For those just joining me, many of these blogs are chapters of my life. I am mostly telling my story. Occasionally I blog on Bible Verses. . . this blog picks up where "How I Ended Up Pregnant with My 2nd Child" ends. . . I think this reads better as a story . . . If you like this blog, I'd encourage you to start with my first blog "In the beginning" and go from there!
I left planned parenthood in a daze. To say I was thrilled with my news would be a lie. Here I was again on the edge of living my own life only to be shackled with another baby and at least another 5 months from being able to file for divorce. I knew I would have to tell Jeff. Oh I was sick over my situation. I headed back to my mother's for that was where I was currently staying. All my hopes of finally being on my own were smashed. I felt abandoned by God once again.
I gave my mom the news. She was as surprised as me. "You haven't felt the baby move?" she asked. "No. Not yet." I muttered. I was concerned about what taking the pill day after day might have done to this baby. No data. It made sense. After all who takes the pill day after day while being pregnant? A girl who has no idea she is pregnant. That's who! Who knew you could have a period and even have breakthroughs while carrying a baby? I was so numb that first day. I prayed I was simply having a nightmare.
The next day my mom informed me there were two states that actually did offer abortions beyond 12 weeks. It was expensive but it could be done. She wanted me to know she would never judge me if I decided to take a look into it. I couldn't. The next day I felt the baby move. I wept and thanked God. I didn't know if I could handle it if I had harmed this child by taking birth control for over 1/2 of it's development inside of me. I was still worried about things like, 'would the baby have any birth defects . . . or if the pill would somehow effect this child's reproductive organs?' So many unknowns. The one thing I knew for sure was I had to let Jeff know that I was carrying another child.
He came by to pick me up so we could talk privately. He told me he was sure this baby was a boy. He begged me to come back. He apologized for his temper and his abusive behavior and vowed to me he would never treat me badly again. It was all a mistake. He had grown up in a house where the man was meant to be served. I was not good with that role. He thought we could work on it. He begged me to give him a second chance! I just wanted to be happy.You know what I mean? I wanted to enjoy life. Why did there need to be so much aggression in the world. Never made a lot of sense to me. I didn't feel like I really had a choice in the matter. Leaving Jeff and raising one child on my own was going to be tough. Add being pregnant on top of that and I was staring at a hopeless situation. I caved. How bad could it be? He promised to find us a place immediately. He did. A one room efficiency apartment. We lived there until October / November. Not sure which month . . . all I am sure is I moved in on opening weekend for hunting deer with a bow. Yes. Jeff was a hunter. Here I was as big as girl who is around 7 and a half months pregnant can be and my husband needed to hunt more than he needed to move his family into their new home. My Aunt Janet is the one who helped me move. She was still getting around at the time without a wheel chair. Looking back I am dumbfounded at how much she was able to due at the time. How funny we must have seemed to any who observed us working together. She was awesome. We loaded up her truck from the storage unit and unloaded it into our new 3 bedroom trailer.
Now you may be wondering . . . how could I still not know exactly how pregnant I was by now . . . If that is your question, my answer is this. I never saw a doctor other than the one at planned parenthood. That is right. I never had any care at all. It's not like I didn't try to get in to see a doctor. I just couldn't get in. I had called the St. Vincent Clinic and tried to get back in there on the sliding scale. Since Jeff was making a little more and costs had gone up slightly, our total cost for all care was going to be $800. We could not make payments since I was going to be around 6 months along before they could get me in. You had to be paid in full by your 7th month. I did not have an extra $400 laying around at the end of each month at this time! We also made a hair too much to qualify for Medicaid . Jeff went to work and asked for a loan like we had done with Cassy. Unfortunately for us, Chris decided we needed to learn a lesson when it came to responsibility. She simply could not allow for me to get another easy ride. If I was not held accountable for my reckless behavior when it came to conceiving children, she was not going to support me by bailing me out financially again and again. Luckily Jerry's girlfriend was going to nursing school at the time and she had a stethoscope. She helped me by finding the baby's heartbeat and taking my blood pressure. It's all the doctors really did when I was pregnant with Cassy. We weren't even sure when my due date was going to be. Talk about a surprise baby in multiple ways.
I was at my brother's birthday party at my dad's house and I was gigantic. I was sure I was beyond 40 weeks. The time was around 7:30 when I felt the first pain hit me. Uncomfortable is as good as a description as any. After the 6th one I told Jeff I thought my labor may have started and I thought we should head to my mom's house. The plan was for her to keep Cassy when I went into labor. My father lived in Westfield and my mom was still in the same house she had lived in since I was in the 3rd grade. In other words we had a 30 to 40 minute drive ahead of us and then we needed to turn around and drive another 30 to 40 minutes to the hospital. Just like with Cassy my labor pains started four to five minutes apart. I wasn't sure as I'd sat at Chris and dad's for the first few labor pains and I didn't have a clock to look at.
