Have You Ever Been 'Pancaked' ?

It is hard to believe it has been over two weeks since I last wrote. Who knew the evil one could knock the wind out of a person repeatedly? Who knew when I was praying for those held captive or in bondage to be released I was praying for my own children?

Prayers are answered my friends. If you have read my previous blogs, you will realize quickly they are not always answered in the ways you expect! The first time I prayed for those held captive, I was doing laundry and I was in the midst of reading an awesome book entitled "Intercessory Prayer" By Dutch Sheets. I am still only half way through the book. Regardless, I prayed for the chains of bondage to be broken over those held captive. The next day to my complete surprise I listened to the breaking news about 3 girls who had been held captive for almost 10 years. It was such an astounding story and I wondered, did my prayer help in their escape?

As I have continued to blog I have added this to my prayer at the end here and there. Never hurts to pray for those who are held captive. So, I had just published the blog, "So Let Me Ask You, Do you Have Hope?" late Sunday night. It was all I could do to finish it as my life was quickly spinning out of control. It had taken me 3 days to finish it and publishing it late Sunday night was my feeble attempt at keeping my focus where it needed to be. I was about to write my next blog which I titled the above title 'Have You Ever Been 'Pancaked' as that was how I was feeling on Monday, August 5th, 2013 around 10 am. Ironically, my assault from the evil one had just barely gotten started. Little did I realize what was about to hit me like a mac truck.

I have struggled with whether or not to share this, but that is what the evil one wants me to do, hide in seclusion. I cannot and will not do that. As I have learned from various readers, while what I have lived through in the last two weeks has been awful and traumatic in itself, many others are dealing with their own nightmares. It is my intention to share everything about my life and how I sail through the storms so that you too may discover the truth about life and death and the valley we often walk through. With that being said, here we go back in time to the last day of July for that is when the storm first began to brew.

I had just left work and was literally 10 minutes away from my office when my phone rang. It was my mother calling. I answered knowing the news would not be good. She hem hawed as she always does when delivering bad news and then she blurted, "You need to come to St. Francis Hospital in Monrovia. I am following your children who were placed in an ambulance by the sheriff who informed me he couldn't wait to take me to jail." I felt like the air had been knocked out of me. I stammered, "What?!?" She then explained my oldest three that she watched during the week had decided they wanted to walk home and she had allowed them to try. A neighbor had seen and called the police and because they weren't wearing any shoes and their clothes were dirty they were being taken to the hospital to be checked out. I was astounded, angry and completely at a loss for words. I had no idea where this hospital was and she couldn't tell me anything other than it was the hospital my Aunt had passed away in. I managed to write down the name of it and turned around to go back to my office to map it. I tried to reach Mike to let him know what was going on When I arrived at the hospital, I found my mother also without shoes. It was my belief at the time that my children had stormed off from her so quickly she had been forced to dash to her van with my youngest two in tow. After feeling looked down upon by the hospital nurses on staff, I was called into the back room with my mother to talk to a Child Protection Services Representative. It was her opinion that perhaps my mother was a little overwhelmed by my children but that none of them had said that grandma was mean, just that they were bored. During the interview she questioned my mother about a lock on the door and inquired if she had ever locked the children in their room. My mother stated that she had never done that. She insisted the lock had been put on the door a long time ago and it was only used to keep the children out of the room when she didn't want them playing in there. She did mention that my youngest had shut and locked the door a couple of times himself when the older children were playing in there but promised that was the only time anyone was locked in the room. Our representatives name was Mary and she was approximately the same age as my mother. They discussed how in their day and age when a child wanted to run away the parents would pack a little bag and wish them well. She then explained we lived in a different world today and that is not acceptable any longer. My mother explained she knew that and that was why she was right there with them following them in her van. Mary held up her hand and smiled kindly letting my mother know that was not acceptable either. She then explained she needed to go to the home and do a safety inspection and we would need to put a safety plan in place. By the time all of this was completed it was after 11 pm.

