My Scarlet Letter

The battle between Chris and I had not gone according to plan. The only thing I had accomplished was turning her into a meaner prison guard. Not only had I proven her right by losing my virginity, I had gone a step further and shown her I was capable of doing dark deeds.

That summer was brutal working for Chris. The only highlight to each day was that I got to talk with Debbie, Bill's wife. Chris disliked her as much if not more than she disliked me. It was her pure dislike of the both of us that brought Debbie and I closer. We had a lot of fun laughing together. She was the only person on earth that could understand the cruelty of Chris completely. One of my favorite Debbie moments would have to be the day I was in charge of 3 gigantic burn piles. I wanted to add some highlights to my hair but doing so was OUT of the question! I had managed to purchase a bottle of this stuff called "Sun In". The gist was it worked on heat and sun. I had sprayed some into my hair that morning and then blew my hair dry. I didn't notice any difference. You could say I was not a believer in the whole works on heat thing . . . yet. I went out and met my father in the yard. He gave me a quick lesson regarding the fires he was setting and how I was to keep them from growing out of control. I worked those fires for hours. It was a hot day and being in the midst of fire piles made it VERY hot. I found myself mesmerized by fire. It seemed alive to me. The way it moved. The crazy way it jumped. I could even hear it breath. I'm sure a fire fighter would agree a fire is just shy of a living entity. It's scary amazing. Anyway, I finally had them down to ash piles and I was more than ready for some lunch. I went into the office and Debbie exclaimed, "What did you do to your hair?!" I was a little confused. I replied, "I sprayed some "Sun In" in it this morning but I didn't see a difference." She couldn't even talk anymore. She managed to say the word Mirror and pointed to the bathroom. I ran. She looked so shocked. I was a little frightened. As soon as I saw myself I screamed. My hair literally looked like a fire itself without any blues of course . . . perhaps you could say my hair resembled a lions mane! I never used "Sun In" again! Oh the scene at the dinner table that night was priceless!
I developed way too fast as a child. My nick name was weed because I would grow in spurts. By the time I made it to the 6th grade I had the body of a woman. Personally I have never been comfortable with my chest. It has seemed to be a curse. In the 6th grade I basically went to bed not needing a bra and by morning my mother had to take me shopping for one. It was so bad I couldn't go to school that day without one. As if that wouldn't be horrible enough had it happened to you, I was called down to the Principal's office that next day. It turns out adults aren't too into instant boobs either! I was told it was unacceptable to stuff one's bra. Let's just say it was one of my first want to ball up and die moments. My nickname was Dolly Parton and Chesty for the remaining year.

I did get a little chunkolicious my freshman year but that weight seemed to drop off over the summer. By the time school was getting ready to start I had slimmed down a lot. Chris was taking me to purchase my school clothes. My clothing budget was less than my brothers. He earned more because he worked out in the field with my father and always had overtime! Since I was obviously a slut who could not be trusted, Chris had decided my clothes should be very lose as not to outline my body. I had to purchase pants that were a size too big and wear them with a belt. It was so ridiculous that if I took my belt off some of my pants would fall right off my hips without even being unbuttoned! The irony was not lost on me.

I could have told her I wasn't interested in sex until I was blue in the face. She would Not have believed me. I was already labeled a liar so what I had to say held no value. I hated my wardrobe and I was not thrilled with my life. Around the first month of school being back in session, I made a failed attempt to end my life. All I ended up doing was sleeping off my abundance of swallowed pills.


I had a pretty tough schedule my sophomore year. All college prep classes. No study hall allowed. Chris was not into idle time at all! She had signed me up for speech class. I was the only sophomore in a class of juniors and seniors. I was terrified. The mere thought of standing in front of these strangers and giving a speech had me trembling so bad I can't even explain it. I did not concur that phobia until 10 years later! Anyway, I decided to take myself out of the class. I forged my father's signature on the withdraw fail form. When my report card came I was in more trouble than I care to go into. The good news is the school had to take the withdraw failure off my record and that move was enforced by Chris. The school never stood a chance with her arguing against them. My grade point average was unharmed. Yippee.

Looking back I realize I was not talking to God daily anymore. I knew he was real. That I could not deny. I just no longer believed he was cheering for "Team Wendy". That year I decided I must have missed something with this whole sex thing. There had to be a reason Chris was so convinced I was into it. I decided the next chance I had to explore this painful activity, I would. As it happened I had a few band friends that Chris approved of. One night we all went out. We ended up at a house in Carmel and this is so awful to say because I don't even remember my "boyfriends" name but he was there. Everyone went into separate rooms and I was in a room with this boy. He had a condom so no worries about babies. I was no more thrilled with the result than I was when I had performed the deed with Danny Joe. Adults, I decided, were crazy. Who in their right mind actually enjoyed this?! The one good thing that had come out of my giving myself to this guy was I received an invite to the Carmel prom. Of course Chris would not let me attend that! Proms produce babies you know! She informed me I would have time to go to a prom my Junior and Senior year. I was much too young to go to one my Sophomore year. Needless to say, my guy was forced to pick another girl to take to the prom and shock of all shocks I never heard from him again. I would like to say I was sad over that but honestly I was not. I never had feelings for him. Just curiosity over sex.

Chris and I had battled numerous times over the year. Once over my opinion of a sitcom. Another time over me loaning a hair dryer to Tami in the dead of winter. We had two of them. The one I loaned her shut off after 10 minutes and you had to wait for it to cool down before it would turn back on. Tami had been drying her hair in front of a wood stove so she really needed a hair dryer. She had that hair dryer for 3 weeks when Chris realized it was gone. I was grounded for my deed. I decided Chris was the most selfish person I'd ever met in my life. One day as summer was fast approaching I asked, "Would you allow me to get a job working somewhere else? I really don't like working for you." By the Grace of God, she conceded. Westfield only had the Dairy Queen back then. I imagine she thought no one would hire me. Unfortunately for her, I was hired! My first real job. She could no longer be in control of my paycheck. Up until my job at Dairy Queen I had never even seen my paychecks!

The craziest thing Chris ever did to me was attempt to get me fired. I showed up for work that evening and my manager Sheila pulled me to the side and informed me that my mother had come in earlier and requested that I be fired for my own good. I was dumbfounded. I didn't even know my mom knew where I was working and why would she want me fired? My head was spinning. I looked at Shelia and said, "My mom, long brown hair?" and I placed my hand at my waist line. Shelia looked completely confused and said, "No, shoulder length and auburn." I was floored. I gasped, "That's not my mom! That's my step-mother!" Shelia said, "Well, I told her we had no reason to fire you. You're the best worker we have." She informed me that Chris was pretty hot when she left.

The next day I called my mom and told her what was going on and begged to come live with her for the summer. I don't know why she caved but she did. Chris was not happy but she did not stop me. I don't think she wanted my dad to know the lengths she had gone to in an attempt to run / ruin my life. I had my mom's car to drive. We had basically the same hours. I would drop her off at work do my shift and go back and wait for her to get off of work and then we'd go home. I was 16 now and decided that perhaps I should look up Danny Joe. I did not want to sleep with a bunch of men. It was bad enough that I had already slept with two of them. So much for saving myself and going through life with only one person. I figured if I wanted to keep that number from growing it would be in my best interest to track down Danny. It took me a couple of hours to find that house again. When I did, it was Danny Joe's sister Tracie that I found. She explained that Danny Joe lived with their mom. She hadn't seen him for a few months but would take me over to her mom's apartment. My heart was pounding so hard on the way over there. I hadn't seen Danny Joe since the day I'd forced him to sleep with me. When we got there Danny wasn't there yet. Tracie introduced me to her mom and the front door opened. In came Danny Joe and another boy who turned out to be one of his step-brothers. Danny Joe was smoking a cigarette. I couldn't believe my eyes. Seeing me standing there, I'm not sure he believed his. He made some snide comment as he walked by me. Something like, "Have you come back around for a boyfriend? That's not how things work. I'm not up for grabs I guess you can have my brother." I told him, "I don't need your help with finding a boyfriend Danny Joe. I'm quite capable of doing that on my own." He went on by and plopped down on the couch. I went into the kitchen with Tracie and her mom. She was fixing us lemonade. I stood at the end of the table glaring at Danny Joe. His mom asked how we knew each other. I said, "We met at a Sunday School class four years ago." His mom seemed surprised. She then informed Tracie that Danny Joe was going to be a dad. I felt the room spin. I don't know how I managed to stay standing. Danny and his brother headed back out after that. I told Tracie I needed to be going soon myself. I explained I had to work a shift that night and I needed to get ready for work. Tracie decided she wanted to hang out with her mom. She walked me out to my car and apologized for her brother. She asked me not to be a stranger. I don't even remember what I said. All I remember was I felt like I had been separated from my body. There was no way I could hang around and watch Danny Joe become a father. That was the last time I ever laid eyes on Danny Joe. It wasn't the last time I thought about him though.

