Steady Wins the Race!

If you have been reading my last few posts, you know that I was hit with an attack from the past and one could easily make the claim that it knocked the wind out of my sails. While not accomplishing all I had on my to do list each day, I did make progress each day.

Prior to this whole lock down, I had been going to the gym each day and at least twice a week I'd treat myself to a tan or a massage before leaving Planet Fitness.

Since lock down, I learned how bake homemade bread. Two types that I grew up with. Both mouth watering delicious. Bread is one major love of my life... and one could say it loves to stick with me . . . on my body that is. It seemed what took over three months to drop suddenly began to reappear.

I made a goal to get up a chart to work out and keep things going in the right direction but day after day, other things seemed to take precedence. Today all that changed. My workout station is finally in place. I have a dry erase board up to chart what I do each day. I have exercise examples up on the wall and today I did a full body workout and rode the stationary bike for 10 minutes. MAN it felt good! What a reward!

I share this to remind all my fellow mates out there that slow and steady will always win the race. It may not be in the time frame you had designed, but if you keep going, keep pushing forward, continue to write and rewrite daily goals as well as weekly goals, and holding yourself accountable, you will one day win each race you set forth to win. It may have taken me 5 weeks to get my home gym set up, but today I finished what I set out to accomplish.

Today I want to encourage you to forgive yourself for falling short of your daily goals. Tomorrow is a new day and a chance to go for it and more. Don't let minor shortcomings grow into full blown failures. You only fail when you stop trying.

Don't forget that God gives us enough grace for each day and each day it is renewed. Allow yourself to bask in his love and seek his strength for it is in him that you truly can do all things.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13,NASB)

Father today I just come to you with thanks and joy. How great it is to know even when down that in you my hope never fades. In moments of darkness your words break through,reminding me of truths and promises that cause the grey skies to break and fade. Knowing you blesses me in so many ways. Thank you for loving me even when I was most unlovable. I just ask for more time to get into your word, more time for laughter and sharing how incredible you are and all that knowing you has done for me with those that need such hope. In Jesus name I pray! Amen.

Wendy, walks with God, Mom of Many

There Are NEVER Enough hours in My Day!

My slogan for the last few years has been "Do What You Can Do, When You Can Do It!". Heck, in all honesty I think it has been my slogan for most of my life, I just gave it a title when I began blogging.

Even with this as my motto, I find I rarely accomplish all I set out to on any given day. Take today for example. It is already well past 2 pm and I haven't even gotten to the grocery store. Now that is kind of a big deal in these days because if you don't get to the store early, they may very well be out of what you want. My issue is, I can't go to the store until I have a list and know that I am all set to slam the groceries away. This means first taking inventory of what I truly have on hand. When it comes to the fridge, I am certain to find containers that are in all practical purposes empty; kids! It also means I'll be cleaning the fridge out. I do it every week yet by week's end you'd think I never touched the thing; Life with 6 kids under the roof!

When it came to needing to write my list, I found my desk area in shambles. One or more of my children had destroyed my place of business...  more time lost. I discovered my printer was jammed. I lost 30 minutes trying to fix it. In the end if you can imagine, I unplugged it, flipped it over, and intended to just give it a couple of thumps. As I sit here sharing this, I feel bubbles of laughter beginning. You see, a couple of thumps became a full onslaught of bangs and full out beating this poor printer. I got so irritated at my lost time, then the dawning that I paid a whopping $32 for this device that was now driving me insane and the realization that I would need to go into another store wearing a mandatory mask to purchase a new one. More time lost, more money needing to be spent! Will it ever end I silently shout in my head. No and that's the reality. Chaos and craziness prevail at some point in almost every day. What I do need to do is remind myself of various truths: I am moving forward and making progress regardless of the bumps. There are always bumps; it is how one deals with the bumps that matters!

This week, I hit a bump that felt more like a wall. It had to do with childhood hangups about how I saw myself. It was brutal and you can read about it by clicking here. I am sad to admit I was down for the count the entire next day. I did move a piano and get my work out area set up, hung up a huge board so that all of us could follow a work out plan, but I did not blog, I failed at setting up an Instagram account. I did not get my homework for my challenge group completed. I allowed my emotions to get the best of me.

