Wonderful Wild Wacky Weds . . . just a few thoughts

Wow! It is wild wacky wonderful Wednesday already! So much has happened since I last wrote. Where does one begin? I guess by warming up. Allow me to share the encouraging word by K-Love for the day:

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him ~ 1 John 4:9, NLT

That is some serious love! How do we allow the evil one to trick us into believing we are so unlovable. I mean when you study the Holy Bible, you realize that all along God planned to do just what he did. Time and time again we read about Jesus years before he appeared here on Earth. What a loving Father, what an incredible loving son. 

I must admit I loved it when I read in the bible that Jesus said, "If you have seen me, you have seen the Father." I mean we all wonder who is this God of Wrath. What is He like? When I was growing up all I seemed to learn about was Hell, Fire and Damnation! Step out of line and that was it, prepare for the wrath of God. If you have read my story here on blogger that is broken into many posts, you know that I thought the reason I was molested was because I had planned to outwit God as a young girl. I thought He was showing me He would have His way one way or another. Such a foolish child I was! Honestly, to this day, I often think of myself as a foolish girl. If you'd like to know more about this story of mine, all of this can be read about in some of my first few blog posts, these are the titles for that portion of my story:

1. The Boy and My Plan to Outwit God

2. Face to Face with an Angel

3. Grounded for Losing My Virginity

4. Too Angry to Process the Assault with Love

5. Taking Control of My Destiny

The closest real life example we have to what God is like is via His son, Jesus. So, if you want to truly know how God feels about you, my suggestion would be to learn about His Son. After all as it says in 1 John 4:9, God loved us so much He sent His one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life. 

That whole 'might' gives us another picture of God. He allows us Free Will. He sent his son to save us but does not demand that we accept the life saver He has thrown us. I would like you to put yourself into those shoes. How many times have you done a big favor for someone and in return ended up with results that were not what you expected. How many of us have you thought to yourself, "What an ingrate?" Money and Time are one thing, but to give up your own child to save others, that is one heck of a sacrifice! Then to go one step further and say, "If you believe you are saved but if you don't, well that is your free will. Should you change your mind, I am always here. Keeping watch. Waiting for you to knock." To me that is such Love. 

I have so much yet to blog about. I need to be more disciplined in my time to write. Many that know me laugh when I say I need to step it up. I have a home full of children without a father in the home currently, They all arrive here at my full time place of employment and are here for the last hour and a half of my work day, I dedicate time to hang out with fellow believers to keep me encouraged on both Thursday and Sunday, as of 10 days ago, I began adding a full hour of exercise to my schedule and somehow in the mix of that, I write to encourage others with my own tales, sob stories and moments of triumph! 

I have started going to counseling twice a month. She suggested I get into the habit of trying to write something every day. So, here I am thinking I had nothing to write, writing. I am going to employ her tactic. At some point during the day before my day closes, I am going to write. It may just be in my journal but I intend to get better with my blog. I look forward to sharing much more about my journey with you for some of the coolest things that have happened to me, or what some one call "Only God Could Make that Happen" stories, I have not even gotten to yet. 

I had heard a great song on the radio the other day, but for the life of me I cannot find it with my feeble google skills. However, while searching, I did find a good song that I love. I end here leaving you with the video of the one I think my speak to those who need to know, Jesus came to spread the good news to those caught in the bondage of sin. You are loved. You are wanted back home!

Father, today I thank you for your never ending Love. I cannot begin to figure out everything and how you put it together but I know that you do weave a master piece in all your children. May I be willing to become all you intended me to be. Help me stay focused in all the areas of my life Father, starting with my focus on you. I am so grateful for what you are doing in my life as well as in Mike's. It seems that in leaving all of us behind the conviction process has begun. I thank you for speaking to him through the spirit. I never thought I would hear him say he was selfish. I knew then that he must finally be hurting enough to listen to the voice of righteousness. I thank you for never giving up on your children Lord. You know I was a mess a time or two myself. Continue to speak truth to us Father. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Wendy, walks with God, Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

I AM a Daughter of the Most High!

Terrific Testimonial tell all Tuesday. Today my tell all is this. KNOW who you are in Christ. Sometimes when you put your foot down all the way, God intervenes for you. Keep praying and listen to the voice of truth. It will never steer you wrong. 

This was part of my morning post on my "You Are Worthy Too" page on face book. If you are wishing there was a way you could follow my blog without having to subscribe, you could always hop on face book and like my fan page (hint hint here is the link should you feel so inclined! https://www.facebook.com/YouAreWorthyToo ) Anyway, this morning, I woke with so much joy. I just knew my blog was going to rock today.  I could feel the spirit moving me. All day long, what I felt I was being drawn to share, has been built upon with a teaching here and a word there that I caught on Moody radio and then a song on the radio kind of helped tie it off. With that being said, here is what I learned today:

My day started out with hearing several directions for all believers to follow. I was so cracking up by this lesson. It was about 10 AM. I do not know who it was teaching it and I'm sure I won't do it complete justice, but here is what I caught. When you become a follower of Christ, you are called into ministry. When you answer the calling, life is not going to be all roses. Much the opposite. You see people are busy. They are not interested in what you have to say. They are hard headed, set in their ways, it is hard to get their full attention, and even when you do succeed at gaining their attention, many will call you names, make fun of you, you will even be taken advantage of. I encourage you to answer the call anyway! I laughed out loud. He went on to say something like this:

1. When you go about doing good, there will be those that accuse you of doing so for personal reward. Do good anyway.

2. When you go about your life being kind to others, no matter how kind you are, you will often be treated badly. Be kind anyway.

