When Anger Rises, What is Your Game Plan?

Fantastically Fun-Filled Family Friday! I awoke today to discover the place I get all my health food and cleaning, laundry, bathroom necessities, first aid, cough, cold, fever relief, and beauty supplies is offering their annual membership for a mere $1.00 . . . all new customers also get $20 worth of free items to try when they come back for more goodness in their second, third, fourth and fifth month!!!! That's $100 worth of free items to try that I already know you will love. I switched to this store in March of 2011 and have been a more than happy customer ever since. As my friends know I'm a penny pinching momma. The money this store has saved me is mind blowing. The best part about shopping here has been the peace of mind knowing this manufacture cares about health and wellness. Also this is where I have purchased my 'weight loss supplies' so tasty my children won't keep out of them and yummy enough that you actually enjoy consuming them yourself! Oh and if teeth matter to you, they have the best tooth polish on the market, and all their dental and skin care is safe for those going through chemo or anything like that! Switch stores, save money, provide better health for your entire family. Let me know if you want more details! This is the best gift one friend can give to another. I already did my shopping this morning and threw in the items I need by next week. Upon checkout I was offered buy one get one free items and two of them are my favorite 'candy bars' with purpose! I am so excited!! I am telling you this company should have been called the Rocking Fireworks Health and Wellness store because their sales are so spectacular!.

I am looking forward to my weekend with the children. Michael has his first basketball game tomorrow. He is so excited. He woke up today thinking it was game day! I had to deliver the bad news that today was another school day.

When I got into the office and was finally able to check my email, I read K-Loves encouraging word for the day.

A gentle answer deflects anger. ~ Proverbs 15:1, NLT

I had to giggle to myself as I read this truth. If the bible is not a handbook for how to best walk through situations in life, I don't know what is! When I have a child that is angry and another child steps in to comment on the situation, I have gotten into the habit of stopping them short by simply saying, "Please don't throw gas on my fire!" Meaning the situation is obviously volatile and I do not need any of them increasing that intensity. Dealing with someone who is angry is almost as difficult as dealing with someone who is intoxicated. Anger, in my belief clouds the mind and keeps us from making wise decisions. I know this is also why we are advised to steer clear of anger. Hands down, anger is one of the evil one's best ways to get a foothold into your heart and have more control over your thoughts. When you find yourself getting angry you need to have a game plan to calm yourself down. You may even have to have a basket full of ways to deal with your emotions. One for when you are in the car may not work so well out in the public eye! In the car I call for a moment of silence or singing, their choice. I tell the children I need a moment to calm down and I turn the Christian music up a little so that they know I'm serious! At home, I have even put myself in a time out! It's amazing how little ones will quit what they are doing when you tell them you don't trust yourself because you are so angry so you are going to put yourself in a five minute time out so that you can have a conversation with your heavenly Father! When getting angry at a spouse I refuse to fight it out in a moment of anger. I openly admit I cannot think rationally and I don't want to say something I can't take back. I also have threatened and followed through with prayer as many of you know from the blog post 'Convicted by God' that I published in September. Should you find yourself curious to see how that all played out, here are the links to the three posts that play that entire scene out: 

1. http://youareworthytoo.blogspot.com/2013/09/convicted-by-god.html
2. http://youareworthytoo.blogspot.com/2013/09/dont-fret-god-is-faithful-he-always-has.html
3. http://youareworthytoo.blogspot.com/2013/09/better-off-with-god.html

As my grandma said to me when I was younger, "Be careful what you pray for you just might get it." To which I asked, "Why would I pray for something unless I wanted it?" Which she replied, "God has a sense of humor Wendy, you never know how what you desire will be delivered!" Boy was she ever right about that! My advice don't pray in a moment of anger!! I will admit God is wonderful and he uses everything to work good. I have witnessed it time and time again. Even what I am going through right now. I am amazed to see the changes that have occurred in my life over the last two months. I'm like, pinch me. Is this really my life? I know it is. Even in the midst of turmoil I am dancing in the rain. This is the major difference in living life with your own strength and only for yourself and giving your life to Christ and following Him. I prefer an adventurous life. Of course if you have read my blog posts from the beginning you know that much about my story already! The crazy thing is my life has been MORE adventurous since I got on my knees and said, "Your will not mine".

