Do You Feel Like You Are Missing Something in Life?

Wild Wacky Wonderful Wednesday What Whimsical Wonders Will you bring my way today?! I awoke this morning to an extra child in my bed. Delightful Delilah is under the weather. Currently her and Jeffrey are laying down in the other room watching a movie. Somehow last night I managed to help everyone with their homework, reading and book reports. Yes. Book reports in the second grade. I don't know who school is more stressful on the children or me! It is tough to squeeze in quality time in three hours after work when you have to help with homework, have 3 children read books to you, serve dinner, clean up, make sure everyone takes a shower and put them all to bed after a 9 hour work day with a 3 year old assistant for the entire day and 4 additional helpers for the last hour and a half! I have also implemented a workout routine into my day that I do at night after all of that! It's crazy, it's hectic but I am finally getting into the full swing of it. Or at least I think I am. This morning I discovered one child's homework was not successfully packed away into her folder and it is now sitting on my desk. It will be late. I have no help today so taking it up to school to save the day like a super hero mom is just not going to happen. Life. It is what it is. Thank God I know I am not perfect or something as small as that might put me right over the edge!

Last night I went to my monthly meeting with mom's who are seeking God's heart, so dinner was already prepared for us. I have been getting more and more back into the mentality of a more organized mom. I have turned Sunday into my prepare for the week ahead day. I make sure we have enough folded socks in each drawer. I reorganize drawers and closets as well as shoe and coat bins. The most awesome thing I do to make the week easier is I prep the meals we are going to have for the week. I purchased a little mini oven and have it in my back office. Now at 4:30 pm I take out the meal we decide on that I prepared on Sunday and I throw it in my oven. At Five when I get off work, dinner is done! This simple little change in the way I do things gained me an hour of meal time each day of the week. There are countless things on the Internet to help with this. I just simplified it for myself. I brown all the hamburger I will need for my five meals or cook some chicken, then I divide it all up into the daily portions and prepare the individual meals. I let them cool off and then I pack them up and in the freezer they go. Each day I grab what meal the kids vote on and that is what we have for dinner that night. It truly has made a difference in how smoothly things run through the week. If you too are a single mom in the midst of craziness, I encourage you to try this for just one week and see if you find it helpful at all. If you aren't into this style, I would highly suggest working in a crock pot meal or two each week. I did that when I was younger and only had two children and two full time jobs! Like I said, there are countless moms out there that have taken the time to put up websites full of tips just like this but in much much much greater detail. A friend of mine just sent me a link to a great site the other day. Here is the link:  http://lifeasmom.com/2013/10/freezer-cooking-will-save-you-time.html

As I do each weekday morning, I check out what K-Loves encouraging word of the day is. Here is what I found:

Jesus replied, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty  ~ John 6:35, NLT

I am blessed to understand the truth in this. For me, before I came to know Jesus as my Savior, I would have days when I knew I was missing something but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Those are the days I would go shopping looking for that certain something that would somehow simplify my life or bring me a little joy. Sometimes those are the days I would go out to eat because I was looking for something better than what I had in the refrigerator. I think that emptiness we feel is the call to come back home. We just don't have anyone pointing in the right direction. Somehow in our society we have come very far from even mentioning God. Even more so openly talking about Jesus. It's almost still okay to openly discuss your thoughts on God but you have to be schooled on how to approach the whole Jesus subject for fear of how you may be taken. To label yourself as a Christian can get you killed in some places in the world. The united States is not too far from getting a little on the crazy side with the whole same sex issues. When you listen to what the Supreme Court said as far as the opinion one might hold regarding same sex marriage, well, it just sends chills down your spine. His basically said if you have a problem with same sex marriage, you are an enemy of the human race. An enemy of the race! That is a bit scary. I mean let's really get down to this whole issue of what is labeled as sin in the bible and take it to it's most extreme basic idea. We are even warned to not get angry. Allow me to share with you Matthew Chapter 5, verses 21-22:

verse 21: "You have heard that the ancients were told, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.'

verse 22: But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'You good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.