3. While helping others, you will be accused of doing so for some type of personal gain.  Help anyway.

4. When you succeed you will make false friends and real enemies. Succeed anyway.

These all made me laugh. While sad, these claims bear much truth. I have been accused of having false motives. I have caught the ire of complete strangers while doing no harm to them. I have even collected a few false friends. It is what it is. However, I am going to keep doing what I am doing. Sharing my story. Testifying about Jesus, my Savior. Spreading the message of the good news. I am a follower of Christ and I simply have no choice. I honestly cannot help myself. Nothing brings more joy to me than receiving a message from someone touched by my writing. I love to be an encouragement to others. I love to inspire and give others hope. This life is full of pain. There are always moments of joy for all who live but it seems the daily grind wears us down quicker than the good moments lift us up. When you concentrate on the "things of this world" you lose sight of the real cause of joy. Most of us have fallen into this trap. The evil one is a clever liar. Usually you don't even realize he has your ear until it is too late. Fear not, there is a way to protect yourself better. All you need to do is build your relationship with the Lord. Please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying you need to become religious. Much the opposite. Just read God's word, pray and knock on that door. Build your relationship. He is your Father and he has a message for you. "Come Home, you are loved."

As I look in the review mirror and see how far I have come on my own journey back home, I am amazed at not only God's grace, but His amazing timing. Many place blame on Him and say He put me through this to help me grow. I don't believe that for that would take away from free will in a way. I believe the evil one is always on the prowl watching for those he can force to stumble and he is the true cause of destruction and pain. Many times when bad things or pain enters into our life, it is of our own doing. By not following the narrow path we subject ourselves to much of this and then there are the various players we come into contact with in our daily walk. They all have their own free will and the evil one can use them against us even when we are walking the narrow path. What we must remember is that God will use all evils for good for those who trust in Him. I get how crazy scary letting go and letting God, trusting in Him when the whole world seems to be falling apart, but that is the biggest illusion. That is the devil's game. Having you believe you can do something to save the situation on your own, in your own strength. Think of it as an awful dream. It is just this world. It's already fallen. It's going to continue to fall. The good news is we have eternal life after we leave behind this body that Satan can attack. On the other side, the father of lies cannot touch us. Let him do what he may in the here and now. Profess the love the Lord has for you and you will begin to see it more evident in your day to day walk. I encourage you to step out in faith. Read my story. Hear my joy. I have not led an easy life. The majority of hard times were of my own doing. When I do what I want out of fear or jealousy or pride or whatever, man things just go wrong. When I do what the Lord puts in my heart to do regardless of how crazy it may seem at the time, it always turns out good. Take this blog for example. You have no idea how blessed I am in sharing my story. Blessed beyond measure. Does the evil one still come at me? Are you kidding?!? DAILY! I just know he is out there and I put on my full suit of armor. 

I had really meant to post this blog on Tuesday but time simply was not on my side! I attend a fellowship meeting with a few awesome, God seeking woman every 3rd Tuesday of the month. If you are in Indianapolis or anywhere close by, you should check us out. This is my challenge / dare to you, if this affirmation we say every day and meeting speaks to you at all, I dare you to come and hangout with us. We have dinner together, discuss goals and plan ways to help and encourage other women!!

Hagar's Affirmation

I am a Daughter of the Most High. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am beautiful, whole, and complete. Everything I need can be found in and provided by my Father. I don't have to beg for anything or any one's attention. I realize that I am the prize, the good thing to be found. I will not beg for scraps when I know that my Father has prepared a table for me. I am empowered, encouraged, educated and edified. God has opened my eyes to see that I can do all and be all I've been called to be through Christ who strengthens me. I will allow the Holy Spirit to guide and direct me as I begin again the kingdom way and receive all that my Father has for me. I am beautiful and whole and perfectly me. I am a Daughter of the Most High, just who I've been called to be!

This is K-Loves encouraging word from Tuesday

So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. ~ Galatians 6:9, NLT

Indeed! I just love it. Here I am on Thursday finally back to my blog post I began Tuesday to finish it up. Busy would be a good word for my life. I do manage to post an encouraging statement everyday on my face book fan page, so if you desire to see what the Holy Spirit has me sharing on a daily basis, just like my page and you won't miss a thing! Here is my post for today. 

Totally Tripping Thoroughly Thankful Tremendously Thoughtful Thursday! How my heart lept with joy as I read this truth from God: 

There is a time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.

~ Ecclesiastes 3:4, NLT

In the last 45 days I have done all of these to the most extreme forms! There is healing in crying and letting go of past hurts and laughter, well it truly is the best medicine . . . and grief . . . it let you have a taste of true total overwhelming engulfing pain and then you dance because you realize you made it through the storm and you are more alive than you were when you went in. No matter what is going on, hang onto your faith, call upon your Father, you will survive . . . after all, You're an Overcomer! I dedicate this song to you my beloved friends  

Father, thank you so much for the life you have blessed me with. I am so amazed at how you work and move and take the bad and flip it to good. I am humbled to be adored by you. Me, a beloved. I only desire to please you Lord. To say thank you and sing your praises. Teach me how to be a fisher of men Father. Move me, work through me. Allow me to be an extension of you. Help me to burst forth with so much fruit that those around me have no choice but to witness your Love. I am super excited today for I am being baptized. Not a requirement by law but a symbol of my belief and choice to follow Christ. I am so elated my Lord. So overwhelmed by my journey. Thank you, thank you, thank you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

** On a side note, I think it is so cool that this morning I received a message from a fellow believer with the following scripture to read. Mark 16: 15-20. My study bible is in my car, so I googled it on the Internet. Here it is:

Verse 15: He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.

Verse 16: Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.

Verse 17: And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues;

Verse 18: they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people and they will get well."

Verse 19: After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God.

Verse 20: Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.

I am telling you, that really fired me up. I often wonder how many people would be reading the heck out of their bibles were they to understand the incredible thrilling stories inside. Stories from those who witnessed the Lord and those who listened to God before the arrival of our Savior Jesus Christ. I hope you find yourself interested in God's word today. May you be moved by the spirit. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, walks with God,

Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Love Does!

