Don't Let 'It' Get the Best of You!

"Don't let 'it' get the best of you."
"Don't let 'them' get the best of you."

It seems these last few weeks that is what I keep hearing in my head. Whenever something has gone wrong or someone has been a bit nasty, I have been reminded to not let it get the best of me. For instance, Mike and I have been under a lot of pressure since his return and I honestly cannot tell you exactly what happened the other day other than I recognized a ridiculous attack for what it was. I walked away from the situation after politely excusing myself. I went to the car, got in and pulled my phone out to see what the encouraging word of the day was. I knew I just needed to strengthen my armor.

On the way to work that morning, I refused to be pulled into any argument. It truly is amazing what happens when you keep your focus on the Lord, read His Word daily, and put on your full suit of armor!

We all are in a spiritual battle. If you don't see it now, I pray you open your eyes to the truth of what is happening in this world!

Anyway, half way to work, Mike, who I knew was being used to disrupt my day in a feeble attempt to put out my light, apologized to me for trying to throw me out of balance. His exact words were, "I'm sorry for trying to throw you out of balance this morning. It seems I pulled my own neck while having my moment."

I smiled and told him no worries. I admitted that I had seen what was going on for what it was, so I was good. I then shared with him the wisdom that God had shared with me in reading Proverbs 26, verse 20:

For lack of wood the fire goes out.

Many times at home, when I am talking to one child, another will chime in with a much un-needed comment. I have implemented this phrase at home for those times: "Don't throw gas on my fire!"

Marissa asked me what that meant. In turn, I asked her, "You know how you can have a little fire going but if you add starter fuel to it, it gets crazy big?" She shook her head yes.

I then informed her that an angry person was like a fire and it was best not to feed that fire. Now, when a situation is on the brink of a melt down, all I have to do is quickly say, "Don't throw gas on my fire!" and the entire clan gets quiet.

I wish the only attack I have had disrupt my day was that single instance. However, I have been under a continual attack for almost three weeks now. I think all designed to steal any spare time for sure, but to also perhaps blow out my light.

Often you hear that a follower of Christ has a target on their back. I joke the brighter I get, the more I write, the more I am under assault. I consider it a compliment from the other side. The father of lies must see me as a formidable foe to come at me so often and so crazily.

I believe it is a combination of my confidence in the Father and the fact that I warn others about him that draws his ire. I see how he has worked against me and plotted against me for decades. Such a clever liar he is. I find it shockingly scary at times what thoughts he attempts to plant in my mind. I know he does this to every human being. He even tempted and toyed with Jesus. Don't fool yourself into thinking he doesn't do the same thing in your life! That belief is dangerous to your peace of mind!

So, as many of you know, Mike was facing some jail time in Florida last month. I had prayed for him, written a letter to his lawyer, left a message for the head of probation and talked to the State Attorney against her will, but in the end, I had truly given it all to God. Shockingly, Mike ended up only having to serve 4 days ~ 3 nights out of an original requested 60 days! Having found himself convicted by God during our separation and certain himself that he was a changed man, he arrived here in Indiana to ask for my hand in marriage.

I knew accepting him and allowing him the chance to be who he said he would be would land me in hot water where my father was concerned, but I could not help myself. I am happy that I opened the door and my heart up to him. Of course the father of lies does not care for us to be happy. He likes to throw God's children into turmoil and he certainly set out after Mike and I from the jump.

Mike arrived Saturday evening. The children were most elated. I myself was deeply moved. That next morning Mike went to church with us. He left his vehicle next to the RV. When we got in the car to drive back to the RV, I noticed I had missed a couple of calls from my father as well as a text that simply showed his number. I returned the call not sure if it was in regards to Mike or something he needed to let me know regarding work. As it turned out, it was about Mike. Since he was back and I was going to allow him the opportunity to be a man of courage, my father insisted I get everything off his property.

We moved that afternoon as the big storms that produced destructive tornadoes on November 17th moved in. When we were safely settled Mike looked at me and said, "So this is some of the adversity we will face for loving one another." I laughed knowing he was right. I smiled and said, "You know if it was easy, it would make for a boring story. Let's just keep our focus on the truth. We love each other. We both grew through the separation. We are stronger for it all."

Life with Mike back in the picture has been both easier and harder in the same fell swoop. When it comes to taking care of the home and the cars and the children, hands down EASIER! When it comes to problems and turmoil thrown in my path, it has been much more difficult.