So, if I warn others that getting angry is a gateway to hell, pardon the pun, am I too an enemy of the human race? I beg everyone, please let us not use the word of God and twist it into a court battle. It is the word of God for crying out loud. How can mere men pass judgement upon it? Why on earth would they believe they are so grandiose? It truly baffles me. I believe that mindset is the work of the evil one, Satan, the father of Lies. By following Christ and walking the narrow path we are in a way helping ourselves stay out of the clutches of the evil one. Think of the bible as a safety manual set up to help you walk through this life with as little theft as possible. Remember the evil one's purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. God wants you to live life and live it abundantly. Jesus came to complete the law and He did just that. This is the message of Grace. God, His Son, His word, it is not something for us to debate over. It is just what it is. It is meant to encourage us not to tear us apart. The evil one is the one that gets in your ear and bends it saying you can not believe in this Most High God for you are '_____' whatever he has labeled you. You must remember he is the father of lies. Protect yourself daily with the proper attire. Trust me what ever really is sin will begin to not feel right to you. You will be convicted by the voice of righteousness that reminds you that you are a holy redeemed saint, you are a child of God and you just simply will begin to know and recognize when you are walking in the flesh. You will begin to mature spiritually. It will happen. However if you put up walls and say that is not for me because I prefer this, well, in the flesh you will continue to walk until you take those walls down. It is a choice. You can talk Gospel and truth to a non believer until you are blue in the face and as it says in the bible, they are blind and deaf to it. It just does not penetrate. All you can do is pray for that person. That way when and if they should seek, others have already intervened on their behalf and it is my belief that they can instantly be 'blinded by the light' so to say. People really can and do change. When they become believers and followers of Christ, they simply become a new creation. You will witness their fruit. It becomes undeniable that they indeed are different. 

Like I said, it is wild Wednesday and I never know what the day will bring. We never do. One of my favorite things (laughing because there are too many favorites to count) is when God suggests that today has enough trouble of it's own so don't fret about tomorrow. Stay in the moment. Great advice. Today I encourage you to stay in the moment. Enjoy life. Seek God. Read a bit out of his word. Get hungry for it. It truly will pump you up and fuel your days and sustain you through the rough times. 

Father, today I pray more and more of us realize what that emptiness inside of them is. A call to come home. I pray that we begin to shake off this slumber and wake up fully. May we crave your word Father and thirst for your direction. Oh Father what a glorious Life we would all live were we to invite you into our lives. I know all you have done for me even when I had walls up Father and you amaze me. I understand the footprints picture even more today. Thank you for carrying me so many times. I am thankful that I have sought you for you are Faithful. It is true. All your promises are true. May countless brothers and sisters seek you Father. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Wendy, walks with God,

Mom of Many

© Wendy Glidden 2013

Saying Goodbye To Amanda Rose Glidden

My last blog titled "The Only Baby I Ever Planned" ended  with me having a meeting with my first choice when it came to the parents that would raise my baby. This was the last paragraph of that blog:     

                My baby's adoptive mom looked at me and asked if I knew the gender and I told

                her no. She confided she would love a little girl but would be just as thrilled with

                a little boy. She was beaming as if she were carrying my child inside of her. She

                next asked if I'd be okay with her touching my stomach and I said she could. My

                baby moved and she got to feel it. Her eyes filled with tears and she said, "Thank

                You" in the most sincerely loving way a human being could say to another human

                 being.

I only remember attempting to smile at her. What she said next, I was not expecting. She leaned in a little closer almost as if it was a confidential promise, "What ever name you pick will remain the name of your baby." My world rocked. I had not allowed myself to pick names . . . boys or girls. That knowledge sank in. I don't remember how I got to the meeting and I don't remember how I got home. It's all blank. It was late November / Early December. 

