The Boy and My Plan to Outwit God!

Dec 7th, 2012 . . . More of my Journey!

It was the summer of my 12^th year when I decided that maybe God did NOT have the best plan when it came to Me and My Life. I really had no desire to be a mother. Just that year my mother had said some hurtful things to me and while she had apologized to me for them it was my fear that I would do the same thing to my children. My mom had me when she was 16 years old. She conceived me when she was only 15! She did the best by my brother and me as she could. Funny enough she is my biggest champion now and I don’t know how I’d get along without her. Just goes to prove to you that we all live through seasons!

So I was beginning to question WHY I had to be a mother to many. I did not want children at all in this moment of my life. I now had a baby sister who was 2 and babies while cute were a lot of work! I did not know if I had it in me to be a good mom. If I couldn’t be a good mom I didn’t want to be a mom at all! My daily talks with God had become more of questioning . . . bargaining sessions. I needed answers and I felt like there was no better place at the time to get those answers than a church. Funny isn't it? There were quite a few around where I lived and one day on our way to biking to the Rivi Club I saw one that had a sign out front advertising a youth group. I told my brother the pool could wait. I wanted to check out this youth group.  We rode up into the parking lot and came face to face with a group of three boys on their bikes. The leader of the group of course was the only one brave enough to actually speak . . . the others just giggled at what he said.

“You can’t go inside.” He informed me, “This group is not for you.” His crew chuckled.

Well obviously he did not know who he was messing with! “I looked at him and said and who are you to tell me I cannot go into Gods house?” I was not frightened.

Just then the leader came outside.  I chuckle to this day for I think she was surprised to see 5 of us there outside the door sitting on our bikes.  She informed us that we could come inside. I parked my bike, looked over my shoulder and stuck my tongue out at the “boy” who obviously did not have that much power after all! Before the study was over I knew his name and he knew mine and I must admit I was enamored with his green eyes, dark brown incredibly curly hair and the gap in his front teeth.  When we were dismissed we all went back out to our bikes. I don’t think Danny Joe’s friends were too happy at all when he asked if my brother and I’d like to hang out with him and his friends. I on the other hand felt my heart pull . . . I was becoming quite smitten on this boy and it was more than obvious that he was feeling something for me. We walked and talked all day long. My brother and I had to be home at a certain time and I was not into getting into trouble . . . yet. So, home we had to go. My brother liked Danny Joe so agreeing to come back the next day was no issue.

That night while I was floating on a cloud I also had my looming future ahead. That is when I became a genius! I reasoned there was only 1 Mary. With that in mind as long as I refrained from sex I would not have a baby at a young age. Resolved in my decision, my plan was formed . . . keeping it safely guarded from God, I would have to let Danny Joe know everything. I needed him to agree to my proposal or I could never see him again.

I have to stop now. Reliving all of this is not going to be fun or easy but it is most necessary. I will continue late tonight after my children are asleep. I hope that you realize I am human. Through the chapters of my life . . . as I share those with you . . . try to stay away from judging me. It is in my own judging of others and their choices that I have landed in some of the hottest water!

Wendy, Mom of Many

How I Learned About God!

Dec 7th, 2012

The evil one has had much influence in my life. Many as they have read the opening story in the Holy Bible have convicted Eve of all that is wrong in the world. Heck the truth is many men in the world lay all the blame of everything at her feet. Perhaps that is why many of them, those that have yet to find themselves in Christ, think their role in life is to be “The Punisher”. I think a woman’s biggest obstacle in life is that sometimes we think TOO much and ironically at the same time we willingly trust TOO quickly. The evil one is shrewd. If he has tricked you then you must forgive Eve for being tricked. I can’t even fathom what life was like in the beginning. I believe that Satan was a trusted friend to Eve. Logically they were only warned to stay away from the Tree of Knowledge. I have never read about a warning to Eve or Adam about the serpent. . . Have you?

What I am saying is simply this. “Forgive yourself of all Your mistakes, even if in your heart you KNEW better before committing them.”  We walk in the flesh my friends. It is why we are warned in Ephesians to wear our spiritual armor daily for we are in the midst of a Spiritual Battle every day!  The Bible is our go to advice for all the troubles this fallen world has to throw at us.  It is God’s Word. Read It daily for protection against your own “fleshly nature”.

The evil one has already amped up the Fear Machine and pointed it in my direction. I will pray for protection and strength daily as I reveal who I was. I know in my heart that God has protected me from absolute destruction my entire life. I know with his strength I will be able to walk through the fire. He loves me as he also Loves You. Jesus, his only begotten son carried the cross for all of us. Oh if you don’t know Jesus yet you must! You will never meet a more clever, humorous, kind, wise, gentle, LOVING Teacher in all your life.

Here we go . . . with a deep breath of Faith I am leaping off the ledge:

My first memory of others praying over Me dates back to the 3rd or 4th year of my life.It is how I developed my deep distaste for 7up. Soda was something I never got! I needed to take medicine that I hated and my reward was a whole can of 7up all to myself. To this day 7up tastes like that awful medicine. Crushed pills. I could barely swallow . . . my tonsils were so huge they were closing the passage of air to my lungs. The gist was my life was in danger. People were praying for me. I am sure it was my Aunt Janet’s prayers that were the most impressive. She never failed to awe me with her strength my entire life. Obviously my life was saved for here I am 40 years later sharing my incredible journey with you!