In my heart I felt the sheriff had over-reacted and I called to file a formal complaint. I informed the deputy sheriff that I was not happy that I was not contacted by the sheriff on the scene himself. He stated perhaps he did not have my number. I informed him that he did have it as he had insisted my mother give it to him. He kind of said it wasn't absolute protocol that they contact me because they had contacted the department of children services and that was the only thing they needed to do. This shocked me but there was no arguing the point as the deputy sheriff dismissed this as a no biggie. I was honestly insulted by the his demeanor. After I also complained about the way his officer had spoken to my mother and insisted no matter what crime had been committed by any person I did not believe it was mature for an officer to tell a person he couldn't wait to take them to jail. I insisted his officer needed a class on mercy and grace. He chuckled and said he had never had a complaint such as that on this officer but he would talk to him about it. He then stated he was sure that my children had been removed from my mother and when I informed him that was not the case, he questioned what kind of parent I was to have my mother watching my children. I told him I believed in the traditional family of days gone by. Grandparents helped raise the children and the parents supported everyone financially. I inquired how I was to get a copy of this report and he asked if I had a case number. I reiterated that I had nothing of the sort as his officer never had the courtesy to call or speak to me at the hospital. The deputy sheriff then loudly asked if I had a pen when I stated I did, he rattled off my case number and informed me I could get a copy of the report the following Tuesday.

When I arrived at home Mike was waiting up for me. I filled him in on everything. He informed me that he had gotten awful news from his mother as well. His only remaining grandfather was on his death bed and it didn't look like he'd make it through the weekend. He told me he had never heard his mother cry so hard and he felt he needed to take the trip to Florida to go be with her. The next day he was approved to take a weeks vacation and he was going to head to Florida on his motorcycle after work on Friday. When he was about to head out, I received a panicked call from my mother informing me that Mike had been talking behind her back and that he had told my oldest son he was going to grab our children and run to Florida without me. I asked my mother who had told her such ludicrous things and she informed me of the source. I told her while Mike may have said things that were not the kindest about the incident, that what had happened on Wednesday did not make him happy. I promised to talk to him about his mouth and assured her that he was not planning on running off with our children.

Tia my 14 year old was spending this particular weekend with her father and she was supposed to go to church with me on Sunday but had sent me a text on Saturday letting me know she was not going to make it to church after all.  I spent the weekend with only my youngest five children and we had a good time. I braided the girl's hair on Saturday so that they could have curly hair for church on Sunday. We awoke early enough to undo the braids and then I braided princess rings around the tops of their heads and used butterfly clips to fasten them in the back. They looked adorable. After church I took them out to get their first official haircuts for the new school year. They all chose some form of a bob cut. Next we headed over to play at the park for an hour before we had to head to the store for school shopping. Everyone was getting new shoes and a few new outfits to celebrate the beginning of school. I was trying my best at this point not to worry about Mike. The last time I had heard from him was Saturday afternoon. He called to let me know he was almost to the Florida State line and he had realized his back tire had the wire showing. He was keeping his eye out for a tire shop and he had promised to call me when he made it safely there. 24 hours had passed without a word. I did not want the children to worry so I waited until they were off playing at the park to call Mike's mother. When she answered I asked if Mike had arrived yet and she informed me the last time she had heard from him was Friday night to let her know he was going to be heading her way. Now I was almost sick to my stomach with worry but Mike's mom promised she would check with the state police and the hospitals to inquire if he had been in an accident and she assured me she would call as soon as she knew something.

Trying to keep a smile on my face for the sake of the children, we loaded back into the car and headed to the store for our shopping trip. Delilah was in the midst of trying on clothes when my phone rang. I was not familiar with the number but quickly answered it. "Is this Wendy Glidden?" a male voice I did not recognize inquired. I managed to say yes as my stomach turned. "This is the Hamilton County Sheriff mam. I am calling to let you know we have your daughter Tia in custody. She was reported as a runaway by her father last night. It was all I could do to keep standing. He went on to inform me I was expected to be at the courthouse on Monday at 1 pm. In the meantime he requested that I stop in at the juvenile center and drop off some clothes for her. I thanked him for the information and hung up the phone. Right then I realized the most awful smell was permeating the dressing room. To my horror one of the youngest had had an accident and with nothing to clean up the mess I shoved her panties into my coat pocket and we dashed to the bathroom. I felt like my entire world was spinning out of control. I could barely think. I never even knew Tia was missing. Her father had never picked up the phone and clued me in. I was angry, upset and about to lose it. I managed to get my daughter cleaned up and somehow continued shopping for the rest of the school items we needed. I called my mother when we got settled in the car and let her know what was up. I informed her I needed to cut my evening short with the rest of the crew so I could take the requested items up to Tia. I also told her about Mike and how he was still missing in action. I thanked her for being there to save the day for me. Normally on Sunday I take the children to Golden Coral and we have our family dinner there. It is their favorite place to eat. This particular Sunday we ended up going through a drive through and they ate in the car on the way out to my mothers.