As I drove off I looked up to the heavens and yelled. "Really? Really?" I was so infuriated at the way my life was turning out. I continued on my rant to God. "Danny Joe is having a baby? It's not with me! What about this grand plan you had for me? Hugh? Now I have to find someone else? Do you take great joy in this?"

Again I warn you. Anger is not a wise emotion. It clouds your mind and allows you to do things you would not do under normal circumstances. Anger can turn you into someone you never were. When you feel this emotion taking the wheel in your life, I encourage you to get on your knees and pray.

I must get ready for the day ahead. I can't believe it is already Friday. Soon I will be kicked back enjoying the weekend with my babies. I love the laughter they have filled my life with. Babies are blessings . . . took me a while to fully appreciate that to the fullest! May you have a blessed day my friends.

Wendy, Mom of Many



 

Show Me a Sign!

Chapter 7

Show Me a Sign (Out of the trilogy: You Are Worthy Too: The Proof is in the Pudding!

This actually happened to me on December 26, 2010. It is one of the things God urged me to share again. As his humble servant I have promised to listen to his direction! I hope this true story helps you with your faith!

Boy oh boy do I have a story to share! I am a real believer in not getting into debt. If I don't have the cash, I can't afford it.  So I pay all of my bills in cash. This is why on December 26th, I was walking around with approximately $1300.00 in my wallet. It was all earmarked for bills that I needed to pay and a whopping $240 to play with that my kids and I had received from family for Christmas.

Now you should know in my house we don't put up a tree and do the whole Santa thing. I just really think the whole world has gone a little crazy in the Christmas area. So, we bake a cake and sing happy birthday to Jesus even though we know December 25 is not the day he was born.

I tell my kids that they need to pray to God to for wisdom, protection, and for kinder hearts. I tell them to ask for help when dealing with their brothers and sisters. I tell them they can also ask that He help me find things they have wished for throughout the year. I go to Goodwill's and Thrift stores to shop. With 7 kids in the house, it is honestly the only way I can afford to do anything special at all!

On a short list, I did find a Tonka remote control dump truck for Michael for $4.00 and a Fisher Price Digital Camera for Marissa for a whopping $3.00. I also found a Barbie computer learning game for Marie that was the exact same one her cousin had gotten the year before that Marie LOVED and had asked for about a million times priced at $2.99! For my littlest one and my two-year-old, I found some awesome toys all wonderfully priced. You know God loves his babies! Tia and Travis were just as lucky with items they had asked for. Goodwill is also the greatest place to buy books for kids and since we have what we call library time at night. I wanted some new kid books to read and boy oh boy did I score there!

After breakfast I asked who wanted to help me in the bonus room with laundry and of course everyone offered as they were still on their best behavior knowing that God was watching.

I had spread all the gifts out on the floor and as we walked out the door they were all overwhelmed with joy over the items God had led me to for them. Needless to say for the rest of the morning everyone was wonderful, sharing their toys, reading the books, taking pictures, and driving the dump truck. It was a truly pleasurable morning. I sipped on my coffee and smiled to myself as my kids all thanked God for helping me find what they had wanted.

From there we went to my Grandma's house and then off to my sister's house for the remainder of the day. Worn out and looking forward to a shopping trip to Value World on 52nd and Keystone where I had been blessed enough to score a 50% off coupon for the entire thrift store, the kids and I all fell into our beds and were fast asleep.

The next day around 11:00 AM we were officially on our way to go shopping. I had seen some bird cages at a local goodwill when I had gone shopping prior to Christmas. My Uncle Bob loves birds and I had asked if he’d be interested in these cages. He had said yes so we stopped there first. I grabbed the cages and then saw a high chair that was marked $10 but was also 50% off so I grabbed it.

Mike lost patience while standing in line and left me in the store with 5 children and a full cart along with the high chair.

This was a time in my life where my pain level was off the charts. Mike felt that he was doing me a favor by making me struggle. He claimed it kept me strong.

All I really longed for was him to help out more or for him to be gone. What good is a partner who doesn’t do his part?

Anyway, my back was pretty bad and I was hurting something awful. I paid for our stuff and then fought my way out the store with the children, the highchair, and my cart. Mike was in the van waiting for us.

I was so mad I didn’t trust myself to speak. I loaded the children and the items into the van while Mike watched me struggle. I climbed up into the passenger seat and requested we stop off at home first to unload all of our items.

When we got home he did help carry in the high chair at my request. I stopped him in the garage and said, “Look. I’m really bad today and I don’t want to get angry with you. So, if you can’t be a gentleman today, I’d rather you stay here.”

He looked at me with this blank look. I continued, “Opening that side door on that van kills me. Having you walk off leaving me with everything makes me insanely angry. I don’t want to be angry so if you can’t do this for me today, it would be best for you to not join us.”

He grinned at me and asked me to clarify what I wanted. I said this, “Every movie that you have ever seen where a man treats a lady like a lady, that’s what I need from you today. If you can’t do that then don’t come.”

He assured me he was capable of that. I tried calling Tia and Travis one more time as they were at their Grandmother’s for Christmas morning but they were still not answering the phone. I told Mike I wanted to drive since I knew the best route to go and giving him directions usually ended up with me being upset.

We headed out and had made it to 80th and Keystone when Jeffrey, my youngest child was losing his mind. Mike suggested we pull over and switch drivers so I could tend to Jeffrey Thomas. When I pulled over, I got out and walked around to the side door of the van and waited for Mike to open the door from the inside. All of a sudden the side window rolled down and he yelled, “Are you going to get in or what?”

I can’t even tell you the anger I felt in that moment. It took everything I had in me to get that door opened and then closed. I was so mad I was crying silently. He so didn’t get it! No sooner than I got buckled in, Tia and Travis called. I had Mike head over to Allisonville to go back and get them. Not five minutes into our ride Mike began berating me over the amount of gas we had in the car.

Somehow I managed to calmly say, “Mike if the level of gas is a problem, pull into the next gas station and we can fill up.”

Like most children do, when we pulled up to the pump, they all suddenly needed to go to the bathroom. I unloaded them and told Mike I’d pay inside. Once in the store, I reached into my coat to get my money out. That is when I realized I did not have my wallet on me anymore. I told myself even though I was already beginning to panic, it’s in the console.

I ran to the van and asked Mike if my wallet was in the console. It was not. "What about on the floor." I suggested, "Maybe it fell."

Again he said, "No."

I was sick. Every dime I had was in that wallet. I was crying pretty hard on the inside and praying to God silently to please help me.

I called the Goodwill I had gone to first to see if by chance I had left my wallet there. No. They did not have it but they did take down my number just in case someone found it and turned it in.

When we picked up Tia and Travis I told them the bad news.

Just as we were getting ready to turn around and back track our steps, my phone rang. Now, bear in mind, my cell number is listed on our voice mail message at work just encase someone needs something after hours so I was not sure who was calling. Even though the last thing in the world I wanted to do was talk about was fence, I answered my phone trying not to let on to the fact that I was crying. "Hello." I said as calmly as I could muster.

The voice on the other end asked if they could talk to Wendy.

I wasn't sure I could pull off a long conversation at the moment without giving away the fact that I was crying so I asked who was calling.

They said, "Well I am someone who might have found something she has lost."

I replied, "Oh my! Did you find my wallet!"

She said, "Yes and I can’t wait to meet you.”

We arranged a place to meet and described our cars to each other. (It turns out I had actually lost the wallet when we had pulled over into an apartment complex on 80th street between Keystone Ave & Dean Rd to switch drivers so I could calm down the baby.)

When we arrived, I got out of the van. The most beautiful woman I had ever seen was standing there to greet me. She took my hands and said, "I have to bear witness to you."

She proceeded to tell me the unusual journey she had taken, completely out of her way, but led in that path by God's voice when she came upon my wallet. This angel of God had to look me up on the Internet and she found me through Glidden Fence!

The most amazing thing to me, is she gave me a direct answer to a prayer. There is NO way she could have known what I had been asking God for over the last six months. She told me as if it were no big deal, "Oh, God told me to tell you that you are one of his favorite people and to let you know not to worry, he has heard you. In me returning your wallet, you have your answer to your prayer."

Now, to many of you that most likely is vague, but to me, she was right. That message did answer my prayer. I could not have asked for a bigger sign. Just so you know, my prayer for the last six months had been. “God, I have failed at this relationship thing so many times. I have 5 children with Mike. I want these children to grow up with their father in their lives but I'm not sure I can continue with him. I need a sign. If I leave Mike will I be able to make it financially on my own?”

