Why I Believe Bruce Left Me

Good morning my friends! Today is Marvelously Magnificent Miraculous Monday! You want to know what I think is miraculous? God loves me! Me with all my baggage. Me with my insecurities and self doubt. I laugh when I think about Jesus saying, "Oh ye of little faith!" for even with all the signs and wonders I have seen, I have days of doubt. It makes me ponder on those we read about in the bible. It is so easy to be on this side of history and say, how could they doubt? I am sure they would say the same of many of us!

God is patient, God is kind
Allow His Word to renew your mind
Pick up your bible and read something each day
I promise it will help keep evil at bay!!

I ended my last "in order" chapter Back Flash with a hint of chaos between Jeff and I having something to do with Bruce deciding that he could no longer marry me. As I mentioned in that blog, I was dragging my feet. I know that is due to how I feel about all that happened back then. Admitting your weaknesses, your faults and your failures is never pleasant. While it turns my stomach to go to this era of my life, until I do, I will remain stuck. I know God has something to share with countless abused women as well as abusive men through my story. I pray for strength and openness as I willingly allow myself to be used for His purpose. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

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It was towards the end of the summer. Cassy and William still had a couple weeks left to spend with their father for summer vacation. I was enjoying the morning with Bruce when my phone rang. Brenda, Jeff's mom was on the other end.

"Wendy, Jeff moved a couple weeks ago. He hasn't let any of us know where he moved to. I think he is in Jasper. I think him and Jodi are planning on keeping the children. He hasn't even let me have any contact with them for two weeks and I'm worried they may move further. I should have called you the day they moved off my property but I thought he would let me know their new address. I am so sorry."

My heart dropped as I told her she was okay. I hung up the phone and told Bruce I needed to locate my children before Jeff knew I had been alerted to the situation.  He decided he wanted to ride with me. I grabbed pictures of both Cassandra and William as well as verified I had a legal certified copy of my divorce decree and headed out the door.

Three hours later I arrived in the middle of Jasper. I went into a local gas station, armed with the pictures and asked if anyone had seen either of these children. The attendant had not but by the grace of God a lady inside the store had. She told me they lived in an apartment complex down the street from her. I came out of the gas station feeling hopeful and headed in the direction she had pointed me in. Sure enough there were two sets of apartments back to back just like she had said. She had no idea which unit they were in but had seen the children playing outside just the other day. I went to the first door and knocked on it. A girl answered the door. I showed her the pictures of Cassy and Billy and asked if she knew which unit my children were in. Again, by the Grace of God she did. I walked around the building to the other side and knocked on the door she indicated.

Jodi, Jeff's new wife, opened the door and promptly attempted to slam it shut. I put my foot in the opening and it was slammed between the door and the frame. I bit my lip and closed my eyes for a second. I heard her say as she attempted to kick my foot out of the way to close the door, "We are getting custody of your children and you will never see them again."

Wrong thing to say to a mama bear. I pushed the pain out of my mind and shoved the door open. Once inside, I called out, "Cassy, Billy where are you?" They came racing down the stairs. I noticed a gigantic scab on William's face. As calmly as I could, I asked, "Where are your clothes?" They excitedly said, "Up here!" and they ran back up the stairs. I walked by Jodi and went up the stairs. The majority of their belongings were still in the laundry basket I had sent them with. I picked up the basket but did not see their shoes anywhere. I asked William how he got that scab. Cassy said, "Jodi did it. She grabbed him by his arm and yanked him into this door." I was astounded by the severity of the wound. I told the children, "Let's go".

Jodi was in the hallway attempting to block my path. She informed me, "You can not take the children." I laughed and very calmly walked toward her saying, "That's where you are wrong. They are leaving with me now." As I walked forward, she walked backward. "You will never lay a hand on either one of my children again." I said as I continued toward the steps. She could have stepped aside, but she did not. Why she continued walking backwards is your guess as much as mine. I will admit I took great pleasure in watching as she lost her balance and tumbled down the stairs. I never had to lay one finger on her.  I helped the children around her and we went out the door. Bruce was standing in the entry way. He never said a word the entire time I was inside. I placed William and Cassandra in the car, put their belongings in the back and told Bruce to drive as I climbed into the passenger side.

Jodi managed to get to the door and I watched as she ran to the neighbors screaming, "Call the police." I think perhaps she must have reconsidered that option due to her abusing William so badly for the police never came after us nor did they ever contact me. It was shortly after that day that I moved in with my Aunt and Uncle while Bruce went to Iowa to locate us a place. As you know if you read the posts, The Only Baby I ever planned and Saying Goodbye to Amanda Rose, Bruce never found a place for us. Instead, he ended our relationship.

Today, I understand how crazy that whole scene must have been for him. I can only imagine the inner thoughts that followed such craziness. I get that what he could not handle was the severity of the drama.

I find it so crazy to have my heart beating so rapidly. Almost as if this just happened. My nerves are so rattled and as crazy as it may seem I am overwhelmed with what I realized today. You see, Cassy lives in Jasper now. Each time I drive through that town I remember hunting my children down with their pictures. I am amazed each time how quickly I found them. I KNOW God helped me find them as quickly as I did. Even though I had felt unworthy of being shown love from God at that time of my life, I clearly see how Faithful He is. What a loving Father we are blessed to have. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you Father for your faithfulness. Every time I have knocked you have answered. My only regret is how long it took me to fully come back home. I thank you for never shutting me out.