We arrived at Riverview Hospital in the ER entrance. Dr Beaver was the doctor on call. I only remember because I found it funny that his name rhymed with Weaver. I was rushed into a delivery room as I was already in transition. William however did not come as easily as Cassandra. She weighed in at only 7lbs 10 oz. In comparison, she was a breeze! Since we had no insurance and I was terrified at how large our bill might be I refused to take any pain medication. I knew we simply could not afford it. I had pushed several times with William and he had not come out yet. I felt like someone was ripping my spine out of my body. My mom was hoping this baby would arrive before midnight so that he'd be born on my brother's birthday. That did not happen. I guess he wanted his own day because he waited until after midnight to make his appearance. I was beginning to think I'd never push him out when Jeff leaned down to me and said, "Wendy, he's going to use those salad spoons if you don't push this baby out this time!" When the next contraction hit I pushed with everything I had and whoosh out came the baby. . . no stopping between head and shoulders. I don't know why the thought of salad spoons terrified me to such a degree but it did. Gross enough, I'd pushed so hard let's just say walls needed some attention!
"It's a boy! I told you! It's a boy!"Jeff exclaimed. He even kissed me. I'm not sure I ever heard Jeff so elated. I was just thrilled to have this child out of me and this all behind me. He looked perfect. He was a healthy 9lbs 6oz. baby boy. He had the straightest long nose I'd ever seen on a baby but nothing looked out of place. With a sigh of relief I thanked God that me taking birth control had not affected him in any obvious way.
I had already decided that I was going to bottle feed this child. I knew that I wanted to go back to work ASAP. I reasoned that there was no point in starting something I wasn't going to have time to keep up with. In the back of my head I couldn't get the feeling out of my head. I still had not faced my issues from being attacked. This was an easy way for me to brush all of that aside. No need to face what I'd safely re-tucked away. . . not now.
Well . . . I'm honestly not looking forward to these next chapters ahead. Knowing what I am getting close to makes me cringe. I know that God is using me to show you His Mercy and Grace. I hope that is what you take form all I am sharing. Let my trials and tribulations not go in vain.
It is my prayer that you see how kind and loving of a Father we all have. It is my prayer that you recognize the beauty behind my story. There is a silver lining in everything. Until my next chapter . . .
Wendy, Mom of Many
I left planned parenthood in a daze. To say I was thrilled with my news would be a lie. Here I was again on the edge of living my own life only to be shackled with another baby and at least another 5 months from being able to file for divorce. I knew I would have to tell Jeff. Oh I was sick over my situation. I headed back to my mother's for that was where I was currently staying. All my hopes of finally being on my own were smashed. I felt abandoned by God once again.
I gave my mom the news. She was as surprised as me. "You haven't felt the baby move?" she asked. "No. Not yet." I muttered. I was concerned about what taking the pill day after day might have done to this baby. No data. It made sense. After all who takes the pill day after day while being pregnant? A girl who has no idea she is pregnant. That's who! Who knew you could have a period and even have breakthroughs while carrying a baby? I was so numb that first day. I prayed I was simply having a nightmare.
The next day my mom informed me there were two states that actually did offer abortions beyond 12 weeks. It was expensive but it could be done. She wanted me to know she would never judge me if I decided to take a look into it. I couldn't. The next day I felt the baby move. I wept and thanked God. I didn't know if I could handle it if I had harmed this child by taking birth control for over 1/2 of it's development inside of me. I was still worried about things like, 'would the baby have any birth defects . . . or if the pill would somehow effect this child's reproductive organs?' So many unknowns. The one thing I knew for sure was I had to let Jeff know that I was carrying another child.
He came by to pick me up so we could talk privately. He told me he was sure this baby was a boy. He begged me to come back. He apologized for his temper and his abusive behavior and vowed to me he would never treat me badly again. It was all a mistake. He had grown up in a house where the man was meant to be served. I was not good with that role. He thought we could work on it. He begged me to give him a second chance! I just wanted to be happy.You know what I mean? I wanted to enjoy life. Why did there need to be so much aggression in the world. Never made a lot of sense to me. I didn't feel like I really had a choice in the matter. Leaving Jeff and raising one child on my own was going to be tough. Add being pregnant on top of that and I was staring at a hopeless situation. I caved. How bad could it be? He promised to find us a place immediately. He did. A one room efficiency apartment. We lived there until October / November. Not sure which month . . . all I am sure is I moved in on opening weekend for hunting deer with a bow. Yes. Jeff was a hunter. Here I was as big as girl who is around 7 and a half months pregnant can be and my husband needed to hunt more than he needed to move his family into their new home. My Aunt Janet is the one who helped me move. She was still getting around at the time without a wheel chair. Looking back I am dumbfounded at how much she was able to due at the time. How funny we must have seemed to any who observed us working together. She was awesome. We loaded up her truck from the storage unit and unloaded it into our new 3 bedroom trailer.