So, to all of those of you, who have questioned whether God is with us or not, I assure you He most definitely is!

Wendy, Mom of Many

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Daily Bread

Friday I had lunch with some friends. We ended up on the discussion of God, his name and whether or not he would have an organization in place here on earth. More times than I can count God is called Father. Our Father, My father . . . Father. We have talked about this before . . . the fact that I think we all seek to know our earthly fathers due to the inner need to be close to "Our Father".

I was given an assignment by my friends to do and I have not done it yet. I did however read some of the gospels. In all 4 gospels God is called by some form of the name Father. When telling others how to pray, we are told to begin our prayer in this way, "Our Father".

With that in mind I say to you just like our earthly mothers and fathers have names that other's call them, God has a formal name as well. He told Moses his name was I AM. I would like you to not get wrapped up in his name. It is his word he wants you to know.

In the Gospels there is a prayer that I learned in Catholic school. Jesus is the one who warned that God already knows our needs before we even need them. He warned us not to go on and on with bravado prayers meant to impress the crowds. He suggested we keep it simple. I did not know that it originated from the Gospels. I think we called it the Lord's Prayer in school. I think it should have been called either "Daily Bread" or "A Prayer to Our Father" Anyway for those of you who are not familiar with this prayer here is a recap:

Our Father in Heaven,

May your name be kept Holy

May your kingdom come soon

May Your Will be done

On Earth as it is in Heaven!

Give us this day Our Daily Bread

And Forgive us our Sins (Trespasses)

As We Forgive those who sin (Trespass) against Us!

And Lead us from temptation

and deliver us from evil.

Amen

I would like to point out here that Jesus had us start our prayer to Our Father. Then he went on to say may your name be kept holy. This is where the whole what is his name comes from I think. There are those who believe that since they bear witness in the name of Jehova they are the chosen ones. If you are counting on your "religion" to save you my heart breaks for you. "Religion" is something you are warned to avoid the trap of. It is my belief it is the word "Father" that should have been kept holy. Look at how much impact an Earthly father has on his family. When someone takes on the role of Father they should embrace that title and keep it Holy. When a "father" does otherwise he has not done his part in sanctifying that Holy Title. I think the devil must laugh a mighty laugh seeing what we have turned this prayer in to. . . nothing more than meaningless words when chanted as a group. It is a prayer that is meant to be said from the heart not out of the mouth. It is the prayer you say when you are in desperate need and a loss for words. It's how you pray when you want the Father to know that you long for His will but you are in need of relief.

What do you think of when the prayer continues on and comes to the line, "Give us this day our daily bread?" Do you conjure the picture of a piece of bread? If so do you picture yourself eating it? If you don't, don't laugh at those that do. For many think that passage is a reference to food. It is really a reference to your daily dose of scripture. Every day, I urge you to pick up your bible and digest a little bread. It will set the tone of your day. You need to stay in the New Testament part of the bible for now. Many footnotes are made referencing Scripture from the Old Testament. Feel free do a chapter justice and look up those footnotes. Many times I read the entire chapter that a certain verse is in because it gives a wider picture. Honestly it does not matter what you do, just do it. Carry your Holy Bible with you wherever you go. You never know when you may have even 10 minutes to crack it open. Psalms is in the old testament but think of it more like poems that were written in the old days. They are praises that were sung to Our Father. Never hurts to sing praises!

I am trying to decide if I am supposed to break off another blog entitled Daily Bread and do little posts regarding what I've read. If I am meant to I trust that God will make that known! I'm exhausted so . . . have a great night everyone!

Wendy, Mom of Many



Copyright © 2013 [ Wendy L Glidden ] All Rights Reserved.

Why your Life Depends on Knowing Scripture!

While the Holy Bible is God's Word to us it is also your shield (your bullet proof vest so to say). I ask you this, "Isn't it easier to accomplish something when you have all the right tools?" Of course it is! Who would go into battle without dressing for it? Only a Fool would I proclaim. If you are not a fool, I suggest if you don't have a bible, you find yourself a copy of The Holy Bible you like. If you are not aware, Goodwill will allow you to have one Holy Bible for Free!

Have you ever read the story regarding Jesus in the desert when the Devil came to tempt him? If not, I invite you to take a trip in time with me . . . If you have your Holy Bible on Hand I encourage you to open to Luke, Chapter 4

This is how my New Living Translation 2nd Addition reads:

Jesus was about thirty years old when he began his public ministry. Prior to him beginning his ministry, he was baptized like many others by John the Baptist. That happened in the Jordan River. As he was praying, the heavens opened and the Holy Spirit Descended on him like a dove. A voice from heaven said, "You are my beloved son and you bring me great joy." Then Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit returned from the Jordan River. He was led by the Spirit in the wilderness where he was tempted by the devil for forty days! Jesus ate nothing all that time and became very hungry.

Then the devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become a loaf of bread."

Jesus replied, "NO! The Scriptures say, 'People do not live by bread alone.'*"

Then the devil took him up and revealed to him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. "I will give you the Glory of These Kingdoms and Authority over them," Because they are Mine to Give to anyone I please. I will give it all to you if you will worship me."

Jesus replied, "The Scriptures say, 'You Must worship the Lord Your God and serve ONLY him.'**"

Then the devil took him to Jerusalem, to the highest point of the Temple, and said, "If you are the Son of God jump off! For the scriptures say, "He will order his Angels to protect and guard you. They will hold you up with their hands so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone.'***"

Jesus responded, "The Scriptures also say, 'You must not test the Lord your God.'****"

After this the devil left him until the next opportunity came.

Things that I took from this:

1. The devil knows Scripture . . . he can even quote it!

2. Jesus used Scripture to Defeat the Devil!

3. The Devil made mention that He was the one in charge of 'the Glory of These Kingdoms'

If Jesus used Scripture on the devil to defeat him what makes you think you can defend yourself without it? The short and simple answer is, "You can't!" Reading the word is a VITAL part of your armor! Without it you might as well waltz into battle without so much as a shirt!

Jesus did not use long speeches against the devil. Short and sweet Scripture alone did the trick. Funny enough the devil quotes a longer Scripture than Jesus did trying to trick Jesus!

Also, most interesting to me is the fact that in this passage the Devil admits that he has the 'Glory of These Kingdoms AND Authority over them'. To me he slipped there . . . what he basically did in this passage is take credit for things that happen here on earth. I say to you the Devil has Authority over these Kingdoms (those our ancestors lived through and the one we are living through today. It is not until Jesus returns that God is in charge of all that goes on in this world. God has the power to heal your heart. Your flesh . . . that's simply not the same.  The devil is in charge of that! Next time I suggest you give evil the credit where evil things are concerned! I look forward to the end of the world as we know it. We are so far from where we started. I don't know about you but I'd love to live in the Garden of Eden!

The Reference to the Quotes from Scripture

 *  Jesus is referencing Deuteronomy. This Book was written by Moses! I'm going to start in Chapter 8 verse 2 as it is written in the Holy Bible I have credited above and I will end at Chapter 8 verse 6: Remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness for these 40 years, humbling you, testing you to prove your character and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands. Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live on bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. For all these forty years your clothes didn't wear out, and your feet didn't blister or swell. Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good. So obey the commands of the Lord your God by walking in his ways and fearing him.'

**  Again Jesus is referencing Deuteronomy written by Moses: I am going to start in Chapter 6 verse 13: 'You must fear the Lord your God and serve him. When you take an oath, you must use only his name.'

Meaning (pardon the pun) No way in HELL are you supposed to worship FALSE idols! That would include the devil, actors, musical stars, athletes . . . they are meant to take your attention! Focusing on these false idols is not a wise investment of your time.

*** The book of Psalms Chapter / Song / Poem 91 is where the devil went to for his quote from Scripture. In it's entirety, It reads like this from my copy: 'Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God and I trust Him. For He will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you these evils will not touch you. Just open your eyes and see how the wicked are punished. If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For he will order his angels to protect you where ever you go. They will hold you up with their hands so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone. You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet! The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer: I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation."

  I find it interesting that the Devil chose a Psalm that was written by a complete unknown author. According to Jewish tradition, David wrote 73 of the Psalms, Asaph wrote twelve, the sons of Korah wrote nine of them; King Solomon wrote two; Heman (with the sons of Korah), Ethan and Moses each wrote one, and fifty-one Psalms are Anonymous!

****Again Jesus goes right back to Deuteronomy and quotes from Chapter 6 verse 16: 'You must not test the Lord your God as you did when you complained at Massah.'