I tried to keep my mind off the baby as much as a pregnant woman can. I kept busy. My mom had a paper route . .. . 3 routes actually. All 3 of them were walking routes. Every other day I delivered the papers. It was part of my family duty. I enjoyed it. Fresh air. Exercise. I kept my mind focused on apartment buildings and who in each building got the paper. On Sundays we did the route together. It was good. One of the few times in my life up to now that my mom and I got along. 

My original due date was March 6th, my birthday. They moved it back to March 24th. I arranged for Jeff, Cassy and William's father, to take the children the weekend before my due date. I told him I would need him and his mom to keep them for 3 weeks. I woke up in labor on April 3, 1991, right in time for the paper route to be delivered. My mom checked my contractions and they were over seven minutes apart. My mom went to deliver the papers and I called Lena to have her come sit with me.

By the time Mom got back from delivering papers it was time to head to the hospital. We got there and checked in. I was settled into a delivery room. A nurse came in and asked if I wanted an epidural. I said I did as I wanted to feel NOTHING. She assured me I'd be able to push but I wouldn't feel pain.I was asked if I wanted to hold the baby after it was born. I said no. I was too afraid to do that.  I don't remember much about what we talked about while we waited. I remember someone coming in and checking on my progress and she popped my water. She stated that would speed things up and my mom said, "Boy will it ever". When she walked toward the door, my mom questioned, "Where are you going?" She informed my mother I was at least an hour away from delivering and she walked out of the room. Not even ten minutes later my mom ran out into the hallway to announce that the baby was coming and we needed assistance. As often has happened when I deliver things are not in order and it gets pretty crazy. In no time flat I gave birth to a 9lb 6oz baby girl. The doctor held up my baby and announced, "We have a baby girl."

I was taken clear on the other side of the hospital as I had requested not to be in the maternity ward. Lena came with me. When my nurse came to check on me, I asked if it was okay if I walked around. She said if you feel up to it but be careful. I said I would. When she left, I looked at Lena and said, "I can't stand it. You want to go see her?" Of course Lena did. We went out of my room smiled at the girls at the desk went around the corner and into the elevator. We went down and then across to the maternity ward through a tunnel. I would say it's a REALLY good Walk! The nurse in the nursery was just getting ready to feed her and she asked if I would like to feed her. I could not stop myself. I had to hold her. I fed her, I admired her, I sang to her, I breathed in her newborn sent. Every fiber of my being wanted to keep her in my arms. Right then I looked up and my nurse was looking at me through the glass motioning me to come out. She greeted me with a wheel chair and said, "Child when I said you could walk around, I did not mean for you to take a mile hike. You could bleed to death. We need to check on you come on. I gave Amanda back to the nursery nurse and climbed in the chair. 

I went back again and again to hold her and feed her. I thought long and hard about what to name her. I always loved the name Amanda and hadn't picked that before because Jeff's sister already had an Amanda. For her middle name I decided on Rose. It was my Grandmother's first name and I thought that she was as beautiful as a rose. I filled out her birth certificate and filled out the final paperwork numbly. I was informed they had received Bruce's sign off. I knew that they had found him for he called me only one other time than the time to tell me goodbye. He wanted to know if the adoption papers were the real deal or if I was trapping him into paying child support. I told him I was giving the baby up the papers were not a trick. I was shocked they had found him then but not when they told me he had signed off. 

I was released 24 hours before Amanda. I came back to hold her. I had kept my bracelet on. When I went back the second time thinking I would be able to give her one last feeding, I was informed I had just missed her by fifteen minutes. I fell apart. I am a complete utter mess as I type. I must end here for I feel as if my chest is going to explode out of my chest from such fierce pain. 

Today I pray for all birth moms whose hearts ache. May our baby's know we loved them. May they never doubt that. May we feel at peace with our decisions. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Wendy, 

Mom of many