I hope I have peaked your curiosity enough to get you to at least read those 3 linked posts and even more so to dive back to the beginning of this blog and read it all. There are miracles and all kinds of crazy stuff inside! I have been blessed to have been allowed to be a witness to God's glory in so many ways. I still have so many things to share. I am excited to get back to it as what the Lord has been flashing to me takes me back to after the adoption and my near death to some seriously crazy events. I was fearful on how to share and as with all the rest God is giving it to me in flashes and has me laughing. This weekend as my children go to bed, I will begin drifting back in time! I hope you decide to stick around and read more of my life journey!

Father today I come to you with childish wonder. What an amazing Father you are. How blessed I am to have woken up and returned home. How blind I was. How far I ran. Yet when I got on my knees crying and wailing you opened the door again and welcomed me home. Since then you have saved my life, sent me a witness, allowed me to see my current home shrouded in crystals and so much more. I love how you work. Even through pain you flourish me. I love who I am in Christ. Thank you for grace and mercy. Thank you for your son whose name I pray in. It is my prayer that many more of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ also get on their knees and give in to your will. Had I only understood that your plan is so much more for me than I could have designed on my own. I am sure I am not the only rebel in the family! Call my fellow rebel brother and sisters home. Break them down Father. Stretch them until they know they can only make it through on your strength. While the process may at first feel painful, I know the beauty on the other end and I pray they are able to glimpse it early on so they are not hurt and confused by the events that will take place. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, walks with God
Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Dissed, Disowned, Disgraced, and Darn Near Destitute!

Recently God inspired me with 4 really awesome titles that I would LOVE to blog on. However, some things have a larger impact when they are read in a true order of events. This era of my life falls into that category. These are events I do not look forward reliving. But they paint my life with the true colors it has contained. I hope what you find in the mix is encouragement. With that being said, I ended my blog "How I fell in love with Mike" pregnant with twin girls and falling deeper and deeper in love so quickly I felt as if I was tumbling down a mountain with no end in sight.

Other than Mike and I, NO ONE was happy with us being together. I knew it would happen. The judgement. He was younger. He wasn't right for me. He was only using me. The objections came hard and quick.

Guys are guys and when it came to the men at Glidden Fence not one of them liked that Mike had won my attention. Without a doubt, they set out to alienate him. The word was no one cared for his attitude and they did not want Mike on their crew. At this time Mike was placed on a crew with his father. Mike loved his dad and I felt bad knowing how Larry trash talked Mike down almost daily to me and my father.  Larry was one of our Repair Crew Leaders and he also was the one that ran the majority of anytime repair calls. Mike, being a helper on his father's crew, ended up having an altercation one morning with Larry right after it was announced that I was pregnant and prior to the knowledge I was having twins. Mike quit that day. I was caught off guard by his rash move and it was my first view at Mike's unreasoning anger and stubbornness.

My father went so far as to pull me into his office after that and encouraged me to walk away from Mike and marry one of our workers named Gabrielle. His view was Gabrielle had been in love with me forever and he would treat me right. My father was right about Gabrielle and how he felt about me. I already knew that. He was sweet and kind and if able would have hung the moon for me, but I did not see him as more than a brother or a friend. I listened to my father and when he was done politely told him I'd ponder what he had said. Larry came in the office and informed me Mike would most likely go back to Florida. He said I'd be better off raising my child without him anyway.