If you notice the devil quoted word for word the Scripture . . . to him they are only word.s Until you say them with conviction of the heart they contain no power against him. This is why you must "test the spirits" to see if they are good or evil. . . even the evil can cloak themselves by using the word. Using and believing are TWO very different things. It is YOUR FAITH in the WORD that is the source of the POWER of God. He has given you all you need . . . he is waiting to see if you are his humble servant. That my friend is your choice. That is your FREE WILL.

I honestly had no idea what I was going to write today. I don't even quite know how all of this transpired I just know that I knew it was what I was supposed to share. If I haven't mentioned it before I am just learning my way around the Holy Bible and it amazes me no matter where I decide to read. My heart races and I am amazed at how this all comes to life. I have read all my life. This by far is the most intriguing inspirational awe inspiring Book I have EVER picked up! I hope you are encouraged to pick up a copy if you don't have one and dive in. It is not important which translation you grab but make sure you open a few and read through them . . . if it is hard for you to follow pick another version. What is the point of having a book on hand that doesn't come to life when you open it?

I pray that you stumble upon the right path and then follow it recognizing that while it may be narrow it is more peaceful. The fruits of the spirit can be found along the skinniest of roads . . . want some real nutrition, follow me down this narrow path.

Wendy, Mom of Many




Copyright © 2013 [ Wendy L Glidden ] All Rights Reserved.

In Defense of My Step-Mother

Throughout my story I don't want people to get the wrong idea about how I feel towards All my parents. I LOVE Them. Yes throughout my life you will see mistakes they made in both judgement and discipline. Who among us can say any different? Chris pushed me like the military pushes it's soldiers. I thank her for her training. She gave me so many tools. I honestly don't think I'd be as rounded had she not been in my life.

If you have read my story from the beginning you know that Chris is the one that got me to say my first prayer. How can you be angry at someone who helps you get closer to God? The short and simple answer is, "You Can't". A relationship with Our Father should be your number one goal.

As it says in Matthew 6:33: Seek first the kingdom of God and his justice (some versions say righteousness but I think people associate that word with hypocrites now a days) and all these things shall be added onto you.

So to me Chris was a great teacher who provided me with many Life Skills. Some highlights

1. The importance of a budget
2. How to get the most value out of a dollar
3. How to see "Long Term"
4. How to cook
5. How to clean
6. How to bite my tongue
7. How to turn off my own ears
8. How to love a baby
9. She gave me my knowledge of why it is important to breast feed your children
10. If I didn't know it before the importance of self education
11. She is the one who got me hooked on books
12. Salesmanship and customer service

I know there are more but that is quite an impressive list! Chris no doubt pushed me. She drove me. She was so worried I might fail and she didn't want that to happen on her watch. She wanted to be able to say she had succeeded where my mother had failed. In my eyes we all fail at some point in our lives. Some of us more than others. It is our perseverance through our failures that I find the most impressive. Who has never felt like curling up in a ball and dieing?

The best way I could describe how Chris felt about me when I was growing up was this, "She loves to hate me and hates to love me."

Now my only wish for my step-mother is the same wish my grandma made for me on my 25th birthday. "May you learn how to LIVE before you die" took me forever to figure that one out!

I know that will not happen without helping her find God. She helped me with this as a child. I have to return the favor. Her life depends on it!

I know that was short and sweet and by far the easiest chapter I have written! If you are lacking in your Faith like my step-mother is my prayer for you is the same. I leave you with this one simple question, "If there is no creator, if there is no Almighty Father, why does every child on earth seek the approval of their own earthly father?" I know there are other moms out there reading this who have men in their lives they have fathered children with. Even if those fathers seem to be rotten at their fatherly duties, their children love them and seek their approval regardless. Why? It is my belief that somewhere deep inside all of us is a desire to please Our Heavenly Father. With that being said, I ask you, "How can you deny God exists?"

The best line I heard about believing in God was last night on my way home from work. I was listening to moody radio and a man was discussing his own sons struggle with Faith as he hit the year 19. While at dinner with his parents he was asking them how they could believe in a God who allowed young children to die in horrific ways. Without missing a beat his mom said, "Honey don't worry about that. It's natural selection."

You cannot have it both ways. If you feel your heart being torn when you witness the pain of others you are closer to God than you realize. Without God, you would have no heart!

Today, I pray you learn to listen with your heart. I pray you open yourself up to the possibility of God if you are a non-believer.

That is all I have for now. May your day be full of blessings, may you bless a complete stranger,


Wendy, Mom of Many

Who Do You Curse? Why Do You Curse Them?

Yesterday I found this on my computer looking for a file to send to someone. When I opened it up I felt like I should share it. I am acting on that emotion. I hope it helps someone somewhere. The knowledge helped me. I originally posted this all over face book funny enough. I hadn't found the format I wanted to use yet. It needed to be without spam adds or income ties. If you've read it before sorry for the repeat!



I have a lot to get out of my head today before I get to my daily tasks. I listen to moody radio A LOT! I love it. I never fail to gain insight from whatever show I am lucky enough to get to hear. Hopefully you read my post yesterday because this just builds off of it.

Do YOU Curse? Who do you curse?

So the other day on Moody . . . not even sure who was on. I came in on the middle of a show and only caught this little bit. A lady was telling a story about her child who she was having issues with. She had prayed . . . she had sought help, all to no avail. So here she was once again at another establishment seeking help. She explained all the issues she was having with the counselor and she was asked, “How long have you been cursing your child?” When I heard that I caught my breath. Can any of us say we have not cursed someone? She was not doing this with a vicious heart. She desired it to stop. She was only explaining what was going on with her relationship with her daughter.

She said she was taken aback. Heck! I was taken aback. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I myself could hardly breathe. I had a child that I was struggling with. In this light I could not ignore the truth. I cursed him almost daily. I began to tear up. What mother wishes to curse her child? I had never viewed it through that lens before. Whoever you have struggles with, I urge you, STOP cursing them.

This morning upon waking the first thoughts I heard in my head were, “What you put out into this world via your thoughts is what will come back to you. The return is NOT instant. The question is what do you want more of? No one seeks misery. We all long to be happy. If you want to be happy . . . well . . . then be happy. Who is stopping you? No one can stop you but yourself. Recognize when you slide into negativity. Stop just for a second. Breathe. Close your eyes and envision yourself happy. Where are you? What are you doing? If you can’t envision where you want to be then pull on the last memory you have that made you feel good. Maintain a positive outlook in all ways always.”

WE ALL Have BAD days. It is so easy to slip into negative sentences...even easier to just have negative thoughts that you don’t share. When you are complaining about what someone does they seem to do more of it. It is the Law of Attraction.

Do you have someone you are struggling with? Here is my suggestion. Pray for them. Pray for yourself. Stop cursing them. When you catch yourself getting ready to say something negative about that person, change your thought process. Associate one good thing with them and when they come to mind reflect on the one good thing. Make that your focus. Chant it if you have to. Go forth and spread goodness and may it multiply upon itself. We are in the midst of a battle. Who wants to be on the winning side?!

May your day be full of blessings!

Wendy, Mom of Many



Copyright © 2013 [ Wendy L Glidden ] All Rights Reserved.

Taking Control of My Destiny!

Sifting back to age 14 is not easy . . . still getting back to my story. The school year had just started, I was in band. I'd been assaulted. I could not stand to hear the thump of a basketball. It was my freshman year. If you can imagine I was a little withdrawn around home. My grounding had been reduced a little. I was still not allowed to go visit my mother. I was beginning to believe I'd never see Danny Joe again. We had always agreed if we were meant to be we would be. When he had moved I had set him free. Granted he'd come back for me but since I never saw him since that date I was not convinced he was waiting around for me.

In my heart I had come to believe that if God wanted me to have a baby my stupid plan to keep from having one was just that. Stupid. I had woken up to just how cruel this world was. Again I had NOT processed my attack. Nope. Instead I had processed everything in this way, "I am a virgin, they think I'm not. Why would they think that? Just because I stayed out all night? Stupid. I guess if I don't do things God's way, he'll send someone to rape me."

That would bring us to Christmas break. I cannot for the life of me remember how it came to be but I was going to be allowed to go to my mothers for Christmas. One night. They didn't tell me in advance. I imagine it was so I would have no time for plans. It was weird that they let me because she had to work and was going to be gone at night for her shift. Just like in the old days I waited . . . this time I waited a full thirty minutes. I thought it might be a trap. When she didn't come back, I left. I walked to the old neighborhood down to where Danny Joe had lived with his dad. My heart stopped. The house was gone. GONE! I was dumbfounded. I wasn't ready to go home, I thought I'd find Debbie. See if she knew anything. I walked over to that side of the neighborhood. As I got closer to Debbie's I ran into some kids I remembered and asked if they knew what had happened to Danny Joe's house and if they'd seen him lately. They informed me he lived in a house down the road and around this corner. One of them told me he was at his Dad's for Christmas. Now my heart was really pounding. I knocked on a couple of wrong doors by their description and then I knocked on the right one.