As I reflected upon all of this last night, I resolved to dive into the truth of Scripture which always gives me a boost of "Hell Yea!" PARDON the pun. But it reminds me of who I am. I find great encouragement within those pages. Funny enough, I discovered a friend of mine needed some of that very encouragement the next day. These were the words that ignited by desire to be the best me I could be all to the glory of God once again:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27) I read that and instantly was like, "That's right! I get knocked down but I get up again!" I know that the enemy wants to take me out of the race, I cannot allow that to happen. I must reach out to my solid life line; God. He is right there in the Bible waiting to cheer me on. To embolden me with reminders of his promises, his blessings, his strength to take me far beyond my wildest dreams. 

Today, even if there are not enough hours to get all you long to accomplish completed, you owe it to yourself to recharge. Soak in the Spirit, take on some love for who God created you to be. After all, according to him, you are Fearfully and Beautifully created; equipped for good works; don't let the enemy tell you otherwise! Be blessed my friends, get to KNOW the Father and cheer up ~ He's got this and therefore you do too! Just keep focused and continue running the good race.

Love and blessings,

Wendy, Mom of Many, girl who walks with God!

The Mirror and Me!

Oh my oh my. Tonight I sit here contemplating the power of words. I don't know about the rest of you, but I grew up with that little childhood claim that "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt me." WRONG! That is such a lie! Words can often leave bruises that take decades to heal, some so hurtful I think the essensce of the initial punch often leaves a single bruise that can be felt to the present day. We can forgive, we can move beyond, but the truth is we don't truly forget the power those words had over us, so when words from the past suddenly become manifested and increased in the present day, they pack a punch so strong it can completely take away one's breath.

I would like to present a different warning about words tonight. One that is shared from our Heavenly Father. Here are some of his thoughts about the power of words:

Hebrews 4:12:  For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Proverbs 12:18:  "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." 

Psalm 55:21:  His speech was smoother than butter, But his heart was war; His words were softer than oil, Yet they were drawn swords.

Quite a different picture God paints about words, than the childlike chant many of us were taught. Clearly words are powerful, so fierce, they can pierce and punch. Today words had such an effect on me.

Recently I have joined a group of ladies who are all on a 30 day quest to learn to love our own bodies. This has been a struggle of mine for the majority of my life. One look in the mirror and I can cut myself down better than most. I absolutely cannot stand to have my picture taken. It is like a freeze frame of myself that provides the opportunity to truly discover all I dislike as it is frozen in time.

Eighteen months ago, I cut my hair all off. It was too difficult to brush due to my spinal chord being crimped causing massive nerve irritation. Now, when I say I cut it off, I mean I cut it off! It is now just barely long enough to add some curl or rather some bounce, some volume, rather than having it lie thin and flat.

So part of this challenge I am in currently involves learning to like the image of myself in pose ~ pictures ~ stills and in the mirror. With that being said, I had taken the time to curl my hair, put it up and take a selfie. I took this selfie, cropped it and put it up as my profile picture on facebook. It was not even a day later that I got this message in my inbox:

Commenter: Why did you change your profile picture? This one does not flatter you. You are not smiling at all, I hope I didn't/don't hurt your feelings.

My reply: No, you didn't. It was part of a challenge. I never take my own pic ~ my camera sucks and I have no practice with selfies.

End of story. I went back and looked at my picture and thought, yeah ~ it isn't great but I don't like any of my pictures so I left it alone. That is until the next day (yesterday), when I got this message:

Wendy, LOOK at this picture. I'm telling you YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, THIS PICTURE IS NOT. Your eyes are crossing, "I think" because you do not have your glasses on, and the fact it looks like your camera is RIGHT IN YOUR FACE, (anyone's would like like that IMO) whatever the challenge don't accept it. Your hair, this pic looks like you just got out of bed, you look so sad, EVEN Pitiful, and I really don't think you want to be seen all over FB with this look. If you want to leave it, obviously your choice, but I'm pretty sure this is not the image you want. I'm telling you it's creepy so S T O P.