Mike assured me he wasn't going anywhere. He applied for work everywhere and ended up with a job waiting tables at TGIF. Spring came and we had so many calls that Larry began running all of the anytime repair calls. By mid April he was diagnosed with throat cancer and was needing time off for doctor appointments. When this happened I had to go into overdrive when it came to running estimates and for the first time in a year I was the one to go back to look at fences that we were building. In a nutshell I noticed a new trend that I did not care for. I stormed into the office and inquired to Jeff if he had seen what I was seeing. He stated yes but he had gotten no where when he had voiced an opinion. I love my dad to death but he has a blind spot when it comes to his "All time Favorites". It kills me because if he would have listened to not only me but my grandmother on two specific occasions things would have panned out much different. Alas that was not the case.

Mike is not the only stubborn, bull headed person in our household. I hold the title myself! I decided to take matters into my own hands. As the guys that finished our wood fences strolled in I had a diagram on the dry erase board. I asked them to show me where the nails went into the 2x4s as well as into the 1x6 boards. Needless to say, they indicated what I had seen. You would not think nails wrongly placed would matter, but in my mind they did. I could spot a Glidden Fence from across a yard by the nail pattern. It's just an extra touch, but I loved the way it looked. Clean and professional. I showed the guys the way it is supposed to be done and then asked, "Who taught you to do it that way?" They all agreed it was Mauricio, Gabrielle's younger brother. I did not care for Mauricio due to an incident that transpired between us when I was 20 years old or there about. If you have ever heard the term, "He's scum." that is how I viewed Mauricio. My father, on the other hand, LOVED him. He even introduced him to people as his son. My father had seriously mentioned to my step mother during my divorce from Jeff that he thought I should marry Mauricio all the way back then! In his mind it was a brilliant plan.

Anyway, I was angry that Mauricio was teaching the guys the wrong way to build a Glidden Fence as my father himself taught Mauricio everything he knew about building fence as well as why we built the way we did. When Mauricio walked in I asked him to show me where he placed the nails. He drew the two nails to toe nail on my diagram and I looked at him and said, "You know that is not how my father taught you to do it, why have you changed this?" He did not answer me. I went on to ask, "What about the finish nails?" He threw the marker down spun and elbowed me in the stomach as stated he did not have to listen to me when it came to building fence.

Now, if you have read my story from the beginning, you know that I used to play basket ball. My father had taught me how to throw an elbow without being caught. Mauricio had just jabbed me with that very elbow move! I would like to say I rose above the situation, but that would be a lie. I caught him in the hallway and with one hand had him pinned against the wall lifting him slightly off the ground. I was telling him how rude it was to hit a pregnant girl and how he did have to listen to me when Bill heard the commotion and came around the corner. "Wendy!" Bill exclaimed, "Put him down!" I looked back at Bill and Mauricio's crew men were behind him as well. I let Mauricio go and Bill said, "Let's talk this out."

Mauricio sat in a chair and I was stating loudly how I felt about his workmanship. He jumped up and got in my face and said, "You want me to yell at you?" I smiled, took a step forward, dipped down slightly so that we were nose to nose and said, "Yes, Mauricio, that's exactly what I want. Please yell at me." He promptly sat back down. When I finished telling him what would be expected of him from this point forward, he informed me he was putting in his two weeks notice. I said, "Perfect! I want it in writing."

Bill said, "Wendy!" I spun and looked at him and asked, "What?" I turned back to Mauricio and continued, "Seriously, I want it in writing."

Bill suggested we call it a night so that cooler heads could prevail and mentioned we could discuss this all tomorrow.  Unfortunately my first call the next day was scheduled at 7:30 so I was not able to be in the office when everyone arrived for my day started an hour before theirs. When I did have a chance that afternoon, I came into my father's office, closed the door and said, "Hey, I had a situation with Mauricio last night." My father told me he already knew all about it. I asked if he knew about the nail pattern and what all and he kind of shoo shood me like he sometimes does. I replied, "Dad, if he doesn't build our way, how can I look people in the eye and tell them we build the best? If you don't put your foot down, I can't sell for you." That next day I was pulled out of sales and placed behind a desk again. Within a week, all of the men had taken Mauricio's orders to heart. None of them were to talk to me. If they did they would have to deal with Mauricio. It was so insane they wouldn't even call in underground cable cuts into the office. They called Bill, who had to relay the message to me. When I pointed out the ridiculousness of the situation, my father told me I needed to rejoice for this was the first time all the men were united and he loved it. I, on the other hand, did not love it at all.