Now you may be wondering . . . how could I still not know exactly how pregnant I was by now . . . If that is your question, my answer is this. I never saw a doctor other than the one at planned parenthood. That is right. I never had any care at all. It's not like I didn't try to get in to see a doctor. I just couldn't get in. I had called the St. Vincent Clinic and tried to get back in there on the sliding scale. Since Jeff was making a little more and costs had gone up slightly, our total cost for all care was going to be $800. We could not make payments since I was going to be around 6 months along before they could get me in. You had to be paid in full by your 7th month. I did not have an extra $400 laying around at the end of each month at this time! We also made a hair too much to qualify for Medicaid . Jeff went to work and asked for a loan like we had done with Cassy. Unfortunately for us, Chris decided we needed to learn a lesson when it came to responsibility. She simply could not allow for me to get another easy ride. If I was not held accountable for my reckless behavior when it came to conceiving children, she was not going to support me by bailing me out financially again and again. Luckily Jerry's girlfriend was going to nursing school at the time and she had a stethoscope. She helped me by finding the baby's heartbeat and taking my blood pressure. It's all the doctors really did when I was pregnant with Cassy. We weren't even sure when my due date was going to be. Talk about a surprise baby in multiple ways.
I was at my brother's birthday party at my dad's house and I was gigantic. I was sure I was beyond 40 weeks. The time was around 7:30 when I felt the first pain hit me. Uncomfortable is as good as a description as any. After the 6th one I told Jeff I thought my labor may have started and I thought we should head to my mom's house. The plan was for her to keep Cassy when I went into labor. My father lived in Westfield and my mom was still in the same house she had lived in since I was in the 3rd grade. In other words we had a 30 to 40 minute drive ahead of us and then we needed to turn around and drive another 30 to 40 minutes to the hospital. Just like with Cassy my labor pains started four to five minutes apart. I wasn't sure as I'd sat at Chris and dad's for the first few labor pains and I didn't have a clock to look at.
We arrived at Riverview Hospital in the ER entrance. Dr Beaver was the doctor on call. I only remember because I found it funny that his name rhymed with Weaver. I was rushed into a delivery room as I was already in transition. William however did not come as easily as Cassandra. She weighed in at only 7lbs 10 oz. In comparison, she was a breeze! Since we had no insurance and I was terrified at how large our bill might be I refused to take any pain medication. I knew we simply could not afford it. I had pushed several times with William and he had not come out yet. I felt like someone was ripping my spine out of my body. My mom was hoping this baby would arrive before midnight so that he'd be born on my brother's birthday. That did not happen. I guess he wanted his own day because he waited until after midnight to make his appearance. I was beginning to think I'd never push him out when Jeff leaned down to me and said, "Wendy, he's going to use those salad spoons if you don't push this baby out this time!" When the next contraction hit I pushed with everything I had and whoosh out came the baby. . . no stopping between head and shoulders. I don't know why the thought of salad spoons terrified me to such a degree but it did. Gross enough, I'd pushed so hard let's just say walls needed some attention!
"It's a boy! I told you! It's a boy!"Jeff exclaimed. He even kissed me. I'm not sure I ever heard Jeff so elated. I was just thrilled to have this child out of me and this all behind me. He looked perfect. He was a healthy 9lbs 6oz. baby boy. He had the straightest long nose I'd ever seen on a baby but nothing looked out of place. With a sigh of relief I thanked God that me taking birth control had not affected him in any obvious way.
I had already decided that I was going to bottle feed this child. I knew that I wanted to go back to work ASAP. I reasoned that there was no point in starting something I wasn't going to have time to keep up with. In the back of my head I couldn't get the feeling out of my head. I still had not faced my issues from being attacked. This was an easy way for me to brush all of that aside. No need to face what I'd safely re-tucked away. . . not now.
Well . . . I'm honestly not looking forward to these next chapters ahead. Knowing what I am getting close to makes me cringe. I know that God is using me to show you His Mercy and Grace. I hope that is what you take form all I am sharing. Let my trials and tribulations not go in vain.
It is my prayer that you see how kind and loving of a Father we all have. It is my prayer that you recognize the beauty behind my story. There is a silver lining in everything. Until my next chapter . . .
Wendy, Mom of Many
1 comment:
shalom.........................
Post a Comment