Satan has gone as far as to try to whisper to me that Mike is bad luck for me. Thank God I recognize the difference between my inner voice and the father of lies voice today. Regardless, it is spine tingling when he attempts to bend your ear and plant such thoughts. You instantly realize that this attack, this belief, these words are going to repeat and sooner or later, most likely come out of the mouth of someone who's opinion you value. Simply recognizing and dismissing the initial lie once does not stop the evil one in his tracks. Life would be a lot easier were that the case!

In the last three weeks when it has come to vehicles, if I've been in it, it's overheated, broken down completely, gotten a flat or run out of gas!

It all began happening right after Mike's return. So did the whispering words 'You were better off before he came back.' I had to stop that loop more than once. As I have said again and again and again, the father of lies will talk to you so softly it causes you to bend in to hear better.

Through every mishap I have chosen to find the blessing in every situation. I looked for the silver lining and have found it each time.

It all started with a flat tire the Monday after we had moved. Mike quickly jacked us up, took the tire into town, plugged it and filled it with air and delivered it back and put it on and we were on our way. Best part of that day: He greeted me with a smile upon his return, planted a kiss on my lips and presented me with a cup of coffee he hidden behind his back!

When I ran out of gas with the children in the car, where we landed was off the road in a place I didn't have to worry about being in the way and within one block of a gas station. We were even blessed to be picked up and driven to the gas station and back in less than 10 steps from the car! Satan may be out to ruin my day but God always has me!

When we ran out of gas a second time, Mike was driving. Mike went walking by himself to get gas. We were MILES away from the closest station and it was below freezing. I said a quick prayer, asked the children to pray with me and before I could finish reading a child's book, a car with Mike riding as passenger pulled up next to us. He had been picked up, taken to the gas station and driven back! More proof that God had us even when we didn't have ourselves!

When my tire blew in the jeep, I was around the corner from the mechanic we use at Glidden Fence and was able to park the car there overnight without worry and even got a ride to the library to meet up with Mike and the children! We managed to find and purchase another tire for a mere $35.00!

When the car overheated, I still managed to get to the children to school one minute before the they would have been counted tardy. As it turned out, it was a problem Mike was able to fix for under $20.00!

When the car broke down on me again with all the children in the car, I landed in the only place for two miles in either direction that had an enough of an emergency lane for me to get completely off the road. Had I fallen just 20 feet short or puttered another 20 feet forward that would not have been the case! I was even blessed enough to have the local sheriff call me at work looking for Mike to see what his plans were for the car. They promised not to tow it as long as we got it off the road before nightfall. Mike did not get the problem fixed that first day, however, we were allowed by a kind person to move our car onto their property.

The next day, Mike and I prayed for help with the car. Amazingly it only cost us $160 rental deposit that was fully refunded for a tool that he rented to assist in tracking down the problem. As it turned out with running out of gas in that car not once, but sadly twice, we had built up air in the line. Once bled out, the car fired up and has been running beautifully. The entire time I chose to remain certain that God had me. For He is faithful.

Now, here comes the toughest part of this certain story. In between day one and day two of the last vehicle breakdown incident, my father came into the office and inquired about my car. When I told him what had happened, he went on a brutal attack. He said out loud the words Satan had been trying to get me to listen to. "Since Mike has returned you have had nothing but bad luck. Almost as if you've been cursed."

The attack went from Mike to my children to this blog and it didn't stop there. I don't know how I managed to stay as calm through all of it as I did, but it is my belief that being able to keep my focus on the truth was my saving grace. I was blessed that this assault took place with only 15 minutes left of my work day. I had no transportation that night as Mike had not gotten back yet and I had all the children. My father had not only yelled at me, little Jeffrey had heard him yelling and had gone in to give him a hug. I think how he was treated by my father was the hardest part of the entire assault.

The blessing in all that would be that the children and I left promptly at five pm walking down the road on our way to the library to meet up with Mike. As I approached the light a block from my office, a woman driving a van on her way to mass got my attention and offered to give us a ride. Turns out she is a follower of Christ, has five grandchildren that she drives back and forth to school three times a week so, not only did she have enough room for all of us, she even had the right car seat for Jeffrey and Delilah! Knowing once again that my heavenly father had provided all my needs was a gigantic comfort. She and I agreed that my father needed some prayers.

My father is not a follower of Christ, he doesn't wear any armor for a spiritual battle and he was being used against me. Please, don't think for a moment I was not hurt or that I did not cry, for I wept silently like a baby for almost 24 hours.