There was a pool table in one room and a dart board on the wall. I'd gotten there in the middle of a game. Danny Joe kept looking at me while he played. I let him know I needed to talk to him and when the game was over he cleared the room. I told him my mom had sent me off for staying out all night and that I'd been grounded for losing my virginity and he laughed. Even I began to giggle with him. I told him I'd been grounded ever since and since I'd been grounded for that I should at least do that. He argued with me. He reminded me of the promise he'd made. I told him I had changed my mind. That made him laugh. I pushed harder . . . I questioned him . . . is it because I'm not pretty enough? He assured me that was not the case. It was his job to deny me. He had made a promise. That's when I told him about me being molested and I cried to him and said, "Danny Joe if I don't do things God's way he'll send someone to rape me. Please help me". That did it. He took me into some part of the room with some kind of bed on it. I can't remember much other than how much it hurt . . .freaking out because blood had gotten on stuff . . .  and how kind he was when it was all over. The last thing he said to me . . . until the next time we saw each other again was at his front door. If I recall one of his 1/2 brothers was standing beside him. Anyway, he looked at me with a grin and said, "You are prettier without all that black around your eyes." I laughed. I'd put on eye liner and mascara on while I was killing time waiting to see if my mom was coming back.

When school started again I shared the fact I'd lost my virginity with Tami. She and I had quickly become great friends. We rode the bus together and she and I had a lot in common it seemed. She confided some things to me about her life and I confided to her about my home life. I still wrote some things in my Diary and I had written about Tami. I had also written about me giving up my virginity.

My grounding had been lifted and I was even allowed to invite a friend over for the night. Of course I picked Tami. Her mom dropped her off at my house. My parents were going out for the night and I can't recall where Tommy and Cady were . . . maybe they went with her. Anyway Tami and I had a blast. We went into the kitchen to make some chocolate chip cookies. In the midst of adding the ingredients I'm not sure which one of us flipped the first bit of flour at who but next thing I knew we were in a flour war! It was quite the scene. We finally got the cookies in the oven, cleaned up our mess and we sat down to watch a true story about the first high school female quarterback. I could be wrong but I think her name might have been Tamara . . . if not . . . oh well not important really.

I'm still to this day not sure what made Chris climb up on my bed and fumble through the books on my shelf and find my diary but she did. I had gotten home from school and there she was waiting for me. She had my diary. I was in trouble. I found it so ironic that nothing was mentioned about how they had been wrong about my crime. . . no . . . just that I was in trouble for it AGAIN! She informed me that this was going to be our secret. She was going to keep my diary for collateral and I was going to baby sit my baby sister every other weekend for Free so that she and my father could have some adult time without breaking the bank for a sitter. As long as I kept my side of the bargain without trouble she would keep this information to herself and not share it with my father. That was acceptable to me. I didn't want anyone to know. My dad already thought the worst of me . . . no need to add to that. I'm not sure why Chris shared the information with my Grandmother but she did. One of my Free weekends I was going to spend the night there. I figured it was a way they could get rid of me and have an eye kept on me. I didn't know until I got there what Chris had done. My grandma drove us to the store and had a conversation with me about boys. She told me Chris had wanted to share my diary with them but they didn't have any desire to read it. . . so she told them what I had done. I wanted to climb into a well and stay there. That night when my grandpa had gone to lay down he'd asked to talk to me. I sat down on the edge of his bed and he grabbed my hand and said, "Wendy, that witch could tell us you murdered someone and we'd still love you. You know that right?" I laughed and said I did. Grandpa Duke. He is no longer in this world but I love him so much for that comment.

I went home and I was so mad at Chris. She had lied. I had to get my diary back. The next weekend it was my turn to watch Cady. It was my turn to ransack her room. I was going to find my diary and take it back! I did not find it that weekend but I was not done looking. That next weekend was a school dance and I was excited because it fell on my weekend. Right before the weekend came Chris informed me I was going to have to babysit Cady. I was like, "I did that last weekend. This weekend is mine. You promised I could have every other weekend." She smirked at me and asked if I'd like my father to read my diary. I told her, "Sure, go ahead." She'd already told my grandparents. I really didn't care anymore. That's when she threw me for a loop. "Okay" she said, "You should know I'll also have to pick up the phone and call Tami's dad." My heart lurched. I'd forgotten about writing about Tami. She had me. No way could I allow her to do that. I caved but my heart was longing to smash this lady. Oh I was so mad. What kind of person would do something like that. I resolved to get dirt on Chris. It was the only way I was going to be able to get my hands back on my diary. I'd had it since I was 10 years old and she was using it as a weapon. That next night I didn't just look for my diary, I was looking at everything. I reasoned if I couldn't find my diary I had to find something to hold over her head and that is how I found it. A letter from a friend of hers. I knew she didn't want the world to see what that had to say. I tucked it away for safe keeping.

The following weekend arrived and I thought it was going to be my weekend since I'd watched Cady two in a row now but in her new found confidence in her threat she had decided I would be no trouble in the baby sitting department. She'd found my weakness . . . my loyalty to my friend. I'll never forget her face when I told her I wasn't going to babysit Cady that weekend. She said, "Well I guess I'll call Tami's dad."

I looked at her and said, "Fine. You do that. Tomorrow, I'll begin sharing with the world your letter from your friend in the Bahamas."

If looks could kill, I'd be dead. I cheered myself on in my head. "Sucks to have someone threaten you like that doesn't it?"

She decided that blackmail wasn't really kind but she was not going to allow me to have my diary. She told me I had taught her a lesson and that lesson was, :don't keep things in writing that you wouldn't be okay with someone else reading." I said that I agreed, that was something I was never going to do again. She went into her room and brought my diary back. Still she refused to give it to me. She said to me, "Get my letter we are going to burn these at the same time." I was panicked. That diary had a lot in it. I didn't want it burnt!!!! Still she was not backing down. I got the letter and at the same time we tossed our respective "blackmail" items into the fire. I was sick. I wanted to puke. I hated her. That diary was going to go to my first daughter. I told myself, "never again" I was not going to write about anything about anyone that could hurt them again. I cried myself to sleep that night over my loss. My father never knew about this incident. It wasn't like I could tell him.

well . . . here I am again . . .. out of words. That was hard but not near as hard as the last chapter. I had dealt with a lot of this guilt when God convicted me on my 41st birthday. Until my next title, I say to you, be kind to others. Don't blackmail. Keep secrets. Don't gossip.

Wendy, Mom of many

The Fruit of The Spirit ~ That's What I'm After!

I wrote this a while back and stumbled upon it today. I hope you like it . . . You guys do know that I welcome comments ~ Right? Please, if you like anything you have found in my blog ~ share it!

Too much to do and not enough time

Chaos & Craziness filling my mind

I'll give the devil his due

He's an expert at tricking you

When something causes you worry

Slow down ~ what's your hurry?

Take a moment to pray for what you need

With God on your side you're sure to succeed

When I feel life's pressures are becoming too demanding

I remember Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart

And lean NOT on your own understanding."

I call upon the Lord I do and I sing his praises

I bathe in his Glory oh the way he amazes

So I say to Satan, "You've got no hold on me!

My God came here so I could live abundantly!"

The fruit of the spirit ~ that's what I'm after

This life is mine and I'll fill it with laughter!

Wendy Glidden, mom of many

Copyright © 2013 [ Wendy L Glidden ] All Rights Reserved.



Spare the Rod ~ Spoil the Child

This does not mean "beat your children". I consider the rod the "truth hammer". This basically means step up to the plate of parenting. Love your children but don't coddle them. Teach them about God and the Fear of God. Take your household back and do it through Love. Find a church that teaches . . . not one that preaches. If they aren't telling you every Sunday that the Holy Spirit resides inside of YOU, you are in the wrong place. Keep moving until you find this type of fellowship. Only there will you feel safe in sharing your shames. Isn't that why you go? If you only go to church to look good I say to you, "God is not fooled". He knows your heart.

As we go forward today many are still questioning the violence going on in the world. I say to you since the time of Adam and Eve evil was sown into our flesh. It is important that you think of God daily and give praise for every little element of your life that is good. The more you do, the happier you will become. I am not claiming that life will suddenly become easy and you will no longer have problems. That will not happen until we live in the Kingdom of God. We live in a fallen world right now. Pain is a part of it's fabric. People act on pain. Some cry . . . sadly some kill.

