Sorry for taking so long to continue this . . . I had to pray on how to proceed. Not to mention on the weekends, I have a lot on my plate. Anyway, I was not sure how I was to tell this next part for many will not believe. I questioned long and hard, "Am I to share this with the world? People will think I'm crazy... Or worse grandiose." It was in realizing the fear I felt that I knew I must share it with the world.
As I have mentioned my mother and I were not the closest two individuals in the world during this season of my life. I didn't understand why she taunted, insulted and picked on me so much. I just know that I felt she did not love me. That was my viewpoint back then.
Danny Joe and I had become best friends during the course of the year. Prior to this time in my life Tabitha, who started out as my enemy in the 3rd grade, had been my greatest confidant. By age 13 Danny Joe was beyond a shadow of doubt my best friend. He knew Everything about me including my message from God. We would go on walks through the woods . . . we went down by White River and hung out . . . he made me laugh . . . we honestly enjoyed one other. When I had first met Danny Joe I was a whole lot of Tomboy without a lot of "girly" qualities. My mother had made so much fun of girls and all they liked that I sought out none of that. It made life simpler. My stepmother encouraged my girl side. I guess between the two of them I was quite something! (Yes . . . as you can see even humbleness is a characteristic of mine ~ ha ha) By age 13 I had played on a softball team and a basketball team for 5 years. Thanks to my stepmother I had taken baton lessons for a summer and had won 5th in the state at a baton competition. I felt way out of my comfort zone in my outfit but secretly it WAS the prettiest I had ever felt!
Now back to the story. I was going to be meeting Danny Joe that day and I had decided I would wear some makeup. I had NO idea what I was doing but I was attempting to apply some mascara when suddenly my mother was behind me looking at me in the mirror. We locked eyes and she said, "I don't know why your doing that . . . It's not like you'll ever be pretty." Now up to that point my mom had said some cruel things to me and I don't know why that knocked the air out of me but it did. She walked away and I remember thinking to myself no matter what, it's a parent's job to always tell their children they are beautiful. I was so distraught in my heart. I raised my eyes back up to the mirror and there she was looking at me. My first thought was not really even a thought I was blown away by her beauty. I gazed upon her. She said to me, "Wendy, YOU ARE a CHILD of GOD. You ARE BEAUTIFUL!" and she was gone. I was confused, amazed and suddenly confident in my beauty. I went to my room and waited for my mother to leave for work. I felt so radiant . . . I just know I was close to glowing! Once my mom was gone, I watched the clock waiting long enough to make sure she was not coming back. After about twenty minutes, I headed to Danny Joe's house. Along the way I wondered who the beautiful lady was. Was she me coming back to tell me how pretty I was going to be? I certainly was nothing glamorous right now but I told myself, "If that was me in the future ... a grown up version of me...I AM going to be flat out BEAUTIFUL!" . . . and I pondered this . . . "If that Was me... a grown up version of me... when did I get all that lovely curly hair?" Oh how hard I am laughing at myself as I write this. I only realized that I had come face to face with an Angel right before I conceived my second to last child but I digress I am getting ahead of myself!
So, when I arrived at Danny's house his dad opened the door. I asked if Danny Joe was there and indeed he was! He came smiling into the room and I walked over to him smiling. He grabbed my hand and turned to his dad and asked if we could go for a walk. Danny's dad looked at me and him and said to Danny that he didn't know what it was about me but he knew Danny Joe better hold on tight to me. Danny Joe squeezed my hand and his dad told him that I was a keeper. My heart soared. Beautiful and a keeper! That was when I thought for sure it was going to be me and Danny for life.
** How I came to know that the girl in the mirror was not me happened right before I conceived Delilah. A friend of mine who I worked with was researching history during our lunch break at work and she called me over to her computer to see this picture of a "female version of Arch Angel Gabriel" that an artist had painted somewhere in the early 100s . . . I almost fell out of my chair. It WAS her! How do you tell someone that? The answer is you don't. At least I didn't. Not right away. I can tell you this, I was astonished. I began to question everything. It brought pangs of massive guilt as well as a million questions. You see the last conversation I had one on one with God was right as everything was beginning to get ugly for me., I told him I wanted to help all the struggling moms in the world find hope. I told God, "I really don't want this whole "mom of many" life . . . instead what if you made me a famous author? I would have all I needed to help everyone! I was pretty good at writing! I wrote all the time! I thought it was a great plan myself. That my friend was mere months before everything in my world turned upside down. For tonight . . . actually it is already tomorrow . . . regardless I must turn in and get some shut eye. Again as I lay down to go to bed I ask for your prayers. I pray for strength and focus to accomplish the task that I have been given. I request that any believer pray for me . . . pray for strength and protection . . . praying for others carries more weight than praying for yourself! May you all have a blessed day.