That following morning, Mike had dropped us all off at the office. I had accidentally kept the keys to the limo after I unlocked the front door, so I called him to let him know before he drove too far. When he returned I was having a moment of human weakness and it was obvious to Mike that I had been crying.

He asked me, "Why are you crying?" I said, "When it comes right down to it, I'm just a girl. Sometimes we cry." He gave me a hug, told me everything would be okay and he headed off to work on the limo. As my father had accused the day before, Mike indeed turned out to be the hero when it came to figuring out the problem.

I love how well my heavenly Father had been preparing me for this latest attack. For the last three weeks, He has been reminding me to not let whatever outside circumstance was going on in this world to get the best of me. The best of me is Christ in me. He is the source of my inner light. Satan must truly love the dark for he was out with a vengeance when it came to trying to put out my light.

As long as I keep my focus on Christ and His love as well as God's word, I am wearing the protection I need for such assaults. With the proper attire, Satan can't blow out my light.

I'll openly admit, the father of lies fooled me once. He tricked me into believing God had it out for me. What a liar he truly is. He should be ashamed of himself. Instead he tries to fill us with shame and guilt so we live in fear. I will not allow that to happen again. I now know and understand my purpose. It is to serve my Lord however He sees fit. He is the provider of all my needs and the source of my strength. After all, I'm just a girl!

Father today I pray that all your children are able to keep their focus on the truth. I pray they don't let outside circumstances steal their light. I pray that they don't let it get the best of them. I also pray for more strength for myself. In three weeks I was kept from being able to write. I pray for protection for myself as well as anyone under a spiritual attack from the dark side. I want to thank you for how you provide me with all that I need, including rides from here to there or the perfect place to park my broken down cars! You never cease to amaze me with all your blessings. I know full well that you loving me does not mean I won't experience trouble or pain. I thank you for how you comfort me through it all. Thank you for your faithfulness and your never ending love. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, walks with God
Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

It's a Boy!

For those just joining me, many of these blogs are chapters of my life. I am mostly telling my story. Occasionally I blog on Bible Verses. . . this blog picks up where "How I Ended Up Pregnant with My 2nd Child" ends. . . I think this reads better as a story . . . If you like this blog, I'd encourage you to start with my first blog "In the beginning" and go from there!

I left planned parenthood in a daze. To say I was thrilled with my news would be a lie. Here I was again on the edge of living my own life only to be shackled with another baby and at least another 5 months from being able to file for divorce. I knew I would have to tell Jeff. Oh I was sick over my situation. I headed back to my mother's for that was where I was currently staying. All my hopes of finally being on my own were smashed. I felt abandoned by God once again.

I gave my mom the news. She was as surprised as me. "You haven't felt the baby move?" she asked. "No. Not yet." I muttered. I was concerned about what taking the pill day after day might have done to this baby. No data. It made sense. After all who takes the pill day after day while being pregnant? A girl who has no idea she is pregnant. That's who! Who knew you could have a period and even have breakthroughs while carrying a baby? I was so numb that first day. I prayed I was simply having a nightmare.

The next day my mom informed me there were two states that actually did offer abortions beyond 12 weeks. It was expensive but it could be done. She wanted me to know she would never judge me if I decided to take a look into it. I couldn't. The next day I felt the baby move. I wept and thanked God. I didn't know if I could handle it if I had harmed this child by taking birth control for over 1/2 of it's development inside of me. I was still worried about things like, 'would the baby have any birth defects . . . or if the pill would somehow effect this child's reproductive organs?' So many unknowns. The one thing I knew for sure was I had to let Jeff know that I was carrying another child.

He came by to pick me up so we could talk privately. He told me he was sure this baby was a boy. He begged me to come back. He apologized for his temper and his abusive behavior and vowed to me he would never treat me badly again. It was all a mistake. He had grown up in a house where the man was meant to be served. I was not good with that role. He thought we could work on it. He begged me to give him a second chance! I just wanted to be happy.You know what I mean? I wanted to enjoy life. Why did there need to be so much aggression in the world. Never made a lot of sense to me. I didn't feel like I really had a choice in the matter. Leaving Jeff and raising one child on my own was going to be tough. Add being pregnant on top of that and I was staring at a hopeless situation. I caved. How bad could it be? He promised to find us a place immediately. He did. A one room efficiency apartment. We lived there until October / November. Not sure which month . . . all I am sure is I moved in on opening weekend for hunting deer with a bow. Yes. Jeff was a hunter. Here I was as big as girl who is around 7 and a half  months pregnant can be and my husband needed to hunt more than he needed to move his family into their new home. My Aunt Janet is the one who helped me move. She was still getting around at the time without a wheel chair. Looking back I am dumbfounded at how much she was able to due at the time. How funny we must have seemed to any who observed us working together. She was awesome. We loaded up her truck from the storage unit and unloaded it into our new 3 bedroom trailer.