On the way to her home my phone rang again. I looked at the caller ID screen to see it was Mike's mom calling. Holding my breath and praying for good news, I answered the phone. She informed me they had just heard from Mike and he was just outside of Naples. I said, "Thank God. I am having the worst day ever. Could you please have him call me as soon as he gets there?" She promised to have him call me as soon as he arrived.

Three hours later after I had dropped off the items for Tia, my phone rang. It was Mike on the caller ID this time. I answered the phone. Before I could say a word he said, "Hey babe! I just got baptized. My phone is dead. I'm charging it now. I'll call you a little later." It sounded like a party in the background. I barely got out the word "okay" before he hung up on me. Another three hours passed. I had just published my blog and checked my stats and it was 11pm. I shot a text off to Mike asking if he was going to call soon as I had had an awful day and was wanting to go to bed soon. He texted me back telling me to go to bed he'd talk to me the next day. I was so hurt and angry I fired off another text asking are you serious? You aren't going to call me? My phone rang and I answered. I began telling him my feelings were hurt because I had been waiting for a call and he had never called and his mom actually got on the phone to inform me that he had only had time to call her earlier and that he had been busy since and I said, "Are you freaking kidding me? You have me on speaker?" and I hung up on the both of them. Mike accused me of playing games which just heightened my fury. I informed him I was tired, emotional and had simply wanted to talk to him and that I was not playing any games. I told him before I said things I couldn't take back I was ending our conversation and I'd talk to him the next day. He did call me the next morning to wish me a good day. While my feelings were still hurt, I filled him in on the news of Tia. I hung up and headed to work. I managed to get my morning tasks done and felt the need to try to write a blog before I headed to court. Of course I never managed to plug in more than the title which was the way I was already feeling when time got away from me and I found myself having to head off to court.

This story is just beginning and what happens next is so overwhelming I need to end this particular blog here. I promise to finish the rest of this story . . . at least up to where it currently is for this storm is still rumbling. I am holding onto my Faith, hanging onto my hope and trusting in the Love my heavenly father feels for me. I know He has me as He always has me. Until the next chapter, I leave you with this final thought that I posted on Weds of this week on my Facebook page:

Today is Wild Wacky Wonderful Wednesday. I am still super raw and capable of bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. I feel as if I have run a marathon through hell, literally, and I still have miles to go until I reach the finish line. 

Today's encouraging word from K-love is the first one I have read in days. I find it ironically fitting for the first part hits the nail on the head as to the source of trouble . . . the second part . . . well, it too is true . . . however I am in turmoil when it come to forgiving the people responsible for the acts of hatred . . . that will require another verse and much praying. Stay focused on Jesus my friends. Had my foe's had him in their sights, none of what has come to pass would have ever formed.

Wednesday 8/14/2013

Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses.

~ Proverbs 10:12, NLT

To all my readers, I promise to get back to blogging as I know in my heart the evil one loves the fact that I have been unable to write lately. I am praying for strength among other things . . . for those who never have read anything I have written, if you are wondering about God, Angels, Miracles and other such things, I invite you to take a peek into my closet. I have traveled many roads. I have been through hell and back and while I seem to be on another journey through the valley of death, I still shall fear no evil. Please come check out my story. If you find it helpful, all I ever ask is that you share it with someone you think could use a little, Faith, Hope & Love! Pick a title that captures your interest! There are currently over 80 posts.