Good afternoon everyone! Today is Fantastically Fabulous Fun-Filled Family Friday! Let's take time to appreciate our families, our loved ones, our fellow brother's and sister's in Christ. Let's pause for a moment to give thanks for God's love. Forever enduring. If that doesn't fill your heart with a warm glow, I suggest you examine where you are in your walk with The Most High God. As for the scoffers of Christ, I simply ask you this, have you honestly taken the time to examine the gospels yourself? I have heard several people give their testimony about how they came to know Christ as their Savior. People that were once very firm in their religions and as such this made them non beleivers when it came to Jesus being the Messiah. Their stories have been riviting. I say if there is any element of your life where you feel a tug on your heart or a void in your life or you have this never ending search for something you can't quite put your finger on, perhaps, just perhaps you should give the gospels a spin. What do you have to lose? With that being said, here is K-Loves encouraging word for the day:

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. ~ Ephesians 4:2, NLT 

Yesterday was bible study and we are in Acts after Paul's sermon on Mars Hill. We were asked how we felt Paul was feeling at this point of his ministry. Not sure if you have ever read Acts or even know much about Paul, but he very much is an inspiration to me. We decided Paul was like us. Joyous for all he was witnessing, but he too was in need of encouragement. 

While listening to the radio today and hearing how at one point he was on trial and no one was there to support him (This teaching was from Moody and I believe it was talking about something from Timothy) anyway, I next turned my radio to K-love and heard this song and thought I would dedicate it to all those who think they are not appreciated. God knows your heart. He loves you and loves you doing what you were created for. This one is for you 

I would be a liar if I were to say that this week has been a breeze. On one hand, I have been uplifted by so many awesome messages from readers of my blog. Great encouragement I have been given. Thank you to all of you who have shared my blog or written me letting me know your thoughts. 

On the other hand, I am greatly heart broken. I know Mike is in a struggle. I read bible verses such as today's from K-Love and I question myself, was I loving enough? I believe I was. I listened this last Sunday with tears streaming down my face as Rusty talked about a believer who was walking through a season in the flesh. I am going to add this clip here because I feel someone could be ministered to by listening to it. I know it spoke to me. Blogger is kind of picky with links so you may need to copy this and insert it in your search bar. May you be blessed should you take the time to listen to this:

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/sunday-worship-at-pinheads

I have had several confirmations this week that sometimes God separates couples for years and brings them back together at the right time. Twice I have heard accounts of 10 years of separation! I think to myself. Ten long years without Mike. It is all I can do to take my next breath. Even with how he treated me, I love him. He is and has been in a struggle for years. He knows who God is but I don't think he fully gets the message of the gospel. I think I have been praying more for him in these last two weeks than I have in all our years together. In letting him go, I have been able to love him like we are meant to love one another. When he was with me, constantly getting under my skin and irritating me greatly with his lack of compassion, well, admittedly it was hard to pray for him in a compassionate loving way. That is what anger will keep you away from. Truly, I would love nothing more for Mike to be convicted by the Spirit and begin to listen and follow the voice of righteousness. 

I know not where the Lord is taking me. I know not the people I encourage. I only know this blog of mine is something I feel I am meant to continue. If I only help one person in a desperate place then what a great deed I have been a part of. I cannot keep to myself the message of Grace. I must share God's glory for my life is so different knowing all I know. It is indeed the best news in the world. God loves you. You are His child. He came so that you could live your life abundantly. Do not think that this means you won't have trouble! Oh no!! Quite the opposite! Trouble will come hunting for you! HOWEVER, God always has you. He is your strength. Under His wings, while allowing Him to work through you, you will find rest in the midst of chaos. My body is tired but my spirit is full of energy. My eyes are swollen from crying so hard yet I have a smile on my face and joy in my heart. What a mix of emotions and feelings it is. I would love nothing more than to sit down with Paul and say, "How did you do it?" I know how I do it, I pray and I read a lot about Paul and his ministry! I am not being stoned or beaten to death or put on trial for sharing the truth about Christ. I simply cannot fathom the amount of Love God must have poured into Paul through his travels. What a marvel God is to me. 

If you have never read the bible. If you have never taken the time to know your Lord and Savior, I encourage you to begin. There are so many false teachers out there. I know. I have been to many churches over my life time trying to find a place that was teaching the truth. Leavener does that for me as does my small group I study with on Thursday nights. I encourage you to check out the link from ustream and if you feel your heart tugged upon, listen to more clips from previous Sundays. May you find your way back home. 

Father, today I am exhausted and happy I have made it through the week. I pray I am a light for others. I pray I only reveal your glory. May I be another story that reveals your love for your children. We are so blessed to have you for our Father. I am ready to lay down and it is only 3 in the afternoon. I pray I am energized daily by your word. Thank you for ministering to my broken heart father. I love you. Where would I be without your love? Lost and lonely. I would be the perfect prey for the evil one. Thank you for your protection. Please watch over and guide all your children who are lost and lonely without understanding of the truth. May they come upon it like I did Father. Please use me in greater ways. In Jesus name I pray.

Wendy, (walks with God)

Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

It's Got to Start With Me!

So again this morning, I was stirred awake by a song. As I came to understand the words themselves, I sat up on full alert. This is indeed what I have wanted all my life. I am a vital part of the body of Christ so it only makes sense that I would need to act as such and stop waiting on someone else to take the first step. I wondered what more am I to do?

Here are the lyrics that I heard: "I really wanna change the world / I really wanna sing your song / But I know revival's got to start with me" as I have gotten in the habit of doing, I have located the full song with the lyrics included. I have sung this song when it has been played on the radio, but to get a feel of what I am to share today, I am going to treat myself to watching the video in it's entirety! I hope you take the time to do the same!