People are so eager to buy into God allowing or even worse causing bad things to happen. He is not the ruler of this fallen world. Satan is. God gave us free will. That means it is there for everyone . . . even those who allow the evil side to win the spiritual battle that wages inside all of us. Help your children win this raging battle while they are young and impressionable. It is vital that they learn about God. If you are a parent and you yourself do not have a relationship with God I say it's high time you got there. Do not seek a place that teaches a false religion. The church is inside of you but you go to a place where other's are for fellowship, support, encouragement, prayer and hopefully hugs and laughter as well. This fallen world beats us up daily. Just like no company will ever sway every person to purchase their product line, not everyone will build a relationship with God. That means evil will remain to be "a force to reckon with." When you go into battle don't you dress for it? Read the Holy Bible. Listen to Christian programs on the radio in the car. Fill your childrens head with the knowledge God and HIS love. They get more than enough knowledge of evil especailly if there is a TV in your home. Speaking of TV, the charmed ones are not the only people to have seen the work of demons. They are written about in the bible and they are here still today. When someone gives in to the dark side all you can do is pray for that person. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink!

Today let's pray for the parents who are raw with emotion. I know that pain too well. My oldest son lost a child. He was only 18 and his daughter was only 3 months old. I held him while he howled in pain. Just recalling that memory has my eyes overflowing, my heart swelling and I am overwhelmed myself.

Once again I sit here crying and my fingers have stopped. I am going to go back to bed and cuddle with my youngest for another hour and then we are off to have fellowship ourselves.

May you have a blessed day <3

Wendy, Mom of Many


Copyright © 2013 [ Wendy L Glidden ] All Rights Reserved.

Better to Birth Boys than Girls . . . such a sad belief

You might believe that this is something that is believed only over in China but you are wrong. All my life it has been drilled into my head how much better boys are than girls. I can't count the times I heard the phrase, "It's a mans world". I had some influential women in my life. Here were their viewpoints:

My mom: girls have no worth. All they worry about is silly stuff. She made so much fun of me when I wanted to be a brownie that after a few weeks of it I gave it up and asked to play softball.

My Stepmother: A woman can do anything a man can do only she will do it better. It's a mans world.

My Grandma Rosie: I am woman, hear me roar! ( love that one )

My Aunt Janet: People are people and they are only here for so long. Love them while you can and forgive any injustices you feel they have done against you. (I miss her and her attitudes)

I was in the 6th grade when the most hurtful thing ever was yelled at me by my mother. Granted she apologized to me as she drove me to school that day. It didn't take away the sting. I knew in my heart she had simply said how she truly felt.

My brother and I were at the table and she was making us toast and oatmeal . . . I don't remember what was going on with Tommy and I . . . we were probably bickering with each other. My mom was buttering the toast when all of a sudden she turned around and launched a piece of toast at my head.

"I wish you'd of never been born. You ruined my life. If I'd only had Tommy, your father and I would still be together." I cannot begin to tell you how bad that hurt. I knew all along she loved Tommy more.  You would have had to be blind to miss that. I just didn't realize she resented me ever being born. Honestly I think we were all stunned by her words. I cannot remember what happened immediately after. I think I went to my room. I have never really liked for others to see me cry. So much so that to this day when I cry I don't make a sound. You would have to look at me to realize there were tears streaming down my face. I don't know why I am this way . . . it's just an honest truth about me. Perhaps I'll figure that one out as I go along.

Anyway, I lay here awake this morning with my heart breaking for my brother. I believe God can heal him. I know God sees him and his inner struggles or he would not have told me to help him. Since I was 16 I have not been able to truly be there for my brother. I have carried much guilt over the years for leaving him behind. I'd taken care of him and been responsible for him since as far back as I can remember. Many times I have felt I played a big part in his downfall.

My heart goes out to him. My heart goes out to anyone who has found it necessary to be put on any type of anti-depressants. I know in my heart God is the cure for mental disease. Sadly we have cut God out of every element of our lives and then we wonder why we have so much violence and issues in the world today. That is not to say that there have never been killings and violence and wars . . . it's just I have to wonder, "Have there been so many children killing children before in our history?"

I know what will happen through this tragedy A whole classroom of innocent lives ended. Our government is going to be able to push through the first phase of gun control due to this last crisis. Those of you who have ever been documented for depression will be on a ban list. Anyone who has ever been documented to have issues with anger will be on a ban list. That part of gun control will be easily shoved through this time. Sadly the evil will always have access to guns. Government mandates will never be able to stop that. We will approve this move without realizing what the end result is going to be. Just like with our health care. Many champion the plan for now. They cannot see the wrong in it. Already friends are losing their jobs due to federal mandates in the field of health care. On one hand I sigh with sadness and on the other I look forward to the farther future when God is finally ready to reveal his Kingdom and show us all what paradise and peace are actually like! I know this is all kind of rambling from one subject to the other and even more so crazy as I am at a hotel with my children. I have written this off and on since 7 this morning. I have simply followed the thoughts on my heart. I wish you all a blessed day. I ask that any believers say prayers for those in pain. Pray for them to let go of their anger. Pray they come to know God. He is the healer of pain.

Remember, We are the Light of the World . . . those of us that are confident in our belief ... our purpose is to bring that to others. We were born to share the Glory of God with as many people as we can.

May your day be blessed. Today I urge you to perform a random act of kindness and keep it to yourself. It is more impressive to God when we don't brag on how awesome and generous we are to others. His opinion is the only one that counts in the end.

Wendy, Mom of Many

Mas Christ Everyone! Glory be to God!

Mas Christ everyone! I say let's not let the world ruin the joy we get by giving . . . however if giving at this time of year is either stressful on your budget or your time I say to you: Nowhere in the Holy Bible does God tell us when to celebrate the birth of Christ . . . the Glory of what Jesus did for us happened through his Death and Resurrection . . . perhaps the best solution is to give as the Holy Spirit instructs you . . . all throughout the year. I think this will allow us to honor everything we love about the tradition of "Christmas" and at the same time appease the non-believers who relish in tormenting us with the truth of what the holiday has come to represent . . . insane greed.


** This morning I started out at 3:33 AM reading Romans! Thank you for loaning me your bible Jordan! God's message to me today was to help my brother! I was confused as to what that meant... but my brother means the world to me. He too has had a rough life. I barely see him even though we work together so I asked God, "How am I supposed to help him? What am I supposed to do for him?" All I saw in my head was the bible Jordan had loaned me so willingly I sat up and turned to Romans. Why Romans? Because it is written by Paul who was Saul and I learned last night thanks to Jordan that the Glory of God is only written about in Acts and Romans. You know I just had a rough time wrapping my head around that one. How could the Glory of God not be in every chapter. You may be surprised to know that until 18 months ago I had never really read anything out of the bible. So many people argue over what it says in a way I feared it. Funny enough because just yesterday I discovered that someone had stated I needed to pick up my bible and read it because I had posted I would pray for patience. She ripped me a good one . . . I saw that post . . . the one where she chastised me for praying for patience for this friend of ours asking for prayers. I ended up deleting my comment and crying. Someone had deleted her second post to me for fear it may hurt my feelings and begin some trouble. In a gist the deleted post said, "Sister Wendy, you need to pick up your bible so you know what to pray for!" My heart almost exploded in my chest at her words but I immediately felt sorry for her. You see, I have walked with God. I have heard him laugh like a father does with a child that tickles him with their simpleness. God told me all I needed to know about the world. Like most children you will see I rebelled with anger over the years . . . even with all of my junk he loves me. Wait until I write the chapter about how he let me know he had heard my prayers! That one will be fun!

