It's a Boy!

For those just joining me, many of these blogs are chapters of my life. I am mostly telling my story. Occasionally I blog on Bible Verses. . . this blog picks up where "How I Ended Up Pregnant with My 2nd Child" ends. . . I think this reads better as a story . . . If you like this blog, I'd encourage you to start with my first blog "In the beginning" and go from there!

I left planned parenthood in a daze. To say I was thrilled with my news would be a lie. Here I was again on the edge of living my own life only to be shackled with another baby and at least another 5 months from being able to file for divorce. I knew I would have to tell Jeff. Oh I was sick over my situation. I headed back to my mother's for that was where I was currently staying. All my hopes of finally being on my own were smashed. I felt abandoned by God once again.

I gave my mom the news. She was as surprised as me. "You haven't felt the baby move?" she asked. "No. Not yet." I muttered. I was concerned about what taking the pill day after day might have done to this baby. No data. It made sense. After all who takes the pill day after day while being pregnant? A girl who has no idea she is pregnant. That's who! Who knew you could have a period and even have breakthroughs while carrying a baby? I was so numb that first day. I prayed I was simply having a nightmare.

The next day my mom informed me there were two states that actually did offer abortions beyond 12 weeks. It was expensive but it could be done. She wanted me to know she would never judge me if I decided to take a look into it. I couldn't. The next day I felt the baby move. I wept and thanked God. I didn't know if I could handle it if I had harmed this child by taking birth control for over 1/2 of it's development inside of me. I was still worried about things like, 'would the baby have any birth defects . . . or if the pill would somehow effect this child's reproductive organs?' So many unknowns. The one thing I knew for sure was I had to let Jeff know that I was carrying another child.

He came by to pick me up so we could talk privately. He told me he was sure this baby was a boy. He begged me to come back. He apologized for his temper and his abusive behavior and vowed to me he would never treat me badly again. It was all a mistake. He had grown up in a house where the man was meant to be served. I was not good with that role. He thought we could work on it. He begged me to give him a second chance! I just wanted to be happy.You know what I mean? I wanted to enjoy life. Why did there need to be so much aggression in the world. Never made a lot of sense to me. I didn't feel like I really had a choice in the matter. Leaving Jeff and raising one child on my own was going to be tough. Add being pregnant on top of that and I was staring at a hopeless situation. I caved. How bad could it be? He promised to find us a place immediately. He did. A one room efficiency apartment. We lived there until October / November. Not sure which month . . . all I am sure is I moved in on opening weekend for hunting deer with a bow. Yes. Jeff was a hunter. Here I was as big as girl who is around 7 and a half  months pregnant can be and my husband needed to hunt more than he needed to move his family into their new home. My Aunt Janet is the one who helped me move. She was still getting around at the time without a wheel chair. Looking back I am dumbfounded at how much she was able to due at the time. How funny we must have seemed to any who observed us working together. She was awesome. We loaded up her truck from the storage unit and unloaded it into our new 3 bedroom trailer.

Now you may be wondering . . . how could I still not know exactly how pregnant I was by now . . . If that is your question, my answer is this. I never saw a doctor other than the one at planned parenthood.  That is right. I never had any care at all. It's not like I didn't try to get in to see a doctor. I just couldn't get in. I had called the St. Vincent Clinic and tried to get back in there on the sliding scale. Since Jeff was making a little more and costs had gone up slightly, our total cost for all care was going to be $800. We could not make payments since I was going to be around 6 months along before they could get me in. You had to be paid in full by your 7th month. I did not have an extra $400 laying around at the end of each month at this time! We also made a hair too much to qualify for Medicaid . Jeff went to work and asked for a loan like we had done with Cassy. Unfortunately for us, Chris decided we needed to learn a lesson when it came to responsibility. She simply could not allow for me to get another easy ride. If I was not held accountable for my reckless behavior when it came to conceiving children, she was not going to support me by bailing me out financially again and again. Luckily Jerry's girlfriend was going to nursing school at the time and she had a stethoscope. She helped me by finding the baby's heartbeat and taking my blood pressure. It's all the doctors really did when I was pregnant with Cassy. We weren't even sure when my due date was going to be. Talk about a surprise baby in multiple ways.