  

So, I guess those of us that really want to change the world, including myself, need to always remember that we start on our knees to do this! It is very comforting to also realize that if I try to do something in my own strength, I am doing nothing. Instead of crashing through doors, I need to wait for God to open them. Outside of God, I am just a girl. Nothing more, nothing less. With God at my side, directing my footsteps, while leaning on His strength, I am every bit as mighty as Daniel and David! Now that is good news!

This morning after I chatted with God, I picked up my phone to check the time and saw I had a text message that came through at 1:57 AM. It was from Mike. In a gist it was a pretty big apology text. This is the first one of it's kind. I wondered. Is God working on his heart? When I came into work, I turned on Moody radio and caught an interview from a couple right here in Indianapolis. They had divorced and remained so for 10 years, when by the Grace of God, they were brought back together. I missed some of their interview but I felt my heart moved. I must be honest in saying, I would love nothing more than for Mike to grow spiritually and put Christ front and center, for that is the only way he would ever know how he is to treat me. Even with others saying that they know he is not the one for me, I have pondered the thought, could he ever grow into the one? With that being said, this is the prayer I say at night where Mike is concerned:

I forgive you for all you've done to me. 

I pray for you even though I set you free.

May you grow into the husband I know you can be.

May I remain the one you long to see.

My heart it breaks, it kills me to let you go.

For you may not return to me this I know.

But if you stay you'll never grow

And I can't continue this way you know.

May your heart break, may you come to find

You'd love to follow this God of mine.

The Most High God, Creator of ALL

I pray to your knees you finally fall

And when you lift your face to Him

May you find your true love for me again.

In Jesus name I pray.

So, I would be a liar if I claimed his words did not touch my heart. They did. So, I sent him this text as a reply:

This morning I recalled your embrace.

I pictured your handsome face.

I wondered if I showed you enough grace.

Yet the Lord is showing me truth.

You're caught up in the thoughts of youth.

You're all about you and nothing about me.

And this is why I had to set you free.

I pray one day you will return

but the Lord said with me you'll never learn.

So each night a prayer for you I say

May you be convicted more each passing day.

If and when you have the Lord front and center

Into marriage we can enter.

I pray you are able and willing

For to be in your arms again would be so thrilling.

Until you write me a letter by pen

I shall not text you again.

His reply, "It's in the mail."

Count me floored. Mike does not write. Well, not from the heart anyway. I received a couple of letters during the times he was in jail and they were so unmoving, I threw them all away!

In the mean time, should it take more than a decade, my focus is going to stay on God and His word. I know not where he is leading me, but I know I will follow. I am blessed beyond measure to have such a close relationship with Him again, especially after all I did to ruin it! I am not going to stray. He has let me know I am loved beyond measure. I do not need to wait around weeping for a man. I have a loving Father to carry me through this life. I know not if Mike will ever return to me. I know many most likely think he and I will never be together again. Others might even believe there is another man out there for me. I, however, feel strongly that I tied myself with Mike when I said my vows to him standing before God. We are unevenly yoked right now but God can move those who seek him. I know in my heart Mike is aware of God. Only time will tell if he is strong enough to get down on his knees and allow God to transform him into a new creation. I do know God will not allow me to be deceived again by Mike. My eyes are too wide open and I will continue to pray to keep them open. I will continue to pray for clearer vision. The Lord is front and center in my life and that is the way things will stay. 

My go to verse this year has been from Psalm 46, specifically verse 10. From my MacArthur study bible it reads:

"Cease striving and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth"

As I have come to do, I find myself needing more and more and more of God's word. It's almost as if I cannot get enough. There is so much wisdom within the pages though, you need to devour them slowly so that you are able to better digest them. I have read this entire Psalm a few times admittedly. The words themselves energize me in ways I cannot begin to explain into words. With that being said, I feel the urge to share this entire Psalm with you. I may have done this once already but when moved by the spirit I must do as urged. Pslam 46, verses 1 - 11 taken out of the my study bible mentioned above:

verse 1: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

verse 2: Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;

verse 3:  Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. 

verse 4: There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy dwelling places of the Most High.

verse 5: God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.

verse 6: The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered; He raised His voice, the earth melted.

verse 7: The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

verse 8: Come, behold the works of the Lord, Who has wrought desolations in the earth.

verse 9: He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariots with fire.

verse 10: "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

verse 11: The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

I tell you, this Psalm makes me want to get up and dance with pure elated joy. What a revelation! Today I am so joyous, I can't even put it into words. I can only imagine what I would be feeling right now were I leaning on my own strength. I would be an absolute mess! Satan would have won the battle where I am concerned. Thank God, literally, for coming here so that we may live our lives abundantly. If you are miserable, if you are dealing with depression or even some other mental / emotional issue, if you are in a desperate place, I STRONGLY advise you to begin knocking on that door! He is FAITHFUL!! Should you seek with all your heart, you will find. If you only knock in an attempt to gain something, your knock is not from the purity of your heart but rather from a stance that derives from the desires of this world and God knows your heart, he cannot be deceived. However, when you arrive on your knees, truly longing for peace joy and love, that door will swing open and you will be welcomed home. I am praying for you.

Father, today I pray for all who are in a desperate place. May they find themselves on their knees. For only when we get on our knees do we find you. What a treasure you are Lord. You are everything. How long we search aimlessly filling our empty lives with false treasures. They bring no lasting pleasure. They are empty, dark, void. They are traps set by the evil one. May eyes begin to open and see these illusions for exactly what they are. May my fellow brothers and sisters who are still asleep begin to awaken. May we be shaken to our very core. May the body of Christ come alive and begin to work smoothly together. Let it start with me Father. I am you loving daughter, your humble servant. I am so excited to begin my journey going where you lead, allowing your spirit to work through me. Help me stay out of the way Father, in Jesus name I pray! Amen.

