Dashing Deals

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

In the Nick of Time!

If this is the blog you land on first, I would encourage you to go to the beginning so that what I am saying makes sense! To do this change your view on the top left from classic to flip card and click on the blog in the bottom furthest right corner!

Recap: I conceived my first child when I ran away in December of 1985 at the age of 16. I was married in February, 1986 against my wishes. By the end of March I had withdrawn from High School. It is now April of 1986 and Jeff, my husband, and I are packed and waiting for Jeff's dad to arrive to drive us to our new home . . . actually I should say to his parent's home.

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I had never met Jeff's parents and had no idea what to expect. To this day when I think of Charlie, Jeff's dad, I can't help but smile. He was one of the few in Jeff's family that was always nice to me. Charlie had his own hangups like we all do but I loved him for who he was. He never wronged me. He had a sense of humor. All in all he was a great guy.

We didn't have a lot of belongings so packing up into Charlie's car didn't really take that long. Once we were loaded up we hit the road. I had run away to French Lick so I knew we had a three hour drive ahead of us. For the life of me I have no idea what all we talked about for the three hours. All I remember was how happy Charlie was with his new saying for me, "Wendy Weaver wobbles but she won't fall down."

When we arrived to their home we were shown our room. The enclosed front porch. It didn't take long to unpack and get settled. Brenda, Jeff's mom, was not near as kind as Jeff's dad. Looking back I understand. Jeff was her only son. I'm not 100% positive she even knew we were getting married or if she was even invited. I do know this, she resented me for "tricking" her son into marrying me! Oh the irony of it all does not escape me. Not even to this day!

My first real conversation with Brenda was basically her informing me that I would most likely not carry this child to full term. According to her, it was kind of a family curse. As if that was not reassuring enough, she went on to ask me if I realized I might have a downs syndrome child should I somehow manage to not miscarry. She had some articles on my odds all prepared for me. You could color me stunned. I had taken advanced biology in high school. I honestly knew more than I already cared to when it came to birth defects, DNA and crib death! I took the articles she gave me and I went into our room. I confided in Jeff that night that I felt his mom did not like me because she thought I'd trapped him into marrying me. I asked if he would be so kind as to tell her the truth concerning that. I'm not sure if she knows to this day that it was Jeff that trapped me! I do know that he confided this truth to our 2nd child just this last year! Progress . . . you just never know when it will happen.

Brenda and I hit heads over applying for welfare and she thought of me as a spoiled brat. I know this because that is what she called me to my face. I bit my tongue. She could not be further from the truth. I had asked her why we should go on welfare when Jeff had no issues keeping him from getting a job. She told me that jobs were hard to come by so I went out and got one! I had only been working for three weeks when my boss informed me that due to my condition they were going to have to let me go. I was surprised but could do nothing about it.

Living with Jeff's parents was stressful on me. It didn't make matters any better that Jeff had an older sister who was NOT a fan of mine. When I had run away, his youngest sister and I had quickly become friends. I think it was our fourth night that this older sister and her boyfriend were arguing and they had taken the time to put their three children outside of the trailer during the fight. Mindy, the younger sister that had become friends with Donna and I, was informed that the children were outside and the youngest one was supposedly in nothing more than a diaper. The three of us went and scooped the children up and took them while her sister and boyfriend could be heard still fighting inside. The mother of these three did not even come looking for her children until the next day! I don't know how I became her target but I did. She told awful lies about me. Claimed I'd said things I would not have said. The best was that Jeff questioned me on all of this. I told him if you don't trust me there is really no point in continuing this marriage.

Out of sheer desperation, I contacted my father and explained to him that I was leaving French Lick with his help or without it. He listened to me . . . I think perhaps for the first time in his life. Regardless we ended with him offering a job to Jeff and we arranged for him to pick me up the next day.

When Jeff and I had time to talk that night, I informed him I was going back to Westfield. I told him he had a job if he wanted it. He told me he was not going to work for my father. I said, "I am leaving tomorrow. You can come with me or you can stay here. If you are not at Glidden Fence come Monday, I'm filing for divorce."

Saying the tension was in the air would be an understatement! Regardless. the next day my father showed up and I threw what little items I had in the back of the truck and we drove away. No Jeff. Just my father and me. I told my dad I didn't think Jeff was going to take him up on his offer but I had given him my ultimatum.

When we got back to Westfield, my father took me to the office. He informed me that I had 3 hours to use the phone and find a place to stay. "I can't help you with that he informed me. Offering Jeff a job and coming to get you has already landed me in hot water at home." I understood. The last time I had seen Chris she'd informed me not to set so much as a foot on her front porch. She had slapped me across the face during our last confrontation. She'd had the audacity to chastise me for my lack of enthusiasm regarding my current school. Obviously that did not go down well. I don't think she knew up until then that I knew it was her that had gotten me removed from Westfield Washington High School.