Yunior, who loved both Mike and I and who detested Mauricio for how he treated his sister, was throwing a birthday party and we were all invited. It was at the party that one of the men, one I had helped with back taxes and filing for citizenship, asked my son William if he was coming back to work that summer. When William told him he was, he was asked who's side he was on. When William inquired as to what they meant, they informed him that if he was on their side, they were looking forward to his return. However, if he was on my side, it would be best for him not to return.

I was so hot about that implied threat that I went to my father and told him what was said and how I felt about where things stood. Bear in mind at this point I was 20 weeks pregnant with twins and slightly emotional. Again my father poo pood my thoughts and feelings. He informed me that I must be mistaken as to what was said and told me to leave it alone.

Following Mike's lead, after my 24 week check up, I put in my two weeks notice and informed my father I was going to be ordered to bed rest at 28 weeks. I knew with the lack of sales I was not going to have due to being put behind a desk, my pay was going to be cut by over half. I was going to lose my house regardless and I just wanted to get as far away from Glidden Fence as possible. What I had viewed as a part of me no longer loved or valued me. I cried every morning on my way to work those last few days because of how alienated and unnecessary I felt. Mike wanted me to be done that next day. I informed him I needed to stay long enough to train someone on how things were. I ended up agreeing to stay another week. I trained my replacement a total of 1 and 1/2 days!

Mike claimed we would be better off moving to Florida. There was nothing holding us here. Mark was currently incarcerated for a year and I had thought he was going to file for divorce as he had stated you could file for free when you are in jail. With him safely behind bars I reasoned he had no right to keep me from moving and knowing how violent he was I liked the thought of us being far out of his reach when he was released. Mike insisted his mom would be there for support as well as the rest of his family.

Three days before we hit the road, my father's home was robbed. They had taken a few valuables along with his emergency fund. I honestly believed it was Mauricio that had robbed my father as he knew more about his comings and goings. Never in a million years did I expect to be the one the blame would fall on.

We had arrived in Florida on June 20th, 2004. It was father's day and Mike's entire family was at his grandparent's home. You could say I did not feel the least bit welcomed by Mike's family. At the time I did not know Larry had stirred the bees nest by spreading the lie that Mike and I had robbed my father and were on our way to do the same to everyone there. That all came to light when I had not received my final paycheck in the mail and I called back home. I was informed by the new girl that my father was out of town until the next week. I asked her what crew William was on as he had elected to stay in Indiana with a friend of mine named Daniel. I was told he was with Larry. I called Larry's phone and low and behold, Daniel answered. I laughed and asked when he had started working for us. He told me he was Larry's driver now and immediately asked me if it was true that Mike and I were the one's to have robbed my father. I was BLOWN AWAY. I said, "What!?! NO!!! Why would you ask me that?!?" He informed me that was the rumor. I stammered, "I don't understand. Why would anyone think that?" He informed me that Mike's brother had been on a speaker phone and he had overheard him telling my dad that when we rolled into town he had told Mike he couldn't live with him and Mike had flashed a wad of cash at him and said he didn't need his help. I was floored. "That was my money!" I exclaimed, "Larry KNOWS I closed out my bank account. He KNEW just how much we were leaving with. Even dad knew I had left with a good amount of money. Surely he didn't believe such crap!" Before Daniel answered me, I heard Larry ask him who he was on the phone with. Daniel informed him it was me. Larry yelled at him for talking to me and got on the phone. I immediately asked Larry, "How on earth could you say such things about me? You know we left Indiana with over $3,000!" Larry proceeded to inform me I was getting what I deserved. He said I had abandoned Glidden Fence, he thought I was a bitch and not to ever call him again and he hung up on me."