Anyway, I decided I wanted a cup of coffee this morning but when I pulled into McDonald's the line was ridiculously long. Right then I realized I only had $1 . . . I needed $1.09. I thought to myself, "I'll just park and go inside I know a lot of the girls on the gas station side and I was sure one of them would let me borrow .09 from them if I promised to pay the penny fund back." As I approached where I was going to park I saw the back of a work truck that looked like my brother's and again I heard, "Help your brother" As I pulled up next to the truck on the other side of the pump I realized indeed it was my brother. He has been on medicine for too long. Recently due to a missed appointment and the health care insurance fiasco he had been off his meds for almost 6 months! There were signs that he was beginning to have some rumblings of anger. In my heart I think that is only natural to be overwhelmed with emotions when you've been locked in a dungeon for years upon years. In my heart if I could put a name on what it was that was killing my brother I would call it Jealousy! Anyway, I ran over to his window and tapped on it . . . he had not seen me pull up next to him. He rolled down the window and smiled at me. I said, "Hey, you wouldn't happen to have a dime on you would you?" He gave me a dollar. We chatted for a moment. I commented on something being human nature and he said, "You're my nature" I laughed and he said he'd see me at work. Just as he pulled off someone honked at me. Mike. I smiled at him and said, "Long line, I'm going in for coffee. I had to borrow money from Tommy so I can't pay for yours." He handed me two dollars and I ran in ordered our coffee. They said it would be like 3 minutes before the pot was done brewing so I went over to the Shell side and chatted with one of my favorite cashiers named Bev. She had a customer come up so I wished her well and left her to her work. Iwent back over to grab our coffee. They were just finishing it up. I grabbed both cups, gave Mike his and headed off to work. When I pulled in I saw my brother getting out of his truck. He walked around the front of the truck and smacked the hood. I yelled, "Hey! What are you angry about?" He snapped his son (his pride and joy) had lied to him and he stormed in the back door. I ran in the front door and flew to the back of the office. I grabbed him and pulled him back outside. No need for everyone to begin jumping to conclusions. I asked him, "Did we lie to our parents?" He paused sideways smiled at me and said, "Yea". I gently pryed while smiling at him, "So, what did he lie about?" in a gist it was a hurtful lie and my brother loves his son so much it breaks my heart to see him hurt so bad. I told him, "Tommy, you are NOT mad, you are hurt." We cried together and laughed too. I hugged him. I asked him if he ever read his bible? He said no. I told him about Ephesians and how you are warned to put on your spiritual armor. I told him about God waking me up and how I'd read 1/2 of Romans this morning. He laughed and said, "You read the bible and tell me about it." I laughed and said, "Deal" I asked him to do me a favor. I said, "Every time you feel yourself getting angry, I want you to put that thing that is causing you to feel that way to the side and reach for a memory that makes you laugh and continue to do that until you have calmed yourself." Then I told him about this story of mine and asked if he'd be willing to read it. He informed me my book would be the only book he'd ever read. I gave him the biggest hug and he hugged me back. I told him with a smile, "You know, us Irish Twins have to stick together!" That made him giggle again. In a gist, I listened to God. I didn't know how I was going to help my brother . . . God just needed me to be a willing servant and through me he reached out to my brother. Glory be to God!

That is all for now. I wondered why I'd not been given my next title and this I believe is why . . . I was meant to share with you all of this. I hope in some way it helps someone come a little closer to belief. May you all have a blessed day!

Wendy, Mom of Many.

Too Angry to Process the Assualt with LOVE

I warn you to guard yourself from allowing anger to be the leading emotion in your life. First it blinds you. It allows you to become self righteous. There is a time for anger but it is short and rarely sweet. Please, if you get nothing else out of this get that. Anger is the foothold the evil one needs to have entrance into your heart. You do NOT want him even getting close to that! So when you feel anger coming on I urge you to get down on your knees and give that to God. That is different than "Giving it to God." Let me see if I can somehow elaborate on this through my story. Let's begin with this:

Footnotes and Fillins from my previous post: Grounded for loosing my virgintiy

1. Yes I was grounded for something I did not do BUT I did misbehave
2. My punishment did not fit the crime BUT I did risk my life I brought the trouble on myself by disobeying.
3. I was angry at God for allowing such an awful thing to happen to me.
4. As a child and here in my telling, I did not give sufficient praise for the amazing story Mrs. Compton shared.

# 4 deserves more details. It was while I was losing my mind due to being questioned if I was making all of this up by Chris . . . remember I couldn't talk. Guy guy guy, Gun gun gun, Me me me was literally all I could say. I had nothing else. I could barely form those words at the moment. Anyway that is when Mrs and Mr Compton came to the door. Mrs. Compton was very worried about me. I could hear it in her voice. She asked Chris if I'd told her what happened? I can't remember what Chris said. . . the numbness was taking over . . . I heard her tell Chris she was so mad at herself for not insisting louder that they turn around. When they had pulled in the driveway she just couldn't get out. She insisted they go back and make sure I was okay. God told her she must. Now I am so thankful that God was watching out for me because that whole thing could have been so much worse. I may not have made it out alive. As it was I was barely touched. Some women have stories that will leave you in absolute tears over their pain. When they raced off I didn't realize it was to get this man. He lost them on a high speed chase on the back roads she infromed my step mother. He didn't have a license plate so there was nothing more than a description of the car and I couldn't tell the police anything more than he was old and naked his empty hand had a flaw with it and he had a gun. I didn't tell any of them he'd punched me with it. They might want to look at me and there was not way I could bare that. This amazing woman LISTENED to God. God told her to go back for me and she refused to get out of the car until they did just that. I was in shock when that was all revealed. I was far from able to cope, my vital signs were proof of that. By the time I got in my room I wanted to die and that was the state I was in when I heard my father's cruel assessment of the situation. I was angry.

When anger is your leading emotion you are headed for trouble. It clouds your mind. It closes off part of you heart. It can and will cause you so much more trouble. You HAVE to let it go for your own protection. Ask God for help even if it is him you are angry with. It is okay to talk to God and share how you feel. He will help you heal if you reach out to him. Sadly it is in our anger that we lose confidence in his mighty power. It is mighty because through him all things can be done. If somehow you have interpreted his mighty power to be a destructive force you do not know the father. He does all things through LOVE. We are just confused by the whole "fear God" line. The fear comes from other's warnings to you. They were warning you to Fear God like you would your own parents. Not because he will do awful things to you. God LOVES YOU. He LOVES ALL OF US!

So, there I was on my way back to school. I felt empty, lost, alone. I was to ashamed to share what had happened to me with anyone. I walked into my biology class and sat in my seat. Everyone shuffled into the room and then the bell rang. Mr. Denari one of my favorite teachers ever was not at his desk . . . when his substitute walked in I could not breath. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard. Everyone else was happy to see him. They called him ABC goldfish. Now to me he was my perpetrator. He looked like him. The guy that molested me had something wrong with the hand that wasn't holding his gun . . . it was semi locked in a position is the best way I can describe it . . . it was the only odd thing about him I remembered. I couldn't sit in my seat I stood up and blurted some excuse and bolted out of the room. Mrs. Compton must have warned her son to just keep an eye on me. . . I think he came out of the room and followed me. I stopped and turned and said you know don't you? He did. I begged him to tell no one. I somehow don't think that was necessary. In my heart I know his mother had covered that subject with him. I never wanted to go to court. I did not ever want to relive what had happened. There was no way I could ever get "Justice" for what he did to me. There is a reason you've heard, "Vengeance is mine saith the Lord." again so misinterpreted . . . it just means he'll take care of healing this person his way. Trust me when you come before God and confess you sins he doesn't beat you over the head. He explodes your heart with the truth. Not literally but the emotions you go through as you face the truths of any harms you have caused others. . . you will beat yourself up. It is the hardest punishment you'll ever "live" through. Better for you to go through it now than later. It's also why you are warned to confess your sins. The Catholic religion has really messed that one up with the whole confessional thing. If you think you can waltz into a little cubical and confess your sins to another human being, get assigned a few prayers to say and walla you are good to go, You are a fool. You can share your turmoil with another human being yes. It may help you work through your pain BUT you can only be forgiven by going to the father and allowing Him to convict you. That whole confession element is left over from before the veil was torn. You, you yourself, no one else in the room is required. You alone are responsible for YOUR relationship with God. I urge you to get to know him. I urge you to understand the term Godly Man. A Godly man can never be "Your Punisher".  A Godly man can help you come before God but he is not your middle man. Sorry but if you don't go before the Father nothing else can wash away your sins. You can face Him in life or death the choice is yours but you WILL face him. You will have to "walk through the fire". As hard as it is to do that while alive, it is better. You see once you do this your life changes for the better. YOU open Yourself up to Him. YOU Allow Him entrance into your life. You open the door. He has always been there. He's just waiting for you to call upon him.

I thought I was going to share more of my story but I have no more to say at the moment. This was what he wanted me to share with you today.

It is my prayer for you that you begin to open yourself up if you are a non believer. Dig deep into where your disbelief . . . your mistrust of God stems from. It takes courage to acknowledge you KNOW God personally. We live in a world of self empowerment. You my friend are nothing more than a vapor. When you realize that truth of that and then realize God is right here with you . . . he resides IN YOU, you will be able to begin living an abundant life!

Much Love,
Wendy, Mom of Many

Grounded for Losing My Virginity!