Wendy, walks with God,

Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

The Voice of Truth

This morning I was pulled from slumber by yet another song. Softly it lulled me awake and soon I began to hear and understand and even sing along with the words themselves:  

"The voice of truth says, 'Do Not Be Afraid' and the voice of truth says, 'This is for my glory' . . . a little bit of instrumental and again the lyrics themselves repeated. 

I looked up the lyrics this morning and found it is a song by Casting Crowns titled "Voice of Truth" Here it is with the lyrics included. 

Pretty powerful song. I shivered with anticipation when I read them all. What am I being prepared for? If it is for His glory, how awesome it must be!! 

Often, throughout my life, I have dealt with the pain of my heart through poetry. This afternoon I found myself writing a poem. I find my poem a bittersweet one as I ask myself the ultimate question, "Was it simply my desire to be loved for who I was that blinded me to the truth I am seeing in reflection where Mike and I are concerned." I must admit the whole thing seems so surreal to me today. With that being said, here is my poem:

How sad it is for me

To look back and see

For much much too long

To me you did not belong

Why did I insist on believing you loved me when your love was so obviously shallow?

Daily I felt and saw the heat of your desire

How often you set my body on fire

But to say you loved me would make me a liar

And for that I simply have no desire

It hurts to finally see the truth.

A really loud bike raced by today

It did not effect me in the same way

Is it because I know you aren't around

That no butterflies danced at the sound?

I think you are losing your hold on me.  

My tears are even beginning to slow. I feel the emotion of my tormenting heartache building, but it is squelched before it overflows into hot streaming tears that cascade down my face as rapidly as a waterfall. 

The voice of truth is speaking to me. I have prayed for clearer vision and ears that are more tuned into the truth. Prayers are answered you know. I would be telling a lie were I to say a small part of me didn't want to make it all stop and rewind to a place and time where I felt that Mike was mine, but my heart already knows the truth. Pretending is no use. Why on earth would I desire the abuse? I think this is why so many women go back even though they know it in doing so they are willfully accepting their own demise.

I am blessed that Mike was removed to such a degree. I see the hold he had over me. To all women who are under bondage by men who claim to know Jesus but are determined to not follow his ways, I share with you a snippet out of 2nd Timothy. This is taken out of my MacArthur study bible, New American Standard, From the book of 2nd Timothy, Chapter 3, verses 1-7:

verse 1: But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.

verse 2: For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to  parents, ungrateful, unholy,

verse 3: unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,

verse 4: treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 

verse 5: holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.

verse 6: For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses,

verse 7: always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of truth.

I can not begin to admit how deeply these verses moved me. I heard them yesterday while tuned into Moody radio. You see, I was a woman weighed down with sins that were led on by my past impulses. It is true that Mike spoke to me about God and I felt he was an answer to a distant prayer. A very small part of me longs to not receive the truth for in receiving it is like putting a final period at the end of our story. However, the part of me that has her eyes wide open cannot deny it's truth. I begin to cry a little as I know my angels prepared me to be strong today as more and more truth is revealed to me. Do not be afraid they have sung. 

I know there is joy to be found in every situation in every day. I make it my goal to discover it like hidden treasure come what may. I found much encouragement in God's word as I continued to read 2nd Timothy, chapter 3. Jump ahead with me to verses 10-17:

verse 10: Now you followed my teaching, conduct, purpose, faith, patience, love, perseverance,

verse 11: persecutions, and sufferings, such as happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium and at Lystra; what persecutions I endured, and out of them all the Lord rescued me!

verse 12: Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.

verse 13: But evil men and impostors will proceed from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. 

verse 14: You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them,

verse 15: and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

verse 16: All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; 

verse 17: so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. 

Chapter 4 is about going forth and preaching the word and I can just hear Paul in my head sharing all of this. For it is he that wrote 2nd Timothy. What an inspiration to others he must have been in person for he is an inspiration to me today in written form. Here is a man who started out persecuting all Christians and having them put to death, now being used to inspire countless brothers and sisters in Christ! Just think what God can do in your life should you put your faith in Him! 

That brings me to the song I heard on the radio this morning. As I listened to the words, I was like, "Yes!" 

From Big Daddy Weave, I share with you their song titled, "The Only Name". 

I will continue to keep my ears tuned into the voice of truth. While I understand I may walk many roads without a mate in doing so, I know I am truly never alone. You have always been my loving guide.

Father, I come before you today thanking you for the angels you send to minister to me. How loving of a Father you are to tend to this foolish broken-hearted dis-illusioned child of yours. How much time have I wasted chasing empty promises, precious time that you blessed me with. I often wonder, do you ever shake your head at what we have done with the gift of free will. How easily we are swayed by the father of lies. How evil he truly is. As if any of us need help with committing foolish deeds! I thank you for giving us your word and revealing truth in multiple ways. I am blessed to know you. I am blessed to hear your voice. I am blessed to be your child. How blessed I am Father. I give my life to you. Please help me share with others your glory. Forever your loving daughter, forever your humble servant. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for your grace and mercy. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, walks with God

Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

God is Always Good!

Good morning my friends! Today is marvelously magnificent miraculous Monday. What do you consider to be a miracle? For me just this day and the way I can laugh is a miracle. For you see, a small part of me would prefer to be curled up in a corner crying my eyes out. However, I know that that is what the evil one wants for me. His only purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. His desire is to keep me in bondage in the dark buried in misery. Pardon the pun, but I say "Hell no!" to that!! My God came so I could LIVE life and live that life abundantly! He sent his only son to share with us the message of His NEVER ENDING LOVE and GRACE. His only begotten son, doing no wrong, died on the cross and proclaimed, "It is finished." Who am I to say otherwise. I say to you who are down for whatever reason, recognize misery and worry for what they are: Satan's sad attempt to steal your joy, kill your dreams and destroy your purpose.