Today it is Fantastically Fun-Filled Family Friday. I am currently at work with my 5 youngest children! Try working with your children under your feet. Talk about a challenge! Thank God the oldest are in school for the majority of my work day. I am blessed to have made it through another day. I find it funny that on Weds I mentioned I would need some time to work on forgiving my foes. The last two days, the encouraging word from K-Love has been about Love. I find it fitting to list both Thursday and Friday's encouraging word:

Thursday 8/15/2013

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

~ 1 Peter 4:8, NLT

Friday 8/16/2013

This is real love - not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

~ 1 John 4:10,  NLT

I know God is telling me to keep my focus where it belongs. On Him. On His Son, Jesus. On Love. I am still licking my wounds. I am only human. I am in the process of healing. I am still in the storm and don't even know what is to come next. I will have a better idea of how long things will be brewing come next week. Stay tuned, I promise to share it all with you. What I hope you get from this is that it is only by the Grace of God, by His strength alone that I have not fainted by all that has transpired. I am trusting in the Lord with all my heart and I am not leaning on my own understanding for my understanding is nothing more than confusion of all that has transpired. 

Father I come before you today thanking you that my children are safe. While my life is an absolute upheaval I know you have this. I felt you moving me before all this took place. I have no idea where you are leading me but I absolutely trust you. I know you are faithful and I am trusting in that. I ask that you wrap your arms around all those that are hurting for whatever reason today. Let them feel your loving embrace. Speak to them Father. Give them a sign to let them know you love them as you love all of us, even the wicked. Help me Father to forgive my foes. I know they are not aware of all the ways of sin. How the evil one works against us. Help me to let go of my hurt and anger Father for I know it does me no good. I again pray for all those held in captivity to have the chains holding them hostage broken. May they fall useless to the floor never to be able to be used again. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

A Shotgun Wedding

This chapter is a continuation from "My Scarlet Letter".

That summer I developed a crush on a guy named Jim and another guy named Jeff was interested in me. I have never verified this but I was told by a mutual friend that he was paid $50 to do and say what he did and said to both Jim and me.

I worked drive thru mostly. I was a runner and cashier. It did not matter who I was teamed up with, all of my teams had the best times. Yes, I think this counts as gloating! Anyway, my favorite team was Jimmy and I. There was electricity that flowed between him and I that was undeniable.

I imagine that is why Jeff devised the plan he did. Jeff had this dream of being in a rock and roll band and I always wanted to be a writer. Anyone who knew me for any length of time knew that about me. I was always writing. Poetry. Short stories. It didn't matter really. At home both Chris and Dad had made comments about how I was only going to amount to a girl who sat in a corner and wrote. I would do creative writing assignments for fellow classmates just for the challenge it provided me. Sick isn't it? Who desires more homework? Me! That's who. Anyway, I had offered to write some songs for him and his band. I guess Jeff liked me and wanted to take out the competition because according to our mutual friend Rick he had lied to me about Jim after being paid $50 by Jeff to do his evil deed. (This I found out later in life when Rick and I reconnected for a moment a few years down the road)

So the story goes. Jim had kissed me in the cooler the night before. It was amazing. The next day I was informed by Rick that Jim felt like I was throwing myself at him and he really wasn't interested in me. I was told he wished I'd stop flirting with him because he had a girlfriend in Noblesville. I was devastated. I decided to put up a wall of ice towards Jim that he never saw coming. When he went to Rick (our mutual friend) to inquire if he knew what was going on with me, Rick told him that I was not interested in him and felt pressured and wished he'd stop flirting with me. I was already in my "no attention" zone so Jim took his words as truth just as I had.

With Jimmy firmly out of the way, Jeff invited me over to his place to work on some of the lyrics "with the band" that I still had not met. When I arrived there it was just Jeff. He was 4 years older than me and quite seductive I must admit. While not yet resolved to sleeping with him, I began hanging out with Jeff more and more. I never did meet the rest of his band . . .

The summer was closing in on the start of school and I had discovered that my step-mother had gone to visit her sister in Kansas and would be gone for two weeks. She had always gotten in the way of my having a decent relationship with my father. All the way back to my early childhood . . . somewhere between 6 & 8 while visiting on a summer day, I suggested that an ice cream cone sure would help cool things off. Chris informed my father that I was attempting to "wrap him around my little finger and trick him into doing things for me and I must be stopped." This was done within earshot. All my life Chris mandated how close my relationship was with my father. With her gone I thought this would be my last chance to spend some honest quality time with my father without interference. I discussed this with my mom as I decided going back a week prior to school was what I wanted to do. The same day I went back Chris came back too. She had had a falling out with her sister.