My first memory of Praying to God on my own behalf would be somewhere around the 7th or 8th year of my life. I was spending the summer with my father and step mother. Have you ever heard that saying, “Do as I say . . . not as I do”? Yea, I kind of thought you might have. As many parents did back then, our parents smoked. My brother who is only 10 months and 10 days younger than me had grabbed some smokes and a lighter and invited me to join him for some fun. At the time my father lived in a stilt cabin located in a park with all the amenities. We went down to the swings and he lit the first one and gave it to me. We hung out laughing and being kids and of course smoking those cigarettes . . . we didn’t inhale . . . YET! But we knew we were cool! Of course our stepmother was observing us out of the window. We came home not knowing we had been caught. The punishment was about to begin. She informed us if we wanted to smoke we were going to smoke like adults. We learned how to inhale . . . she wasn’t having any of this silliness with puffing! One after another she lit them. I think it was on the 3^rd one I began throwing up.  We were both promising we’d never smoke again just let us stop. She pushed it a little further but finally left us in our room waiting for our father to come home so she could inform him of our improper behavior. You see we weren’t only caught smoking. We were also in trouble for theft!

To this day I don’t know if my father actually “beat my brother’s butt” I just know I was terrified by the sound. I swear to you, that stilt cabin was shaking! I was trembling with fear! I was crying. My step mother had me in the kitchen with her. Tommy, being the one who confessed to taking the cigarettes, was the first to go before our father. To this day I am amazed at the advice she gave me.  You must know my step mother does not believe in God or his only begotten son. I think I am the only one allowed to praise God without repercussion around her simply because she cannot deny this story!  With that being said she looked at me and said, “Your only chance of not being spanked is to pray to God to save you.” I don’t know if I’ve said a more passionate heartfelt prayer than my first one but I promise you it is the passionate ones that have been answered in the most obvious ways… my biggest signs from God have followed my most heartfelt prayers. That is not to say I have gotten what I have prayed for! What I have received are answers and signs meant to provide me with relief or guidance. 

When I went before my father, he looked at me for a moment. I was so terrified I began begging to be forgiven and I was a mess! My father simply said, “Wendy, I don’t know why I’m not going to spank you but I’m not. Something is telling me it is not needed.” God had SAVED me! How cool is that?! From that day forth God was my Best Friend. I talked to him like a best friend. For hours sometimes!  I promised to help any and all he sent my way. I was going to help him save the world!

You would think with a beginning like that I would NEVER decide I could outwit God . . . I ask you, which of us has not thought we could outwit our parents? Trust me you are not alone in that one! I just took that a step further. I thought I could outsmart the creator of all! Today I laugh about that . . . God and I are chummy again. I know he smiles upon me. I am back to talking to him daily. Life is sooooo Abundant my friends when you grasp the truth. It takes some of us longer than others to get it! Forgive yourself!

I am sitting here with a smile on my face . . . the words have stopped flowing and I do have work to do for my earthly boss as well. I leave you here for now until the words flow again. Have a BLESSED day my friends. Our Father loves all of us . . . even those who have yet to see the truth or hear it!

Wendy, Mom of Many

I Will NEVER!

Me and My Oh So Righteous Self . . . or not!

Be careful when you exclaim you will Never do something! More than I care to admit I have found myself doing the exact thing I was so righteously convinced I would NEVER do!

Just off the top of  head:

1. Spite God
2. Have an abortion
3. Give a baby up for adoption
4. Smoke
5. Drink
6. Do drugs
7. Be one of those girls who was the show at bachelor parties
8. Stay in an abusive relationship

Impressive list don't you think! Oh you know I have to address each and everyone of these because in all honesty I have done all of them and we all know there are many more lurking out there in the background . . . I'm sure the evil one will try to taunt me with any that remain! I'm amazed as I see the ink on the paper . . . am I really going to share all of this . . . I know the answer . . . Yes. I am. For you see it is all of my sins that I have committed that make it that much more amazing that God has called me to share my story. I pray for guidance and protection as I proceed. It is my focus to show you that all of us ARE WORTHY of God's grace.

I want you to realize I did all these things AFTER receiving the knowledge I received when I was young. Can you for one minute imagine being told you would be a mother to many when your own mother was the saddest darkest most negative person you knew on a daily basis? I wanted nothing to do with her life's path. I was told my first child would be a girl and I was informed that I would be young when I had her. I cried for I don't know how long. I wrote in my journal of what I was told and I began an outline of what kind of parent I would be. How I wish I had that journal to this day. I long to know what all I wrote down about that experience but my journal perished in a fire in the 15th year of my life. Regardless . . . sin number 1 was accomplished the year I met my first love. With his help I was going to outsmart God! I laugh about it now . . . but trust me when I say my sifting was just getting started! 

I must publish this before I lose my nerve . . . I hope you figure out how to find my posts . . . I am not the most brilliant with all of this tech stuff . . . I see that there is a share button and I trust I will get that education as I continue . . . as I have come to believe ~ God will give me all I need as I need it! Again, may your day be blessed.

Wendy, mom of many