately $1300.00 in my wallet. It was all earmarked for bills that I needed to pay and a whopping $240 to play with that my kids and I had received from family for Christmas.

Now you should know in my house we don't put up a tree and do the whole Santa thing. I just really think the whole world has gone a little crazy in the Christmas area. So, we bake a cake and sing happy birthday to Jesus even though we know December 25 is not the day he was born.

I tell my kids that they need to pray to God to for wisdom, protection, and for kinder hearts. I tell them to ask for help when dealing with their brothers and sisters. I tell them they can also ask that He help me find things they have wished for throughout the year. I go to Goodwill's and Thrift stores to shop. With 7 kids in the house, it is honestly the only way I can afford to do anything special at all!

On a short list, I did find a Tonka remote control dump truck for Michael for $4.00 and a Fisher Price Digital Camera for Marissa for a whopping $3.00. I also found a Barbie computer learning game for Marie that was the exact same one her cousin had gotten the year before that Marie LOVED and had asked for about a million times priced at $2.99! For my littlest one and my two-year-old, I found some awesome toys all wonderfully priced. You know God loves his babies! Tia and Travis were just as lucky with items they had asked for. Goodwill is also the greatest place to buy books for kids and since we have what we call library time at night. I wanted some new kid books to read and boy oh boy did I score there!

After breakfast I asked who wanted to help me in the bonus room with laundry and of course everyone offered as they were still on their best behavior knowing that God was watching.

I had spread all the gifts out on the floor and as we walked out the door they were all overwhelmed with joy over the items God had led me to for them. Needless to say for the rest of the morning everyone was wonderful, sharing their toys, reading the books, taking pictures, and driving the dump truck. It was a truly pleasurable morning. I sipped on my coffee and smiled to myself as my kids all thanked God for helping me find what they had wanted.

From there we went to my Grandma's house and then off to my sister's house for the remainder of the day. Worn out and looking forward to a shopping trip to Value World on 52nd and Keystone where I had been blessed enough to score a 50% off coupon for the entire thrift store, the kids and I all fell into our beds and were fast asleep.

The next day around 11:00 AM we were officially on our way to go shopping. I had seen some bird cages at a local goodwill when I had gone shopping prior to Christmas. My Uncle Bob loves birds and I had asked if he’d be interested in these cages. He had said yes so we stopped there first. I grabbed the cages and then saw a high chair that was marked $10 but was also 50% off so I grabbed it.

Mike lost patience while standing in line and left me in the store with 5 children and a full cart along with the high chair.

This was a time in my life where my pain level was off the charts. Mike felt that he was doing me a favor by making me struggle. He claimed it kept me strong.

All I really longed for was him to help out more or for him to be gone. What good is a partner who doesn’t do his part?

Anyway, my back was pretty bad and I was hurting something awful. I paid for our stuff and then fought my way out the store with the children, the highchair, and my cart. Mike was in the van waiting for us.

I was so mad I didn’t trust myself to speak. I loaded the children and the items into the van while Mike watched me struggle. I climbed up into the passenger seat and requested we stop off at home first to unload all of our items.

When we got home he did help carry in the high chair at my request. I stopped him in the garage and said, “Look. I’m really bad today and I don’t want to get angry with you. So, if you can’t be a gentleman today, I’d rather you stay here.”

He looked at me with this blank look. I continued, “Opening that side door on that van kills me. Having you walk off leaving me with everything makes me insanely angry. I don’t want to be angry so if you can’t do this for me today, it would be best for you to not join us.”

He grinned at me and asked me to clarify what I wanted. I said this, “Every movie that you have ever seen where a man treats a lady like a lady, that’s what I need from you today. If you can’t do that then don’t come.”

He assured me he was capable of that. I tried calling Tia and Travis one more time as they were at their Grandmother’s for Christmas morning but they were still not answering the phone. I told Mike I wanted to drive since I knew the best route to go and giving him directions usually ended up with me being upset.

We headed out and had made it to 80th and Keystone when Jeffrey, my youngest child was losing his mind. Mike suggested we pull over and switch drivers so I could tend to Jeffrey Thomas. When I pulled over, I got out and walked around to the side door of the van and waited for Mike to open the door from the inside. All of a sudden the side window rolled down and he yelled, “Are you going to get in or what?”

I can’t even tell you the anger I felt in that moment. It took everything I had in me to get that door opened and then closed. I was so mad I was crying silently. He so didn’t get it! No sooner than I got buckled in, Tia and Travis called. I had Mike head over to Allisonville to go back and get them. Not five minutes into our ride Mike began berating me over the amount of gas we had in the car.

Somehow I managed to calmly say, “Mike if the level of gas is a problem, pull into the next gas station and we can fill up.”

Like most children do, when we pulled up to the pump, they all suddenly needed to go to the bathroom. I unloaded them and told Mike I’d pay inside. Once in the store, I reached into my coat to get my money out. That is when I realized I did not have my wallet on me anymore. I told myself even though I was already beginning to panic, it’s in the console.

I ran to the van and asked Mike if my wallet was in the console. It was not. "What about on the floor." I suggested, "Maybe it fell."

Again he said, "No."

I was sick. Every dime I had was in that wallet. I was crying pretty hard on the inside and praying to God silently to please help me.

I called the Goodwill I had gone to first to see if by chance I had left my wallet there. No. They did not have it but they did take down my number just in case someone found it and turned it in.

When we picked up Tia and Travis I told them the bad news.

Just as we were getting ready to turn around and back track our steps, my phone rang. Now, bear in mind, my cell number is listed on our voice mail message at work just encase someone needs something after hours so I was not sure who was calling. Even though the last thing in the world I wanted to do was talk about was fence, I answered my phone trying not to let on to the fact that I was crying. "Hello." I said as calmly as I could muster.

The voice on the other end asked if they could talk to Wendy.

I wasn't sure I could pull off a long conversation at the moment without giving away the fact that I was crying so I asked who was calling.

They said, "Well I am someone who might have found something she has lost."

I replied, "Oh my! Did you find my wallet!"

She said, "Yes and I can’t wait to meet you.”

We arranged a place to meet and described our cars to each other. (It turns out I had actually lost the wallet when we had pulled over into an apartment complex on 80th street between Keystone Ave & Dean Rd to switch drivers so I could calm down the baby.)

When we arrived, I got out of the van. The most beautiful woman I had ever seen was standing there to greet me. She took my hands and said, "I have to bear witness to you."

She proceeded to tell me the unusual journey she had taken, completely out of her way, but led in that path by God's voice when she came upon my wallet. This angel of God had to look me up on the Internet and she found me through Glidden Fence!

The most amazing thing to me, is she gave me a direct answer to a prayer. There is NO way she could have known what I had been asking God for over the last six months. She told me as if it were no big deal, "Oh, God told me to tell you that you are one of his favorite people and to let you know not to worry, he has heard you. In me returning your wallet, you have your answer to your prayer."

Now, to many of you that most likely is vague, but to me, she was right. That message did answer my prayer. I could not have asked for a bigger sign. Just so you know, my prayer for the last six months had been. “God, I have failed at this relationship thing so many times. I have 5 children with Mike. I want these children to grow up with their father in their lives but I'm not sure I can continue with him. I need a sign. If I leave Mike will I be able to make it financially on my own?”

So, to all of those of you, who have questioned whether God is with us or not, I assure you He most definitely is!

Wendy, Mom of Many

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