When I ended my last blog I closed my computer crying. This next year so many things happen and I was praying today for God to help me with how to start the next blog. I cannot write anything until I hear the title in my head. On my way to a fellowship gathering with ladies that I attend service with and honestly I was scared to death to go because I don't really KNOW a lot of them. I still have the evil one messing with me and my confidence. If he even gets a hint of fear he's on it! Anyway, all of a sudden I heard it. Out of nowhere. I was surprised at first and then I burst into a healthy bout of laughter. If I haven't mentioned it before God is humorous. Seeing how Jesus says if we know him we know the father, it only makes sense that God would be humorous for Jesus is! I needed that laughter. Along with it came the knowledge that I would be okay. So, what the heck . . . here we go!

I barely had time to grasp the fact that my mother was shipping me off to my father's on the pretense that I was "too much to handle" when I heard my father's car pull in the drive way. This was crazy! I had begged and pleaded to live with my father and had been told NO again and again. Now I was going to be sent there for staying out all night. She hadn't even waited to hear my side of the story. She had an opportunity to make me look bad and I just felt in my heart she was happy things had worked out this way. She could get rid of me and not look like it was because she was not close to me. Honestly I felt she barely knew who I truly was.

I don't know what my mom said to him on the phone but he was hot. He yelled at me to pack my stuff. No longer was I Wendy, Honor roll student, Best Christian, all around good kid. I was in major trouble. I don't know why I was attacked so viciously but my father was in my face demanding to know what I had done. I was so terrified by his anger I could not tell him I had been drinking. I told him I'd just hung out with Debbie nothing more. I was called a liar. I was marched out of the house with two trash bags full of all I owned and driven in silence to Westfield. My head was pounding and I just wanted the day to be over. I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare.

I was sent to my room while they decided my fate. Since I had denied doing anything wrong I wasn't sure exactly what that punishment would be. I fell asleep waiting for them to come get me. When they woke me up I swear I thought my head was going to explode. To this day it remains the worst hangover I have ever had. I couldn't let them know how bad I felt for they might realize I'd been drinking and until my charges were handed down by my new found prison guard I had no idea just how low they thought of me. They were 100% positive that I had lost my virginity and for that I was going to be grounded for the summer as well as the first part of the school year! I was astounded. I denied it until I was blue in the face. Didn't matter. They were convinced even more so by my denial. As my step-mother used to say if you aren't guilty there is no need for defense. I even had my butt beat repeatedly for a crime I did not commit."Why is this happening?" I questioned God. It was probably my anger at my circumstance that kept him from answering me. It was the first time I could remember feeling like God was no longer listening to me.

My fate was sealed. I would work at the family construction company. I would earn minimum wage. I could play softball and basketball as long as I paid for the expenses and I was being signed up for marching band! Best part I was being held responsible for those costs as well. That one threw me for a loop! I'd played a clarinet in the 6th grade for music class. I didn't even remember a single note let alone the scale! As if all of that were not enough I also had to budget my book rental and school lunch as well as have a fund for unexpected school expenses. The reasoning behind having me pay for everything was so that I would appreciate it that much more.

My step mother who for some reason was playing soft ball herself but had not bought herself a mitt yet was thrilled to discover that my glove fit her hand. Since she wasn't sure she was going to join the team she was subbing for as a regular she was not interested in buying herself a glove yet. I think it was my 4th night there that we went and watched her play as a family. When the game was over and we had met back up I questioned where my glove was? Chris had mistakenly left it in the dug out. Of course when she went back to get it it was gone. She didn't even act like it was a big deal. I had had that glove since the first grade! When my mom first bought it and gave it to me it was ridiculously big. By the time I was in the 6th grade, it was like an extension of my hand. There wasn't a ball I couldn't catch with that glove. I was physically sick to my stomach over the loss. When I was asking if Chris knew what the cost was for joining the softball team she informed me that since I needed to budget in the cost of a new glove it was looking like that would not be a wise investment of time or money. I was astounded. I did not lose my glove. SHE did! There was no arguing that point. No use in even trying. I resolved that I would at least be able to play basketball in the fall.

Over the summer I taught myself how to play the clarinet. Surprisingly I liked marching band. Some of the greatest high school memories I have involve band camp and band competitions.

I hated having Chris for a boss though. She loved it a bit too much. She would have me filling pot holes in the driveway during storms when even the guys were being sent home . . .No better time to see where gravel was needed than in the rain she would tell me. The worst chore she gave me was pulling weeds. I informed her there was an area of poison ivy and I would not be able to work in that area. Who knew she'd have me dress in pants, a long sleeve shirt to protect my arms and gloves on a 80 to 90 degree day! Needless to say I ended up with poison ivy in my throat, my eyes . . . it was so bad. I ended up in the bathroom one night with a razor and I shaved every part of my body and then I doused myself in rubbing alcohol. I think I still needed a shot. For sure I took those little white pills. Misery. I started out my freshman year of high school knowing a few girls from band and looking like the ultimate pizza face! Acne has nothing on poison ivy!

Regardless I had made it through the summer and basket ball was around the corner. I loved that sport. The coach had us running a lot and I decided it would be in my best interest to build up my stamina so I began running a few miles while dribbling my basketball to take my mind off of running. This particular Saturday morning I managed to rip a contact while putting it in my eye. I didn't want to deal with a long lecture from Chris about how irresponsible I was for tearing my contact and how replacing it would effect my budget. I just wanted to get out of the house and have a little time to myself to talk to God. I was on my way back home. . .  less than 3/10 of a mile from our driveway when I recognized the Compton's vehicle as they drove by. I got back out in the middle of the road and squinted. I could see a station wagon on the West side of the road. I thought to myself must be the grandfather of the girl  who lived in the house after the woods . . . he was always mushroom hunting. Because I had one good eye and one bad eye for the most part I was looking down just in front of me. A male voice asked, "Playing ball?" I looked up and stopped dead in my tracks hand in mid air. I think the ball made contact but I failed to shove it back down . . . I heard it thump again and again as it thumped off the road. In front of me stood a naked man pointing a gun at me. I was frozen. The night before on the news there was a story about a few girls that had been found raped and murdered and left naked in fields. I screamed out to God in my head "This is NOT how I die! I haven't accomplished anything yet!!". I was shocked, confused, terrified. The naked man approached me. "Give me head" he demanded. "I don't know what that is." I stammered. . . frustrated he said then give me a hand job. I repeated to him, "I don't know what that is. He rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand forcefully and placed it where he wanted it. I jerked my hand back in repulsion and told him I can't do that. He ordered me to take off my shirt and then my bra. He ran the gun across both breasts burried the nozzle into my stomach and said, "I'll kill you if you move." With his other hand he proceeded to pinch one and with his mouth suck on the other and then he switched. I don't know what made me say, "Oh my here comes my father!" but I did. He barely glanced over his shoulder I went to step around him and he punched me with that gun right in the stomach. "Little girl I will kill you if you lie to me again." By the grace of God his face changed from hatred to terror and he ran from me jumped in his car and sped off. Suddenly there was Mrs. Compton asking if I was okay . . . I couldn't even talk . . . I think she told me to go home . . . honestly I don't know. . . somehow I got my shirt and bra back on . . . I never retrieved that ball. I came crashing into the house through the screen door. Cady, my baby sister, was on Chris' lap and they both looked at me and Chris asked what the heck was wrong with me. I was a mess. I can't fathom what I must have looked like. All I could say was, "Guy guy guy gun gun gun me me me" She asked me if I was making up a lie and I think I screamed. My sister will confirm that this is the most clear memory from her childhood. She claims she can still smell my sweat. Gross, I know. The police were called. I was given a soda for it's sugar. I was spiking a fever . . . a high fever due to shock. When the police arrived the main one that talked to me was a volunteer sheriff. He was also the driving instructor that was in the car with the Carmel High School Students whose lives were cut short on SR 38 due to a collision with a 7up truck. He informed my parents that I was in shock. My own mom wasn't even called to my knowledge. If she was . . . she did not come to see me. All I wanted to do was get in the shower and scrub my body clean. Finally I was allowed to do so. When the hot water ran out I dried off and went to my room to die. My father and step mother don't know but I heard their argument. It was the only time in my life that Chris argued for me. My father in a gist asked, "What is the big deal? She wasn't raped . . . besides she's not even a virgin. She probably brought this on herself." I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep. These people raising me were so clueless as to who I truly was. What I was about. I was devastated. My stomach remained bruised for over two weeks. He'd gotten me pretty darn good for an old guy.

Some of you reading this will respect the fact that this chapter has left me exhausted. I thought I'd get farther than I did but I must stop here. I am crying too hard to go on. This is just the beginning of my sifting. The good news is I am here to share my story and I promise it has a happy ending! God Bless everyone who is following along. Thank you to those who have written me . . .. you give me courage to continue May you be Blessed 10 fold for you two have your own cross to carry and I appreciate what you have shared with me as well. I'll continue when the Holy Spirit gives me my next Chapter.

Wendy, Mom of Many