I am telling you, I could not breathe for a full minute, hot tears rushed down my face. This was way worse than "not flattering". It was like me saying to me everything I have been tearing myself apart for all of my camera conscious life. In the end, I took the pic down and replaced it with an object, a covid egg. After some ladies in my challenge party saw what I had done, I was encouraged to put my photo back up. In the end, I put up an old photo taken by a professional 9 years ago. I don't like it either, but it was the only other one I had of me. This literally enraged all of my friends. They insisted I put it the newer picture back up, but I could not bear to get more negative feedback, so instead, I childishly shared why I had removed it. Now I did not state that this person commented that they thought I was beautiful and that they were only taking issue with my picture. I of course in sharing the message as written have done that here, those that are closest to me, did see the full message so they knew. I did not name names, I just stated that the reason I had removed the photo was because I had been told how badly it was viewed by someone.

I laid in bed defeated. I over ate on chips and salsa and still feeling raw went to bed. You could easily count the day a win for Satan.

As it often happens, I woke up in the middle of the night and decided I needed to journal all of this and when I went to copy verbatim my conversation from messenger on facebook, I discovered more!

Obviously I hurt you and I am truly sorry. It wasn’t your lazy eye as I said I thought it was being so close to the camera that caused it. IF YOU LIKED THAT PICTURE OF YOU YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT UP. BUT NO YOU HAD TO REMOVE IT. LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO PICTURES. BUT NO .......YOU COULDNT SAY I SAID YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL BUT THE PICTURE WAS NOT. AGAIN I DIDNT MEAN TO HURT YOU SORRY AND DONE WITH THIS TWO FACED SHIT.

At this point, I find myself once again shaken. I try to not offend others, I try to have adult conversations and discussions without harm. These days, that talent is getting harder and harder. I did no harm to this person, threw back no insults and didn't openly convict them of cruel words on facebook so I am not sure how that makes me two faced. I have yet to even reply to any of this outside of my blog here, nor will I, for I don't feel there is anything to say. I have no response. 

My only advice is when you want to help another woman out with how she looks, don't tear her apart after you give a compliment. You can be honest without being so harsh. Maybe I'm over sensitive in this area, honestly I know I am. With that being said, I am off to bed once again. Tomorrow is a new day. May my day be kinder and blessed and may yours be as well!

To be fair, this was how my profile picture transitioned for the last 8 hours:

     

Wendy, mom of many, girl who walks with God.

Day Two to a New You (AKA New Me)

Day two came and went in a blur. Now I sit her taking it all in, analyzing, journaling. When it came to staying on page with all I hoped to accomplish today, my overall assessment is I fell short, but I set my goals high so I'm forced to strive.

When it came into checking in with my online challenge group, watching the daily video, reading others comments and posts, did it and loved reading all the things the other ladies were posting, from meals, to struggles, to inspirational photos. How blessed I am to be in the midst of so many clever ladies seeking to also love themselves more than they currently do. If you are curious and would like to follow along, just subscribe to this channel and you won't miss a thing:

When it came to eating healthy, I rocked it until I found 17 milk chocolate chips in a snack cup. I couldn't keep myself from eating them. It is what it is!

When it came to blogging, I managed to publish a new blog post and even shared it on facebook and pinterest, but I really need to market my blog on more outlets.

Where tasks on my household to do list are concerned, all goals were all met, including buying a workout bench with tension bands so that I can do all the things I was doing at planet fitness with my personal trainer. My bonus there was I ran into another blessing from God while there and got to tell her I loved and missed her, no hug, we both are following guidelines. Is it weird for anyone else to talk to someone you've known for almost a decade while wearing masks?

Where I feel I failed was in the areas of me making progress in my school work and working out. I did a few yoga stretches, but nothing like what I was doing at the gym. With having the new equipment at home though, I am hoping to improve upon this area tomorrow.