I was stunned. When I finished drying my tears and returned to where we were staying that week, I informed Mike of everything. He was not shocked over what his father had said to me. That was the day I discovered that Larry had written to Mike about how much he couldn't stand me. He had informed Mike I was the daughter of his boss and I was the residential sales person and he just knew if he could get me out of the way he could be in my position. Mike was enamored with me before he ever met me because his father couldn't out do me and Mike had never seen his dad beat by anyone.

To this day, I honestly have to admit I liked Larry. Sure he had his faults but who doesn't. I forgave him for what he did to me. Not only did he convince my father Mike and I robbed him, not only did he inform all of Mike's family of this lie as well, as it turned out, it was Larry that had robbed my father.

When my father arrived back in town I tried to speak to him on the phone. He picked up long enough to yell at me that I was a liar. I was not getting my final paycheck. He knew that Mike and I had robbed him because Dave had confirmed as much. He went on to inform me that I was also cut off of the health insurance plan and as far as he was concerned I did not exist. Again I was hung up on and left in a state of shock.

You know how with Job you think, 'Surely it can't get any worse for this person!' yet it does get worse for Job. Well, before Mike and I left Indiana, a voice I now know comes from heaven, informed me I was going to lose all my money. I seriously considered changing my money over to travelers checks but after looking at the cost and hassle decided I would have Mike hold onto my money. After all, I was never warned about him losing any money. We were down to $1,836.00 and Mike was still without a job. Everything we were looking at to rent needed first, last and security deposit. We had officially been told we could not stay another day at the senior citizen trailer park we had been at for the last week as one of the older citizen's realized we had children and we were not old enough to be living there. We were on the verge of being homeless. In my anger over having to move out of the place we had been staying at, I took the unopened gallon of Milk I had and gave it to the lady I knew was the one raising cane about us staying there. I knocked on her door. When she answered I said, "I just wanted to thank you for your kindness. Milk is expensive and seeing how we are being put out on the street I thought you could use it. I hate to see it wasted." She took the milk and stated she was sorry about us having to leave but rules were rules. I must admit I secretly hoped she would be haunted by her own actions.

Mike decided we should let Tia and Travis play at the beach while we thought about our next move. We parked several blocks away as it was a busy day at the beach and walked to the changing house. Mike waited for me outside. When we got down to the water I took Tia and Travis into the water with me. I can still remember Mike frantically going through our stuff on the beach. I knew before he told me by his actions that he was missing something. He came to the edge of the water and stated he thought he must have left the wallet in the car because when he went to take it out of his pocket, he did not have it and it was not in our stuff. My stomach was turning. I recalled the warning. I knew it in my heart before he confirmed it when he returned from running back to the car. Someone had picked his pocket. All we had left was the change in the canister I had brought. Less than $100 worth and my wedding ring. We went to the police and made a report. I prayed that a kind stranger would find and return his wallet. That did not happen.

I am going to end this here, for to go further would carry me over to the next unpleasant title I have been given. I am grateful that God inspired me with 4 titles that really are awesome and I look forward to those.

I want to state again that I love my father. We are very close today. As far as Larry goes, to the day die, I will feel sorry for him.

Father today I come before you with gratitude for when the world turned it's back on me you indeed took care of all my needs. I ask in the name of all those who have been dissed, disowned, disgraced or have found themselves destitute for your peace and love to envelop them. I pray they feel your love and presence. I pray they find a ray of hope, a helping hand and belief in themselves as they come to know who they are in Christ. I pray families are kinder to one another. I pray the kindness of strangers increases. I pray more and more of us realize who we are in Christ. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Wendy, mom of many

© Wendy Glidden, 2013