I was at my brother's birthday party at my dad's house and I was gigantic. I was sure I was beyond 40 weeks. The time was around 7:30 when I felt the first pain hit me. Uncomfortable is as good as a description as any. After the 6th one I told Jeff I thought my labor may have started and I thought we should head to my mom's house. The plan was for her to keep Cassy when I went into labor. My father lived in Westfield and my mom was still in the same house she had lived in since I was in the 3rd grade. In other words we had a 30 to 40 minute drive ahead of us and then we needed to turn around and drive another 30 to 40 minutes to the hospital. Just like with Cassy my labor pains started four to five minutes apart. I wasn't sure as I'd sat at Chris and dad's for the first few labor pains and I didn't have a clock to look at.

We arrived at Riverview Hospital in the ER entrance. Dr Beaver was the doctor on call. I only remember because I found it funny that his name rhymed with Weaver. I was rushed into a delivery room as I was already in transition. William however did not come as easily as Cassandra. She weighed in at only 7lbs 10 oz. In comparison, she was a breeze! Since we had no insurance and I was terrified at how large our bill might be I refused to take any pain medication. I knew we simply could not afford it.  I had pushed several times with William and he had not come out yet. I felt like someone was ripping my spine out of my body.  My mom was hoping this baby would arrive before midnight so that he'd be born on my brother's birthday. That did not happen. I guess he wanted his own day because he waited until after midnight to make his appearance. I was beginning to think I'd never push him out when Jeff leaned down to me and said, "Wendy, he's going to use those salad spoons if you don't push this baby out this time!" When the next contraction hit I pushed with everything I had and whoosh out came the baby. . . no stopping between head and shoulders. I don't know why the thought of salad spoons terrified me to such a degree but it did. Gross enough, I'd pushed so hard let's just say walls needed some attention!

"It's a boy! I told you! It's a boy!"Jeff exclaimed. He even kissed me. I'm not sure I ever heard Jeff so elated. I was just thrilled to have this child out of me and this all behind me. He looked perfect. He was a healthy 9lbs 6oz. baby boy. He had the straightest long nose I'd ever seen on a baby but nothing looked out of place. With a sigh of relief I thanked God that me taking birth control had not affected him in any obvious way.

I had already decided that I was going to bottle feed this child. I knew that I wanted to go back to work ASAP. I reasoned that there was no point in starting something I wasn't going to have time to keep up with. In the back of my head I couldn't get the feeling out of my head. I still had not faced my issues from being attacked. This was an easy way for me to brush all of that aside. No need to face what I'd safely re-tucked away. . . not now.

Well . . . I'm honestly not looking forward to these next chapters ahead. Knowing what I am getting close to makes me cringe. I know that God is using me to show you His Mercy and Grace. I hope that is what you take form all I am sharing. Let my trials and tribulations not go in vain.

It is my prayer that you see how kind and loving of a Father we all have. It is my prayer that you recognize the beauty behind my story. There is a silver lining in everything. Until my next chapter . . .

Wendy, Mom of Many

How I Ended up Pregnant with My 2nd Child

You know . . . I never had any counselling over the incident that happened that summer day when I was 14. The details can be found in the blog titled 'Grounded for Losing my Virginity'. If you have been molested in any way and you think that you can shoved it back into the recesses of your mind and locked it away safely, I am here to say, "It did not work for me."

As I mentioned in a prior blog, 'In Defense of My Step Mother' one of the gifts Chris gave me was the knowledge regarding breast feeding your children. I had every intention of breast feeding Cassandra until the age of 1. What I didn't count on was going into shock every time I breast fed her.

I had been on the program for Woman, Infants and Children at the time. When I went in for my appointment,  it was for Cassy and I. They checked both of our Iron levels and the results were not good. In a nut shell, I was not taking care of myself very well. I confessed to the woman what I was going through and she explained to me that I was not doing Cassy a lot of good. She thought that was most likely due to the fact that when you breast feed, being emotionally tied to it in the beginning helps with the flow of the milk. Since I was so low on Iron, I didn't have enough to give to Cassy through my milk. She insisted on having me change Cassandra over to formula for one main reason. My state of mind. I felt guilty for not being able to provide for her nutritionally.

For the life of me I cannot remember if that lady suggested I go to any counseling. If she did, I did not follow through with her advice. More than likely I would not have been able to get there. I was at a stage in life where I either had to ask for a ride or I was walking where I needed to go!