My blessing today is that while I fell short of my goals, I had bouts of laughter, enjoyed time with my children, had moments with God, connected with friends, prayed over friends, made advancements in my pursuit of learning to love myself and truly kept my focus on the LORD all day.

Years ago, I was trying to work on a solid way in which I could stay positive and focused all day, every day, no matter what came my way. While in the beginning I tried to ensure that I began each day with a bit of Scripture, as a mom of many, this did not always work out. I'm sure any mom can tell you that our morning routine often gets sidetracked. In the end, what worked for helping me to keep my focus on what mattered each minute of each day was renaming my days. Over the course of the last few years, I fell out of that habit. . . as of today, I have commited to once again reflect upon the days of the week as they come by the new extended name I assigned each one. I could simply type them out, but I think this may explain it way better ~ leave me a comment on the video or this post letting me know if you would like to join me in renaming your days!

No matter what or where you are at in life, if you are looking for a way to feel better about all things, you have to change your mindset. This truth is clearly revealed in Scripture. Here are a couple of great verses to back up my claim:

and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, (Ephesians 4:23, NASB)

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2, NASB)

you should know that the will of God is truly to see yourself as he sees you . . . do you know how God sees you? You should because it will help you realize that it is okay to love yourself as you are, as he created you, as he sees you, not as the world views you. 

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. (Psalm 139:14, NASB)

Whether you are a reader of Scripture or not, these verses speak volumes to how and why you need to pay attention to what you are saying to yourself and what you are buying into from those in the world. I can promise you this much, if it is not kind, if it is not uplifting or encouraging, it is not from God, because his desire is the best for you in every way possible. After all, he sent his only son into this world to reveal these truths to you. 

Father today I thank you for the ways in which you inspire me. I thank you for the many incredible women you bring into my life. I thank you for loving me and I just hope that I can be all that you created me to be. Please help me with that one! In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen!

Wendy, mom of many, girl who walks with God

Here We Go Again!

For me this is day one. I have had a lot of restarts in my life. Today I have restarted again. It is a restart that sets up a challenge to continue over the next 29 days. This reset in many ways is learning to see myself as God sees me, to recognize my beauty and to confidently step into my purpose knowing I am a child of God! Getting in front of the mirror  of is not my happy place and it has not been for most of my life. This is something that this 30 day challenge is sure to confront and if all goes as designed change. As part of my challenge, I was told I needed to take a couple of current pics so that people know what I look like these days. Nothing like being busted for avoiding the camera as well lol. Here are my new pics ~ my phone camera is missing the outside glass, so my pics are not the greatest.

So often in life we are blind to the blessings that God provides. We are so busy focusing on and talking about all the bad things that take place. However, when you dive into the manual for how to live an abundant joyful life , the Bible, you learn that your focus should be not on all the wrong, the disappointments, but rather you should be thinking of things that are honorable, pure, lovely, anything worthy of praise . . . thinking this way changes our outlook, our mindset, our attitude and so much more.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. (Philippians 4:8, NASB)

Back to missed blessings. Often our blessings come in the form of friends. I have been blessed in such ways. God has placed incredible women in my life. They inspire me, they love me and I love them. One such friend reached out this weekend and invited me to take part in a 30 day "love your body challenge".

The timing couldn't have been better. You could almost say that the challenge itself was an answer to a prayer. Before Covid, I had been on a roll where working out was concerned. I have a membership at Planet fitness. I was less than 3 weeks away from earning the free T-shirt that was being rewarded to a select few who had committed to working out a minimum of 30 minutes 3 times a week, 2 times needed to be logged with a trainer. Now we are moving into week 5 of no gym, staying home, baking home made bread, and honestly indulging in not so healthy choices. No sooner than I thought I needed a life line, a workout partner, one of my blessings from God reached out to me with an invite to this challenge. Learning to " love your body" for a girl is major. We are our biggest critics. This challenge forces us to stop that line of thinking. I am excited to see what changes take place in the next 30 days.

It is my intention to use this blog format as a journal. This way I will never forget that at 51, I still was seeking the better things in life.