God is always good. He gave us free will. Satan uses that knowledge against us. He whispers things to us and tricks us into focusing on things of this world. It is miraculous what happens in your life when you change that focus onto God and His kingdom. All of a sudden what is meant to destroy us, loses it's power. Let me see if I can show some examples here from my own life. God knows I've been through one hell of a thirty day storm. Let me recap it all for those of you who have not been following my blog:

July 31, 2013:  My children and mother were having what seemed at the time a battle of wills. She had made a bad decision and in the process my children were removed from her custody by a sheriff and whisked off to the hospital to be examined thoroughly. LONG STORY!

August 2, 2013:  Mike headed off to Florida as his grandfather was on his death bed and Mike, while not close to his grandfather, felt his mother needed him. He had stated, "I've never heard her cry so hard."

August 4, 2013:  By 5:00 pm, Mike had not been heard from anyone. He was driving to Florida on his motorcycle. The last time I had heard from him, he informed me his tire was showing the metal mesh and he was looking for a tire shop. While he was missing in action, I received a call from the sheriff's office. My heart lurched and my mind immediately thought the call was about Mike. However, it was in regards to my 14 year old. ANOTHER long story!

August 5, 2013: While at court with my 14 year old and her father, my phone rang and I was informed that another report had been filed with the department of children. In the process of trying to put all the pieces of this crazy puzzle together, I discovered a great betrayal committed against me by both my mother and my oldest child. Yelp, you know it, yet another long story!!

August 6, 2013: Mike's grandfather was buried. I removed my children from my mother's care permanently. Mike decided he should be back at home and had me wire him money to get back earlier than he had originally planned on.

August 8, 2013: I took the two children in question regarding the 2nd report filed with the department of children for their criminal forensic interview. We were there for three very long hours. I was informed my mother was going to be arrested when all was said and done. I was also informed that the case worker needed to come visit my home and have a safety meeting there with the children, Mike and I. It was scheduled for August 12th, 2013. I left that meeting there leaning on the strength of God.

August 9, 2013: Mike made it back home VERY early in the morning. However, it was quite obvious he would have rather been back in Florida. I enrolled Michael, Marissa, Marie and Delilah into school. My mother was officially arrested and in the process signed a statement saying I knew everything that she had been doing concerning the punishment of my children. I learned about this via a voice mail left on my phone letting me know the investigation was still ongoing and now I was also being focused on for neglect of my dependents.


August 11, 2013: After getting the house in order for the safety inspection, we headed off to Ohio to participate in Faith Day with the Cincinnati Reds and Mercy Me. We had an extra ticket due to Tia still being incarcerated so I brought along a sister in Christ, who witnessed first hand the old Mike. It crushed my heart to witness it myself. I recognized the complete change of heart in him even before she commented on it herself. Not many have seen this Mike in action and those that have always look at me in amazement. Like I said, I have wanted to be loved for so long, I show a ton of grace just to prove what I read about me wrong. (Much of this is in the blog post 'Better off With God')

August 12, 2013: My caseworker called and rescheduled the appointment to August 19, 2013 due to her own illness.

August 14, 2013: The Fantastic Four headed off for their first day of school and I returned to work with my 3 year old at my side. He works with me every day now.

August 18, 2013: I shared at church what I was going through and requested prayers for myself and my family.

August 19, 2013: The caseworker came to my house to interview my children. She was there for an hour and a half. I learned even more about things that had happened under my mothers care. In the end the caseworker said she was not going to substantiate charges against me for neglect but due to the severity of my case, she would have to have that decision confirmed by her superior and the district superior. Five minutes after our meeting ended, it was verified that Tia was being released from custody.

August 23, 2013: The school children rode the bus to school for the first time this year. Because of our late enrollment a bus stop had not been created for them. I praised God for the timing. Mike had scheduled the family car  to be dropped off for a new front control arm and wheel bearing on the driver side. It was supposed to be finished before the end of the day. This did not happen. Imagine a weekend with more children than will fit in one car. Let's just say Sunday morning we drove the house and the jeep to church

August 26, 2013: I injured myself playing with Jeffrey Thomas. I had picked him up and he managed somehow to shove off of me pulling my shoulder out of place.

August 27, 2013: I awoke to not only arm pain, but neck pain. I scheduled an emergency chiropractor appointment and went in to get my shoulder put back in place and realized just what a mess I was. My neck had muscle spasms galore. He managed to make a little headway. I was still in pain.

August 28, 2013: It was becoming undeniable Mike's heart was in Florida. I awoke to pain. It felt like my neck bone was bruised and my arm was on fire like my muscles had been torn.

August 29, 2013: I had come home to find Mike in a mood after bible study and I had had it. In a fit of righteous anger, I got on my knees and prayed, "Dear Lord, either Convict Mike or Remove him from my life. In Jesus name I pray. Amen."

August 30, 2013: I found my Great Banquet Cross Necklace in the process of helping Mike find a sweater. I also had an add for an apartment complex flip on my desk and decided to take it as a sign. I called and reserved myself a 3 bedroom apartment. They thought one would open up in either December or January.  Department of children called to say they were filing their official report and only needed to hear from Mike before they signed off. He of course had left his phone at home but when he got in he called. No one was answering the phones so he left a voice mail saying in a gist, I was told to call, this is my call. As far as I know they never called him again. By nightfall I was in a lot of pain. Typing had not helped my back / shoulder / neck muscles. Mike told me I needed to tighten up.