Another school in Zionsville offered this "bring a friend to school day" on their first day. A friend of mine (Shelly) went to school there and she had invited me to go to with her for the first day in school. This was my junior year and the gist was back then when you were in your senior year you could decide where you wanted to go to school if you paid to go outside your zone. I was such a radical kid back then . . . I didn't smoke, I didn't do drugs, I didn't drink. I wasn't even participating in any sexual relationship . . . yet. I wanted to spend my day off work at a school! Whew! What a wild child I was.

When I approached my father with what I intended to do he told me no. Being more open mouthed after a summer with my mother, I questioned his decision. He told me I couldn't go because he did not know this friend. I suggested that while he may "know my friends" he didn't really know them and maybe he could just have a little faith in me. Things got a little hot and he asked me, "Why did you even bother to come back?" I looked at him and said, "To be honest I was told Chris was in Kansas and I was hoping to have some time with you without her." He called me a liar. I said, "You don't F*****g believe me, I'll call mom and you can ask her!" and I stomped to the phone. I grabbed it and marched to the table as he said, "What did you just say to me?" Being allowed to cuss openly over the summer had just got my rear in hot water. I knew what I'd said but I stated the following, "If you don't believe me, I'll call mom and you can ask her." It was too late. What happened next was far from pretty. He pushed me into a chair so hard I went head over heals right out of it. Before I had my bearings he was yanking me back onto my feet. I stared intently at the floor. He demanded that I look at him and being me I had to push it. "I refuse to look a maniac in the eyes." I replied. Again . . . not the wisest thing to say. Things went from bad to worse and as he tried pulling me down stairs out of view and earshot of my younger sister, Cady. Chris gave Tommy, my brother, instructions to bar Cady in her room and she walked around the corner as calmly as one could and said, "Okay that's enough, let's go downstairs and discuss this." No sooner than we got down the steps here came Cady. She was very upset and she demanded to know why my father was beating me up. He assured her he had not been beating me up . . . he explained that we were only dancing the way that the French people do. My baby sister is and was no fool. She is now in the profession of helping families with issues.

From that moment I welcomed my destiny and I went to Jeff and gave myself to him. As a matter of fact, I sought out Jeff every morning before school. I was confused after two months of this that I had not conceived my first child. I began thinking perhaps my destiny had been cancelled due to my outright spiting God and being angry with him over the last couple of years. I decided perhaps my life was my life after all and I needed a change. While discussing this with Jeff he informed me that he had  connections with someone who could give me a whole new identity. It would cost me $1000 but with that I could buy all I needed to become someone else. I began budgeting and saving more and figured I'd have that saved up before the end of November. We planned for me to make my final escape come Jan 6th. 1986.

You know what they say about the best laid plans . . .

Prior to Thanksgiving I came down with my annual tonsillitis. This time things had gotten really dangerous. Chris believed if my body was forced to fight off the illness without medicine it would become stronger. Unfortunately, I ended up running a dangerously high fever on the third day of being shut in my room. Chris had come down to check on me, as the story is told by Donna's father who she ran into at Westfield Pharmacy picking up my prescription. He told me she'd said, "Wendy was out of it so I slid the thermometer into her mouth." According to the story I sat up and spit the thermometer out and began yelling, "Turn the Page".' I had fallen out reading 'That was Then, This is Now' by S.E. Hinton. My fever in seconds had registered 105 and Chris who weighed maybe 115lbs at the time dragged me up a flight of stairs, got me in the car and drove an hour to her doctor in Tipton with the windows down. When we got there her doctor was off and I was seen by an alternate. I have never heard a doctor tear into an adult the way he tore into Chris. He threatened not only her but to also have her doctor pulled in front of the medical board if my tonsils were not removed. I got a shot of penicillin in my butt and my surgery was scheduled to take place right before Thanksgiving.

This slowed down my ability to stash money a little but it had not stopped me. I had the money required and was now working on funds to carry me until I found a job under my new identity.