Wendy, Mom of Many
As I have mentioned my mother and I were not the closest two individuals in the world during this season of my life. I didn't understand why she taunted, insulted and picked on me so much. I just know that I felt she did not love me. That was my viewpoint back then.
Danny Joe and I had become best friends during the course of the year. Prior to this time in my life Tabitha, who started out as my enemy in the 3rd grade, had been my greatest confidant. By age 13 Danny Joe was beyond a shadow of doubt my best friend. He knew Everything about me including my message from God. We would go on walks through the woods . . . we went down by White River and hung out . . . he made me laugh . . . we honestly enjoyed one other. When I had first met Danny Joe I was a whole lot of Tomboy without a lot of "girly" qualities. My mother had made so much fun of girls and all they liked that I sought out none of that. It made life simpler. My stepmother encouraged my girl side. I guess between the two of them I was quite something! (Yes . . . as you can see even humbleness is a characteristic of mine ~ ha ha) By age 13 I had played on a softball team and a basketball team for 5 years. Thanks to my stepmother I had taken baton lessons for a summer and had won 5th in the state at a baton competition. I felt way out of my comfort zone in my outfit but secretly it WAS the prettiest I had ever felt!
Now back to the story. I was going to be meeting Danny Joe that day and I had decided I would wear some makeup. I had NO idea what I was doing but I was attempting to apply some mascara when suddenly my mother was behind me looking at me in the mirror. We locked eyes and she said, "I don't know why your doing that . . . It's not like you'll ever be pretty." Now up to that point my mom had said some cruel things to me and I don't know why that knocked the air out of me but it did. She walked away and I remember thinking to myself no matter what, it's a parent's job to always tell their children they are beautiful. I was so distraught in my heart. I raised my eyes back up to the mirror and there she was looking at me. My first thought was not really even a thought I was blown away by her beauty. I gazed upon her. She said to me, "Wendy, YOU ARE a CHILD of GOD. You ARE BEAUTIFUL!" and she was gone. I was confused, amazed and suddenly confident in my beauty. I went to my room and waited for my mother to leave for work. I felt so radiant . . . I just know I was close to glowing! Once my mom was gone, I watched the clock waiting long enough to make sure she was not coming back. After about twenty minutes, I headed to Danny Joe's house. Along the way I wondered who the beautiful lady was. Was she me coming back to tell me how pretty I was going to be? I certainly was nothing glamorous right now but I told myself, "If that was me in the future ... a grown up version of me...I AM going to be flat out BEAUTIFUL!" . . . and I pondered this . . . "If that Was me... a grown up version of me... when did I get all that lovely curly hair?" Oh how hard I am laughing at myself as I write this. I only realized that I had come face to face with an Angel right before I conceived my second to last child but I digress I am getting ahead of myself!
So, when I arrived at Danny's house his dad opened the door. I asked if Danny Joe was there and indeed he was! He came smiling into the room and I walked over to him smiling. He grabbed my hand and turned to his dad and asked if we could go for a walk. Danny's dad looked at me and him and said to Danny that he didn't know what it was about me but he knew Danny Joe better hold on tight to me. Danny Joe squeezed my hand and his dad told him that I was a keeper. My heart soared. Beautiful and a keeper! That was when I thought for sure it was going to be me and Danny for life.
** How I came to know that the girl in the mirror was not me happened right before I conceived Delilah. A friend of mine who I worked with was researching history during our lunch break at work and she called me over to her computer to see this picture of a "female version of Arch Angel Gabriel" that an artist had painted somewhere in the early 100s . . . I almost fell out of my chair. It WAS her! How do you tell someone that? The answer is you don't. At least I didn't. Not right away. I can tell you this, I was astonished. I began to question everything. It brought pangs of massive guilt as well as a million questions. You see the last conversation I had one on one with God was right as everything was beginning to get ugly for me., I told him I wanted to help all the struggling moms in the world find hope. I told God, "I really don't want this whole "mom of many" life . . . instead what if you made me a famous author? I would have all I needed to help everyone! I was pretty good at writing! I wrote all the time! I thought it was a great plan myself. That my friend was mere months before everything in my world turned upside down. For tonight . . . actually it is already tomorrow . . . regardless I must turn in and get some shut eye. Again as I lay down to go to bed I ask for your prayers. I pray for strength and focus to accomplish the task that I have been given. I request that any believer pray for me . . . pray for strength and protection . . . praying for others carries more weight than praying for yourself! May you all have a blessed day.
Wendy, Mom of Many
1 comment:
blessings Wendy, big blessings be bestowed unto thee, this season, this day, and this hour!
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