I snapped out of my funk soon enough once I stopped breastfeeding. I went right into a cleaning maniac. There was a Loft above our place and it had obviously not been touched for years. There was a broken window and even birds had been in and out of this place. Jeff's friend Jeremy had been crashing on our couch and he took a look at the space and thought it would be perfect with a little elbow grease. He helped me attack that room and in one weekend we had it blinging! He moved a bed up there along with his stuff. It was a win win. He was going to chip in on the rent and we had someone to help with errands.

Everything was great until the land lord stopped by. She had seen the fan in the upstairs window and insisted that we could not use the space even though it was on our side. Before I even knew what was going on, she and Jeremy were fighting about it. Needless to say, she informed me she was evicting Jeff and I over the incident. She had to have gone to the court house that day. We were served papers the next day. I was dumbfounded. She never even talked to me.

I think Jeff must have talked to my father about the incident. I'm not really sure how he got Chris to agree to it. All I do know is I was informed we were moving in with Chris and my dad for three months so that they could help us build a nest egg.

To say that it was weird to live under my parents rule while married would be an understatement. Jeff and I found a new place and signed a lease within 3 months as planned. We had $1000 in the bank when we moved into our new place. I thought we were really going to be okay. In less than 3 days of opening that account our balance went from $1000 down to less than $50! Turned out Jeff owed some bank money from before we were married. He had been served a judgement on it and when we put the money in our bank account. They froze the funds and took them. I was sick over it.

Our apartment was right in the middle of town. A new Gas America had just been built and it was 2 blocks down the road. On a whim I went and applied for a job. They were hiring for grave yard shift. I wanted that job so badly. Jeff only allotted me $40 a week for groceries and household needs. Even back then it was not a lot! I needed an income of my own. Grave yard would work perfectly I reasoned. He would have Cassy while she slept so I didn't have to spend money on a sitter. Next I found out about GED classes. I told Jeff that he and I were both going to go to class and take this test. My mother agreed to come up and sit with Cassy while we attended class. I am happy to say even with taking my test going on two days of no sleep I was 1 point shy of a full paid state college scholarship! Who even knew you could get a scholarship on a GED diploma? My teacher was so excited. I told her I did not have another $16 at the time to take the test again. She told me no worries, I could simply retake the history exam and pay only $4.00! I laughed and told her I would think about it but right now I didn't have the freedom to go to college. Jeff passed his test as well. To this day he happily will admit he is thankful I pushed him to pursue his degree.

We were young when we got married and to say we had a great foundation would be a lie. By March we had taken on roommates to help with the rent so we really had no time alone together. When you coupled those two things together I think looking back it was the beginning of the end. I'm not sure if there is any truth to the rumors I've been told years AFTER I divorced Jeff, but if they are true, he was turning to female friends for comfort. I do know this our relationship was on a downhill slide. I no longer felt any longing for contact with Jeff. Sadly we were getting to a point where I was being informed that I had wifely duties and he was not going to go without. Just trust me, "When it becomes a 'Duty', you better do something about it."

I was on the pill and had been since my checkup. The last thing I wanted was another baby. I was already thinking I needed to get out of this relationship. It's funny how abuse starts. It's not like one day they walk up and punch you. An abusive man has to beat you down before he beats you up the first time. You could easily say Jeff and I were in the "Beat you Down" stage of our relationship. I couldn't take the mental abuse so I left Jeff and moved in with my mother in June.

I was still working grave yard at Gas America at this time. Come May, I suddenly started having problems with my cycle. Planned parenthood thought perhaps my body had overcome the pill and I needed a stronger version so they changed my prescription. The next month same problem, so they changed my pill again. The next month I blacked out at work from excessive bleeding and they decided perhaps I needed to have an exam to see if they could spot any cause. So, there I was on the exam table that next morning. I will never forget the gasp the Doctor made. You know how many thoughts can flash across one's brain in a moment? A LOT! Cancer, a tumor, had to be something bad. Nothing I had thought of could have prepared me for her next words, "Oh my God! You're pregnant!" Have you ever heard your world shatter in a single second? I was floored. What she said next was even more shocking. "You're not a little pregnant. . . if I had to guess I would say you are about 20 weeks pregnant. Have you not felt the baby move?" I was speechless for a moment. . . still stunned I managed to say, "No. I haven't."