Much to my dismay, my father and I ended up in another spat. This time in the car and over my clarinet. When he went to backhand me, I managed to get out of the way. My poor sister, who was in the middle, ended up getting my punishment for my smart mouth. I was horrified. That night I resolved to leave sooner than planned. I confided this in a notebook that Donna and I passed back and forth between classes. Somehow my plans to leave were shared with the new school counselor and she called me out of class into her office. I managed to convince her that I had no plans to leave. I explained to her that this journal was simply my way of venting. I told her I was under an immense amount of stress and had developed a bleeding ulcer. I begged her not to call my parents that day but to allow me to come back to school in the 5th period the next day with my real mother and with her there I would be open to a "family" meeting. I told her if she called today my parents would keep me from this doctor appointment to have me and my bleeding ulcer looked at. Lies. Complete lies. If Chris had gotten her hands on my journal, I'd have been hosed. That was the real truth. I told Donna I was leaving in the morning and she, for some odd reason, decided she wanted to go with me. I told her I'd be going over to the apartments Jeff had lived at and trying to catch a ride to catch another ride to French Lick. I was going to find Jeff and move ahead with my plan of purchasing a new identity. This was December 9th . . . almost a month ahead of schedule but I had more than enough money stashed to jump.

That night I took down my poems and journal that now spanned 3 of the 4 walls in my room from ceiling to 3' above the floor. I left one sign I'd made that stated, "Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone" as well as a poem that started out "Children and Parents, A match made in hell. When I escape, Things will be well." During the current school year, Chris had ransacked my room often so I put my diary on the wall. I knew she never even looked at what I had put up or we'd have had a talk. She did however stumble upon a decoy letter I'd left in my sock drawer one day. It was a prank letter. I started it out as if it were meant for a friend and just as it was getting juicy you had to turn the note over 1/2 way into the 2nd line my sentence changed to "Hey Chris! I hope you enjoyed this story. I ran out of time to finish!" I came home to my door off the hinges and I was grounded for a week. Well worth the price is how I viewed my punishment. I was being punished for creative writing in all honesty. She was mad about my pure evilness. As far as I was concerned, I had proven that she was indeed snooping in my room! She claimed she thought I'd somehow taken some of my sister's socks as the reason for finding the note. That in itself was hilarious to me as I had been doing my own laundry for the last couple of years! She and I both knew Cady's socks were not in my room.

I informed my brother that I was skipping school that next morning. I felt bad about leaving him without telling him what I was really doing but I couldn't risk him knowing my plan. I knew if he knew they'd know he was holding back information. I reasoned if he knew nothing he'd have nothing to hide. I heard later that he went through a lot of questioning as they were sure he knew something even though he did not.

When I arrived in French Lick I found Jeff's sister Kim but Jeff was not around at the time. He had actually gone back to Westfield for some reason. He showed up on my parent's doorstep looking for me and was informed I had run away. He was honestly surprised at the turn of events as we'd been out of contact since late October. The last he knew the plan was still the plan.

He showed back up in French Lick after I'd been there for 4 days already. The heat was amping in the search for Donna and I  . . . to this day I'm not sure why she came with me but she did. Jeff decided it would be best for us to hide out at his parents farm house for the time being. He was being so sweet and protective over me. He cooked us dinner on the burning stove and I caved in on sleeping with him that night. The next night, lights panned in the drive and Jeff ushered Donna and I up into the attic. We hid there while the local Sheriff asked some questions and looked around a little. We were not discovered. They had informed Jeff that Donna's boyfriend had been arrested for withholding information and if they saw us we needed to know this. The only way he was going to be released was if we both returned.

After a VERY long discussion it was decided that we would go back. Jeff did not want to be caught with us so in a gist we had him drop us off and Donna called her dad and he came and agreed to take me to my mother's house. I don't know why I thought my mother would protect me. I wasn't in her house for 15 minutes when she informed me my father was on his way to come get me. I jumped up grabbed my back pack and ran in my old room. I got in the closet and hid all my writings in the attic. After they were safely stashed I came back out, sat down, and waited for my fate.

