Monday, July 8, 2013

Why I Believe Bruce Left Me

Good morning my friends! Today is Marvelously Magnificent Miraculous Monday! You want to know what I think is miraculous? God loves me! Me with all my baggage. Me with my insecurities and self doubt. I laugh when I think about Jesus saying, "Oh ye of little faith!" for even with all the signs and wonders I have seen, I have days of doubt. It makes me ponder on those we read about in the bible. It is so easy to be on this side of history and say, how could they doubt? I am sure they would say the same of many of us!

God is patient, God is kind
Allow His Word to renew your mind
Pick up your bible and read something each day
I promise it will help keep evil at bay!!

I ended my last "in order" chapter Back Flash with a hint of chaos between Jeff and I having something to do with Bruce deciding that he could no longer marry me. As I mentioned in that blog, I was dragging my feet. I know that is due to how I feel about all that happened back then. Admitting your weaknesses, your faults and your failures is never pleasant. While it turns my stomach to go to this era of my life, until I do, I will remain stuck. I know God has something to share with countless abused women as well as abusive men through my story. I pray for strength and openness as I willingly allow myself to be used for His purpose. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

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It was towards the end of the summer. Cassy and William still had a couple weeks left to spend with their father for summer vacation. I was enjoying the morning with Bruce when my phone rang. Brenda, Jeff's mom was on the other end.

"Wendy, Jeff moved a couple weeks ago. He hasn't let any of us know where he moved to. I think he is in Jasper. I think him and Jodi are planning on keeping the children. He hasn't even let me have any contact with them for two weeks and I'm worried they may move further. I should have called you the day they moved off my property but I thought he would let me know their new address. I am so sorry."

My heart dropped as I told her she was okay. I hung up the phone and told Bruce I needed to locate my children before Jeff knew I had been alerted to the situation.  He decided he wanted to ride with me. I grabbed pictures of both Cassandra and William as well as verified I had a legal certified copy of my divorce decree and headed out the door.

Three hours later I arrived in the middle of Jasper. I went into a local gas station, armed with the pictures and asked if anyone had seen either of these children. The attendant had not but by the grace of God a lady inside the store had. She told me they lived in an apartment complex down the street from her. I came out of the gas station feeling hopeful and headed in the direction she had pointed me in. Sure enough there were two sets of apartments back to back just like she had said. She had no idea which unit they were in but had seen the children playing outside just the other day. I went to the first door and knocked on it. A girl answered the door. I showed her the pictures of Cassy and Billy and asked if she knew which unit my children were in. Again, by the Grace of God she did. I walked around the building to the other side and knocked on the door she indicated.

Jodi, Jeff's new wife, opened the door and promptly attempted to slam it shut. I put my foot in the opening and it was slammed between the door and the frame. I bit my lip and closed my eyes for a second. I heard her say as she attempted to kick my foot out of the way to close the door, "We are getting custody of your children and you will never see them again."

Wrong thing to say to a mama bear. I pushed the pain out of my mind and shoved the door open. Once inside, I called out, "Cassy, Billy where are you?" They came racing down the stairs. I noticed a gigantic scab on William's face. As calmly as I could, I asked, "Where are your clothes?" They excitedly said, "Up here!" and they ran back up the stairs. I walked by Jodi and went up the stairs. The majority of their belongings were still in the laundry basket I had sent them with. I picked up the basket but did not see their shoes anywhere. I asked William how he got that scab. Cassy said, "Jodi did it. She grabbed him by his arm and yanked him into this door." I was astounded by the severity of the wound. I told the children, "Let's go".

Jodi was in the hallway attempting to block my path. She informed me, "You can not take the children." I laughed and very calmly walked toward her saying, "That's where you are wrong. They are leaving with me now." As I walked forward, she walked backward. "You will never lay a hand on either one of my children again." I said as I continued toward the steps. She could have stepped aside, but she did not. Why she continued walking backwards is your guess as much as mine. I will admit I took great pleasure in watching as she lost her balance and tumbled down the stairs. I never had to lay one finger on her.  I helped the children around her and we went out the door. Bruce was standing in the entry way. He never said a word the entire time I was inside. I placed William and Cassandra in the car, put their belongings in the back and told Bruce to drive as I climbed into the passenger side.

Jodi managed to get to the door and I watched as she ran to the neighbors screaming, "Call the police." I think perhaps she must have reconsidered that option due to her abusing William so badly for the police never came after us nor did they ever contact me. It was shortly after that day that I moved in with my Aunt and Uncle while Bruce went to Iowa to locate us a place. As you know if you read the posts, The Only Baby I ever planned and Saying Goodbye to Amanda Rose, Bruce never found a place for us. Instead, he ended our relationship.

Today, I understand how crazy that whole scene must have been for him. I can only imagine the inner thoughts that followed such craziness. I get that what he could not handle was the severity of the drama.

I find it so crazy to have my heart beating so rapidly. Almost as if this just happened. My nerves are so rattled and as crazy as it may seem I am overwhelmed with what I realized today. You see, Cassy lives in Jasper now. Each time I drive through that town I remember hunting my children down with their pictures. I am amazed each time how quickly I found them. I KNOW God helped me find them as quickly as I did. Even though I had felt unworthy of being shown love from God at that time of my life, I clearly see how Faithful He is. What a loving Father we are blessed to have. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you Father for your faithfulness. Every time I have knocked you have answered. My only regret is how long it took me to fully come back home. I thank you for never shutting me out.

Today I come before you Father and say Thank you for your love. Thank you for being forever Faithful. Thank You for answering every time I banged on the door. Thank You for loving me even when I did not love myself. I am blessed beyond measure. So many women are going through similar situations as I have over my years. So many abusers so many abused. I know you love them all Father. I ask that you speak to all your children Father. Fill the dark corners of the world with light. Send hands and feet to those who do not yet know the good news. Whisper your love to the hearts of all your children Father, found and lost alike. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

© Wendy Glidden 2013








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