She then told me, "Well, I'm no expert, but that is my best guess by the size of your uterus." She went on to make the comment that I had a backward uterus . . . something about the position of my cervix . . . I felt like I was a million miles away . . ." I think I mumbled something like, 'Is that a bad thing?' She replied nonchalantly, "No, it's just they used to think girls with a backward uterus had a more difficult time getting pregnant. You kicked that theory out of the water!"

I asked her if she thought anything might be wrong with my baby since I'd been on the pill this entire time. She advised me to get into a doctor as soon as I could. As far as she knew there just wasn't any available information on that. She left the room and I numbly dressed myself. I felt like I was disconnected from my body again. Pregnant? How on earth could I be pregnant. I hadn't called on God in so long . . . I didn't reach for him now either.

Somewhere in the dark recesses of my brain I heard the phrase, "You will be a mother to  many."

** I think this is a good place to stop. I'm not quite ready to journal all I went through over the next 72 hours.

In the Nick of Time!

If this is the blog you land on first, I would encourage you to go to the beginning so that what I am saying makes sense! To do this change your view on the top left from classic to flip card and click on the blog in the bottom furthest right corner!

Recap: I conceived my first child when I ran away in December of 1985 at the age of 16. I was married in February, 1986 against my wishes. By the end of March I had withdrawn from High School. It is now April of 1986 and Jeff, my husband, and I are packed and waiting for Jeff's dad to arrive to drive us to our new home . . . actually I should say to his parent's home.

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I had never met Jeff's parents and had no idea what to expect. To this day when I think of Charlie, Jeff's dad, I can't help but smile. He was one of the few in Jeff's family that was always nice to me. Charlie had his own hangups like we all do but I loved him for who he was. He never wronged me. He had a sense of humor. All in all he was a great guy.

We didn't have a lot of belongings so packing up into Charlie's car didn't really take that long. Once we were loaded up we hit the road. I had run away to French Lick so I knew we had a three hour drive ahead of us. For the life of me I have no idea what all we talked about for the three hours. All I remember was how happy Charlie was with his new saying for me, "Wendy Weaver wobbles but she won't fall down."

When we arrived to their home we were shown our room. The enclosed front porch. It didn't take long to unpack and get settled. Brenda, Jeff's mom, was not near as kind as Jeff's dad. Looking back I understand. Jeff was her only son. I'm not 100% positive she even knew we were getting married or if she was even invited. I do know this, she resented me for "tricking" her son into marrying me! Oh the irony of it all does not escape me. Not even to this day!

My first real conversation with Brenda was basically her informing me that I would most likely not carry this child to full term. According to her, it was kind of a family curse. As if that was not reassuring enough, she went on to ask me if I realized I might have a downs syndrome child should I somehow manage to not miscarry. She had some articles on my odds all prepared for me. You could color me stunned. I had taken advanced biology in high school. I honestly knew more than I already cared to when it came to birth defects, DNA and crib death! I took the articles she gave me and I went into our room. I confided in Jeff that night that I felt his mom did not like me because she thought I'd trapped him into marrying me. I asked if he would be so kind as to tell her the truth concerning that. I'm not sure if she knows to this day that it was Jeff that trapped me! I do know that he confided this truth to our 2nd child just this last year! Progress . . . you just never know when it will happen.

Brenda and I hit heads over applying for welfare and she thought of me as a spoiled brat. I know this because that is what she called me to my face. I bit my tongue. She could not be further from the truth. I had asked her why we should go on welfare when Jeff had no issues keeping him from getting a job. She told me that jobs were hard to come by so I went out and got one! I had only been working for three weeks when my boss informed me that due to my condition they were going to have to let me go. I was surprised but could do nothing about it.

Living with Jeff's parents was stressful on me. It didn't make matters any better that Jeff had an older sister who was NOT a fan of mine. When I had run away, his youngest sister and I had quickly become friends. I think it was our fourth night that this older sister and her boyfriend were arguing and they had taken the time to put their three children outside of the trailer during the fight. Mindy, the younger sister that had become friends with Donna and I, was informed that the children were outside and the youngest one was supposedly in nothing more than a diaper. The three of us went and scooped the children up and took them while her sister and boyfriend could be heard still fighting inside. The mother of these three did not even come looking for her children until the next day! I don't know how I became her target but I did. She told awful lies about me. Claimed I'd said things I would not have said. The best was that Jeff questioned me on all of this. I told him if you don't trust me there is really no point in continuing this marriage.