August 31, 2013: I took the children to play McDonalds and then to the water park. Mike took his defensive driving course. I was waiting for him to finish thinking he'd call me and we'd go have an early dinner together and then I would do laundry. Instead, he sent me a text and took himself out to Broadripple to eat lunch by himself. I was miffed to say the least. The children and I went out to eat alone. Mike called while we were out and informed me he was finally on his way home. The plan was for me to drop off the children and go do laundry by myself. I ended up doing laundry with all the children. I was in immense pain by the time I got home. Mike had promised me a massage when I sent him a text letting him know I was on my way, but ended up yelling at me over some essential oils and the fact that I was not interested in experimenting with them until I took my class with the friend that had introduced the company to me. After that I shared with Mike exactly where I stood.

September 1, 2013: Mike was in one of his moods and decided he was not going to go to church with us. We went without him and then went to the annual cookout with a very good friend of mine. Mike checked on us once around 6pm. I'm sure his only reason for calling was just to get a feel for when I might be home. Amazingly enough my neck began to feel better as the day progressed. The day before it hurt just to hold my head up!

September 2, 2013: The big blow up happened. I left Mike. I was homeless and without transportation due to a broken down car that was running fine just prior to the blow up. This is again another long story and all in my blog.

September 3, 2013: I had my car towed into the mechanic and received the news of what was wrong. (Long story and yes, in the blog.)

September 4, 2013: Mike decided he was going to leave the house with me and move to Florida on Friday. My car was fixed at an amazing low low price. (I also blogged on these blessings)

September 6, 2013: Mike said goodbye when he collected his last paycheck and packed up his Jeep, hooked up his trailer and loaded up his jet ski. He went out to where the rest of our stuff was to finish loading the rest of his belongings, including his motorcycle.

September 7, 2013: Mike went to the Chicago Cubs game with his mother.

September 8, 2013: Somehow Mike had discovered we were at the hotel and he along with his mother showed up after midnight at the hotel I was staying at for the night and surprised everyone at breakfast. He gave me $150 to cover child support for the week. He promised to send me a letter with money every week. He informed me he'd be back in January to ask me to marry him and we parted ways. Me, off to church and him off to Florida. After church I took the children to the store and we bought a wading pool with a slide, a slippy slide that ended in another wading pool, a little air compressor and a 75' foot no kink hose like the one that had burned in the fire pit four years prior. Who'd think a simple hose could cause so many emotions! I think greater understanding regarding why a hose could cause one to cry can be found in the blog "Saved by an Army of Angels". After we set up the pools, I went inside the house and rearranged the furniture and closets.

September 9, 2013: My first day at work knowing I will not be seeing Mike walk through my door anytime soon. I am filled with peace and great sadness all at the same time.

I am here to tell you, this last month would have left someone without belief in shambles. Destroyed. It is my shield of faith, my helmet of salvation, and very much so, prayer that kept me standing. If you don't recognize these articles of clothing, I highly recommend you check out the book of Ephesians!

So, I was looking at my phone the other day, and I was going to delete all my texts back and forth with Mike. I cracked up when I read the oldest text I had sent him. This one from August 4th. I had sent it to him in hopes that he would give me a call. If you have read my blog post 'Suckerpunched' you know about much of this, but I neglected to share the text I had sent him in hopes of getting him to call me before the one I sent asking if he was going to call soon as I was getting ready for bed. I sent it with this picture of the children. I laughed so hard because it happened to be in a somewhat of a poetic form. Cracks me up to see myself in the rear view mirror. Turns out, with Jesus as my guide, I'm turning out to be pretty funny! Here is the picture and text I sent him:

School starts weds.

They got new doos

and new shoes 

and an outfit our two.

Would have gotten a little more

but the police called me while I was in the store. . . 

You could say it's been a fun day

all but you missing and Tia hauled away. 

Seems she ran away from her dad. 

He called the cops on her ... yelp pretty bad.

My point here is simply this. Life happens. Some of it is awesome but a lot of it is filled with the chaos of this world. God does not long for you to focus on all of that junk. He wants you to focus on Him. Read His word. It is full of advice and warnings. Arm yourself. You are in a spiritual battle. Good and evil exist. Within yourself, if you are a believer, you will hear the voice of righteousness guiding you and convicting you when you drift from the narrow road. If you are not a believer, I pray you are simply lost or misinformed, my prayer for you is that you find your way home. To all believers who are being fed the lie that you are no longer worthy of grace or mercy, those of you who believe you have gone to far to ever come back home, read my story. I highly doubt you could be any worse of a sinner than I was. Sin is sin. Today I am a holy redeemed saint. I am a light of hope for others. I am doing my Father's will. He called me to share my life, my story with all who care to read it. I am inspired by much of what I have written and I lived it all! Please, if you are down and depressed or filled with worry, I encourage you to go back to my first post and read my story. I add to it monthly. I think perhaps with less chaos in my life, I will begin to add to it more and more often. There is still so much left to share. May God bless you.

Father, today I come to you with such joy. How clever you are. How blessed I am. Never in a million years could I have put together all you have sown in my life. Thank you for loving me so. In the midst of this brutal storm I felt you by my side. Thank you so much for the artists that sing your praises for the lyrics helped to encourage me through my tears. Songs like, "Whom Shall I Fear" and "Overcomer" just to name two of them! Thank you also for allowing me to see an angel as a child. Thank you for her message. I have clung to that truth more times than you know. Ha as if you don't know! Silly me. I love you Father. Please use me however you like. I am forever your loving daughter, your humble servant. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Here is the song I was led to share with this post. Pretty awesome. I am a lyric girl so of course they are included with this video! Enjoy!

Wendy, walks with God, mom of many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Better Off With God!

Super Silly Sing Song Saturday. I have been listening to a lot of songs today. I drove around aimlessly as I waited for my hotel room to open up for the night. Mike and his mom went to Chicago to watch a Cubs game so I know they will be coming through Indiana again to grab his jeep on the way back to Florida.