Today I come before you Father and say Thank you for your love. Thank you for being forever Faithful. Thank You for answering every time I banged on the door. Thank You for loving me even when I did not love myself. I am blessed beyond measure. So many women are going through similar situations as I have over my years. So many abusers so many abused. I know you love them all Father. I ask that you speak to all your children Father. Fill the dark corners of the world with light. Send hands and feet to those who do not yet know the good news. Whisper your love to the hearts of all your children Father, found and lost alike. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Children of Divorce or Those With Two Homes

I have had to pray long and hard on where my blog seemed to be heading. I had to make sure it was not about me and my hurts but what I am meant to expose from darkness to light. I want you to know I do not despise Jeff at all anymore. There was a time I could not stand him for what he had put me through. Thank God I am beyond that. Time really does have a way of healing all wounds.

I myself am a child of divorce. My father and mother married at a young age due to my conception. My brother followed me by a mere 10 months 10 days. Stress over finances I am sure did not help my parents. My father left us when I was only 3 years old. I did not see him again until I was close to 5. By age 7, I had been informed by my step mother how unworthy my mother was of my father's devotion. In response to something I had questioned, my mother unloaded a few things off her chest regarding my father. My point here is simply this. That was too much for a child!

My grandmother attempted to clear the muddy water for me by pointing out how young my parents were and how out of line Chris had been with her list of faults regarding my mother. I knew by age 10 this was something I never wanted to do to any child of mine should I have the burden of raising a child of divorce. This was such a big deal to me that when newly married to Jeff we had a discussion how if we did not work out, we were promising each other NOT to do this to our child. It is easy to promise something like that when you are getting along. It is harder to follow through when in the heat of the moment.

If you are a parent that has fallen out of love and are pursuing or have already gotten a divorce from your spouse, I beg you, rise above your own hurt, pain, anguish and judgement. You will Harm YOUR relationship with your child if you talk negatively about their other parent. You may win their love by destroying the other parent but it is Love by deceit. It will not last. Time will reveal truths. It does NOT matter how YOU feel about your ex. YOU don't have the right to bring up their weaknesses to your children. Eventually your child will grow up and they will begin to see things through a new lens. Trust me when I say you don't want to be on the end of judgement and anger from  your child because you felt it necessary to spout off about what a jerk, a looser, a cheater, a rotten provider THEIR father or mother was in YOUR eyes. You are doing yourself and your child as well as your ex a gigantic dis-service with this type of behavior.

I had the pleasure of having this confirmed by my oldest son recently. He thanked me for NOT tearing His Father down. He also mentioned how he had felt robbed of his relationship with me in his youth because of what His Father had told him. Turns out my son sees me for who I have always been. Praise God, I have been redeemed of all the lies and deceit and not by my own defense.

I know fully well how hard it is to bite your tongue when your child is informing you of your faults and failures according to your ex spouse. Especially when some of it is so far stretched from the truth that you find yourself biting your tongue til it bleeds. I know how the heat of that moment causes the human side of you to long to get up on your own soap box to defend yourself. I thank God for showing me how detrimental this type of behavior is. I mentioned once in one of my first few blogs how I wrote down what type of parent I wanted to be when God called me at a young age and informed me I would be a mother to many. This was one of the promises I made to myself. No matter how angry I was at the Father of my children, I would not tear him down in front of my children. EVEN if they stooped to that level, I would not. I stumbled a little when it came to the Father of my 4th and 5th babies. Children lurk around the corner. I warn you to guard your tongue and emotions if your children are close by. In time I will share how this made me feel. Let's just say none of it was warm and fuzzy!

I would also encourage anyone going through divorce to not use your children as pawns. Do not get in the way of your child's relationship with the opposing parent. It's not your place. If you have a spouse that is abusive pray for them. Pray they never hurt your child. The courts are not the greatest at protection. Remember you cannot control everything that goes on during visitation but you can keep your eyes and ears open. Keep a journal if you have just cause to worry. Ask questions wisely. Keep your focus on your child and not the other parent.

You should also know children of divorce have an edge over their parents. Yes. You heard me. We have an edge. If you stoop so low as to inform us of how you feel about the opposing parent, we will one day use this to our advantage. We will brag on how awesome the other parent is or how they do certain things for us. Some of it may not even be true. Stand firm in your own parenting and pray for strength. You are going to need it!

As I end this chapter I am going to leave you with this: It has been flashed to me several times that what was too much for Bruce was the craziness that was continuing between Jeff and I where our children were concerned. The last time I saw Bruce was after we had tracked down, found and removed Cassy and Billy from Jeff's new wife's care. They had up and moved during the children's summer visit. It was Jeff's mom that had alerted me to the situation. I will blog in detail what happened soon. I don't know how it took me so long to realize why Bruce ran and blocked contact. I get it today. I am still praying on revealing these shoes I walked in.

I leave you with this favorite phrase of mine. I came up with it when I walked out on Mike last November. I think I am going to use it as a title chapter . . . it is a bit long but I have been saying it for six months now. "You don't have to be beat up to be beat down."

Today I pray for all children of divorce. I pray for all parents going through the process and those still licking their wounds. I pray you rise above your pain. I pray you seek wisdom on the best way to raise your child or children in a split home. I pray you have strength to get through all the situations that come your way. I pray that you are able to resist tearing your spouse down to gain your child's love. Father I come to you today and ask you to meet those in their pain and lift them. Fill single mother's and father's with strength, peace and wisdom. Fill the children with your Love. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013