Out of sheer desperation, I contacted my father and explained to him that I was leaving French Lick with his help or without it. He listened to me . . . I think perhaps for the first time in his life. Regardless we ended with him offering a job to Jeff and we arranged for him to pick me up the next day.

When Jeff and I had time to talk that night, I informed him I was going back to Westfield. I told him he had a job if he wanted it. He told me he was not going to work for my father. I said, "I am leaving tomorrow. You can come with me or you can stay here. If you are not at Glidden Fence come Monday, I'm filing for divorce."

Saying the tension was in the air would be an understatement! Regardless. the next day my father showed up and I threw what little items I had in the back of the truck and we drove away. No Jeff. Just my father and me. I told my dad I didn't think Jeff was going to take him up on his offer but I had given him my ultimatum.

When we got back to Westfield, my father took me to the office. He informed me that I had 3 hours to use the phone and find a place to stay. "I can't help you with that he informed me. Offering Jeff a job and coming to get you has already landed me in hot water at home." I understood. The last time I had seen Chris she'd informed me not to set so much as a foot on her front porch. She had slapped me across the face during our last confrontation. She'd had the audacity to chastise me for my lack of enthusiasm regarding my current school. Obviously that did not go down well. I don't think she knew up until then that I knew it was her that had gotten me removed from Westfield Washington High School.

My first call that day was to my mom. She too could not help me. She had a roommate and could not take me in. I cannot tell you how lost I felt. I was unable to reach my grandma. She was already in Michigan at their summer home. I don't know what made me think of Julie, a friend from high school, but I did. I called her. I explained my situation and amazingly her parents opened their home up to me. Julie's mom was one of the kindest souls I have ever had the pleasure to know.

Surprisingly enough, Jeff showed up Monday morning at Glidden Fence. He had moved in with his best man's parents in Noblesville. He made a million promises to me at the time. I had already discovered you can't even file for divorce in Indiana if you are pregnant so I took it as a sign. If he was going to commit himself to being a good providing husband who was I to stop him?

I was 7 months pregnant when Jeff found us another place to rent. We moved in the second week of July. I have an uncle who is only 7 months older than me. On his 18th birthday, while rebelling against my grandma, Jeff had agreed to let my uncle who is also named Jeff move in with us. We had not been in this place for a month when our landlord informed Jeff that he had sold the house and we needed to find another place by September 1st! Our baby was due September 14th!!

Amazingly enough we did find a one bedroom apartment to move into. Believe it or not, my uncle had already found a new girlfriend and she wanted him to move in with her. Once again we packed and unpacked into a new place.

September 14th came and I thought I was going into labor that night. My mom came over as she was my ride to the hospital but it turned out I was only having Braxton Hicks contractions. My mom had always told me for her labor didn't hurt that bad so I really had no clue as to what I was looking for!

Seven days later, I awoke to a sharp pain followed by another uncomfortable pain 4 minutes later. I thought I was having some type of indigestion or something. Then another one came 3 minutes later followed by another one 3 minutes later. I woke Jeff up and said, "I think I'm really in labor this time! I'm having pain every 3 minutes!" We had been told with your first baby your contractions start 10 to 15 minutes apart. He started timing me himself. I think he thought I was not doing it right. I called my mom. I knew we didn't have time to mess around. She lived 45 minutes away and we had a 45 minute drive to the hospital!

Jeff confirmed that my contractions were only 3 minutes apart and my mom said she was heading out the door. 11 contractions later, they began coming every 2 minutes. By this time a friend of Jeff's named Jeremy had stopped by. I think he was more panicked than Jeff or I! By the time my mother showed up, he was suggesting we call for an ambulance!

Between contractions I climbed down the flight of stairs and got in the back of my mom's car. Jeff got in the front seat. Don't think he wouldn't have let me sit up front, he would have. I needed to lay down or so I thought. I think I sat up and laid down a few hundred times finding comfort in no position.

When we arrived at the hospital my contractions were a minute apart. The rushed me into an exam room and the ER doctor checked me. I was dilated to 9cm and they rushed me to a delivery room. I had been going to the St. Vincent Clinic for all my care. Being a clinic patient on a sliding scale meant that you were being seen by mostly med students. I had agreed to be a ginny pig for an epidural. They called in the med student and had me roll on my side. He was quick. I never felt a thing. Might be because I was in soooooo much pain at the time! They rolled me on my back and the entire room was in motion.