My first call that day was to my mom. She too could not help me. She had a roommate and could not take me in. I cannot tell you how lost I felt. I was unable to reach my grandma. She was already in Michigan at their summer home. I don't know what made me think of Julie, a friend from high school, but I did. I called her. I explained my situation and amazingly her parents opened their home up to me. Julie's mom was one of the kindest souls I have ever had the pleasure to know.

Surprisingly enough, Jeff showed up Monday morning at Glidden Fence. He had moved in with his best man's parents in Noblesville. He made a million promises to me at the time. I had already discovered you can't even file for divorce in Indiana if you are pregnant so I took it as a sign. If he was going to commit himself to being a good providing husband who was I to stop him?

I was 7 months pregnant when Jeff found us another place to rent. We moved in the second week of July. I have an uncle who is only 7 months older than me. On his 18th birthday, while rebelling against my grandma, Jeff had agreed to let my uncle who is also named Jeff move in with us. We had not been in this place for a month when our landlord informed Jeff that he had sold the house and we needed to find another place by September 1st! Our baby was due September 14th!!

Amazingly enough we did find a one bedroom apartment to move into. Believe it or not, my uncle had already found a new girlfriend and she wanted him to move in with her. Once again we packed and unpacked into a new place.

September 14th came and I thought I was going into labor that night. My mom came over as she was my ride to the hospital but it turned out I was only having Braxton Hicks contractions. My mom had always told me for her labor didn't hurt that bad so I really had no clue as to what I was looking for!

Seven days later, I awoke to a sharp pain followed by another uncomfortable pain 4 minutes later. I thought I was having some type of indigestion or something. Then another one came 3 minutes later followed by another one 3 minutes later. I woke Jeff up and said, "I think I'm really in labor this time! I'm having pain every 3 minutes!" We had been told with your first baby your contractions start 10 to 15 minutes apart. He started timing me himself. I think he thought I was not doing it right. I called my mom. I knew we didn't have time to mess around. She lived 45 minutes away and we had a 45 minute drive to the hospital!

Jeff confirmed that my contractions were only 3 minutes apart and my mom said she was heading out the door. 11 contractions later, they began coming every 2 minutes. By this time a friend of Jeff's named Jeremy had stopped by. I think he was more panicked than Jeff or I! By the time my mother showed up, he was suggesting we call for an ambulance!

Between contractions I climbed down the flight of stairs and got in the back of my mom's car. Jeff got in the front seat. Don't think he wouldn't have let me sit up front, he would have. I needed to lay down or so I thought. I think I sat up and laid down a few hundred times finding comfort in no position.

When we arrived at the hospital my contractions were a minute apart. The rushed me into an exam room and the ER doctor checked me. I was dilated to 9cm and they rushed me to a delivery room. I had been going to the St. Vincent Clinic for all my care. Being a clinic patient on a sliding scale meant that you were being seen by mostly med students. I had agreed to be a ginny pig for an epidural. They called in the med student and had me roll on my side. He was quick. I never felt a thing. Might be because I was in soooooo much pain at the time! They rolled me on my back and the entire room was in motion.

The doctor on call was still trying to get situated when the next contraction hit. I bore down and basically roared from somewhere deep inside. I remember him saying, "I'm not ready yet, don't push, pant pant blow."

Anyone who has gone through the pain of child birth knows when you get to this point it is all natural. There is no holding back! When my next contraction hit I yelled, "You pant pant blow, I'mmmmmmmmmm pushhhhhiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggggg!" and whoosh,  Cassandra Nicole entered the world. From start to finish I was in labor with my first child for a whopping 2 hours and 15 minutes! I think the funniest thing about my first birth was 10 minutes after Cassy entered the world, my entire lower body went completely numb! I had not one bit of pain for the next few hours!!

Being as young as I was and having a mom and dad as young as they were, you could say my hospital room was packed. The nurse came in to inform everyone in the room if they weren't grandparents or sisters and brothers they had to leave the room. No one left!

Slowly the room emptied out as each grandparent and great grandparent was done admiring her. When my step mother bent down to say good bye she informed me she thought is was total crap that I didn't suffer enough during childbirth. She had been in labor for 24 hours with my sister. I would like to say I was shocked by her statement. If I did, I would be lying.

This is a good place close this chapter. I'm sure I've mentioned it once or twice but this decade of my life spiraled further and further down. The longer I remained disappointed and let down by God, the more alone I felt. Of course if you knew me back then, I'm not sure you would have picked up on that. I had never been one to cry on someone else's shoulders! I have friends that claim I'm strong. I tell them, "Girl, I'm no different than you. I cry and wail like the best of them!"

I hope to be back to write a few more chapters. I just don't know their titles yet. I have been given one but it is up the road a bit. I've got approximately 3 years to cover before I get to it. Praying for guidance as I continue.

Wendy, Mom of Many

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