My father drove me straight to the police station in Westfield and demanded that "Justice be Served". Running away is against the law. He left me there. The detective / policeman ( back then Westfield had like two police cars ) was curious as to how I had escaped. He said, "We had dead end tips from everywhere but seriously . . . you vanished into thin air. How did you pull it off?" I was not talking. I knew if they had an inkling of anyone who may have helped us they would be pressing charges on them. I was not going to be a part of punishing those who had only tried to help me with my scheme. Realizing he was not going to get anywhere he drove me over to Hamilton County Jail. Even though I was a juvenile they had no room so I was being taken to the main jail and would be safely locked in solitary confinement. I will say this, being booked was an awful experience. I was strip searched, de-liced and completely humiliated. As I've been told by various people in law enforcement all of this was necessary. In response to that claim, I state the following: "I don't have to live with how many of these "officers of the law" uphold the laws when it comes to themselves . . . that is their cross to carry. I only know this, they instilled in me a fear of them that runs all the way to my core." Many of the arresting officers inside the jail itself seemed to relish in their "duties".

On my way to being escorted to court, I was informed by the officer taking me that I was only supposed to serve one day in Hamilton County but since my friend's parents had refused to turn her over, I'd served a day for her as well as a day for myself. I'm not sure what he had to gain from that comment. Regardless, the elevator opened and there was my father on a bench and on the other side of the room was Donna with her parents. I was brought over to my father and I sat down on the bench beside him. He said, "Part of me is proud that you have a spine and seem to show no fear here . . . the other part of me wishes you were more like her." He motioned over to Donna who was currently puking due to the stress of going to court.

When we were called into the room, I had asked to be released into my mother's care and was denied. I was being released to my father and step mother. It was now December 20th. By Christmas I knew I was pregnant. I could not believe it. Here I'd tried to push that destiny for two straight months and nothing. Yet, when I ran away, I ended up conceiving. I decided life was ironic. I hadn't said anything about being pregnant yet. Chris informed me I was being taken to her doctor to be put on birth control. Still I said nothing. When she took me there I was taken back and her doctor began telling me about birth control options. I looked up at him and said, "Shouldn't you perform a pregnancy test before you prescribe me birth control?" He stared at me and asked if I thought I needed one. I shook my head yes. Sure enough the test was positive and I was taken into another room. He began informing me that it would be in this baby's best interest not to be born. I was shocked. I hit him with two barrels of "How is this upholding the view of 'Saving Lives' and your Hippocratic oath?" We argued for a moment about the beginning of "life" and he finally asked me, "Do you want me to give her the news or will you do it?" I informed him with an hour ride ahead of me I'd prefer to spill the beans myself. He told me to get dressed and he'd meet me out in the hall. When I left the room he was standing with Chris. So much for doctor patient confidentiality. The beans had been spilled.

A family meeting was called and my fate had been sealed. I would marry Jeff. I felt like I'd been thrown into the dark ages. While defiant as hell when it came to Chris and her demands. . .  such as when she informed me I was going to have to burn Jeff's letter jacket. I told her something like, "If you insist on me having no respect for other's things you may get more than your bargain for. I'll burn down your house before I'll burn his jacket." Yes. Defiant is a good way to state how I was reacting at this stage of my life. When I was told I had to get married, I flipped out. I begged to be thrown out on my own and disowned. Chris informed me it was marriage or abortion and seeing how I wasn't 17 yet, they'd march me down the aisle or I could be tied down to a bed and have my baby ripped out of me. Dead panned I looked at her and said, "You kill my baby, I kill yours." Horrible. I know. I wince at it myself. Like I said, DEFIANT to the end.

The day following my threat, I was driven to the court house and my father signed the license for me to be married. I was only allowed two 15 minute calls each day and during one of these calls I begged Jeff to find a fake preacher. I told him, "My parents aren't going to check the credentials. I will live with you but please I don't want to marry you."

I don't know why Jeff thought it would be in his best interest to force me to say vows I didn't long to say but he did. Knowing in my heart that once married, divorce was frowned down upon, I decided that this must be the beginning of my new life and I cried my way down the aisle and faced my fate like the trooper I had become!

This has been a long chapter I know. As you have read, I was not the smartest when it came to dealing with how my parents felt about me and how I was living my life. Unwise decision after unwise decision without input from God had taken me from the frying pan to the skillet so to say. In the years to come you will witness again and again how far one can go on the road to hell. . . at times in my life you'd almost believe I was on a race to see who could get there first!

Today I pray that before you react to some event in your life, you take the time to pray on it. Sit still for a moment or two. Blessings to all who try,

Wendy, Mom of Many