The doctor on call was still trying to get situated when the next contraction hit. I bore down and basically roared from somewhere deep inside. I remember him saying, "I'm not ready yet, don't push, pant pant blow."

Anyone who has gone through the pain of child birth knows when you get to this point it is all natural. There is no holding back! When my next contraction hit I yelled, "You pant pant blow, I'mmmmmmmmmm pushhhhhiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggggg!" and whoosh,  Cassandra Nicole entered the world. From start to finish I was in labor with my first child for a whopping 2 hours and 15 minutes! I think the funniest thing about my first birth was 10 minutes after Cassy entered the world, my entire lower body went completely numb! I had not one bit of pain for the next few hours!!

Being as young as I was and having a mom and dad as young as they were, you could say my hospital room was packed. The nurse came in to inform everyone in the room if they weren't grandparents or sisters and brothers they had to leave the room. No one left!

Slowly the room emptied out as each grandparent and great grandparent was done admiring her. When my step mother bent down to say good bye she informed me she thought is was total crap that I didn't suffer enough during childbirth. She had been in labor for 24 hours with my sister. I would like to say I was shocked by her statement. If I did, I would be lying.

This is a good place close this chapter. I'm sure I've mentioned it once or twice but this decade of my life spiraled further and further down. The longer I remained disappointed and let down by God, the more alone I felt. Of course if you knew me back then, I'm not sure you would have picked up on that. I had never been one to cry on someone else's shoulders! I have friends that claim I'm strong. I tell them, "Girl, I'm no different than you. I cry and wail like the best of them!"

I hope to be back to write a few more chapters. I just don't know their titles yet. I have been given one but it is up the road a bit. I've got approximately 3 years to cover before I get to it. Praying for guidance as I continue.

Wendy, Mom of Many

How I Became a High School Drop Out

** I don't want to leave this out because it is one of my favorite moments. When I was sentenced into my parents custody I was also placed on probation. My probation officer ordered me to counseling. My counselor was a man who had adopted quite a few Foster Children. I think he had like seven. Somewhere in our first conversation I had mentioned I loved to write. He asked if I would be willing to share some of my stuff with him. I honestly liked the guy so I said I would. When we met the second time I gave him some of my poems. He read the first few and looked at me for a moment. Then he said, "Wendy, I don't have anything to teach you. I don't think you are messed up at all. You understand more about life than I think your parents give you credit for. I will tell your probation officer that as well. From now on, I want you to take the $30 you are supposed to give me and spend this time and money on yourself." I can't remember if he knew I was being forced to get married or not . . . I think he did. At the time I don't think either of us realized the date was going to be set so quickly.

While not loving the fact that I had to be married off . . . While not thrilled with the fact that I had no voice in the decision . . . somewhere inside me I felt once married, that was your chosen partner for life. I was determined to make this work. After all, I reasoned anything had to be better than being under Chris' rule.

Sadly, I am not 100% sure but I think Jeff and I got married on Feb 12th, 1986. I may be 3 days off but I believe that is right. The only thing I am 100% positive of is this, 'I did not want it to be on Feb 14th'.You may ask yourself, "Why did I need to get married so fast?" I have run some things through my head over the years:

1. To ensure I would get married. (If I was allowed to pick a time . . . say . . . after March 6th, I would be 17 and no longer would the state law apply to me.
2. Because of my hateful and insane responses to demands Chris had made on me.
3. To make it look like I WANTED to get married and was not getting married because I was pregnant.
4. The last one, I'll get to here in a minute.

Any way you slice it, I was married the first time right before my 17th birthday. 

So, here I was wed to a guy I'd begged NOT to marry me. I told myself, 'he must think I'm an awesome catch to insist upon marrying me. . . He surely must love me to feel that strongly when it came to being a "real family". . . He was originally going to help me gain my freedom . . . surely he wanted to marry me not to trap me but to show me how much he wanted to be a good father to this baby girl we were going to have.'

I knew from the day I was pregnant that she was going to be a girl. I had been told my first baby would be a girl. I began talking to her by her name right before my birthday. Years ago I had picked out a baby girl name with Danny Joe. I could not use that name. I had to find another one. I decided upon Cassandra prior to quitting school. It took me a little longer to pick out her middle name: Nicole. I decided upon it while living with Jeff's family.