It breaks my heart that he is going to truly be removed from my life. I know it was the second part of my prayer to have him removed should he not be open to becoming a man after God's heart, but seeing him so at peace about leaving me and his children behind and going on with his life hurts so badly it is all I can do to not fall apart.

In the process of singing with the songs on K-Love earlier, as tears streamed down my face off and on, I heard the greatest song. It is by Sanctus Real. Here is the link to the you tube video I managed to find of it.

I decided to get a hotel room tonight so I could have a place to crash on a real bed and honestly so I could also have a place to lay down where I can finally cry my eyes out. I am human after all. I devoted almost 10 years of my life to loving this man that I once fooled myself into thinking was mine. I watch our children play and I just don't get how he couldn't love our life. It is painful to say the least. I would love to go home and sleep in my own bed, but I am afraid to stay at our home until I know he is not going to be coming back for good. I need to stay strong. He called me last night and asked if I would come spend the night with him. I told him no. I have had countless people come forward and comment how light cannot be with dark. I had several women friends share with me that they knew I was not supposed to be with Mike but mentioned they could not tell me for that type of truth one has to discover for themselves for it to be truly received. Deep inside I have known it for a while. I am stubborn. I thought with enough prayer God would intervene. Sadly there is this crazy thing God granted us with. Free Will. Mike has his own free will and it currently has no desire to listen to God's word.

I have also received messages praising me for my faith. Please know I am just a girl after God's heart. The more I learned about His Word, the more I longed to follow Jesus, the more my eyes were opened to the life I was living with Mike. It was out of a righteous anger that I spouted off my prayer late Thursday night before I went to bed. My grandma always told me, "Be careful what you ask for, you just may get it." Boy did I ever get it. I know this is right. I belong to Christ. I am His. Like this song explains, "Whatever You're doing inside of me, It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace." I would type all the words within this blog for they all hit so right on. It's as close as I can put my feelings into words. I don't think I have ever heard this song before today. I was surprised to see it was uploaded onto YouTube three years ago. 

I am ready for God to open up my world. There is a peace in knowing that Mike is not going to show up with his negativity. In the same breath my heart lurches for I know I will not be with Mike again and that fact hits my heart with such a force it takes my very breath away. How can it hurt so bad to know he will move on as if I never mattered. I guess that is my flesh. For my heart tells me in closing this door I am about to have my world open up in ways only the deepest recesses of my heart have been allowed to desire. I have always longed to be a servant of the Lord. I have always wanted to enhance the lives of others. I have always longed to be a ray of sunshine in the dark corners of the world for others to see. God must know this about me for it says he knows all of your heart. If it is true that the righteous will have the desires of their hearts I can only imagine how blessed my life is about to become. Better than anything I could have ever dreamed up. That is what I am trying to keep my focus on. Peace, Hope, Faith, Joy and Love. 

I had this back flash hit me yesterday as I was in the office. It was a memory from two decades ago of me reading a very detailed horoscope book. In a gist my horoscope claimed I would be better off alone as I was difficult to please, love and live with. It claimed I demanded too much out of a partner and few would be able to withstand me. It recommended I stay alone and never marry!

I realized yesterday that there was truth to what that book claimed but there was also a very big lie with it. This book was put together without God's word. It is another reason one should not dally in such things. The lies stick with you for decades. You see, I have come to understand that I may be difficult for those who are separated from God to love but those that live in his truth will always find me lovable enough. The sad thing is there are less and less men interested in being followers of Christ. The majority that are, are already taken. I feel I will be without a human partner for the rest of my life and I am okay with that now. I have given my life to Christ. I belong to him. He is sufficient. He loves me the way I deserve to be loved. The way I have longed to be loved all this time. I have spent so many wasted years showing man after man after man the love I have to offer only to have it be unappreciated almost as if it were unseen. I know with my desire to be loved, I have gone to lengths other partners would refuse to. I felt I had to, being so unlovable. I spent countless years of my life wondering what it was about me that made me so unlovable. Now I know, it is not me, it is the broken empty men that have been thrown into my path to keep me from fulfilling my purpose. My fellow brothers and sisters in Christ love me. God loves me. Jesus loves me. That will have to suffice for I have no desire to devote another minute to another male partner that needs a ray of hope. I will forever show them the love of Christ but nothing more. I will not be snared in a trap again. I will not be waylayed from God's promises ever again. My horoscope may have claimed I was better off alone but today I know I am better off with God!

Father, I do feel as if a tornado is whipping around inside of me. How is it possible to be at peace and feel like my heart is being crushed in the same breath. It is absolute chaos and I ask you to remove the pain. Take away this ache for I know it is aching for what never was. It is aching over the loss of time. It is aching due to being fooled for I have been a most foolish girl thinking I could fill the hole in my heart with a man. Only you can give me my hearts desires of my heart. I am tired of keeping busy trying to keep a man. Fill my life so full of your work that I have no desire to be sidetracked. Keep my focus on you Lord. Keep my hands busy and fill my life with work. Use me for what you created me for. I am ready Father. I am your humble servant. Prepare me for all you have for me. Reveal it. Put me to it. Please do not allow me to be idle. Thank you for removing the obstacles that satan has attempted to use to steal my joy, kill my dreams and destroy my purpose. Thank you for always having me. Thank you for my beautiful babies. I am so sorry I stumbled in my faith and did not accept three of those blessings. I have often wondered would I already have been fulfilling my purpose had I just trusted in you all along. Thank you Father for never giving up on me like I gave up on you. I wish I had known about your word in my younger years. I am blessed to have been enlightened now. Thank you for not allowing me to continue to wander in the dark. While I hurt today, I trust it will not last long. I love you Father. Thank you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, walks with God

Mom of Many 

© Wendy Glidden 2013