Here are the lyrics that I heard: "I really wanna change the world / I really wanna sing your song / But I know revival's got to start with me" as I have gotten in the habit of doing, I have located the full song with the lyrics included. I have sung this song when it has been played on the radio, but to get a feel of what I am to share today, I am going to treat myself to watching the video in it's entirety! I hope you take the time to do the same!
This morning after I chatted with God, I picked up my phone to check the time and saw I had a text message that came through at 1:57 AM. It was from Mike. In a gist it was a pretty big apology text. This is the first one of it's kind. I wondered. Is God working on his heart? When I came into work, I turned on Moody radio and caught an interview from a couple right here in Indianapolis. They had divorced and remained so for 10 years, when by the Grace of God, they were brought back together. I missed some of their interview but I felt my heart moved. I must be honest in saying, I would love nothing more than for Mike to grow spiritually and put Christ front and center, for that is the only way he would ever know how he is to treat me. Even with others saying that they know he is not the one for me, I have pondered the thought, could he ever grow into the one? With that being said, this is the prayer I say at night where Mike is concerned:
I forgive you for all you've done to me.
I pray for you even though I set you free.
May you grow into the husband I know you can be.
May I remain the one you long to see.
My heart it breaks, it kills me to let you go.
For you may not return to me this I know.
But if you stay you'll never grow
And I can't continue this way you know.
May your heart break, may you come to find
You'd love to follow this God of mine.
The Most High God, Creator of ALL
I pray to your knees you finally fall
And when you lift your face to Him
May you find your true love for me again.
In Jesus name I pray.
So, I would be a liar if I claimed his words did not touch my heart. They did. So, I sent him this text as a reply:
This morning I recalled your embrace.
I pictured your handsome face.
I wondered if I showed you enough grace.
Yet the Lord is showing me truth.
You're caught up in the thoughts of youth.
You're all about you and nothing about me.
And this is why I had to set you free.
I pray one day you will return
but the Lord said with me you'll never learn.
So each night a prayer for you I say
May you be convicted more each passing day.
If and when you have the Lord front and center
Into marriage we can enter.
I pray you are able and willing
For to be in your arms again would be so thrilling.
Until you write me a letter by pen
I shall not text you again.
His reply, "It's in the mail."
Count me floored. Mike does not write. Well, not from the heart anyway. I received a couple of letters during the times he was in jail and they were so unmoving, I threw them all away!
In the mean time, should it take more than a decade, my focus is going to stay on God and His word. I know not where he is leading me, but I know I will follow. I am blessed beyond measure to have such a close relationship with Him again, especially after all I did to ruin it! I am not going to stray. He has let me know I am loved beyond measure. I do not need to wait around weeping for a man. I have a loving Father to carry me through this life. I know not if Mike will ever return to me. I know many most likely think he and I will never be together again. Others might even believe there is another man out there for me. I, however, feel strongly that I tied myself with Mike when I said my vows to him standing before God. We are unevenly yoked right now but God can move those who seek him. I know in my heart Mike is aware of God. Only time will tell if he is strong enough to get down on his knees and allow God to transform him into a new creation. I do know God will not allow me to be deceived again by Mike. My eyes are too wide open and I will continue to pray to keep them open. I will continue to pray for clearer vision. The Lord is front and center in my life and that is the way things will stay.
My go to verse this year has been from Psalm 46, specifically verse 10. From my MacArthur study bible it reads:
"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth"
As I have come to do, I find myself needing more and more and more of God's word. It's almost as if I cannot get enough. There is so much wisdom within the pages though, you need to devour them slowly so that you are able to better digest them. I have read this entire Psalm a few times admittedly. The words themselves energize me in ways I cannot begin to explain into words. With that being said, I feel the urge to share this entire Psalm with you. I may have done this once already but when moved by the spirit I must do as urged. Pslam 46, verses 1 - 11 taken out of the my study bible mentioned above:
verse 1: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
verse 2: Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
verse 3: Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.
verse 4: There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
verse 5: God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.
verse 6: The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered; He raised His voice, the earth melted.
verse 7: The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold.
verse 8: Come, behold the works of the Lord, Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
verse 9: He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariots with fire.
verse 10: "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
verse 11: The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold.
I tell you, this Psalm makes me want to get up and dance with pure elated joy. What a revelation! Today I am so joyous, I can't even put it into words. I can only imagine what I would be feeling right now were I leaning on my own strength. I would be an absolute mess! Satan would have won the battle where I am concerned. Thank God, literally, for coming here so that we may live our lives abundantly. If you are miserable, if you are dealing with depression or even some other mental / emotional issue, if you are in a desperate place, I STRONGLY advise you to begin knocking on that door! He is FAITHFUL!! Should you seek with all your heart, you will find. If you only knock in an attempt to gain something, your knock is not from the purity of your heart but rather from a stance that derives from the desires of this world and God knows your heart, he cannot be deceived. However, when you arrive on your knees, truly longing for peace joy and love, that door will swing open and you will be welcomed home. I am praying for you.
Father, today I pray for all who are in a desperate place. May they find themselves on their knees. For only when we get on our knees do we find you. What a treasure you are Lord. You are everything. How long we search aimlessly filling our empty lives with false treasures. They bring no lasting pleasure. They are empty, dark, void. They are traps set by the evil one. May eyes begin to open and see these illusions for exactly what they are. May my fellow brothers and sisters who are still asleep begin to awaken. May we be shaken to our very core. May the body of Christ come alive and begin to work smoothly together. Let it start with me Father. I am you loving daughter, your humble servant. I am so excited to begin my journey going where you lead, allowing your spirit to work through me. Help me stay out of the way Father, in Jesus name I pray! Amen.
Wendy, walks with God,
Mom of Many
© Wendy Glidden 2013