I was wanting a name that would provide her with options regarding what she wanted to be called by her friends. I felt this combination sounded good together and it had some flex to it!

I thought I would continue going to high school. After all, my principal, Dr. Murry had written the state board of education to allow me an exception on how many semesters I needed to get my diploma. You see, I had more than enough credits. I needed to drop an English class and take Psychology in its place and I met all other qualifications. My grades were excellent and my school record was impressive all the way back to the 7th grade. He had given me the good news that I had been accepted at the same time he told me I could not continue my education at Westfield Washington High School. 

I was so confused. He told me he would be happy to look the other way when it came to the violation of where I lived but my step mother was not going to allow that to happen. You see, once married to Jeff, I had moved into the apartment he had found us in Noblesville. We were 7 miles to the East of Westfield. Because I was a Junior, I did not retain the right to go to school where I wanted to. Somehow Chris Glidden knew that.

Dr. Murry, the principal of our High School, truly felt bad. He told me something close to this as he gave me my student file, "Normally this would just be transferred from school to school but you are now considered an adult and there is no cause for me not to give it to you. I think you need to see your file and all that is in it for yourself. You will need it to enroll yourself in Noblesville. You're still in Hamilton County. Our credit system is the same so you will still graduate at the end of the school year. You'll just be graduating from Noblesville High School." He wished me luck. I knew he felt bad about what was happening. Me, I was in a daze as I left the school grounds.

"Why does she hate me so much? What did I ever do to this lady?" I questioned to the Heavens . . . nothing . . . no insight. 

The next day some of Jeff's friends who were still in High School and were actually attending Noblesville High School arrived in the morning as agreed to pick me up. I had my marriage license and my High School Record in hand. I went into the office and asked for the forms to enroll myself. At the time, many of the counselors in this school, mine for example, were also probation officers. "Nice!" I thought sarcastically to myself. I think I might have gotten her because I was actually on probation for running away at this time! 

Our first meeting did not go well. She sat across from me and reviewed my file. She closed it as she tossed my letter from the State Department of Education at me and said, "This may have flown at your other school but you are not going to be graduating at the end of the school year from here. A lot of your credits don't count here." Now if I'd have been allowed to take any fluff classes I could have understood that. The closest I had come to a fluff class in High School would have been typing! I was shocked. She went on to tell me this, "The only way I see you graduating ahead of your class is if you take a couple of summer courses and the first semester of your senior year."

"My baby is due in September!" I balked. I can't possibly do that. She informed me that was not her problem. If I thought I was going to get rewarded for setting a bad example to fellow students I was wrong. Perplexed but wanting to graduate, I asked her if she'd be so kind as to keep the married and pregnant thing on the down low. I told her I didn't want my teachers to judge me because of it. She claimed she could do that much for me.

It was on my way to 5th period that day that I came up behind her as she was informing my next teacher all about me. What she had to say about me could be categorized as sheer gossip. I was angry to say the least. I did not like Noblesville High School at all my first day. I was worried how I was going to manage to graduate . . . I was thinking maybe summer school and the second semester of High School. Maybe I could go half days . . .who would babysit for me while I went to school . . . why was the world out to get me . . . 

Never once did I pray to God at this time of my life. I felt I had been abandoned by Him . . . how could I turn to Him?

As much as I hated school, I went. A degree was important to me. Just as I resolved myself to finishing, Jeff came home with the bad news. Not only had he lost his part time job that night, he had been fired that day from his Full Time job. He informed me we were moving to French Lick, Indiana and moving in with his parents. I felt like I was living in a nightmare. I went to school and withdrew myself. I found out about the requirements for taking your GED: Out of school for one year and you had to be 17! No problem . . . I could take it one month prior to my class graduating with diplomas!

I am out of time and must end here. I hope you are enjoying my story and can relate to my life in some way. It is my hope that you see me to the end. As I have mentioned before, It does have a happy ending . . . or perhaps I should say middle as I am not done living quite yet!

Today I pray for all high school drop outs, I pray for all teen moms, I pray for all who are in the midst of a struggle of any kind. May you find your strength in God. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many

Copyright © 2013 Wendy L Glidden. All Rights Reserved.