Now you may be wondering . . . how could I still not know exactly how pregnant I was by now . . . If that is your question, my answer is this. I never saw a doctor other than the one at planned parenthood.  That is right. I never had any care at all. It's not like I didn't try to get in to see a doctor. I just couldn't get in. I had called the St. Vincent Clinic and tried to get back in there on the sliding scale. Since Jeff was making a little more and costs had gone up slightly, our total cost for all care was going to be $800. We could not make payments since I was going to be around 6 months along before they could get me in. You had to be paid in full by your 7th month. I did not have an extra $400 laying around at the end of each month at this time! We also made a hair too much to qualify for Medicaid . Jeff went to work and asked for a loan like we had done with Cassy. Unfortunately for us, Chris decided we needed to learn a lesson when it came to responsibility. She simply could not allow for me to get another easy ride. If I was not held accountable for my reckless behavior when it came to conceiving children, she was not going to support me by bailing me out financially again and again. Luckily Jerry's girlfriend was going to nursing school at the time and she had a stethoscope. She helped me by finding the baby's heartbeat and taking my blood pressure. It's all the doctors really did when I was pregnant with Cassy. We weren't even sure when my due date was going to be. Talk about a surprise baby in multiple ways.

I was at my brother's birthday party at my dad's house and I was gigantic. I was sure I was beyond 40 weeks. The time was around 7:30 when I felt the first pain hit me. Uncomfortable is as good as a description as any. After the 6th one I told Jeff I thought my labor may have started and I thought we should head to my mom's house. The plan was for her to keep Cassy when I went into labor. My father lived in Westfield and my mom was still in the same house she had lived in since I was in the 3rd grade. In other words we had a 30 to 40 minute drive ahead of us and then we needed to turn around and drive another 30 to 40 minutes to the hospital. Just like with Cassy my labor pains started four to five minutes apart. I wasn't sure as I'd sat at Chris and dad's for the first few labor pains and I didn't have a clock to look at.

We arrived at Riverview Hospital in the ER entrance. Dr Beaver was the doctor on call. I only remember because I found it funny that his name rhymed with Weaver. I was rushed into a delivery room as I was already in transition. William however did not come as easily as Cassandra. She weighed in at only 7lbs 10 oz. In comparison, she was a breeze! Since we had no insurance and I was terrified at how large our bill might be I refused to take any pain medication. I knew we simply could not afford it.  I had pushed several times with William and he had not come out yet. I felt like someone was ripping my spine out of my body.  My mom was hoping this baby would arrive before midnight so that he'd be born on my brother's birthday. That did not happen. I guess he wanted his own day because he waited until after midnight to make his appearance. I was beginning to think I'd never push him out when Jeff leaned down to me and said, "Wendy, he's going to use those salad spoons if you don't push this baby out this time!" When the next contraction hit I pushed with everything I had and whoosh out came the baby. . . no stopping between head and shoulders. I don't know why the thought of salad spoons terrified me to such a degree but it did. Gross enough, I'd pushed so hard let's just say walls needed some attention!

"It's a boy! I told you! It's a boy!"Jeff exclaimed. He even kissed me. I'm not sure I ever heard Jeff so elated. I was just thrilled to have this child out of me and this all behind me. He looked perfect. He was a healthy 9lbs 6oz. baby boy. He had the straightest long nose I'd ever seen on a baby but nothing looked out of place. With a sigh of relief I thanked God that me taking birth control had not affected him in any obvious way.

I had already decided that I was going to bottle feed this child. I knew that I wanted to go back to work ASAP. I reasoned that there was no point in starting something I wasn't going to have time to keep up with. In the back of my head I couldn't get the feeling out of my head. I still had not faced my issues from being attacked. This was an easy way for me to brush all of that aside. No need to face what I'd safely re-tucked away. . . not now.

Well . . . I'm honestly not looking forward to these next chapters ahead. Knowing what I am getting close to makes me cringe. I know that God is using me to show you His Mercy and Grace. I hope that is what you take form all I am sharing. Let my trials and tribulations not go in vain.

It is my prayer that you see how kind and loving of a Father we all have. It is my prayer that you recognize the beauty behind my story. There is a silver lining in everything. Until my next chapter . . .

Wendy, Mom of Many